Defeat The Godmodder

[Moniker]

Finally with a grimace I turn my attention to Evacucorp's refusal to let me claim my entities and choose the second option, time to begin my first sidequest to reclaim my entities from this organization.

Click to shrink...

(OOC: If you're really worried about your Temporal Guardian, I can take them off the field until you get back. Sadly, they will not be in Evacucorp so there will be no Buff-While-You-Wait service.)

As soon as you express a desire to go to Evacucorp Central Office, Evacucorp's Auto-transport Convenience Portal V1.3.2 opens up next to you. You step through, and...

SIDEQUEST BEGUN: PAPERS, PLEASE

You step into a smoothly polished lobby, as the portal closes behind you. You don't see an exit, but you could probably use your Player powers to escape, if you absolutely needed to.

Looking around, it at first looks like a normal lobby. The floor is smooth white tile, there are many chairs set out (all occupied), and the ceiling stretches high above, with a large chandelier hanging in the center. Through the windows, you can see a bit of the other floors. Looks like a standard office complex. But, you can't help but feel something's off...

On your current floor, you see a help desk, staffed by one attendant. You walk over and ask for help. Before you can even begin, she speaks.

Attendant: Hello, and welcome to Evacucorp central offices. We are your headquarters for anything and everything that needs evacuating or storage, from entities to Players to souls. Please take a number and enter the appropriate line for your grievance.

You explain that you have some entities you need to retrieve from an overdue Claim Ticket, and ask to be pointed to the correct line. The attendant points to desk #12, one in a long, long line of stations, each manned by attendants that look almost the exact same. Despite her referring to it as a line, there is nobody actually in any of the lines. Looks like you'll need to wait for your number to be called. Looking down at the ticket, you're number... #2,423,991,081,321. You notice a digital display...

Now serving: #1,890,432,617,992

This might take a while. You guess you'll wait in the lobby... but looking around a little closer, your suspicions about something feeling off are confirmed. All the people sitting in the lobby's chairs are either staring blankly into space, sleeping, or reading a magazine. Everybody looks bored, and none of them look like Players.

Suddenly, you hear a loud "DING!" Everyone sitting starts for a moment, then goes back to what they were doing. The DINGs aren't a common event.

Now serving: #1,890,432,617,993

You don't see anyone move from their seat. This is going to take a long time. Looks like you'd better poke around.

Evacucorp Lobby, Floor 1:
Restrooms
Magazine dispenser(one per customer)
Help Desk
Bored people
Side door(Employees Only)
Staircase(leads to second floor, sign says "Entity Processing Lobby")

 

[Moniker]

OOC: Oh that would be great, thank you.

Taking advantage of the long wait ahead of me I cause a holographic display to appear in front of me that shows my current character stats and with a little Player power I massively boost my charisma stat. No doubt it'll help me in the future when my number finally gets called.

Flicking my wrist to dispel the holographic display I look throughout the lobby to find the most attentive looking group of people or most attentive looking person sitting in the lobby's chairs and walk over to them. With a small smile on my face I loudly cough to get their attention and once they look towards me I say, "So this line is a real killer, eh?"

Internally face palming at my horrendous attempt at small talk I awkwardly remain standing in front of them, hoping they'll choose to talk to me despite of what I just said.

Click to shrink...

OOC: Will do.

You gain Charisma! Maybe you can use this later...

Looking at the people waiting, nobody in particular stands out. You walk up to someone who's... awake, at least. You say your incredible conversation line. His eyes glance over to you for a moment, then back to their original position.

Person: Yeah...

They continue staring off into space.

---------

Nothing changes in the lobby.

Evacucorp Lobby, Floor 1:
Restrooms
Magazine dispenser(one per customer)
Help Desk
Bored people
Side door(Employees Only)
Staircase(leads to second floor, sign says "Entity Processing Lobby")

Players:
CaptainNZZZ(has Charisma)

 

[Moniker]

Shrugging at the man's lack luster response I walk away from him, frowning as I notice how the line continues to slowly move forwards. Clearly staying here and making conversation to pass the time wasn't going to work.

Setting up a magical alert-and-teleportation system to inform me when my number gets called and grant me the ability to teleport back here I head over to the staircase and go up to the second floor, might as well see what this Entity Processing Lobby is. Hopefully something in this building will be less boring than the first lobby.

Click to shrink...

Heading up the stairs, you find the entrance roped off, with another attendant standing in your way.

Attendant: Please have a processing pass to allow entry into the next floor.

Looking past the ropes, you see another mostly empty lobby. You can't quite see the whole thing, but it looks very similar to the floor below, but smaller, and with carpet instead of tile. While the rope and attendant don't look like major barriers to entry, you feel like breaking down the barriers preventing you from going places isn't a casual option in this place.

--------

DING!

Now serving: #1,890,432,617,994

It doesn't look like anybody moved from their seat...

Evacucorp Lobby, Floor 1:
Restrooms
Magazine dispenser(one per customer)
Help Desk
Bored people
Side door(Employees Only)
Staircase(leads to second floor, sign says "Entity Processing Lobby")
Digital counter(number #1,890,432,617,994)

Entity Processing Lobby, Floor 2:
Ropes/Attendant(Blocking way in):

Players:
CaptainNZZZ(has Charisma)(Ticket #2,423,991,081,321)

 

[Moniker]

"I was holding yorehammer at the time and the godmodder was holding the heart. I hit the godmodder with a conditional attack, and won the heart steal roll on one of the godmodder versions. that godmodder version, and his corresponding JOE, then went to the non-existent corner of the hexagonfield, taking 1 yorehammer with him and disappearing."
"Meanwhile, there was now:
the main yorehammer, in my hands.
The main Resolute heart, in the godmodder's hands.
And A timeduplicated perfect copy of the resolute heart, in my hands."
"I didn't have much time left before the weapons got rid of all my life force, so I rushed forwards, bypassing the godmodders defences with yorehammer, and forcefully pushed the timeduplicated resolute heart into contact with the real one."
"I'd previously been tipped off by some divine force of some sort that a perfect copy should be impossible, and that this would allow for a massive explosion."
"It also consumed the hearts, real and fake, in said explosion."
"and dealt 2 - 3 (unsure) damage to the godmodder"
"I think godmodder also got yorehammer back in the process?"
"But yeah, thats how I destroyed the resolute heart."
"I'm probably going to brag about it till the end of my days."

"Maximized empowered extended Enchanted POLYMORPH: Other!"
alrighty then.
the polymorph spell flys forwards. magic number seven enhances it further, and golemfred uses multiple hold person castings to keep them from dodging . the polymorph spell transforms mirror into...
a Enormous Dragon.
"Charm Moanster!"
it wouldn't work if they had a bunch of money left but they've got barely any. they have been """charmed"""(not actually but remember the deal.) to my side and turned into a dragon. as the round ends, I transform somno-golem into a more somno-like state with partial dispel magic.

Click to shrink...

Altair: Hmmm... no. While contact between a timeduplicate Legendary Weapon and the original Weapon might damage a true Legendary Weapon...

Altair: That wouldn't be enough to destroy one from the Seven Weapon Set. And the damage would mend at a fairly fast rate.

Altair: It's possible that it was a pseudo-Legendary Weapon, or one that was outside of the main seven-weapon set. But since you specifically mentioned the Resolute Heart...

Altair: It may have been a well-crafted, but ultimately inferior, copy. Though, that's assuming you aren't hiding anything from me.

Altair: But, judging by what you've said, you're fighting against the godmodder. If that's true, then your best option would be to stand down.

Altair: I have a safe place to put the Infinityleaf Clover, where the godmodder can't access it. It isn't safe from his agents here.

Altair: If you don't want him to have it? Forfeit.

You transform Somno into a more Somno-like state. Still can't use his abilities, though.

Before you can activate your attack...

ACTION:?/3 ITEM(S): 1x2,000 Damage Lottery Token [Token Expended] 1x GODMODDER REPELLENT
AMOUNT:?/3
CHARGE:5/10
$1,100,000 on Hand.
"I thank you for the help, host of this game, for allowing me the opportunity to take one last action. I'll be sure to at least make sure that if JOE fights Altair, it'll be a fair fight." And with those words spoken, JOE starts to tell Altair about how he broke the Resolute Heart, so I decide to take action while JOE is explaining what he did to break the Resolute Heart, I decide to throw out the most vicious of attacks as Altair. So, deciding upon that, I break the clock that is my face. . . wait what? Behind the mirror is static, an endless world of static, Altair, paying attention mostly to the mirror man, is confused, why would he do that? Suddenly, a spear of static crashes into Altair,
1x Combo
initiating a combo attack against him. One of those special combos that are activated by using a special meter, one where you can't escape until it ends. Following being stabbed by the 'static' spear become a fist, punching 2x
Altair into the ground, making them skid 3x 4x 5x
into the ground, before five staticy spikes 6x 7x 8x 9x 10x,
as Altair is in the air three sets of 7 needles, stabbing into him in 1 11x 12x 13x 14x 15x 16x 17x set 18x 19x 20x 21x 22x 23x 24x each 25x 26x 27x 28x 29x 30x 31x.
The static being that the MirrorMan has become grabs Altair's back, pulling them into a bone-crushing bear hug 32x, before spinning at rapid speeds with them like a saw, throwing Altair down into the ground with a sickening crack 33x,
before the now static creature mirror comes down upon them, spinning like a saw into their back 34x 35x 36x 37x 38x 39x 40x 41x 42x 43x 44x 45x 46x 47x 48x 49x,
before kicking them into the air again 50x. Various scratch marks start appearing over Altair's body, in sets of 2, happening 10 times, 52x 54x 56x 58x 60x 62x 64x 66x 68x 70x,
before gravity finally catches up with Altair, where they then are bit into many times by the static beast 71x 72x 73x 74x 75x 76x 77x 78x 79x 80x
Altair is thrown up into the air for a third time, and the static mirror creature swallows a coin. The Damage Lottery Token it won back on the original battlefield. No flair or dramatics, just a flat damage and an increase of the counter by 10, 90x
and to finish this horrible combo of pain, three thirds of a slots machine, each third adding one to the counter 91x 92x 93x
forming a complete slot machine that lands a 777 Jackpot, shooting seven blasts at Altair, finishing this combo at a 100x COMBO!!!
The static goes back into the 'original' body, with the clock face reforming, finishing when JOE finishes explaining how he broke the Resolute Heart. "Whew, I have to say, that was a task, I would be surprised if that finished you off, but maybe it di" before he can finish speaking, he is hit be the actions of JOE's post. . . That was kind of anti-climatic.

Click to shrink...

Your attack hits Altair, taking $5,000,000 from him! He's significantly closer to JOEbob's amount of cash now...

However, at the last moment, you are hit by CHARM MONSTER! But... you're a Player, and immune to most forms of mind control and other autonomy-taking-away-ing nonsense. At least, if you don't agree. Which you did. It takes away all $1,099,999 of your remaining money! You turn into a Dragon, under JOEbob's control... sort of. Not really. You can leave the sidequest if you want, but if you don't want to, you can keep acting as JOEbob's minion (or sabotage him). Your damage is lower than as a Player, however.

------

With Eevee Shadow Bacon and Mr Mirror Man's team all technically eliminated from the tournament, both fighters lose their remaining $1, and are no longer contenders for the prize! Eevee Shadow Bacon is sent back to the HEXAGONAFIELD, however, Mr Mirror Man may remain as JOEbob's minion if they wish.

???: Congratulations to our two tag-team winners! Now, the two of you will be pitted against each other in our last round!

???: We're disappointed to see little use of the Power-Up terminal so far - remember it in our last encounter!

???: Though JOEbob appears to be at a slight disdadvantage, both fighters have been strong players throughout the tournament so far! It's anyone's game...

???: I wish the both of you luck!


TOURNAMENT LADDER:

----------------J vs. A----------------



Final Round:

JOEbob/Fred as golem minion+wand/Lucky Number Seven/Mr Mirror Man as Dragon/Somno as somno-like golem:
Has $3,900,000(possessing random gambler)

VS.

Altair:
Has $6,000,000

POWER-UP TERMINAL:
Digital Slot Machine: Bet your money for a chance to win more money!
Invulnerability: Pay half your current cash for invulnerability for all of the turn following the one you purchase it on. Can only be used once per person.
Boost Roulette: Pay $1M for a completely random boost to yourself, or a random debuff on the enemy gamblers!


Altair: I'm still willing to talk.

Altair: But I don't think I can allow you to take the Infinityleaf Clover. I've been tricked by things like you before.

Altair: If you're really against the godmodder getting the Legendary Weapon, you should forfeit. It's the best way.

 

[Moniker]

Frustrated I head back to the first floor's lobby, time to try something else and so I head to the magazine dispenser to get a magazine.

Yawning I look around the lobby and grant myself the ability to see what the people in the lobby have on them, perhaps someone will have a processing pass or something else I can steal make use of at a later date.

Click to shrink...

From the magazine dispenser, you grab a small pamphlet. It's definitely not a full magazine! The title is "Confessions of a Paradox Gambler", and it seems to be a cautionary tale written by some Player in the past. It's been added to the Quest Rewards tab.

Scanning the people of the lobby for items, you find a lot of long-expired claim tickets. One person has a half-finished Entity Requisition Form in their lap. Right now, they're asleep.

-------

Nothing changes.

Evacucorp Lobby, Floor 1:
Restrooms
Help Desk
Bored people
Sleeping person(has half-finished Entity Requisition Form)
Side door(Employees Only)
Digital counter(number #1,890,432,617,994)

Entity Processing Lobby, Floor 2:
Ropes/Attendant(Blocking way in):

Players:
CaptainNZZZ(has Charisma)(Ticket #2,423,991,081,321)

Rewards:
Confessions of a Paradox Gambler

 

[Moniker]

Whistling a sad tone I pretend to be examining the floor but in reality I telekinetically reach out to the half-finished Entity Requisition Form the sleeping individual has in their lap and yank it to my right hand. Naturally I turn the half-finished Entity Requisition Form invisible while I do this and leave a nearly identical copy behind in the individual's lap, close enough that it won't be discovered as a fake unless carefully reviewed for minor details.

Rubbing my fingers together I frown, acting as though I have dirt in my nails. I swiftly spin about and enter the nearby restroom, checking for any surveillance devices or attentive people in the restroom before closely examining the Entity Requisition Form I had just 'borrowed'.

Click to shrink...

You very carefully extract the Entity Requisition Form, and replace it with a copy. As you do so, the person who had the form feels a slight movement. They wake up, and look down at their form for a moment, frowning... you head right into the bathroom, not waiting to see if they go back to sleep.

You look around the bathroom. It has no surveillance devices, and is utterly immaculate. Despite the large crowd of people outside, it has a standard setup - small stall, big stall, 2 urinals and 3 sinks. Exactly what you'd expect, if a bit fancier. The big stall's door is closed, and you think there might be someone inside, but you don't hear anything. Nobody else is in here. There are also trash cans, which at a glance seem to be empty.

Looking at your Entity Requisition Form:

Spoiler

Entity Requisition Form
Use to request withdrawal of entities whose claim tickets have expired.
Name: Puncher321
Initial entity entry update: 9
Claim ticket expired update: 16
World ID number:
Entity Name and original stats:

Enderdragon
10,000 HP
6,000A
N/A
Flying

Please submit this form at the appropriate desk to receive a processing pass.

It looks complete except for the World ID number. But the person you took it from clearly wasn't a player. And you haven't seen anyone named Puncher321 at any point on the HEXAGONAFIELD...

--------

Evacucorp Lobby, Floor 1:
Help Desk
Bored people
Frowning person(examining fake half-finished Entity Requisition Form)
Side door(Employees Only)
Digital counter(number #1,890,432,617,994)

Restrooms:
Closed stall(occupied?)
Trash cans(empty?)

Entity Processing Lobby, Floor 2:
Ropes/Attendant(Blocking way in, wants processing pass):

Players:
CaptainNZZZ(has Charisma)(Ticket #2,423,991,081,321)(has half-finished Entity Requisition Form)

Rewards:
Confessions of a Paradox Gambler

 

[Moniker]

Pocketing the half-finished Entity Requisition Form I ponder just how my 'borrowing' of the half-finished Entity Requisition Form will backfire in the future but eventually I just shrug, I'll deal with that when it happens. Hopefully I'll think of a use for this Entity Requisition Form by the time I leave the bathroom.

Conjuring up a simple golem made of clay I send it to enter the closed stall, if someone is in there I prefer that something else suffers any consequences from entering the stall instead of me.

As the newly formed clay golem is potentially walking in on someone on the toilet I open up the trash cans and peer inside of them, maybe there's something in them that my first glance missed. After checking the trashcans I close them back up and wait for the fruits of the golem's labor.

Click to shrink...

Your clay golem crawls underneath the the stall wall, and gets kicked back out promptly. Someone inside the stall speaks!

???: W-Who's there??

As that happens, you look in the trash cans, and find that yes, they're completely devoid of toilet paper or paper towels, despite the restrooms providing those things. But at the bottom of one, you find a crumpled piece of paper... it's a note!

I've been here for a long, long time. One thing you'll notice about this place, there are plenty of displays and monitors, but its hard to find a time or date. I can't quite remember, but I've managed to come to one conclusion: I'm dead. And this place is too well air-conditioned to be hell, and too drab to be heaven. So this must be purgatory. Don't trust the attendants! Don't trust the forms! The line will never reach you. And there's always more forms! Always!

---------

From outside, you hear a "DING!"

Now serving: 1,890,432,617,995

Evacucorp Lobby, Floor 1:
Help Desk
Bored people
Frowning person(examining fake half-finished Entity Requisition Form)
Side door(Employees Only)
Digital counter(number #1,890,432,617,995)

Restrooms:
Closed stall(occupied)
Trash cans(empty?)

Entity Processing Lobby, Floor 2:
Ropes/Attendant(Blocking way in, wants processing pass):

Players:
CaptainNZZZ(has Charisma)(Ticket #2,423,991,081,321)(has half-finished Entity Requisition Form)

Rewards:
Confessions of a Paradox Gambler

 

[Moniker]

"That is fairly likely, come to think of it.
The player who retrieved the "Resolute Heart" got it by making a deal with Lucifer (they where unaware that it was Lucifer until he signed, by which point they had no choice to.
hm...
OK, these are the exact words of Lucifers description of the contract, which I have it on fairly good authority is merely a less-legalese version of this:
"???: You want a legendary weapon, and I can get you one. But legendary weapons are extremely powerful. I'm not willing to hand it over for anything silly, like money.
???: For a legendary weapon, I want... power. The power of a Player. Your power, specifically.
???: But I'm not so unreasonable as to ask for your entire soul. I just want a very limited amount.
???: 5 posts. If you do it, any time I want, I'll be able to edit your post text. Whether the edit is small or large, it will still count towards that total. Essentially, I'll get to act as you.
???: I could make you do me a favor, or heal an entity I want to keep alive. It doesn't matter. In the long-term, it will be of little consequence.
???: And in exchange, you will have... the Resolute Heart.
???: Though it counts as one of the Legendary Weapons, it isn't exactly a weapon - it serves a dual defensive and offensive purpose.
???: Anything that holds it can't get negative status effects. For example: Paralysis, confusion, etc., etc.
???: I'm sure you're aware of how entities can be stunned or confused or burned or poisoned or weakened, or have their attacks reflected back at them or to one of their own allies. If you held the Resolute Heart, this couldn't happen to you.
???: Players are almost complete invulnerable, but that doesn't make it useless. In attacks you would launch against the godmodder, it would be certain to make it much harder for the godmodder to stop you. And what's more, anyone who held it could give the effects to their entities - curing them of their own status effects, and such.
???: But I'll throw in something more, too. For the first time it's on the AG side, I'll make it so the godmodder can't steal it from you. He can only take it if someone gives it to him willingly.
???: And as long as that doesn't happen, your side can keep it without problems - so long as you keep juggling it between players, of course.
???: So what do you say? Feel free to read over the contract."
If you can spot any loopholes within this, please inform me. otherwise, it is less likely that it was a fake but still a hypothesis worth considering- maybe 33.3% from the normal perspective and 80% from a perspective that accounts for the rule of chekhov's gun."

"As for other things."
"HOLY."
"Holy word, blah blah. that should ensure that even those with means to watch telepathy, however they may acquire those means, will fail to continue listening if they are demons."
"I am willing to surrender in this conflict over the clover in exchange for a non-magically-binding favor of smaller size. for example, an extra action every-so-often, or the construction of a warded obsidian-wood mech at HEXAGONFIELD co-ordinates [2,000 METERS CLOSER TO THE BATTLEFIELD THEN XILITH'S POSSITION], or some such."
"A Problem we will have, regardless."
"The color of the Announcers text, in the medium through which I view you all, is the Exact Same as Lucifers text.
We will probably need to fight.
What says you about us putting this battle on hold, either way, in order to ensure that we are not Trapped by the magic of this place?
if thou art willing, I will polymorph you into a golem. pretend to cast charm monster, and leave to another place of your choice with the clover. We will then continue appropriately, most likely with me giving you the clover in exchange for a favour. "
"of note should you reject all my offers is that I'm not one person you must fight."
"I have a golem minion formed of fred with a wand of hold person, a magical seven with control over luck, a rather large amount of character levels, Somno the dreamer (golem form but I can dismiss the transformation at will since I'm the one who polymorphed him), and a dragon with nearly the power of the man of mirror who just dealt 5,000,000 $ of damage to you. if the dragon kept even half his power, then I can probably beat you in one turn, with the dragon doing 2,500,000 $ of damage, me doing the same (I'm at least that strong), and Fred-and-somno-and-seven together being at least enough to do the last 1,000,000."
"I'm probably going to win if we fight. Please, take my deal and ally with me."

I proceed to use player powers and somno and fred's actions to prevent Altair from attacking me until I am aware of his response to my offers and all I have said here. he is physically prevented from answering any of my questions until five minutes have passed, (which is the time for which I am magically restraining him)as Snap decisions of "No!!!" are not something I want. as well, if he agrees and I write an attack, its wasted, and if he disagrees and I don't write an attack, I'm at a disadvantage, which is another reason why I'd prefer it to be P much paused until he answers.

Spoiler

if Altair wants to know more detail on what happened, I also give him this information:
my attack which obtained timeduperesoluteheart was this:

Spoiler

[1x] I tell the godmodder that he's a right old bloke, and ask him if he'd like me to give him yorehammer back now.
if he says yes...
I say, alrighty then, you can has orehammer, just promise me one thing: when I use that mem'ry left so far behind, he must not resist it. I then request him to sign a magically binding contract, which he cannot protect himself from after signing because I haven't given him yorehammer as of this moment, that'll be later. this action deals no damage if he says yes, even if its good enough to do so.
if he says no...
I hit him with a door.
the doorvil went door to doorgia, he was looking for a door to door, he was in the door, because he was way door, and he was willing to door a door.
while he was wondering why I'm talking about doors, I sneak up behind him... and hit him with a door, again. except this door is made of coal for him to eel.
[1x]
if the godmodder signed the contract, I give him orehammer, as the contract said.
no, that is not a typo. I said I'd give him Orehammer if he signed the contract. nothing about yorehammer at all. orehammer is an exploding chunk of iron ore. it is not shaped like a hammer at all, and it will explode to reveal a hammer of indobendimonium, which is linked to me and I can as such control to choke the godmodder to damage (as opposed to death).
if he did not sign the contract, I grab him by the ear and drag him to the corner, for we are in a battlefield that stretches out in all directions indefinitely. there is no corner. he is now in a space that does not exist. this space that does not exist does not exist. he does not exist. I did not enter the corner myself, and so am in a space that does exist. the godmodder does not have a position. the godmodder does not exist. the godmodder does not exist. the godmodder never existed. the godmodder will never exist. the godmodder is dead. the godmodder is dead. the godmodder has less hp then he had before, if he ever had any. the godmodder cannot defend himself. the godmodder would have been afflicted by yorehammers defence-pierce, had he existed. the godmodders teleportation would be sealed if he existed. the godmodder would have been hit by a door, had he existed. said door would have sealed his teleportation. the godmodder does not exist. the godmodder does not exist. the godmodder does not exist. the godmodder did not exist. the godmodder will not exist.
oh hey, there's some guy who looks like a godmodder! his health seems lower then any hypothetical godmodders in the vicinity, though I don't think any such beings existed or exist now, would have had at the start of this action. isn't that strange?
wait, does that guy I just saw really exist? probably not, because
the godmodder does not existthe godmodder does not existthe godmodder does not existthe godmodder does not existthe godmodder does not existthe godmodder does not existthe godmodder does not existthe godmodder does not existthe godmodder does not exist

followed by

Spoiler

The godmodder spots the clever mispronounciation - Orehammer is CLEARLY different from Yorehammer... he sees your trick, yes sir. See, both of your attacks are conditional on one thing: That the godmodder either signs, or does not sign, the contract. The godmodder splits the timeline in two, an creates a superposition of two realities, one where he did sign the contract, and one where he did not. Then, he combines the timelines, making two JOEbobs and two godmodders, each executing their attacks on the godmodders who did and did not sign the contract, respectively. The godmodder who did not sign the contract is saved by the godmodder who did, who gives him an eel, allowing him to eel the coal door you use against him. Then, the godmodder who did sign the contract is saved by the godmodder who did not sign the contract, who takes Orehammer at the last second and lets it explode and damage him, instead. He takes 1 damage.


RESOLUTE HEART STEAL ROLL: SUCCESS!! The JOEbob who is you gets the Resolute Heart. I don't rig these rolls, folks, I swear.

Afterwards, the JOEbob drags the godmodder who didn't sign the contract into the nonexistent corner. However, the godmodder clings onto him so tightly, the other JOEbob is also dragged there. Both of them, along with the other JOEbob's Yorehammer, cease to exist.This leaves you with both Yorehammer, the Timeduplicated Resolute Heart, and one undamaged godmodder. Holding 2 legendary weapons at once is making you feel REALLY tired. Like, it feels like your very mind, soul, and body are starting to lose their cohesion. Better hand both of them off fast!

then, later:

Spoiler

Lots of bad things happened this turn. But... there might be an opportunity. You see, timeline-duplicated items tend to react with some volatility when they touch their real counterparts. The energy of impossibility, and how two truly exact copies are never supposed to exist... they can cause explosions. And destruction. Maybe JOEbob's incredibly timely lucky roll could be used to your advantage.

and then next turn

Spoiler

I slap the godmodders resolute heart with the time-duped one, while still holding yorehammer, preventing protection, and using minor future-sight powers to find out where the godmodder will be, keeping him from dodging. you(moniker) know what they(also moniker) say(said) about 2 truly exact copies...
I proceed to give someone else yorehammer [probably core brute if I don't still have the duped heart, and otherwise ranger_strider if nobody asks] before I'd die from my being ripping apart, and, if the time-dupe resolute heart is still in my possession (it only touched the godmodder's resolute heart, not the godmodder itself, and, though I intentionally did not mention it, the 2 hearts where moved to a separate layer of the animation program running reality, keeping them from truly interacting with anything else) then I give it to... Corebrute, I guess, else a random AG that I double-check is actually AG first.

The world responded thusly:

Click to shrink...

ACTION:?/3 ITEM(S): 1x GODMODDER REPELLENT
AMOUNT:?/3
CHARGE:5/10
$1 on Hand
"But that would mean we trust you, and I have to say I have I have doubts on that, seeing as you were able to sneak in a divine weapon while a demon is watching, along with the fact that it contained godmodding energies, and I have heard word that the Godmodder, for an unknown anniversary, got a map to all of the Legendary Weapon's, meaning that he can track you, if the map is magical, you will be tracked down. Why don't we just take the Clover for ourselves and be the first to use it against him, and not have him be able to use it against us first. But I won't interfere with this fight, except with this small contribution." And with a snap of my draconic claws, my last dollar is converted into 100 one cent coins, forming a barrier around JOE, and 1 convert my dragonic body into more glass, surrounding JOE in an armor of needles that don't hurt him. And with that, I more back towards the battlefield. "I thank you for allowing us to participate, our unnamed host, but it is time for me to bid this field of battle farewell."

Click to shrink...

You have set up a defense around JOEbob! And left for the HEXAGONAFIELD! JOEbob is now alone in the sidequest...


Altair: Looking at the contract, as you've copy-pasted it, he didn't specifically mention the Set of Seven. Most likely, he was abusing your lack of knowledge that weapons outside of the set existed.

Altair: I wouldn't try to dispute it with the devil, if I were you. If you can even see him, he'll have a thousand arguments prepared that his contract was perfectly legal and fair.

Altair: And then, he'll probably try to offer you another deal. Just stay away from that guy. Now then...

Altair pulls out a scythe! Throwing it on the ground, a glowing scythe emblem appears on the bottom of the arena!

You try to "use your Player powers" to restrain Altair. This completely fails. Not just because Altair's own powers counter it, but because Player powers are meant to be used to help you accomplish your objectives, not accomplish them directly. Maybe if you had used something like "adamantium chains", but not Player powers alone...

Altair: First off, JOEbob. I'd like to say thank you.

The glowing scythe emblem... JOEbob is standing right next to the blade's edge!

Altair: You've been very reasonable. I appreciate you trying to talk.

The scythe's edge moves a ways away from JOEbob, the Scythe spinning, centralized at the center of the field.

Altair: But I think I'd best do this alone. And I don't have time for favors.

When the scythe is about a quarter of a rotation away from JOEbob, it suddenly slashes forward, the scythe rising up from the ground and turning into flame! Fred and Somno grab Altair at the last second, disrupting his power and preventing it from cutting higher than... straight through JOEbob's legs! Don't worry, they'll probably grow back. Mirror Man's defense protects JOEbob from more damage, but JOEbob still loses $2,000,000! He has $1,900,000 remaining!

???: JOEbob is on the ropes! And Altair doesn't look eager to stop! Can he counter in time??

-------

None of JOEbob's minions act, as they don't have orders!

Final Round:

JOEbob/Fred as golem minion+wand/Lucky Number Seven/Somno as somno-like golem:
Has $1,900,000(possessing random gambler)

VS.

Altair:
Has $6,000,000

POWER-UP TERMINAL:
Digital Slot Machine: Bet your money for a chance to win more money!
Invulnerability: Pay half your current cash for invulnerability for all of the turn following the one you purchase it on. Can only be used once per person.
Boost Roulette: Pay $1M for a completely random boost to yourself, or a random debuff on the enemy gamblers!

 

[Moniker]

Pulling out the half-finished Entity Requisition Form I summon up a Super Pencil. I quickly use the eraser on the Super Pencil to erase the existing information from existence and then write my own information on it to complete the Entity Requisition Form.

Spoiler

Entity Requisition Form
Use to request withdrawal of entities whose claim tickets have expired.
Name: CaptainNZZZ
Initial entity entry update: 48
Claim ticket expired update: 60
World ID number: 02138520
Entity Name and original stats:

Mysterious Tower
22,000 HP
N/A
N/A
Zombie immunity

Light Crystal
10,000 HP
N/A
N/A
Heals every CaptainNZZZ entity for 1,500 HP each turn

Crypt of the Ancients
5,000 HP
N/A
N/A
Helps summon undead entities, summons four weak skeletons (100 HP, 250A) per turn

Eagle Spawner
8,000 HP
N/A
N/A
Summons an eagle (1,000 HP, 500A) every turn

Please submit this form at the appropriate desk to receive a processing pass.

Pocketing the complete Entity Requisition Form and the worrying note I turn as my clay golem is kicked out of the closed stall. Hearing whoever is in there call out I say, "Well I'm here. Tell me, are you doing alright? There wasn't any sound coming from the stall you're in beforehand after all."

Click to shrink...

You now have a complete Entity Requisition Form!

???: Sorry... sorry! Didn't mean to scare you! Just, I haven't talked to anyone in a long time...

???: It's good to see, or, uh, hear someone else here. I... is it all right if I just... talk for a bit?

You say yes.

???: Well... I saw everyone else out there, they looked like they were dead inside, so I ducked in here to get a moments peace. And... I couldn't bring myself to leave... and go back out...

???: I think... I think I died. So that means... you probably died too, right? Do you remember dying?

???: ...

???: Am I going to become like everyone out there? I don't want to spend eternity in heaven, hell, or whatever this is just... sleeping...

They go silent.

--------


Evacucorp Lobby, Floor 1:
Help Desk
Bored people
Frowning person(examining fake half-finished Entity Requisition Form)
Side door(Employees Only)
Digital counter(number #1,890,432,617,995)

Restrooms:
Closed stall(occupied)

Entity Processing Lobby, Floor 2:
Ropes/Attendant(Blocking way in, wants processing pass):

Players:
CaptainNZZZ(has Charisma)(Ticket #2,423,991,081,321)(has complete Entity Requisition Form)

Rewards:
Confessions of a Paradox Gambler

 

[Moniker]

"Wizard, School of Divination Portent Feature.
After each long rest, roll two 2d20. Record the results. Then throughout the day, you can expend each result to make that be the outcome of any one attack roll, saving throw, or ability check for you or any creature you can see."
My rolls where, when I rested to regain my spells a few rounds ago (when I was spamming steal.), a 1 and a 20.
First, I roll my "GET HOW IMPORTANT TEAMING UP WITH ME IS THROUGH THIS IDIOTS HEAD" Check, and set my roll to Nat. 20 with that feature.
As such, Altair is guaranteed to agree with me that its better to make sure we are not, in fact, currently in the clutches of Lucifer, a Known Ally of the Godmodder with the EXACT SAME TEXT COLOUR as the announcer, unless he is on Lucifer/the Godmodders side... in which case the check wouldn't even roll and I'd still have the ability to chose another roll to land on 20.
Second, I cast Another of my Many scrolls of maximized empowered elongated persistent timestop.
the spell "Gate" requires one round (time is stopped) and a diamond worth at least 5,000 GP.
how much is a GP?
using modern values of various items, we might say that 1 GP is worth somewhere between 15 cents and $200 in $US.
I proceed to buy 10 spyglasss with 150$ each.
I transfigure the first 5 into a single diamond for the spell, and sell the other 5 for GP with which I buy 1LB hourglasses to make back the lost $.
Then, I cast gate, and summon a single Efreet, before saying that as long as the first 2 wishes are satisfactorily completed, it can do with the third as it wishes so long as that does not interact with me.
I proceed to create 50,000 GP's worth of candles of invocation with the 2 wishes. that means 5.5.
each candle of invocation is another Efreet, and everyone is too frozen to stop me. candle count multiplies by 5.5 each instance, and as such max wish count does.
once I have 30 or so Efreet to use, I cast plane shift, and teleport to my pocket dimension, and do another time stop scroll. then I cast gate on Lucifer. everything since the word "Second" was in the middle of Announcer saying "time??", halfway through. Gate's description says "When you cast this spell, you can speak the name of a specific creature (a pseudonym, title, or nickname doesn't work). If that creature is on a plane other than the one you are on, the portal opens in the named creature's immediate vicinity and draws the creature through it to the nearest unoccupied space on your side of the portal. You gain no special power over the creature, and it is free to act as the DM deems appropriate. It might leave, attack you, or help you.". it does not say it is counterable, so lucifer is pulled through. I return to the main world without time stop ending, do various other Wish spells, and wait for it to end.
Time Stop ends.
If the announcer stops mid-"time??", he is Lucifer. I telepathically inform Altair of this gambit, and he should realise that his best chance is helping me.
If he does not, I inform altair that nevermind the announcer probably isn't Lucifer.
If Altair does not decide to help me when given proof that the announcer is Lucifer, he is probably on Lucifer or the Godmodder's sides.
If the Announcer isn't Lucifer, then I give Altair one last chance.
"I'm giving you one more chance here. stop trying to fight me. Nothing good is coming from it, and I'm willing to wait for any favours for quite a long time."
if he accepts, the battle ends.
otherwise...
"..."
"Why is Everyone here who isn't a player..."
"A TOTAL DUNCE?!"
All my wishes where conditional.
my Wishes said that if Altair agrees, the Wishes should involve helping me fake out the security, obtain the infinileaf clover, and teleport it to where Altair wants, and ensuring he will... eventually... do the favour I wish.
If he disagrees, the first Wish deals 10 ability damage to Altair's Int. the other wishes do the same until his Intelligence is 0.
Intelligence 0 means that the character cannot think and is unconscious in a coma-like stupor, helpless.
if he has over 150 Int the wishes don't start dealing ability damage to Int, they try Each of his other stats consecutively( not consecutively really since only the one that'd work, works.) until it wprks, in the """Order""" of Wis, STR, Dexterity, Charisma, and Constituency.

This means that, most likely, the instant after Altair rejects my offer, he becomes a Mindless, gibbering Idiot Dunce.
if he has over 150 in all stats, the wishes try again with Level 8 (thats the level of wish and the level wish can mimic) Ego Whips. for a psion to cast a level 8 spell, they must be level 16. this means they can invest up to 20 Power Points into each casting (base cost of 4 + their level).
as such, the Ego Whip does 1D4 charisma damage, then another 1D4 for each 4 levels 2 levels of the spell. that means it does a total of 5D4.
as well, winning the saving throws is nigh-impossible when the whip is so high-level.
so Altair requires about 300 Charisma to survive this contingency, and he needs 150 in everything to even reach it.
Another cool thing Wish can do.
You undo a single recent event by forcing a reroll of any roll made within the last round (including your last turn). Reality reshapes itself to accommodate the new result. For example, a wish spell could undo an opponent's successful save, a foe's critical hit, or a friend's failed save. You can force the reroll to be made with advantage or disadvantage, and you can choose whether to use the reroll or the original roll.
last turn, I failed to account for the possibility of Altair attacking me. as such, I clearly failed my Wis check for strategy. I reroll that check and retroactively bought "invincibility". but that would mean I'd be dead right? he did do slightly more then half my money with his attack after all.
No, because clearly Altair made his attack roll before, and I failed my dodge roll.
I reroll both of those, and if his roll is still better then mine, I reroll my reflex check to use the Divinations portent feature to set his attack roll to a natural one, meaning he guaranteed failed.
In summery, I have now retroactively used invincibility last turn and dodged any dodgable parts of Altairs attack.
This leaves me with, what, 10 more Wish spells?
"Wish: Retrieve my offered blade from oh-so-long ago. like, when star was still around."
"WISH: Return my scrolls of stolen time which mirror burned."
"...Wish: cast Gate with the target "SrovyCopySeven"."
Lets get on with it.
Scroll of stolen time Uno, used.
Blink. Blink.
two slashes appear in altairs side.
he turns to my new location and gets ready to block. my hand flashes right, held at a right angle horizontally, palm open.
Blink.
I flash forwards, my hand now straight ahead of me, burning with the light of long forgotten stars, clamping down where Altair was mere moments before.
but the heat still burns him.
I fly through the air on my momentum for a moment, before spinning in air spontaneously, gathering a blade of Celestial energy and accelerating, slamming it into Altair.
"I Do Know one thing about you, Altair."
"You either Resist the HOLY word, or you aren't a Demon."
"of course, there are other words, but I can't use them... oh wait, right, Wish."
"Wish x2: Preform the Neutral and Unholy words on Altair with no other targets"
Blink. my position shifts again, Legendary blade flying straight at Altair and slamming into the ground where he was moments before as he rolls out of the way.
Blink.
I land, skid, grab the blade and dash forwards, slamming into Altairs defences.
the blade and whatever he blocked it with crackle with energy.
"RELEASE."
the world seems to almost stop for a moment, like a game that lags from too much happening at once.
and a Wave of elemental force rockets out and about a quarter of the speed of light--- too fast for any mortal human to dodge.
I'm still using my scrolls of stolen time, was prepared, and Blinked immediately, opening a portal in front of me even as I land. that saves me from the brunt of it... also the invulnerability power up helps.
Altair Might still be alive with all that extra $ tho.
I snap my fingers, and the blade, previously having fallen from my hands and clattered into the abyss, reappears in my hands, glow largely extinguished, and points at the maelstrom of energy. the energy is all sucked back up.
I blink aside as altair attacks where I was 1/5 of a second ago.
the sword in my hand glitches.
"What, did you think a weapon known as the "Legendary Blade" would be a sword? =) "
it shifts forms a few times and settles on a scythe, seemingly of solid bone. my clothing shifts, my skin fades. I seem nearly fully bone, my clothing now a cloak.
"I Suppose I am your death. you are simply too stupid to live."
at that moment I remember all the ability damage I did to him. so does the universe's rules. he crumples to the ground.
I glide towards him, and Reap.
Coup de Grace
As a full-round action, you can use a melee weapon to deliver a coup de grace to a helpless opponent. You can also use a bow or crossbow, provided you are adjacent to the target.

You automatically hit and score a critical hit. If the defender survives the damage, he must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + damage dealt) or die. A rogue also gets her extra sneak attack damage against a helpless opponent when delivering a coup de grace.
Helpless is the status one recieves when a stat is at 0... except constitution thats an instakill to have 0 of.
I proceed to Coup de Grace his face, then Coup de Grace his left finger, and continue until I have Coup de Grace'd every part of his body. He'll be fine, he only lost all his money.
all of these Coup de Grace's where empowered by my weapon being a legendary one-of-a-kind superweapon empowered with a shard of my sword which I can call to my hand at will and is literally indestructible (if it where somehow cut apart with portals or some such, the damage'll repair in moments.) which also enchanted with every possitive enchantment known to doydoy.
one more Coup de Grace (Altair somehow made all the fortitude saves to not die instantly).
Altair is now Alive, but with negative hit points.
he's not bleeding though. that would be dumb.
ENTITY ORDREDs
Lastly, fred, somno, and seven are on standby. if Altair still has $ left over, they finish him off. (Fred using hold person, Somno hitting him with his staff, and seven doing some magic involving sawing him in half.
Otherwise, they work on making sure I really will obtain the infinileaf clover...
And on making sure that the sidequest does not immediately end once I do.
I prefer the clover placed in a more difficult to obtain position in exchange for a favour in the distant future to the clover being on the battlefield.

Click to shrink...

As you activate Time Stop on Lucifer, his numerous protections activate. The first being simple redirection. Somewhere, some poor regular human named Lucifer is dragged into the plane with you! You are unable to prove whether or not the announcer is Lucifer.

Finally, after all the convincing, Altair takes what you've said into account...

Altair: You know what? Okay. Fine.

Altair: If you'll stand down, and let me take the Infinityleaf Clover, I'll do the favor you mentioned. I can't do the entity-related favor, since I have no idea where or what "hexagonafield" is.

Unfortunately, a match here can only be ended in defeat. Altair uses one last stab with his knife, taking your remaining money. You are not immediately teleported out, thankfully.

???: Thank you, contestants! It has been a great match this evening, and it looks like our final winner is Altair! Altair, do you have anything to say to the audience?

Altair: ...

???: Thank you for your silence! Now then, please step into the elevator to head to the top floor and receive your prize - all alone, no minions allowed! You may taunt the loser if you wish.

And then, silence. Everything seems quiet, now that the battle is over. Altair turns back to you.

Altair: Well... I'm open to negotiation on favors now.

Altair: Don't worry about me up there. I can take care of myself. And I'm sure you trying to come with me could only backfire, anyways.

With the battle over, Fred polymorphs out of golem form. Soon, he'll probably be sent down to where everyone else went. But after seeing all the commotion over whether or not the announcer is Lucifer, he has something to say.

Fred: Wait, you don't where we are?

Fred: You know we're in hell, right? I've figured out by now you were an outsider, but I thought you'd pick it up on your own.

Fred: This is the place gamblers like us are condemned to. Every day, we mine, and receive a daily pay of $100. When we've saved up $1,000,000, we can come here, and gamble years of work away in the hopes of being able to escape.

Fred: A lot of people thought there might be plants, but... well, I know now!

Fred: The announcer almost certainly isn't Lucifer. I'd assume one of the upper-level management demons is overseeing the game.

--------

A portal opens up, presumably for your usage. It will take you back to the HEXAGONAFIELD.

Anything you want to say or do before you go?

Casino: Arena floor:
Fred
Altair
Somno-like golem
Lucky 7
Exit portal
Winner's elevator