Defeat The Godmodder

[Moniker]

I stare into C'thun's eyes, and turn my eyes into eldritch abominations.

Click to shrink...

C'thun is a little creeped out. 35,000 damage!

Hey, isn't there a first-level spell that can let people see in darkness?

Well, there's also Starsight.

Nah, that's tapped out. But Darkvision certainly isn't.

Action 1: I give all friendly players Darkvision, letting them see in darkness.

Action 2: I punch the stronger Dark Infantryman in the face.

Action 3: Hey, Dark Generals! I'm the Dark Messenger, with a high-priority message. The ??? is the secret weapon of the defenders. If it reaches the battlefield, it will wipe out our offensive here. You need to send a group of Black Wolves to engage it and slow it down to buy enough time to wipe out the statue.

Click to shrink...

You give everyone Darkvision! Unfortunately, it turns out that "Darkvision" actually means "your vision is entirely dark", causing everyone to fall around blind! You quickly reverse the spell.

1,000 damage to the stronger Dark Infantryman!

The Dark Generals ignore you. They may not even possess the capacity to understand.

I use my posh english accent(not really it's horrible, soo horrible that it deals extra damage)
And bones of freaking destruction to tear through the enemy lines
Biltz them with my bones like a porcupine
Then i jump back
I use one of my abilities to create literal spikes of bone from the ground
And fill the trench with bones that disintegrate every entity it touches(for every entity that somehow survives the bones grow and split into smaller spikes and deals more damage by growing within them)

Then just stare at the damn enemy, then start to chuckle
I channel every evil bastard i know and all of my killing intent into that chuckle
Let them feel their deaths coming
Feel that tickle on their spines(this one doesn't let people go super saiyan, just fyi)
Lemme see how you bastards deal deal with this

Click to shrink...

1,500 damage to both enemy dark generals - they're too big and slow to get out of the way in time! +10% spikes to the trench!

3x: The MTF operative adds spikes in the shape of Gabriel's Horn to the trench. They have finite volume, so they're easy to create ex nihilo, but they have infinite surface area, so it's impossible for the... darkness... monsters... to avoid them!
"Yes, that's not how geometry works, but I don't think they know that."

Click to shrink...

+33% spikes to the trench! Whatever Gabriel's Horn is, it sounds dangerous enough to impale some foes.

Action 1:
I stick the second wall together with some melted marshmallows. Strangely, they have greater adhesive properties than gorilla glue.

Action 2:
I lay down some traffic spikes in the trench.

Action 3:
I take an impossibly sharp razor and slowly slice into C'thun's skin. Once I can get a good grip on it, I peel it up and tie it around his face like a ribbon. You know, if ribbons were made of eldritch flesh. With that done, I box him up and ship him off to the Path of Pain.

Click to shrink...

+11% progress to trench and second wall!

NOT THE PATH OF PAIN! C'thun screams, but its too late! He's headed for the Path of pain! C'thun dealt with!

(x1)I repair the Ancient Wall somewhat
(x1)I use the Teleporter
(x1)I begin repairing the Ancient Wall

Click to shrink...

+2,000 HP to the Ancient Wall!

Warp!

+10% repair to the Ancient Wall!

With more than a few worries, I bundle up all my actions into one and immediately set up obstacles for the Anti-AG. Walls so high they cannot be crossed, thick enough they cannot be destroyed normally. The labyrinth winds around the creature and ensures it must make many detours before arriving.

Click to shrink...

Anti-AG delayed by .6 turns! It won't be arriving for longer, now... far off, you can sense it moving through your obstacles with single-minded determination.

1. I rip the black wolf spine with telekinesis and throw it as hard as I can on a random enemy
2.

Click to shrink...

The Black Wolf is at The Darkness II, so you warp there with one action! 1,000 damage to the Black Wolf, and 1,000 damage to the Cyber Dragon! The Cyber Dragon bides...

x2 Action:
Eyowe swings an imaginary leg at C'thun's no-no. He then swings an actual leg at C'thun's other no-no.

x1 Action:
Eyowe reenacts that one Lion King scene with a 1000 HP Dark Infantryman, with Eyowe as Rafiki and the Dark Infantryman as Simba.

Yes, I'm talking about that one scene where Rafiki YEETed Simba off of a cliff.

Click to shrink...

C'thun is dead. Good thing too, C'thun's no-nos would kill you if you got close. But you know who isn't dead? The Dark Generals! 2,500 damage!

Dark Infantryman dramatically slain!

'Ah... Bugger.' I think to myself as even more enemies come to destroy the Power Generator. 'Okay we can't let them take out the generator at this time otherwise we are probably screwed.' I mentally note to myself as I eye my opponents. 'I don't have a good way of taking out more then one enemy at a time and a few of them I cannot kill in one hit due to being very tough. I'm going to need some help very soon.' I conclude to myself as I pick out a target.

Looking towards a Dark Archer I think I have an idea about how to get them close to me. Closing my eyes I make a quick wish. 'I wish for a portal to appear right under the Dark Archer so they will fall in and appear right next to me!'
Suddenly I see off in the distance as one of the Dark Archer is preparing to fire a arrow a flash of red light as a red portal opens up right under the Dark Archer and they slip and fall into it as their arrow goes flying off onto the darkness.

I then see a glow of red light appear above me a little to the left. Looking up I see the same Dark Archer fall from a portal that is in mid air and onto the ground. (1CP)

Quickly I pull out my combat knife from it's sheath and rush towards the Dark Archer but I am to slow and the Dark Archer has already recovered from their sudden unwanted teleportation and while kneeling they are able pull out a backup weapon that turns out to be a Mace.

I still attempt a over head stab at them but I am force to jump back as the Dark Archer performs a wide horizontal swing at me that would have caught me in the stomach if I had not broken off. 'Damn it!' I let out a growl as I switch to a ready stance while the Dark Archer quickly gets up and takes up a fighting stance with their mace and prepares to fight me.

The Dark Archer starts to slowly move to the left to try and get an angle on me and I likewise start moving to the right keeping perpendicular to them as we size each other up. 'Okay, due to the mace they have a advantage in reach, but I should have advantage in speed as the mace needs a moment to build power behind a swing while the knife needs only a quick thrust to cause injury.' I think to myself as I keep eyeing the Dark Archer.

After a few more moments past the Dark Archer rushes towards me with their mace already wind upped for a swing. As they close in I ready myself to dodge. Dark Archer with a silent yell swings their mace at me in a overhead swing and I dodge to their left and follow it up with a counter-strike with my knife aiming for the left side of the stomach area but they are able to quickly recover and jump away as my knife comes within centimeters of their skin. I quickly follow this up with another slash and a jab but I am only able to nick them both my attacks and not cause any real harm. The Dark Archer is able to retreat fast enough to get way from me a bit and perform a swing with their mace. I step back from the attack but not far enough and the mace collides with the blade of my knife which forces it out of my hand and clattering off into the darkness away from my sight.

'Shit!' I think to myself as I dodge the Dark Archer's back swing and they start pursuing me with their mace doing swing after swing in attempt to hit me. After a few more swings and misses I am able to back up enough that I have a moment to form another fighting stance. I don't have long as the Dark Archer quickly charges at me again with a single handed over head swing. I wait until they are at the apex of their swing to quickly launch myself at them and with one hand reach up and grab their wrist and with my other hand I grab them by the tricep on the same arm and I use their own momentum from their charge as I use their arm to control their movement and I force them into the ground face first.

As soon as they hit ground I kneel forward and place one of my knees onto their back as to keep them on the ground and I use my hold of their arm to force it behind their back and I start to twist it as to force them let go of the mace.
After a few moments of struggle I twist their wrist to the point that I hear an audible snap and the Dark Archer yells out in pain as their hand goes limp and the mace slips out of their hand. Without thinking twice I snatch the mace before it can even hit the ground and I quickly move my other hand to the back of the Dark Archer's neck to try and hold their head still.

Despite the pain that the Dark Archer is feeling they thrash and buck ferociously in an attempt to get me off of their back but I manage to hold on and I slam their mace down upon the back of their head, The first strike does not quite do it but the it dazes them and that allows me to bring the mace down again and again until they cease moving all together.

I pant out several breaths of air as I see the Dark Archer's body start to break down into nothingness and return to the darkness that spawned it. (2 CP)

'That was-' I gulp in another breath of air. 'Tough... Damn this reduced power. I was so used to being able to deal with enemies easier then this.' I think to myself as I eye the other enemies. 'I better call for some help, I'm not going to be able to hold the line here just by myself.' Pulling off my walkie talkie from my belt while keeping an eye on the other foes I speak into it. "Hey If any of you fellows can hear this I would really appreciate some back up in Darkness Zone 2, The enemy is going for the power generator that charging the lights. Probably nothing good will come of them destroying it. So if you can lend a hand or two I would be grateful." With that I finish speaking and I hope someone will come to assist me soon.

Click to shrink...

After an epic fight, the Dark Archer is slain! The fight is so epic that, eager to help its comrade, the other Dark Archer gets closer!

You send out a reminder to everyone that The Darkness II needs defenders, as well! If the generator falls, things on the main front are going to get significantly more difficult! Luckily, there's three people here now.

-----------

AG:

The Deprecated Robot stabs the Adamantium Golem, finishing it off! Phew...

V:

At the Darkness I, thankfully, the majority of the enemies have been eliminated! The Dark Infantryman attacks the Wall, dealing 1,000 damage (and dying from the trench)! The Dark Generals bring 2 new Black Wolves into being, immediately giving you more reinforcements to deal with! Just great.

For new enemies, you see another familiar one... the Bat Battalion! They have high attack power, so they're best dealt with quickly!

In addition a Dark Infantryman captain appears, along with another Dark Infantryman! He'll summon new Dark Infantrymen every turn! Deal with him sooner rather than later!

Whatever is back there continues to approach... they're closer than they were last turn, despite delays...

Over at THE DARKNESS II, the Cyber Dragon continues to Bide...

The Dark General brings in a new Black Wolf! The Black Wolf already on the field moves to attack, but... suddenly, they feel something... an orb of light! From that apparition again... Black Wolf slain! The nearby Dark General takes 1,000 damage!

The Dark Archer, now closer, shoots the Power Generator, dealing only 2,000 damage thanks to the Generator's shield! The Power Generator is in a bit of a rough spot. Remember, you can bodyguard with your own bodies, if you don't mind dying...

At the back, a Dark Creeper approaches quickly. It's a kamikaze enemy! It might be enough to finish off the generator if left alone!

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THE DARKNESS:

Endless Blackness (more enemies every turn!)

[Anti-AG]??? (1.1 turns away)

[V]Dark General: 8,500 HP (summons a Black Wolf every turn!)
[V]Dark General: 6,000 HP (summons a Black Wolf every turn!)
[V]Black Wolf: 3,000 HP, 2,000A
[V]Black Wolf: 3,000 HP, 2,000A

[V]Dark Infantryman Captain: 5,000 HP (summons a Dark Infantryman every turn!)
[V]Dark Infantryman: 2,000 HP, 1,000 x Infantrymen!A (attack multiplies by number of infantrymen alive on field)

[V]Bat Battalion: 8,000 HP, 6,000A

Electric Light(allows you to see enemies!)
Electric Light(allows you to see enemies!)
Electric Light(allows you to see enemies!)

Ancient Trench: Ready! Deals 1,000 damage to attackers! Spike Upgrade: 54% complete!

Ancient Wall: 13,000/20,000 HP (protects everything)(x2 healing)
Ancient Wall: 11% repaired!

Ancient Forcefield Generator: Use once to completely protect Godmodder Statue!

[AG]Deprecated Robot: 3,000 HP, 1,000A (stronger if zombified)(can't be zombified by Players)(???)

[N]Godmodder Statue: 13,500 HP (DEFEND!)

Teleporter (Use one action to teleport to The Darkness II)

[AG]Crusher: 5,000/5,000 HP
[AG]ExoSkeletal: 5,000/5,000 HP
[AG]DragonOfHope: 5,000/5,000 HP
[AG]Daskter: 5,000/5,000 HP
[AG]Eyowe: 5,000/5,000 HP
[AG]Gnich: 5,000/5,000 HP (next attack does triple damage, plus inflicts effects on nearby enemies!)(Protector Shield, protects from 2 attacks)
[AG]Strider: 5,000/5,000 HP

THE DARKNESS II:

[V]Black Creeper: 1,500 HP, 5,000A (kamikaze attack!)

[V]Cyber Dragon: 10,000/11,000 (uses bide)(stored damage: 2,000)

[V]Dark Archer: 2,000 HP, 4,000A

[V]Dark General: 9,000 HP (summons a Black Wolf every turn!)
[V]Black Wolf: 3,000 HP, 2,000A

Electric Light(allows you to see enemies!)

Ancient Wall: 10% repaired!

Shield generator: Grants recharging 2,000 HP shield to Power generator!

Teleporter (Use one action to teleport to The Darkness)

[N]Power Generator: 8,000 + 2,000 HP (powering electric lights!)(protected from 1 attack)

[AG]Captain.cat: 5,000/5,000 HP (protected from 1 attack)
[AG]ParadoxDragonPaci: 5,000/5,000 HP
[AG]DanganMachin: 5,000/5,000 HP

 

[Paradoxdragonpaci]

(X2) I invoke the Spirit of Radiance, the Power of the Lamp, the Rising,Noon and Setting Sun and blast the Dark Creeper into some radiant bits, the Dark Archer May or may not be caught in the Attack if it manages to penetrate through the Dark Creeper into it.

(x1)I sing a Builder's Song/as I continue to repair the ancient wall, one day I will Guard is all/from the terrors of Dark beyond.

 

[Gnich]

With all of my thoughts into one idea(3X actions), I take all of my frustration and manifest them on my protector shield.

Immediately, there is a distinct change as the shield itself gets warped and the colour seems to smolder. Waves of spiteful energy arises from the powerful shield, and i see that the shield face twists in on itself as softer colours change to a more red hue, bringing with them the heat of anger and the inability to do much but be there. The edges start to sharpen and the face itself seems to become more unevenly faced, growing small spikes that are covered by the wrathful energy to be unleashed only when attacked, where it manifests in the form of a highly unstable energy that shoots out at the opposition and stabs into them before calming down, and gathering more resentment into more attacks. A small note is that the energy can build up and release in one go, increasing the damage it can do if it is left on its lonesome, but it can only attack in bursts. (upgrade protection shield to recharging thorn shield that can build up hatred when not used, and is able to release when attacked, though will need at least two turns to recharge for combat use)

 

[Exoskeletal65]

Action 1:
I chop a few letters off of the infantryman captain's name, turning him into the infant captain. As a baby, he's powerless, so I simply pick him up, put him in a cannon, and launch him into the beyond.

Action 2:
I scatter a few caltrops in the trench.

Action 3:
I whack the wall with a wrench a few times.

 

[WHM Sukamia]

I create a bunch of Skeleton spawners from Minecraft. It'll only last this turn, but it should still do something.

 

[The_Two_Eternities]

3x: "Must... finish... spikes!" The man in an MTF uniform frantically adds even more spikes to the trench. Red spikes! Blue spikes! Lone spikes! Dual spikes! Sponges! Wait, those last one's weren't spikes, they were just the packaging. Shrugging, the man in an MTF uniform turns the sponges into SPONGE SPIKES. They're sponges, but they're spiky. Like coral or something.

 

[Moniker]

I take stock of the situation. Not looking good. I look to my team. In the span of a single look, we hatch a plot. I then sigh.

"I suppose I can't have everything." I turn back to our enemies, the Red Team, and cup my hands.

"HEY VALLA!" I cry out. "EAT SHIT!"

I then open with an entire minigun salvo of port-a-pottys on Valla. Naturally. She counters.

I then take another deep breath... and I breath a gout of fire fit to put the Dragons of the Fire Nation to shame! Valla counters.

Then I turn into a Boat and RAM Valla! She counters it!

I then throw a pebble at her face. Due to the Curse of Repetition, it does nothing, but it does get her to blink and think- 'Wait, that's a fourth Action. That isn't possible!'

Wanting to be free of the Action limitations, she pulls up my Action Summary Early, despite it not being around for a few turns.

=============================================================

Action Summary:

3 ACTION FOCUS + Bullet Time Field: Freeze Valla and her Actions for 1 turn.

=============================================================

I wink and give her the dual finger guns as she's effectively frozen by the Bullet Time Field. All of that was just a flavortext distraction to get her to not notice my real move.

"You know, you're pretty predictable for all of your rambling about being free," I say casually. "Your self-serving quest for power has bound you even more than any alliance, friendship, or relationship would. A fitting end to your rampage, I'd say."

Reason-you-suck-speech delivered and trap snapped shut, I slump backwards and cringe in visible pain.

It's not ignored or hidden this time. Anyone who cares to pay attention can see me coughing up conceptually corrosive Voidstuff.

"...I think I was in the Void at some point. Guess the Godmodder's Prison destroyed some memories when my MIND was hit during my stay." I finally put together. "Ah... Well, Reality first, death later."

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The Tragedy of Alastair Dragovich (Part 4)

Alastair's fight against Verraad the Godmodder wasn't short lived. For one thing, the Godmodder didn't see his 2,000 Charge Attack coming. For another, NO ONE saw his attack coming since he had charged it so far away from the fight, his Player Powers shouldn't have been a thing.

For another, the mandatory isekai adventure sidequest Verraad had to undergo due to getting hit by a 2,000 charge truck was time consuming. Time consuming enough for all of the Players that had been fighting him to clear out and dismantle his operations to the point that he held 50% less power than before he got hit.

Needless to say, the fight began in earnest. However, despite having dismantled half of his operation, the front was by no means united. Over 70% of the time the Godmodder was away, the players were fighting amongst themselves. Anytime Alastair saw someone summon a demon he went berserk and ended up attacking his own allies, making things more difficult.

By the time Verraad returned, things had fully devolved into incoherence. Naturally, Verraad was attacked upon his return, but too many people were tied up in their own personal stories or power trips. One by one, Verraad destroyed the power tripper's means of production. Alastair tried to stymie his efforts, but the revenge attacks sent his way proved to be too much to overcome.

By the time everyone was finished infighting, it was too late. The Godmodder had already killed all of the Entities. He proceeded to put his fist through Alastair's head, ending his life...

And transferring him into the Soul Orb. Disoriented and without any entities to protect him, the Soul Orb Godmodder continued his assault. Other Players, as they died, came in, but none of them offered to help. Partly because they used this time to build up their charge pools.

Partly because Alastair never asked for any help. In his eyes, perhaps rightfully, he was responsible for his own death, and the beatdown was just that train of Justice continuing. However, he still fought and healed and fought some more.

Until Verraad figured out his weakness. Verraad, during a feint, entered Alastair's memories and turned them against him. The sight of everything dying, of Reality being so thoroughly broken.... It reminded the Player of what he had been trying to forget.

When Verraad left his mind, Alastair was on his knees, eyes full of tears, the fight in him spent. Verraad ignobly put him out of his misery by slapping the Player in the face.

And so he ended up in the soul Jail. And when he finally fell asleep and the monsters came for his MIND...

He let them. And so he lost the memories of the time interim his first failure, and his entrapment in the soul jail.

And so he fell into a deep, deep Darkness of sleep. Soon, he forgot even the subconscious impulse to remove the corrosive Nothing, just before it was fully purged. It took a long, long time for it to build back up and do proper damage...

But now, like the guilt and shame that ate away at him, the nothing hollows out Alastair Dragovich. And his odds are not good on surviving it now.

Click to shrink...

Valla COUNTERS, deflecting the attacks you send at her back in your face! 1,000 damage to you! However, too late, she realizes that that was the whole point... 3 of Valla's actions burnt!

Valla: Damn you, Alastair...

Valla: Well! At least nobody else should attempt to waste my time!

"Hmm. Combo attack?" ES mused. "Well, the nameplate is switched but this is still a road roller. May as well make good on the reference." A red-dressed and rather regal figure shimmers into existence behind him for those who know how to look. "Haven't gotten to use the Queen of Hearts yet, it being supposedly useless, but with a specific enough environment nothing is useless."

"Shouldn't it be Poker Face?" Amelia asks.

ES just wiggles his hand in reply. "Either works, but it's clearly meant to be a Queen of Hearts, just look at it."

"It may be dressed like that, but it also has an expressionless mask for a face." Amelia points out, prompting a shrug in reply.

"Well whatever the case, I have a plan. Now, watch this."

Standocalypse Act 1: Queen of Hearts

With a snap of his fingers, ES summons a Duel Monsters duellist. As he's currently on a red road roller, he shall represent Red Team. His opponent is wearing yellow right now, so shall represent Yellow Team. The loser of the duel shall take the final monster attack to their relevant item, where Red Team is represented by their vehicle and Yellow Team is represented by that mountain over there.

Because his opponent is using weak anime strats and ES is using a slightly illegal Tier 0 deck, he naturally has his opponent on their last few hundred life points within a few turns, with a fully armed and operational Dark Armed Dragon on the loose. The opponent has one last turn to draw a card, and the only possible card he can draw that would let him not immediately lose next turn is the final piece of the Forbidden One, which of course they do.

Heart of the Cards nothing, the power of an Enemy Stand shall not be denied! ES shall lose this card game, and lose it he does!

As per agreement, Exodia attacks Red Team: I.E, the Replica Truck. As that is the vehicle ES meant, and was the vehicle intended when he wrote down that intent matters on the magically binding contract, there's no way around it. Naturally, the Replica Truck getting Exodia'd does very bad no good things to its durability.

Click to shrink...

In the name of confision, Exodia moves at the Red Team's Replica Truck! Valla appears to be getting ready to counter, but she can't yet because this is only the first part of a greater whole!

Valla: Wait until they unleash the whole thing... then shut it all down at once!

"ALRIGHTY! I'LL TAKE THINGS FROM HERE ETERNAL!"

3 ACTION FOCUS - STANDOCALYPSE ACT 2:
Leo: My turn? Finally? OH BOY! I'll abuse those weaknesses!
Blake: Don't forget me!
Drago: And me!
Let's get em guys! All-Out attack commences on the Red Team alongside my bros (who may as WELL be stands), and I leave behind a little pressie for the next person to use, a bomb rigged right to the Red Team's vehicle. "Whomever is next, use that well, make the Red Team DIE!"

Click to shrink...

CHAIN! That's 6 actions, now!

3 ACTION FOCUS - STANDOCALYPSE ACT 3: LET US BRIEFLY DISCUSS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH VALLA AND ALSO THINGS EXPLODE VIOLENTLY.

Leah watches her teammates go on as the Blue team is dismantled and then recombined into Red Team, and her team-. Wait, wait, wait! The Red Team was just joined by the Blue Team, turning One Team into Two Teams. Red Team, Blue Team, One Team, Two Team. Red Fish, Blue Fish, One Fish, Two Fish. A Dr. Seuss rhyme. From beyond space and time, the man himself tips his metahporical hat in Leah's direction, allowing her to go just a little bit slightly more ham on a particular Red Fish. Wait-no. There aren't any Red Fishes. That is, ironically and paradoxically, a Red Herring. There is a Red Fish. There is no Red Fish. There is the simultaneous absence and presence of a Red Fish.

Leah casually ignores the inexplicable, having abandoned logic for this. She spies the Red Team's fresh new problem, a bomb from Goldstar, and figures that even with Alastair's efforts, there might be some complications with getting it to go off. Why not emblazon those efforts while ensuring its detonation in an overly vicious manner? Leah prepares her lungs. "Valla!"

Valla may look, or may not look. She is not obligated to look per her freedom to look or not look at things. However, she is not free of the choice, and as one might realize, in order to free herself from hearing Leah, she'd have to consign herself to temporary deafness. To look is to bind thyself to looking and bind thyself away from not looking, and vice-versa. For each freedom there is a binding. Valla may be cognizant of this. More likely than not she is not, but the most likely course of action in the unsubtly binary choice she has just implicitly been given is to do neither of these things as she's timelocked by Alastair and thus had her freedom invalidated a long time before this attack came into play, relatively speaking. There was not a choice. There was not a freedom, only the apparent, baseless illusion thereof.

If this confuses you then you should probably just stop reading, but given the person who has to read this also has to read through JOEBob's posts... Can't be that bad right?

"Valla. I want to play a game. You're my opponent."

Valla is currently in a timestop. She cannot really respond to this in any way but in the mind. She can oblige the stupid request and maybe in the process have some transient freedom to screw shit up, or she can ignore the obligation and binding to not play and therefore keep... Her binding in a time bubble. Either way her freedoms are horrifically infringed, and either way the aformentioned timestop makes her choice irrelevant. Leah is in control and to any casual observer with a passing knowledge of the mechanics of Destroy the Godmodder, Defeat the Godmodder and all like games, Leah's control shall remain until the Man without a Moniker but Moniker itself shall deem otherwise, maybe.

Leah releases Valla from the time-trap, kind-of-sort-of, in a not really way. It is more accurate to say that Leah has 'trapped' herself in the time field and Valla is now cognizant of the timestop. Valla's immedaite attempts to counter this are parried by the fact that she's not countering anything at all and cannot counter in the middle of a post, she's not a Writer or an Author or a Scribe or anything nearly as vaunted as that, she would never bind herself to a title or an occupation as that is against her code, but it has now failed her as even if the Moniker'd Man were to declare otherwise, it would be on his time, with his text, and not Valla's, and until such a time it is Leah who's text is here, or more accurately Tazz's text, who represents Leah, and thus implicitly is her text-but only implicitly, as it is still Tazz's text, loaned. Such it is for Valla. Like her player powers that she has decided that she would rather lock to herself as if it were hers. Har har har. In any case, Valla cannot counter Leah's insertion into the situation because Valla hasn't been acted upon, nor anything else, and in any case she's still time stopped mechanically, just no longer completely. If you would-it is her Player Powers that are still hopelessly trapped, but the cognizance bound to them is untrapped enough to whatever extent Leah desires for now.

If you would-Valla is, like it or not, Leah's hopeless prisoner for the duration of this attack and Valla will bloody swallow that pill even if its the size of Michigan. Michigan is a lot bigger than the impending mountain.

"We are playing a game," Leah states. "Magic. Nerd game but I have some fledgling knowledge. I don't know what's in this deck, you don't either, even footing. Draw."

Valla weighs the options internally. She could play-

"You will play."

-and she does play, end of discussion. Leah and Valla shuffle their decks. Valla is probably screaming in sheer agony at this, but Leah's voice does not raise itself, merely stresses and stretches a few syllables to the intended effect of understanding that Valla's freedoms have been rescinded of her, and in the absense of the (admittently quite shallow) definitions that Moniker has given her character in agency of the game that is being played, that being 'DefTG,' she really fails to have much of anything else at all other than pink text and a name, and for the moment, a hand of seven cards. Her deck is mono-red, judging from the... Seven mountains. Ew. That is just objectively an awful hand.

"... You're pissed at me, plain as day. Alastair's gotten you pretty good but I'm just making you suffer. Flashing it right in your face, your freedom, like it was a cheap toy, because it is. Freedom, freedom, freedom... Red cards in MTG represent freedom, among other things. Creativity, passions, emotions, that sort. I suppose that fits you perfectly, being a Player and all. Players have Freedom. Lots of it. I guess that's why you felt so lucky being one?"

Valla objects to this on every level but can't even open her mouth. It is blatantly obvious that she would. Basically any attempt to 'game' her is meant to end poorly according to Moniker so that's how it'll be, especially since she's effectively rallied the entirety of the enemy forces against the Green Team. She does not, in accordance to wisdom, mulligan the deck, either-whatever forces Leah is channeling here demand Valla play a hand of nothing but basic lands even though a mulligan is completely legal, and for that matter, all regardless of the fact that Valla has no real desire to play along with Leah, no real desire to be timestopped, and probably has no real desire dealing with any of this at all and not just getting her stupid power lock and getting it out of the way if not for these meddlesome morons, but no, no no, no no no, no. None of that. It's all right out.

"I'll roll for you, then myself," Leah says, rolling a D20 marked with a fist as the 20. The first roll runs up a 9, the second a 5. Valla has won the roll and the right to decide if she would go first or not. Strategically speaking, Valla would rather try to draw first for the hope her eighth card isn't a land-ap. nope. there she goes, just playing a Mountain as if she decided to go first, and her fist taps the table, gesturing to Leah to play.

"Nothing to untap, I draw... I'll stop a bit here. I'm not quite sure I'll ever be able to 'get' you, Valla. Hardly for lack of trying, but quite frankly your "Freedom" is, just, completely alien. I don't even get it. Freedom from everything? Freedom's good, don't get me wrong. Freedom from tyrrany, from people lording over your life, from those who'd rule your fate and decide your life for you... Freedom from those guys like Verraad. That I get. But that isn't what you're seeking, that's just... Salvation, at this point. Salvation for a lot more people than you. A goal, a cause, a thing to fight for. You wouldn't bind yourself to that, though-to the people who could've seen that small goal to reality. For you, you planted your flag deep, uh, and basically said 'screw that,' and you said that absolute freedom from everything-from any goal, cause, nation, viewpoint, or idea-it was that or bust. Disregarding how that itself is a hell of a tether... Uh, right. I'll play an island, pass, to you."

Is this what Leah's going to do? Just rant at Valla? Yes. But Valla can't rant back at how stupid that is. Why? It's not her round. Until Moniker says so there isn't any say for her, and she's stuck with the knowledge that in the here and now, as opposed to the disjointed time of forum update schedules, she's just a small fry who can't get anything done without the one Arbiter left. The one Arbiter left... Leah's eyes visibly close in contemplation as Valla draws... Another Mountain. Wonderful. Exactly what she needed. (Not.) She plays another Mountain and passes, that's it. Her hand is garbage. She can almost smell something nasty from it if she could move her nostrils-did Leah make these cards literally stink? Good grief.

"No untaps, I draw, cue the Plains," Leah says, sliding a white land to accompany the blue land. Oh god, a white-blue deck, AKA "The Opponent May Stop Playing Now." This is exactly what Valla wants to see (not). "Er, back to topic. You don't want to work with anyone-Freedom from companions, friends, allies, accomplices, and thus a tether to isolation because 'freedom.' I'll be honest I would try to go on but I can't even grasp what other paradoxical nonsense you'd yap at me, which is partially why you can't speak right now. There are other reasons why you are prohibited from speaking, but the biggest is to make a point. Binds have power. Limiting oneself in some ways opens avenues in others. We're limited beings by default. The only way I can cognize your desires is power-unbound power. Free from all limits and free from all sources, a power that's your own. And thus you want a power lock-to bind the power of God to yourself and yourself alone, free, free, free. Free free free free free free free free free. Way I see it, its more like that you've built a whole big-ass prison around yourself and declared everyone else the prisoner, and then gatekeep the gates if anyone were to look inside and wonder 'god, should I help this poor woman?' I bet you don't even want to be called anything other than Valla. Freedom from gender pronouns. Bullshit. It's all bullshit. Uh, no moves from me, go ahead."

Freedom. Absense of Freedom. An Ideological rant. Hell. Valla has died and gone to hell, which still exists even if management is very bad right now. Better than Evuacorp, but that's not really anything to talk about now, as Valla isn't actually dead and gone to hell where she might be free to pursue being tortured by angry devils. She draws, great, another mountain. She wonders if Leah's hand is any better, before concluding it has to be automatically, diresgarding the lack of turn two. Mountain, pass. Against her will. She'd really rather be-

"Anywhere but here yadda yadda yadda yadda whatever. Enjoy the words in your mouth. Here's a lesson. You axed every binding from yourself and all you want is power-mana, by the card game's rules, is power. Power equals power. Mana equals Mana. Mana equals power in MTG. Whatever. That mana, right there, in three mountains. Three big ol blots of big red energy which you can't spend on a single creature or sorcery or enchantment or artifact or anything like that, because that is quite clearly a deck consisting entirely of lands and only lands. Only power. And no leverage. Leverage! Any big mob boss type could tell you leverage is what you need. Can't get leverage without rubbing backs, without sacrifice, in this case sacrificing the delusion that you're after freedom and only after power, an ultiamte power of sorts, freed of all restrictions of anything, even the restrictions on the mind Godmodding usually imposes. But sacrifice-to get what you want-you think you've made all the sacrifices, or rather that there's nothing to sacrifice at all because you're free from that. Freedom from all things. Free from friends, free from bonds, free from eating, breathing, thinking, and soon enough existing because you haven't read the news and the wake up call that Verraad-who for all his faults and stupidity has at least the damn drive to go out and do all of this horrific madness with his incredibly evil, corruptive power-is honestly just the bigger concern over your self-serving, ignorant, stupid freedom. Freedom from everything, including anything you could possibly want, including exactly what you want, because you're just stuck up your own ass hard enough. All freedom? All the time? No. Not this time."

"I draw. I play Arixmethes, Slumbering Isle."

Leah slaps down a 4-Mana 12/12, the aformentioned Arixmethes. It, nominally, requires a green and a blue mana plus two more to play, and then requires an additional five sleep counters to be put upon it when it reaches play, which are then tediously removed via casting spells before it can be used as anything other than a fancy land, albeit one that can give two mana of two different colors. Of course, once its awake, its a 12/12, and that'll be painful. But, wait-Leah hasn't bothered with the sleep counters. She also doesn't have a Forest to tap for green mana. And hasn't tapped the blue mana, or any mana at all. Also the card's text has been altered, with Player power so it looks indistinguishable from the real deal-its now a 500/500 for no mana at all with Haste, Indestructible, Hexproof, immunity to Blocking, and 'if this creature attacks, win the game.'

This isn't just regular cheating, this isn't even advanced cheating, the spongebob reference flying right out from how much cheat was just packed into that cheat. No. This is going above and beyond cheating and goes straight up to something that is still cheating but probably needs a new name that doesnt' even contain the word 'cheating' at all. In fact, it ascends even that theoretical realm, ollies outy into the sun, and lands in a pile of steaming hot bullshit.

"Oh, and I play an ox."

She taps a plains and plays a 0/4 Yoked Ox.

"This is nothing short of torture for you at this point. I wanted to play a game, but this is what playing a game with you is like-from the other side. Its unreasonable, stupid, and generally only has one outcome, that being 'whatever prevents me from having to deal with it.' Its lazy, dumb, its, its just infuriating. Rebuffing everything. Rather irritating, but it relies upon you playing by your 'rules.' Well, buddy, I don't have to play by your rules, if you can even swallow your dumb pride enough to call it that, or acknowledge your pride, or acknowledge that this 'freedom' gimmick is just that, a poorly thought-out gimmick that you've bought like a chump, or however many hoops you want me to walk through before I pound it into your head that you chose, this, you bound yourself to this, and far from freeing yourself you're taking the narrow, confined, trapped path of some horrific combination of a tyrant wannabe and a fool that I can't even believe exists, and you're suffering the final consequence, the inevitable outcome, the one you bound yourself to with molecular strength. That is to say, in neglecting every possible tool to get your prize but your precious player powers, that I hope to the God-that-was to go away forever after all of this, for everyone, you kind of... No. Not 'kind of.' You ruined yourself! And ruined everyone around you. You're surprised at all of this, I bet, but really, this is just the last part of a long, long fall. This is the part where your hopes and dreams fucking die!"

Nothing. A solid second of nothing. It almost feels wrong to comment upon it.

"I win, quite obviously," Leah says, chucking the player-power generated table and the player-power generated fake magic cards into a player-power generated incinerator that burns on player-power generated fire to player-power away everything and then harmlessly implode into a cube. "Because 'winning' obviously means that the bomb over there is going to go off with like a gazillion times more force than normal, you are "free" to stay right there, and watch hopelessly as the bomb goes off, detonates like a nuke, and somehow leaves a perfect trail of shrapnel that cuts into the base of the mountain, shaped suspiciously like a golf club. And, then, afterwards, to get slapped. By me."

And thus it is so. Leah's victory causes an incalculable multiplication of force within Goldstar's bomb, causing it to go off with like a gazillion times more force than normal. Valla watches hopelessly as the bomb goes off, detonating like a nuke, and somehow leaving a perfect trail of shrapnel that cuts into the base of the mountain, the last single bit shaped suspiciously like a golf club. The Red Team's vehicle-and not even Valla-was the attacks target, and it shall take the full wrath of this segment of the combination attack.

And then the Red Team Replica Truck rams directly into the aforementioned Red Fish and simultaneous absence of a Red Fish. This shocking Chekhov's gun is shocking and probably some kind of freaky opening on top of the golf club thing. Does this attack have anything to do with stands? Well. Uh. No. Deal with it.

"Piono, blow that stupid truck to hell!"

Click to shrink...

You finish your lecture to Valla. Additional force is added to GoldHero's bomb! There's 9 actions and a whole bundle of creativity, now!

Valla: Hmm? What was that?

You see something in the corner of Valla's eye. A little head-mounted video player.

Valla: Sorry, I got really into this one youtube video.

Valla: I didn't really hear you. Could you, uh, repeat that?

Valla flashes you a smile... but it wavers.

Valla's last 3 countering actions wasted!

"Roger!"

Piono pulls an enormous gun out of his inventory. Ultimatum. The only of Piono's giant super weapons that wasn't totally obliterated back in the Bank of Actions. He hefts it up over his shoulder, and sets it down on a pedestal on Green Team's Replica Truck. This is a secret surprise item, it'll be helpful for later.
Having done that he jumps off the truck.
Wait what.

Piono backflips off of the truck and winks at Valla as he suddenly plants his foot down on a cushion of air and rockets forwards ahead of Green Team's vehicle. Soaring forwards right up until he hits the mountain. Or rather, close by the mountain. One of the pieces of shrapnel from Leah's attack looked like a golf club. It turns out, it IS a golf club. But it's so much more than that.
Piono skids to a stop on the side of the mountain, holding up the Golf Club.
"You know, this mountain would be a lot more intimidating if I hadn't already dealt with far worse in the past."

Piono raises the club up into the air, and begins to grow in size. Piono growing taller and taller until he's the size of a giant, and the golf club in his hand no longer an ordinary golf club but a giant hammer made of rock and crystal.
"Do you remember that time I picked up a mountain and smashed it down on the Godmodder's head for a sub-segment of a larger attack? I do.
Interestingly enough, back when I pulled off that particular feat, I also did something a lot bigger: I shattered the ground of the Hexagonafield. Causing millions of years of tectonic movement across trillions of miles of area all in just a few seconds."
He hefts the golf-hammer in his hands.
"I think a mudpile like this isn't such a big issue. FORE!"
He swings the hammer.

With a mighty shockwave as the hammer swings through the air in a smooth, magnificent arc the mountain begins to tremble even before Piono hits it, and once he does...
A mighty, cracking BOOM shudders the entire track, as the mountain sails up into the air. Away from Green team's track... and right for Red team's truck. Red Team can only look on in horror as the massive mountain, and the enormous fountains of debris come sailing towards them.

Piono lands lightly back on the Green Team's Truck.
"That was fun."
He looks over at Ultimatum, still mounted on its podium and waiting to be used in some manner other than its intended usage. He waves the next player in the chain over to it.
"Alright, so all you need to know is pull the trigger and everything in the general direction in front of it will die. Be careful about recoil. That's it, have fun."


...wait what about the fish from Leah's action?
Well it turns out they were just a red herring.
The awfulness of the pun deals further damage to the truck.


Entity orders: the replica player will attempt to accelerate the koopa tower into attacking early so that its full 2000 damage happens before Red Team gets to act. If Red Team has already been disrupted, the replica player will attempt to slow down the mysterious figure that's currently following us.

Click to shrink...

The Red Replica Player will do as you say!

The entire mountain is lifted up, and sent soaring! Granted, you still have a giant portion of missing track where the mountain was, so you can expect a bumpy ride. However, Valla's eyes widen as an entire mountain comes hurtling towards their vehicle...

Oh, hello Replica Truck! I see you're enjoying all the joys of being hit with a Player combo. Now, now, don't worry about me adding onto the chain. I simply don't have the time for that.

...fortunately, I do have the time to attack by myself. So, dear Replica Truck of the Red Team, I have a gift for you!

As seen here, I'm currently holding a king bed sized spear. Its golden exterior swimmers in the sunlight, a blinding reflection that almost hides the rocket thrusters strapped onto the back of the spear. The blood red blade has been folded folded one trillion times, crafted with careful replication of the Japanese metallurgy techniques.

What I do with the spear should be pretty obvious.

Conjuring up steel boulders before me, I wield the spear as a rocket boosted bat and launch the masses of steel right at the Red Team's vehicle. The hypersonic speeds quickly transform the steel boulders into balls of molten steel that fly through the air with shocking accuracy to nail the Red Team's vehicle despite the distance.

Have fun with that Red Team's Replica Truck! (x3)

Click to shrink...

Balls of molten steel soar through the air! Not just a mountain, or balls of steel, but both a mountain AND balls of steel? Valla's team is feeling pretty oppressed and discriminated against right now.

FOCUS

Time to finish off the Truck, through the final portion of this combo attack.

The anonymous figure picks up the Ultimatum. They heft it. They brace themselves, with the help of a lot of structural steel. Then the Ultimatum fires its latest ammunition: Hammers!

Big, small, comical, nasty, spiked, bouncy, firey, iced, explosive, implosive, heavy, and, most importantly, every single one is a ROCKET HAMMER!!11!!!1

That means that everyone has some form of rocket like propulsive device attached to the handle and head, enabling extra impact power on top of the 'basic' capability of the Ultimatum.

Did I mention most of them self-duplicate just before impact? (And the ones that don't contain stuff like antimatter, rust inducer, or even The Godmodders Smelliest Socks !!!!!!1!) (Don't ask me where those came from.)

Some pop the tires and some crack the axles and there are others that do such things as smash glass, invert joints, crack engines, cause fuel to explode, and, most importantly, RUIN the DELICIOUS SNACKS in the MINIFRIDGE!!!1!!! (That last one has next to no actual effect, as Valla has been distracted and the Replica players can't exactly interrupt. Except for the wave of sorrow that makes many of the nuts in the Truck crumble out of sympathy.)

This continues. And continues. And continues. At more then one point the mountain becomes a hammerhead, in the tool part sense and in the shark sense. Meanwhile, the structural bracing breaks down, and as per the principals of action and reaction, as seen in a certain xkcd what-if, I take to the skies. With a bit of effort, I stablize, with the help of a few temporary self-duplicates.

Soon, there is more hammer then Truck, at least while my Descendancy reality alteration field persists.

Then, the hammer-wreckage dwarves the Mountain itself.

Then, for the finalee, I surge forth my powers one last time.

In the last moments before the Ultimatum runs out, I reverse my aim roofward, and aim my fist down.

Through the impact, I channel a grand twist of my influence. Perhaps 1% of the area is Truck instead of Hammer, which naturally should be rounded down to 0%. (I, of course, am MC Hammer.) Then, from that very energy expenditure, my action-power runs out, and all the hammers disintegrate. (Except me. This isn't a Mortal Action, after all.)

Click to shrink...

H A M M E R

These actions will take effect at the end of the turn!

Welp, looks like the combo attack is concluded. Might as well focus on the usual task: GOTTA GO FAST:

3 actions: I construct a large numbers of hamster wheels (or hedgehog wheels, is there such a thing???), and attach them to the Road Roller's drivetrain. I then summon an equal number of miniature Sonic the Hedgehog 'clones'. They aren't really clones, since they have almost no mental functions. But they do have the instinct to run SANIC FAST. I place the mini-sonics inside the wheels I constructed, in hopes of giving us a large speed boost.

Click to shrink...

+3 units of speed/turn!

------------

It was too late to do anything. As soon as Valla lost her actions, Red team's Replica Truck didn't stand a chance. Exodia! A mountain! Hammers! Explosions! REALLY LONG BREAKING SPEECHES! With Valla's vehicle having much less long-distance attack protection than Blue Team's vehicle, there's only one possible outcome: COMPLETE DESTRUCTION! The Koopa Tower, accelerated by your new friend, Replica Player, adds JUST enough damage to be the coup de grace!

15,000 damage to the Red Replica Truck!

Red Replica Truck destroyed!

Valla: Get off of it! Now!

The engine, heavily damaged, is running down fast in the warped hunk of metal that was the Replica Truck! Three Replica Players scoop everyone up in giant hands, and hurl themselves and the entire Red Team to the side as the Red Replica Truck slows down, and eventually catches fire.

Valla: Ugh... well, that was...

The Red Replica Truck then explodes.

Valla: ...

Valla: I have a new plan.

Valla: Wait to use your actions for now, my minions...

----------

AND IT SEEMS RED TEAM'S TRUCK HAS BEEN DESTROYED!

WITH NO INTACT VEHICLE, IT IS NOW IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO WIN THE RACE BY REACHING THE FINISH LINE. HOWEVER!

RED TEAM MAY STILL CLAIM VICTORY BY COMPLETELY ELIMINATING THE PLAYERS ON OTHER TEAMS! CAN THEY DO IT??

WITH ONLY ONE TEAM LEFT, GREEN TEAM IS NOW APPROACHING THE MOUNTAIN! THE PREVIOUS GOLFING GAME DID NOT CLEANLY SEPARATE IT FROM THE GROUND, AND SO NOW IT SEEMS THEY'RE IN FOR A ROUGH TIME...

+18.5 Units!

You approach the point where the mountain was! Immediately, you're forced onto a big hill! There's no track here, and the ground isn't straight at all! Your vehicle isn't built for offroading, and everyone clings for dear life as the vehicle is jostled around!

4,000 damage to your Replica Truck! The engine is taking a real beating!

Suddenly, you feel an unusual sense of heat coming from the engine... and smoke! Wait! That's not right!

Immediately, somebody uses the emergency fire extinguisher you equipped on the vehicle earlier, but without action power, it isn't doing much! The engine catches fire! There's no way you can carry on! You're dead in the water!

Surrounded by giant mounds of stone, and without a working engine, you then look up to find your current position surrounded by Red Team operatives!

Valla: Excellent work, you two with the heat. And same for those of you over there, with the speed potions.

Valla: Now, Replica Players... we outnumber them!

Valla: Green team shall be destroyed here! TAKE THEM OUT!

ITS THE FINAL CONFRONTATION! THE FINAL SHOWDOWN! WHO WILL WIN?? RED TEAM, OR LOSER TEAM??

THERE ARE NO OBSTACLES THIS TURN! WE WOULDN'T WANT TO INTERRUPT THIS FIGHT!

-----------

If you can get your engine repaired, you can get the vehicle moving again and try to escape to the finish line! But if the Red Team's Replica Players can be defeated here...

Valla fully intends to use her countering powers to nope your attacks. Watch out! Your bullet time field is aflame, too... put out the fire on that thing to give yourself an advantage!


THE RACES:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --/100

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ --/100

---------------------------------------------------?--------------+++------------------ 61/100


RED TEAM:
Valla: 5,000/5,000 HP (countering ability!)
Replica Player: 4,500/5,000 HP
Replica Player: 5,000/5,000 HP
Replica Player: 5,000/5,000 HP
Replica Player: 2,000/5,000 HP
Replica Player: 2,000/5,000 HP
Replica Player: 2,000/5,000 HP

GREEN TEAM:
Eternalstruggle: 5,000/5,000 HP
ThatRandomGuy: 5,000/5,000 HP
Alastair Dragovich: 4,000/5,000 HP
Piono: 5,000/5,000 HP
The Nonexistent Tazz: 5,000/5,000 HP
CaptainNZZZ: 5,000/5,000 HP
General_Urist: 5,000/5,000 HP
GoldHero101: 2,000/5,000 HP
Replica Player: 5,000/5,000 HP

VEHICLE:
Replica Truck
Durability: 2,000 HP
Speedy Improved Antigravity Big Rigs Engine: Moderate condition (+4 speed)(Modest damage resistance)(Clutch boost - get +5 units of distance once!)(on fire! Needs to be put out to make vehicle move again!)
Particle/Ray shield engine: Perfect condition (weak protection against environmental damage)(blocks 300 long-range damage)
Spoiler: 1,000 HP, allows for one emergency turn!
Spinning blades: Deals 2,000 damage to boarders!
Koopa Tower: 3,000 HP, Special: 2,000A long-range attack: 0/2
Bullet Time Field: Holds up to 3 attacks/attackers in place for a turn, granting increased reaction time! (On fire! Can't block attacks until put out!)
Robot Cyclists w/sanic-powered wheelios: +3.5 Units/turn!
Speed: +14.5 Units/turn

 

[pionoplayer]

First thing I do is point out that the spinning blades should've procced as we were boarded. As previously established, hopping off the vehicle and staying on the ground gets you killed.
I laugh maniacally as 3 of the enemy replica players retroactively explode into giblets, and everyone else on Red Team takes 2000 damage.
Nevermind, was cleared up on Discord.

Somebody yank the three weakened players into the line of fire of the whirling blades please. Letting the blades get at them will kill all 3 instantly.


3 ACTION FOCUS: VALLA SUCKS AND I CAN PROVE IT MATHEMATICALLY

Piono stares down Valla.
"Hello there sweetheart, do you hear that noise?"
The distant sounds of airhorns can be heard. Growing louder and louder.
"It's the sound of you getting your comeuppance, [small female dog but italicized]"

Valla immediately tries to counter, but is met with a giant No U Reverse Card (like an Uno reverse card, but it contains the power of BOTH the ultimate counter counter memes).
The only thing Valla can feel in that one moment following is best summed up with an image:


Valla violently explodes upon realizing that her own action counters have countered her own counter actions. This sends her flying off into the distance, where I zoom off into the distance and prepare something special.
A classroom.

Now, this is doubly cruel because not only does school suck to an inordinate extreme but it is one of the absolute antitheses of freedom. You're locked in a classroom, divested of any forms of individual expression, and forced to work on the same monotonous tasks over and over until you've been "educated". While not all schools embody the true power of the classroom, this one does. I've yanked it right from the elemental plane of imprisonment, its very heart and core.
If I had to make a guess at what Valla's critical soul weakness is it would probably be school but guessing people's CSW has proben futile in the past so that has nothing to feature in here.
I'm just doing it because Valla sucks and needs to be taught a lesson in WHY she sucks.

Valla comes screaming in and slams headfirst into the schoolroom. The roof and foremost wall snap shut behind her. The trap has been triggered and it's time to teach her a lesson. Both literally and figuratively. Bands made of pure Stoppium (nullifies all escape and freedom based powers) wrap around her arms and legs, the chair magnetically pulls her upright and her eyes are snapped open by robotic arms. The power of school will set in shortly and remove her ability to resist but until that happens I have to hold her in place physically.

Welcome to Why You Suck 101

A large chalkboard is at the front of the classroom where I stand. A single equation is written on it:
VALLA = SUCK
"Hello class" Valla's the only one here "Today we are going to talk about why you suck. Specifically, why Valla sucks. It's been mathematically proven so it's a good place to start."
"First, we need to know the value of VALLA, and that's quite simple, within the Poybo Theory of Valla Sucking each of the letters is representative of their place in the alphabet. Each A is equal to 1, each L equal to 12, the V equal to 22. Given the syntax, these are all multiplied together to make a nice, even 3168. This also happens to be the Moron's Number as proven by famed metafictional mathematics professor I. Diot, but this is mostly a side note and is not relevant to today's class."
"We'll start with the first variable, S. S stands for Serendipity which is stated as being a chance or coincidental manner of things going in a beneficial way. For Valla this number is worth about -9KiloFortunes, so -6. The reason for this is because in this case S can be found as a result of the equation bs + B^3."
"Those of you that were here for the FIRST LESSON" he glares at Valla "will recall that bs is the Bollocks-Stupidity Quotient, and b is equivalent to ️enevolence. Valla, I hope you're writing your punishment paper from last time."
Valla nods slowly, and realizes that without noticing, she'd begun writing "VALLA = SUCK" on the piece of paper in front of her. Not even in her own color, it's a dull grey. The color of school.
Valla tunes out the next bit of lecturing, as Piono rambles on about how high her bollocks-stupditiy quotient is but that it's balanced out by having a benevolence rating so low that when combined with her anti-memelord status drops her bs quotient into the dirt and then some, giving a final score of -6. She can't believe this, school, trapped in school again. It's even worse than she remembered.
"VALLA!"
Valla suddenly snaps to attention. She doesn't want to. Every bone in here body wants to rebel and fight back, but she can't. The bands aren't even on her arms anymore but the dreary energies have seeped into her soul and all she can do is try to make it through the rest of the class.
"If you don't pay attention I'm going to have to hold you in after class."
Valla panics and shakes her head. This is torture already, doubling the length of time she spends here would make in unbearable.

"Good, next up is Uselessness. This is equivalent to the" Piono then rattles off a very long and complicated chain of mathematical formulas. From the point of her immense powers not doing something useful for her once, to being effectively useless against the Godmodder and towards her goals every time she's showed up on the field, right down to the fact that she's wasted every single one of her actions in the race countering things. Countering things that made no difference. She got the shield powerup but then her team didn't get attacked. She got double action but surprise surprise she wasted all of that on countering actions so that she could fail to protect her team's vehicle.
Each statement is irrevocably true, even if it's wrong. All of it is her fault for being useless, even with her massive amounts of power. All of this is true even if it isn't because that is the way of school. Even facts and logic cannot free you from the endless chain of the unending grind against one's soul.
"So finally, once you divide power functionality by competence and multiply the results by the inverse of inevitability's stopgap function, you come to the final result of Uselessness = 22. Now, I hope you've got that." She doesn't got that, but she doesn't dare raise her voice. "We are now moving on to the third number."

"C is the variable for Childishness. As we all know Valla is a childish punk who would rather weasel her way out of actually facing the consequences than accept that maybe she's wrong, but this can be put into mathematical terms with the use of the Modified Chancellor Steve's sliding scale of childish tendencies."
"Of course, the maths community uses sliding scales from 0 to 7 now, after having been proved by I.N. Compie that 7 point sliding scales are the most scientifically sound, hence the use of the Modified scale. And while Valla may not be to the level of throwing tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants, she DOES take things without asking, break promises because 'crossies doesn't count', and stop listening to people and fidget with things because she doesn't like what they're saying. This rates her at a solid 4/7 on the scale. Translating to four sevenths equally as her Childishness value."

"Finally, K. Or Karpinsky's Constant, from the wonderful thesis on Player Ephemerality as written several posts down from here. It is equal to negative 42 and I will not be covering the exact meaning of it in this class."
Piono's been writing the entire time. It's been too fast for Valla to follow, but it finally coalesces on the board. The numbers all line up, coming to form one, final truth that she cannot escape.

S = Serendipity = -6
U = Uselessness = 22
C = Childishness = 4/7
K = Karpinsky = -42
SUCK = -6*22*4/7*-42 = 3168 = 22*1*11*11*1 = VALLA
It all makes sense.
She hates it, but it makes perfect sense and it will never not make sense ever again.

"So now you see Valla, not only do you suck, but you suck in a mathematically provable way. Class dismantled."
Wait dismantled?
And then the chalkboard leaps off the wall, the numbers and constants assaulting Valla with the pure power of how much she sucks until she's been torn apart on the subatomic level.
Class dismantled indeed.

 

[EternalStruggle]

Amelia and ES grumble about the state of the vehicle, but have already encased the Bullet Time Field in a vacuum-sealed cover and pumped out all the air. Without the fuel it needs to continue burning, the fire would wither and soon after die.

 

[Moniker]

We have to creep out the creepy dummy, huh?

I give it a hug. Because who in their right mind would hug the creepy dummy?

Click to shrink...

You hug the creepy dummy.

It feels nice and squeezy.

The quiet watcher flips off the clearly worthless (for now) magenta door before looking at the hint books, as the only easy way to handle the ruins would be to turn back or die, neither of which were options he could accept. He then picks up the third hint book and Reads it fully.

Click to shrink...

The magenta door is unfazed. One flip-off will not change it.

You grab the third hint book.

The Tree of Lithium is located in the past, at the physical location the Players already discovered it earlier. Finding it is mostly a matter of discovering it, and then pointing out to everyone both that you have found it and where it is.

I change the dummy's shirt to read Godmodder's foe. After all, our comrades in our war against the Godmodder are never creepy! We have worked with extradimensional horrors! Great guys! Need to gert around to that poker game...

Click to shrink...

Creepy Dummy is now less creepy and thus easier to creep out!

I chose to respawn in the room the Quiet Watcher is in as discussed on discord.
[1x] Well, it doesn't say to do the Tree specifically, right? And Something is a loose end, so if I can figure out what it is, I can put it on the pedestal. ok, but, hear me out here... what if Something exists Only to be a loose end for this quest? Of course, I haven't figured out what Something does. But I don't have to! My third action last round already tidied up the loose thread that was Something. Something was a loose thread because it was determined by prophetic dream that I would complain about it, and I had rendered myself incapable of doing so without it being of genuine value. So, it was a lose thread until just now, because until now, I was capable of doing so.
But, last round, I rendered myself incapable of complaining about it full stop unless I figured out what it did. And I didn't, until After the round, while writing this post- and of course I'm not entirely sure until i find out it succeeds.- So now I'm simply incapable of complaining about it. Which makes the Something loose thread tied up, because it cannot progress from here.
Something is now a Temporal Paradox. And Something.
And a tied up loose thread.
[1x] I deal with the Temporal Guardian's inevitable arrival by explaining that it is too late. Since he didn't show up last round, I'm already incapable of complaining. So, he can't deal with this paradox.
...Hey, while he's here, would he care to help out with the Ruins thing? yeah? no?
Note: making it a paradox or whatever is perfectly possible because, despite lowering player power, I'm not causing a paradox directly. the paradox itself is due to stuff moniker said, and I've just rendered it impossible.
[1x] I stick a band-aid on my forehead, causing it to gradually regenerate my health over time. This is how bandaids work. in fact, I once asked a doctor if bandaids on non-wounded areas will not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not speed up healing, and after mentally counting the number of nots incorrectly, they said yes!

Click to shrink...

You explain very clearly why your shenanigans with Something should count.

And yet, it doesn't. Nothing happens.

Why?

Simple.

For some reason.

+1,000 HP, not not not not for only one turn. Note that everything in these rooms can be expected to do either 4,999 damage or 5,000 damage.

Action 1-3: out-creeping it huh... alright then. I take a knife, and a baby, and I [censored]. it was so bad that the system can't handle what I did.

Click to shrink...

The creepy dummy tilts backwards. You sense some shock. But, hmm... shock value alone doth not make for great creepiness.

--------

In the Loose Ends Room, all is quiet... except for faint game-show type music from behind the magenta door.

The Creepy Dummy Room continues to stare from within its own room. Its creepiness has been weakened... a nice, solid, reliable burst of creepiness should do it in!

You hear someone familiar enter the room behind you. It's the assassin again! They stare you down... they'll definitely kill you in one hit if you don't clear the room or spend effort restraining them! If you don't have any ideas for dealing with the creepy dummy, try to hold back this mysterious enemy!


LOOSE ENDS ROOM (DEPTH: 3)
Pedestal (You need to tie up a loose end!)
Hint Book
Hint Book

The quiet watcher: 5,000/5,000 HP
JOEbob: 1,001/5,000 HP

CREEPY DUMMY ROOM (DEPTH: 2)

Wooden Dummy (has shirt: GODMODDER'S FOE)

Karpinsky: 5,000/5,000 HP
Winkins: 5,000/5,000 HP
Ranger Strider: 5,000/5,000 HP
Cephalos Jr.: 5,000/5,000 HP
Bill Nye: 5,000/5,000 HP

[Anti-AG]???: Seemingly Invincible!

 

[Ranger_Strider_]

I snap my fingers and point at the seemingly invincible enemy. Bars of reinforced steel twist themselves onto his body, forcing his arms against his chest. I create massively dense weights, and attach them to his arms and legs, along with locking various balls and chains to him. Finally... creep that dummy out guys! Quickly please! I throw up various reinforced walls in front of him and continue throwing up walls, due to the enemy's strength. He's likely breaking them now! Hurry up!

 

[Karpinskaya]

I tap the Wooden Dummy on the shoulder.

It looks around. There's nothing there.

It looks back. Winkins and Strider are gone, and I'm standing with the other players.

I tap it on the other shoulder.

It looks around. There's nothing there.

It looks back. Cephalos and Bill Nye are gone, and I'm standing where the other players were.

For some reason, I'm holding a sign that I definitely didn't have earlier. The sign says "Karpinsky=-42"

I toss the sign aside. The Dummy's eyes follow the sign, and by the time it looks back at me, I'm not there. It looks to see where the sign went, but that's gone too.

The Wooden Dummy scans the room. It's a fairly dark room, but even in its shadows the player-killer stands out. The players, however, are missing.

The Wooden Dummy looks behind itself. Nothing there. It looks forward again. Nothing there.

Then it looks up.

Hanging above the Wooden Dummy is a massive Wooden Spider, perfectly silent. Surrounding the spider are a number of cocoons, five to be exact. The same as the number of players.

As the spider descends toward the Wooden Dummy, one thought goes through the dummy's mind: it's next.

And then the Dummy blinks and the spider is gone; everything's back to normal.

 

[Crusher48]

Focused Action: I head over to the secondary area and throw a fire charge at the Dark Creeper. This lights the Dark Creeper's fuse, causing it to detonate at a safe distance from the base.

But wait, I throw it into the Cyber Dragon just before it explodes, causing severe damage to the Cyber Dragon.

 

[FlamingFlapjacks]

I appear in Darkness II!
Channeling the power of D U C K, I conjur a glowing yellow staff made of pure, holy, duckian light. I then use it to materialize a barrier of light around the Generator, protecting it from foes and darkness.
Then I ask the ducks if they could send us a bit of aid, please. Maybe a entity? We're in trouble.

 

[The quiet watcher]

The quiet watcher sighs as he reaches into his coat and activates something covered in flashing lights, wired into a vest that was hidden under his coa-

The quiet watcher sighs as he pulls out a tablet wired to the camera he'd left back then, watching the tree, ignoring the rather visible amount of blood pouring out of his nose and the smoke coming from his vest as he did so. He carefully placed it down onto the Pedestal, taking major care to not get any of the blood on the screen as he did so. He then ripped the smoking remains of the vest off of himself before collapsing, clearly suffering from whatever the hell caused his vest to self-immolate. The lime green thing burned nicely as the quiet watcher recovered from its effects.

The tablet was tied to the camera, playing the footage as it came in. It showed how the Lithium tree had grown even more, spreading its branches even further than before. Below its branches, more plants were visible, clearly like the tree itself. It had managed on starting its own little ecosystem while everyone was off fighting the Godmodder. It hadn't been long enough for Lithium animals to come into existence, but with another year, that might very well end up occurring. For now though, it grew, it lived, it thrived, and it proved to be one very happy plant.

 

[JOEbobobob]

[1x] I decide to head through the Game Show door. assuming it's possible to split paths more, its preferable- avoids that son of a godmodder who stabs people who he's obligated by reality not to stab better. plus, checkovs gun- why would it be there if it's useless? Ah, but first I pick up that hint book that the quiet watcher tossed asside, attach a intactness-tracker to it, and toss it through. If it stays intact, then [1x] I head through, otherwise I heal myself [1x] twice, because I can't read a hint book with only 2 actions.

 

[GoldHero101]

I sigh. "Come on..."

3 ACTION FOCUS - NEED MORE SCRAP METAL: I steal ammo from Valla and use it to start making repairs on the engine. "Sorry, needed more scrap metal Valla."

 

[Alastair Dragovich]

I assist GoldHero by putting out the engine fire with some bloodbending - I use the blood of our enemies to douse the flames and, conveniently, grease the various parts of the engine! Not only is there no more fire, but it runs better than it did before!

 

[General_Urist]

I take notice of the two Red Replicas with only 2000 HP left. I notice the spinning blades that deal 2000 damage to boarders. Hmm, if I could entice those three to quickly stop over... Yeah, I'll burn 3 actions on this!

I could just yank them in, but then they wouldn't really be boarders then. Not to say I can't do some yanking. Let's get creative! I first summon a trio of small motorcycles. These area all primed to self-district in 5 minutes in case my plan doesn't entirely work. Next, I bake a pizza. It is the most delicious pizza one could imagine! Bacon, olives, double cheese, it has ALL! And on top of that, I endow it with a memetic hazard that makes everyone who sees it desperate to nom it! Of course, I set up the memetic hazard such that it cannot affect myself and my fellow players, and even has a mild turning-away effect so we don't get distracted by the mouthwatering taste and smell.

I then put on a cowboy hat, dramatically shoot a revolver in the air for no real reason, then grab a lasso. With a mighty Texan YEEHAW I swing the lasso around towards the Red Team vehicle, grabbing the three 2000HP replica players, and swing them up into the air! Given their trajectory they'd splatter undramatically onto the pavement behind us... but I, in my endless generosity, deploy the three preciously constructed motorcycles under their landing spot in just the right orientation for the three replicas to land in perfect driving postures! Now with those they could easily catch back up to their own vehicle... But they don't want to, because I put the supernaturally mouthwatering pizza on the back of the Road Roller! Who cares about a few spinning blades, those Repilca Players MUST HAVE IT! No doubt that the pizza will entice and distract them, leading them to drive up to us and (try to) climb aboard and get chopped it bits.

 

[Daskter]

Focus: It's Black Friday day!

The Dark Infantryman Captain (or General if the captain is dead) quickly enters a store seeking for his favourite and weapons, however he's always too late. By the time he enters a store all his favourite weapons have been taken by all the other captains.
He's always mocked for his poor quality of weapons, how can he possibly be a captain if all he got is a rusty sword? He's simply not rich enough to get anything better except on Black Friday, however he's always the person who sees the last item going out of stock.

He's a failure... Always too late. How can he possibly be considered has a captain with those shabby equipment that any peasant can get?

 

[Strider626]

I focus and create a drill on my arm made of bones
I focus on my target, the dark infantry man captain(if he's dead any entity that's a summoning unit)

I i throw some sand into his eyes
And stab him as hes distracted, i don't stop there i wanna make sure he's dead
So i go full JoJo on his ass

Mudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudsmudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamuda

Mudaaaaa

Mudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamudamuda

I stike a pose as i look at his hole ridden corpse
And say some cheesy one liner in Arnold's voice

 

[Captain.Cat]

'Oh Good! some others are now here, Much better.' I think to myself as the other players start helping with stemming the tide of enemies. Looking around I see that Paradoxdragonpaci is dealing with the Dark Creeper and that FlamingFlapjacks has given the Generator another attack shield. 'Well best deal with the other Dark Archer before they can attack again.' I note to myself as I rest the recently acquired mace against my shoulder.

Closing my eyes I focus a little bit of power for a wish. 'I wish for a stable portal to open up next to me that leads right behind the Dark Archer.' Suddenly in a flash of red light a red oval shaped portal opens in front of me and peering into the portal I see the Dark Archer on the other side. Quickly I enter the portal and a second later I pop out on the other side behind the Dark Archer who just starting to turn around as they felt that someone was right behind them but they are to slow and are unable to prevent me from slamming the Mace right into the back of their head which lets out a loud crack and they crumble onto the ground. (2 CP)

I quickly follow up with a second strike to the head to ensure they are dead. 'Okay, That was much easier then the other one.' I think to myself as I pull the mace from the back of Dark Archer's head just before they dissipate into nothingness. Looking towards the Black Wolf I decide to attack them as well. 'Well the Dark Archer's Bow and one of their arrows has not vanished yet, Lets trying using that.' I tuck the mace into a loop in my belt and I quickly pick up the Bow and one of the remaining arrows. I then ready the bow and notch the arrow and I aim at the Black Wolf. Just as I let loose of the arrow the string on the bow snaps which messes up my aim and I end up only nicking the Black Wolf with my arrow switch leaves a long cut across it's side. (1 CP)

 

[Krill13]

x3 Action:
Eyowe bats his eye as he bats the Bat Battalion with a lot of bats conjoined into a giant Battle Bat.

 

[That-Random-Guy]

FOCUS: NEEDS MORE COWBELL

Suddenly, the Replica Players not being explicitly lured in by the actions of the other players on my team finds them selves trying to wade through a pile of cowbells, which clearly won't do.

Cause it needs more cowbell, another pile for every instance ever of the statement needs more cowbell.

Pushing through that should force most of them to spend a action.

 

[CaptainNZZZ]

I quickly toss an attack shield onto the Speedy Improved Antigravity Big Rigs Engine to avoid any last second energy blasts rendering our efforts irrelevant. (x2)

With the vehicle itself in terrible shape, I grab a hammer and get to work. Increasing its general durability to a less critical condition isn't the most creatively demanding task but there's certainly a lot of hammering and patchwork to do. Hammering the metal back into shape here, using flex tape on the framework there, and hot glued popsicle sticks to handle the worst of the damage. It's not a pretty repair job, but at least the Replica Truck won't be destroyed from a stray spit ball. (x1)