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Defeat The Godmodder

The Dogmeister looks in a vaguely offscreen direction. "Hands? What foolish nonsense is this? What sort of half-baked fool allows for the condition of his physical form to limit himself?" He pets the Uberdog regardless. "The only thing that attaching any sort of value to one's body brings beyond it's worth is chains, my dear. Chains, and shackles, mental and physical." He continues, a slight tone of arrogance overtaking his well-aged, deepened voice. "Anyone with a semblance of power should know, first and foremost, not to fit their form, but to bend their form to fit them." He appears to sit down onto nothing, moments before conjuring a chair, brass frame and velvet cloth interweaving. "To submit yourself to ones circumstances is foolish and childish, for reality twists on a whim". He tosses a single condescending glance towards his imagined audience. "Throwing one's destiny into the whims of fate so willingly- Is that not the epitome of foolishness, or an epitome of, in of it's self?" The chair vanishes, and suddenly, he is on his feet once more. "Here. Let me show you what it is to be defined by circumstance." He makes the motion of snapping his fingers, yet, just as thunder comes after lighting, the sound of snapping, strangely, comes moments later than the sight. And, besides, what sort of snap sounds like that?

And yet, the sound of... snapping? continues, growing ever-louder. A massive metallic menace in the shape of a shell passes by, the "snapping" merely being the sonic boom of it's monition. It slams into the boulder, and explodes inside moments later, shattering the boulder into pebbles. "Heed not my words, my will, my wisedom, and my warnings, and that will be you: Shattered into mere pebbles by no fault of your own, but only by the chance of circumstance." He smiles, wearily.
 
And yet, the sound of... snapping? continues, growing ever-louder. A massive metallic menace in the shape of a shell passes by, the "snapping" merely being the sonic boom of it's monition. It slams into the boulder, and explodes inside moments later, shattering the boulder into pebbles. "Heed not my words, my will, my wisedom, and my warnings, and that will be you: Shattered into mere pebbles by no fault of your own, but only by the chance of circumstance."
... Okay I lied. This guy? The second neutral we let live. It's... It's so beautiful... and he gives us ancient wisdom? What filthy neutral does that? Truly he is a man amongst men!
 
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PBVRFDHCSP - VIII
Treating blank cards as being like a blank scrabble piece (can mimic any card i want), I play Goblin Bombardment (1 mana), Shield Sphere (for 0 mana) and Enduring Renewal (2 mana).
then, goblin bombardment sacrifices shield sphere. 1 damage to the godmodders magic the gathering HP.
with enduring renewal, I get back shield sphere, and play it again for 0 mana. I sacrifice shield sphere. 1 damage. I get back shield sphere. I play it. I do 1 damage. I get back shield sphere. repeat ad infinitum. (well, until the godmodder dies. then I do the same to eevee. then my turn ends, with both opponents defeated, and me having won.)
and yes, this combo is legal (according to the internet), though not possible on first turn, but this isn't first turn.

Oh no! NOT OVERPOWERED BUT NOT TECHNICALLY AGAINST THE RULES COMBOS THAT WERE ACTUALLY RESEARCHED WITH GOOGLE AND NOT MADE UP ON THE SPOT THAT THE GAME DEVELOPERS OVERLOOKED! NOOOOOOOO!!!

The godmodder just forfeits. Some combos are simply too overpowered. The FEAR strategy in Pokemon. And now, this. You win the game of Magic: The gathering, dealing 2 damage to the health bars of both Eevee and the godmodder! Looking good...

I activate the card Marvel, which lets me look at the top six cards of my deck and then cast one free of any cost. I see an Ulamog, the Ceaseless Hunger, and activate it, locking the GM and JOE from their resources and is indestrucable. It attacks, causing both the GM and JOE to mill the top 20 cards of their decks.

You might have been able to make a comeback, but you were already dead! Making plays from beyond failure in a game is valid, but you have to specifically mention how! Your blank cards remain unused.


------

Right then. Moving right along to the next round... we've nearly reached the halfway point of this game! As the game goes on, failure forces to to take more and more damage. The easy, forgiving parts of the game are over! Now, let's move onto a game played only by real men. A tactical duel of minds and wit greater even than chess. A game whose mere name causes the unworthy to tremble in fear...

Candyland.

A simple candyland board appears - it's Checkers-themed! A special Checkers board meant to hold three sides! Pieces of candy are scattered about, with Eevee controlling the black licorice candies, JOEbob controlling the blue gumballs, and the godmodder having command of the yellow suckers. Every player has 12 pieces of candy. Each player draws a card:

JOEBob d20 card roll: 18

Purple! That means all your units can move one extra space.

Eevee's d20 card roll: 17

Also purple!

Godmodder's d20 card roll: ?? + 2

The godmodder isn't TOO happy... He has some special ability or restriction you don't know!

Now then! What's your Checkers Candyland strategy?

CURRENT SITUATION:

GAME:
Candyland: Checkers edition
Board status: Three-way board, all pieces in starting positions

Health: ++++++
Eevee Shadow Bacon
(Has a pawn, and a queen, and "Y", and a purple candyland card)
UNO cards: Blue skip-turn card, color-changing card, yellow 3, green 10, blue 4, yellow 5, green 6, blue draw-2, blue 9, green 8, yellow 5
MAGIC cards: Three blank cards

Health: +++++++++
JOEbob
(Has a Purple candyland card)
UNO cards: blue 4, blue 2, red 5, yellow 2, yellow draw-2, red 6, red 8, blue 1, blue 3, yellow 9, blue 8

Health: ++++++
The Godmodder
(Has ??? chess pieces, ??? UNO cards and "A" and "H")
UNO cards: 6 cards

Current stakes:
Shen Gong Wu(+1 actions per turn)
One legendary weapon
JOEbob being one legendary weapon in debt to you
 
1-3/3 [TRIPLEFOCUS]
The boy summons a flute, then plays some of Minecraft Awesome Parodys' greatest hits on it as loud as he can, right in the Godmodder's face. That should hopefully distract him.
 
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I play blue 1, 2, 3, and 4 on one of my blue gumballs, raising it from the point value of 1 (like a pawn), raising it to 4 +1 = 5 points. it has become a blue rookball!
then, I roll and use my cop-out card because I don't currently understand this game.
then, preforming the second of my 5 non-move actions, I play blue 8 and red 8, making a purple 8! then I mix up Uno and Crazy Eights, turning it into functionally a purple card: Any! using the purple card: any, I turn my back-most line into bishops with broken legs. the bishops with broken legs move the same as a normal checkers piece, but their technically bishops.
the first 2 bishops with broken legs begin to sing their sermons, raising my hype meter from stage one to stage 2! the remaining 2 are too busy praying to god to let them survive the coming ordeal.
the hype meter dictates how many physical moves I can make a turn, and is currently at 2. I can preform up to 5 non-move actions a turn. this does not increase with hype.
I've so far:
NM1)turned one gumball into a rook
M1)possibly moved my army depending on copout's choice
NM2) turned back line into bishops
NM3) Bishops raised hype meter by one
M2 from hype meter) continued to play by the choice of the copout card.
NM4) gumball to the top-right of my rook: reveal an interest in archery, become archer.
NM5) Gumball to bottom-left of my rook: train in the art of gumballness. become able to bounce off the walls of the board, gaining an extra move when you do.
that concludes my turn.
the kind of board off which I am basing this :
so yeah.
 
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I cry to myself at the fact that I lost my beautiful Infinity Jaegers to the Uberdog!

I say to myself, "Ah well, sometimes we lose things."
Hmm, I only need a focus charge to make a slot machine. . . I will most likely do it with in a day or two, need to figure out how to make it work. One of my current ideas is to role 3 five sided dice, then create effects for each of the 5, with a reduced version being used if you get 2 of the same number. Other than that, I force the princess and her three assassins into their own game of Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker. In a 2v2 game. No matter what, one of the assassins will suffer.
"Well well well, assassins and princesses? Such a cliche plot-line, how about this instead?"

"OMG, dude, do you realize how horrible of an idea this is?" as I see him in the distance trying to get the princess and the assassins into a game of UPPAFITZ!!

So to counter this....mistake, I am going to make a Narwhal of NOPE come out of the ground in between MrMirrorMan and the Princess!


OOC: MrMirrorMan, I know you want to harm the assassins, but please don't involve the Princess in this, she only has 5,000 HP so let's try to keep her dainty! Instead, try to purely just attack the assassins! Captain.Cat is already trying to protect the princess with his battle maids!
 
ORYX! helps defend the princess.

I walk over to the PBVRFDHCSP table, pulling up a chair.

"Well, lads, this looks like fun. Room for another?"

(Moniker)
 
"Sure thing. that'll make this board simpler too, 4-way games are easier to do"
"are you playing for yourself or the AG side on a whole?"
[non-actionandidon'tactuallyknowifyoucanbutI'massumingyoucanforthepurposeofthispostsoyeah]
 
OOC: MrMirrorMan, I know you want to harm the assassins, but please don't involve the Princess in this, she only has 5,000 HP so let's try to keep her dainty! Instead, try to purely just attack the assassins! Captain.Cat is already trying to protect the princess with his battle maids!

Actually, no. MrMirrorMan doesn't want to harm the assassins, he wants to make the battlefield more random, which may involve randomly harming the assassins. (But thanks for stopping him from starting another game of UPPAFITZ)
 
I invoke the house rule of "Three's a Company and Four's a Crowd", which states that at 4+ players/factions, anyone can take their bounty and leave, and receives no penety. I take my necklace of the hare, flip off the remaining players and leave.

Sidenote: I'm losing brain cells with this sidequest, I'm just taking my stuff and going. Enjoy fighting over the legendary weapon, cause I'm out. And I'm taking my necklace and its +1 action effect with me.
 
I shrug. "Well, the less the merrier."

I play my COP-OUT CARD. I'll get a better handle on this later.
 
yeah, the godmodder probably isn't going to let eevee get away when the necklace (if it works like eevee says) is more useful to him then starcalibur right now (gives the same number of actions, cannot be stolen, does not deal damage to him).
oocpostresponcetign
 
Semi-Focused
HA, ALL OF YOU FELL FOR MY TRICK, while you were trying to stop me from forcing the Princess and assassins into a game of Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker, I activated the Yu-Gi-Oh*TM Trap Card, Magical Hats. One by one, the three assassins and princess are forced into a hat, each one with a number.
[1] [2] [3] [4]
Moniker will be PMed what hat the Princess is other, so you can't just attack the other hats.
"Hehehe, I always found this card amusing, hat tricks are one of the most classic tricks."
 
Update XL
I Smash the Godmodders face with a Strawberry Cream Pie and then i will punch him in the face while he is distracted with the delicious cream also the cream is laced with some very nasty Laxatives

The godmodder is pretty much immune to the effects of laxatives now. There's really no topping having a combined white hole/black hole boom inside your belly. You punch the godmodder's face, but it already has a strawberry cream pie on it! Your blow is softened so as to do nothing!

Looks like strawberry isn't the right pie flavor, either...

I gulp, nervous. "Maybe I shouldn't have focused on the Sealed Assassin - Speed. Well, anyway, time to get down to business. Doormaker, finish opening the RoIK portal. Volunteer Flamethrower Division, attack the Unsealed Assassin - Speed." I order.

FOCUS: FREEZE, ASSASSIN!

I walk up to the Sealed Assassin - Power, and quickly freeze him in time. "That should take care of him for at least a little bit."

(OOC: Sorry, guys. MooGoesCow21 was right on this one.

Unofficial Itinerary IV:

Protect the Sealed Dainty Princess (done by EternalStruggle, That-Random-Guy, Captain.Cat, and Ranger_Strider_)
-Console the Guardian Knight (done by That-Random-Guy)
-Get Yorehammer back from the Godmodder
-Stop MrMirrorMan from placing her in a game of UPPAFITZ (My name for the Chrono-Hyper-Billiards thing) (done by feller21)
-Get her out of the hat MrMirrorMan placed her in
Keep the Sealed Assassin - Power unable to act
Keep the Uberdog placated (done by Page of Time and maybe Little_Hunter)
-Open the RoIK portal (done by Doormaker)
Attack the Boulder (Done by Little_Hunter)
Attack the Unsealed Assassin - Speed (done by the Volunteer Flamethrower Division and the Army Men)
Attack the Sealed Assassin - Dagger (maybe done by CaptainNZZZ's entities)
Attack the Godmodder (done by MooGoesCow21, Daskter, and Cyanogynist)

So, huh. Guys, do you think that the RoIK portal might actually be a bad thing when dealing with the Uberdog?)

The Sealed Assassin is a BOSS entity! Boss entities have immense resistance to effects such as stunning, and almost complete immunity to more dangerous effects like Mind Control! Damage-Over-Time poison-type stuff tends to work fine, though... In any event, the Sealed Assassin is only slowed down! His damage is halved this turn!

The man, rather concerned with this whole Yorehammer thing, puts on a pair of reading glasses over his sunglasses and gets out some kind of enchanted book. Upon closer inspection, it would seem as if it was a record of the events of the battle so far in the form of a game of some sort. Flipping back a few pages from the present, he soon found what he was looking for and smirked. Removing his reading glasses and having the book vanish, the man summoned a rather nice looking necklace. It was made of a silver chain connected to a large sapphire, which naturally had intricate silver patterns surrounding it.

With careful aim, he tossed it in such a fashion that it would land around the Princess' neck.

FOCUS - EMERGENCY CHRONODISPLACEMENT

Naturally, the gem was enchanted. Not only did it add to the AG ally's jewelry collection, it also served as a defense of last resort. Using future-seeing magics, if an attack was incoming that would kill the Sealed Princess and not be intercepted, then it would teleport her well out of harm's way. However, it only had enough energy stored for this to work once. With luck, it wouldn't have to be used at all.

And of course, if the Godmodder tried to use Yorehammer, this would work in getting the Princess out of harm's way. After all, he was the one that said avoidances counted as different from defenses. He wouldn't want to go back on that, now would he? If he did, then when the AGs got back the Legendary Weapon, and they would get it back, the consequences for him would be... rather dire.

Last-chance defense added! It is guaranteed to save the princess from an attack that would kill her, once, FOR SURE!

With my first action (x2) I add magically extending thorns onto the Wall's surfaces, making it so anything that attacks the Wall will take damage for attacking the Wall.

For my second action (x1) I peer into the future to learn what the benefit of being [N+2] is.

The techmarines are given orders to begin creating a upgrade for the Custom M1 Abrams' weaponry, allowing it to fire more rapidly (basically let the Custom M1 Abrams attack twice per turn).

The rest of my entities will attack the Unsealed Assassin - Speed this turn.

Wall now thorny! The techmarines are working on it, but an upgrade that big will take some time. Orders given!

You catch a glimpse of a summary of the effects: "AG players won't be allowed to hurt you unless you turn on them first"

Seems I did not want my creator to die. For this I did a costly thing. I sacrificed the steel balls, gaining 10 rounds worth of ascendance. That's right. Ascendance.
Right now I am the one writing this stuff, gaining a true self. I am aware of the spreading pain.
The pain doesn't impede my judgement anymore. Nor does this:

Control me to gain godhood.

I am back to just a guy. A guy with ten rounds. Guess what I will do.
I will resurrect my people and be merry in this city.

Steel balls sacrificed! You now have ASCENDANCE! And a resurrected people-group!

Action 1: I console the Guardian Knight, explaining to him that the Sealed Princess he saw shatter was a decoy.

Actions Two and 3: I form a set of disguised spatial portals around the Unsealed Speed Assassin. At least 2 of the Unsealed Speed Assassin's attacks this turn will be redirected back into him! (It takes 3 actions to completely redirect a PG entity as shown during the endgame incident, I'm using 2 actions, the Unsealed Speed Assassin has 3 attacks.)

The Assassins are now completely neutralized for this turn! People, please do something to discourage the Godmodder from attacking the Princess with Yorehammer.

The Guardian Knight, gets up, and looks around a little bit... Oh. Well, that was dumb. He's back to bodyguarding! Boss-entity attacks are much harder... he's so fast, he just dodges around the portals! But doing so takes some time, and he's reduced by 1 attack!

I pet the Uberdog.

(As a note, i am indeed neutral, and aware of the rules regarding that.)

Welcome to the game!

The Uberdog stops. What... what is this? No hostility, no distractions, just... a calm little bit of petting? The uberdog pauses...

The uberdog relaxes for just a moment. Why have all this blood and death... when he can have this? Just a calm, simple pet?

He's feeling so happy, he turns and gives his new benefactor a little love bit. And a bit of the blood settles on his tongue.

And he remembers again why he loved killing so much.

Uberdog playfulness level: PSYCHOTIC

I order the Command Center to continually produce SCVs untill I have a total effective force of 12 SCVs then it will be upgraded to an Orbital Command (not litterally in orbit).

The Command Center is producing SCVs!

Looking over at the assassins and godmodder I give a grim look. 'Fucking hell we need to do something about that, but what? hmm I wish for a 7 battle butlers and 7 battle maids to protect the Princess with their lives!' Suddenly 7 Battle butlers and 6 battle maids appear around the Sealed Princess, they are utterly loyal to the Sealed Princess and will take no one else's orders expert for The Sealed Princess's. They are armed with a mix of heavy duty revolvers, sabers and razor wire. 'Wait there is one missing, why is there one mis-' Suddenly heavy foot steps a be heard and in front of the Sealed Princess is a 7 foot man in a maid's dress wielding a Minigun. 'Well, that's cool!'
One of the battle Butler's start preparing tea for the Sealed Princess.

I then turn towards my soldiers and start giving out orders. "Right Squad leaders I want 10 of to start leading the riflemen and I want the other 10 of you to lead the Machine gunners!" "Sir yes sir!" The Squad leaders yell out in unison and start about there given task. "Also I want you men to target the Unsealed Assassin! If we can do enough damage then allied forces can hopefully finish him off this turn!" "Roger that Sir! Men target that assassin with the twin glowing swords!" The Army Men are now attacking the Unsealed assassin!

I turn towards the Special weapons depot, only to find that its destroyed. "For fuck sake! when did that bastard have the chance to do that!" growling in frustration I decide to stand guard at the army men base so I can intercept any more attempts by the Godmodder or his minions to destroy or hinder anymore of my buildings.

7 battle butler and 7 battle maids have appeared! They can only guard the princess at a very inefficient rate, but they'll help kill what attacks her! Army men have recieved orders! However, a maximum of 3 squad leaders can be buffing a group of units. Maybe the scientists could help with that?

You're standing vigil at the Army Men base, defending SPECIFICALLY against the godmodder's attacks.

Hmm, I only need a focus charge to make a slot machine. . . I will most likely do it with in a day or two, need to figure out how to make it work. One of my current ideas is to role 3 five sided dice, then create effects for each of the 5, with a reduced version being used if you get 2 of the same number. Other than that, I force the princess and her three assassins into their own game of Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker. In a 2v2 game. No matter what, one of the assassins will suffer.
"Well well well, assassins and princesses? Such a cliche plot-line, how about this instead?"

It's like the Sealed Princess has Lady Luck on her side! The assassins are too foolish to win this game, and the princess prevails easily! 6,000 damage to all three assassins!

Oh no! While it may have gotten him out of debt, Arsenical was not yet ready to part with the Resolute Heart. It was a LEGENDARY WEAPON, after all.

Arsenical almost gave up right then and there. What could he do? He was indebted to the devil, the Godmodder had three of the four LEGENDARY WEAPONS, and he had nothing. Nothing but... That.

No, you wouldn't, Arsenical... Right?

"I don't have a choice. The Assassins are preparing a deadly attack. We have to summon him."

... You're right.

Mystical energies began to FLOW around Arsenical's body. Red, the mystical color of Læsagard's JAM. Blue, the mystical color of Ginnungard's SLAM.

In the distance, a steady, quick thumping is heard.

[3/30]

A new charge has begun! You receive assistance of 1 point from the Daskter!

I give 1 charge to Arsenical.

Then I think of a way to damage the Godmodder, I use a CreamPie to shove it into his throat making it getting stuck there so it doesnt go into the blackhole which is his stomach

The godmodder chokes! Cagklewnkjckn! Luckily, his body is full of defensive microbacteria, which eat the pie as a treat! He put them there before the fight started.

YES MY BROTHER! YESSSSS....WE SHALL END THE FILTH BY SLAUGHTERING THEM ALL TO A... Er... I mean... "Politely convincing them" to join up! Benefits include good dental, no broken knees, and general happy fun times!
Although we can let Pluff0 live. Chill guy, basically Switzerland. I mean, what filthy neutral suppresses a portal to hell? He's basically my wingman at this point. (Or am I his? Cosmic powers are screwy.)

FOCUSING!
I charge at the Unsealed Assassin - Speed, and grapple him from behind! Grabbing him, I bring him down for a SUPLEX! Post suplex I attempt to continue to hold onto him and start shouting.
GUYS! DISTRACT THE OTHERS! FOCUS DOWN THIS ONE NOW!

The Speed assassins dashes out from under you, but not before taking 16,000 damage!

The Dogmeister looks in a vaguely offscreen direction. "Hands? What foolish nonsense is this? What sort of half-baked fool allows for the condition of his physical form to limit himself?" He pets the Uberdog regardless. "The only thing that attaching any sort of value to one's body brings beyond it's worth is chains, my dear. Chains, and shackles, mental and physical." He continues, a slight tone of arrogance overtaking his well-aged, deepened voice. "Anyone with a semblance of power should know, first and foremost, not to fit their form, but to bend their form to fit them." He appears to sit down onto nothing, moments before conjuring a chair, brass frame and velvet cloth interweaving. "To submit yourself to ones circumstances is foolish and childish, for reality twists on a whim". He tosses a single condescending glance towards his imagined audience. "Throwing one's destiny into the whims of fate so willingly- Is that not the epitome of foolishness, or an epitome of, in of it's self?" The chair vanishes, and suddenly, he is on his feet once more. "Here. Let me show you what it is to be defined by circumstance." He makes the motion of snapping his fingers, yet, just as thunder comes after lighting, the sound of snapping, strangely, comes moments later than the sight. And, besides, what sort of snap sounds like that?

And yet, the sound of... snapping? continues, growing ever-louder. A massive metallic menace in the shape of a shell passes by, the "snapping" merely being the sonic boom of it's monition. It slams into the boulder, and explodes inside moments later, shattering the boulder into pebbles. "Heed not my words, my will, my wisedom, and my warnings, and that will be you: Shattered into mere pebbles by no fault of your own, but only by the chance of circumstance." He smiles, wearily.

17,000 damage to the Boulder! Your words are all muffled, coming from inside the Uberdog's belly...

1-3/3 [TRIPLEFOCUS]
The boy summons a flute, then plays some of Minecraft Awesome Parodys' greatest hits on it as loud as he can, right in the Godmodder's face. That should hopefully distract him.

Oh, it does more than that! The godmodder falls to the ground, screeching! His ears are bleeding! His pain is audible! NOT MINECRAFT! HE HATES THAT GAME! ANYTHING BUT THAT! Even though he was immunized to ear-related damage previously, this still gets through! Its just that bad! 1 damage!

STARCALIBUR STEAL ROLL: No...

YOREHAMMER STEAL ROLL: No...

RESOLUTE HEART STEAL ROLL: SUCCESS! The Resolute Heart is now in your possession!

I cry to myself at the fact that I lost my beautiful Infinity Jaegers to the Uberdog!

I say to myself, "Ah well, sometimes we lose things."


"OMG, dude, do you realize how horrible of an idea this is?" as I see him in the distance trying to get the princess and the assassins into a game of UPPAFITZ!!

So to counter this....mistake, I am going to make a Narwhal of NOPE come out of the ground in between MrMirrorMan and the Princess!


OOC: MrMirrorMan, I know you want to harm the assassins, but please don't involve the Princess in this, she only has 5,000 HP so let's try to keep her dainty! Instead, try to purely just attack the assassins! Captain.Cat is already trying to protect the princess with his battle maids!

A NARWHAL OF NOPE appears! He nopes away from you, and decides to go guard the Princess instead. Attack shield!

Semi-Focused
HA, ALL OF YOU FELL FOR MY TRICK, while you were trying to stop me from forcing the Princess and assassins into a game of Paradox-Billiards-Vostroyan-Roulette-Fourth Dimensional-Hypercube-Chess-Strip Poker, I activated the Yu-Gi-Oh*TM Trap Card, Magical Hats. One by one, the three assassins and princess are forced into a hat, each one with a number.
[1] [2] [3] [4]
Moniker will be PMed what hat the Princess is other, so you can't just attack the other hats.
"Hehehe, I always found this card amusing, hat tricks are one of the most classic tricks."

The godmodder stares at the hats. Then, he takes them off and puts everyone back in their places. He doesn't want to risk his own forces hurting themselves.

The cheery girl plays the saxophone so well that the Sealed Assassin dies from her skill.

15,000 damage to the Sealed Assassin - Power!

-------

AG:

The space station workers finish the Reinforcement beacon! Now, the space station can reinforce the battlefield with a handful of weak minions every several turns!

The Tower of Pain is still eerily dormant...

A new Weapon of mass destruction is produced! The SCVs get a new friend and they work on the Barracks!

The dainty princess(backed by her guard horde) attack the Sealed Assassin - Power for 8,000 damage!

The VFD and the Army Men(whose attack has grown ridiculous) both attack the Unsealed Assassin - Speed, and kill him! He disappears in a cloud of smoke, surely dead...

The godmodder is so sad to see one of his better servants die... he takes 1 damage! Maybe he should get that Sealed Princess himself...

PG:

The Sealed Assassin - Power strikes for the princess, but the Guardian Knight leaps in his way! Even with halved damage, it's still too much for him... he drops dead!

The Boulder rolls for the Sealed Dainty Princess and Sealed Assassin - Power! It's blocked by the Narwhal of NOPE on one count, and deals 2,000 damage on the other!


The Sealed Assassin - Dagger is barely staying on his feet... suddenly, a bloody spot appears on his chest. Backstabbed!? By... The godmodder?!

Suddenly, the second sword on the Sealed Assassin's headband... he's back up! And with his second form, he has 2 attacks! Killing his own bosses to enter their Unsealed modes... the godmodder is a true tactical genius.

With both his new attacks, he slices at the Sealed Dainty Princess! Her random-chance defenses flake out on her, leaving her defenseless... But then, ORYX! leaps in the way, preventing her from being hit! He carries out his last order before Pluff0 leaves perfectly! But in the process, getting hit by both attacks... ORYX! is dead!

For this heroic sacrifice, Pluff0 rises to N-1 on the NEUTRALADDER!

The godmodder, snarling that his plan isn't doing so well, pulls out YOREHAMMER and leaps for the Princess herself! He's far too fast for her to react... but 1 nanosecond before the attack connects, Eternalstruggle's last-chance defense pulls her out! The godmodder snarls once again... he's been thwarted for one turn, but he's sure to attack again the next. He WILL see this princess dead. After all, it would be a real shame if you didn't get to see her true power...


It looks like the carnage is over... until a PSYCHOTIC-CLASS UBERDOG comes barreling into the camp of the Army Men!

...I don't even want to describe what happened. But afterwards, the remaining 60 riflemen, 30 machine gunners, and 10 squad leaders are all curled up underneath the nearest object, crying for their mommys. The medic, engineering, and science units thankfully managed to stay out of harm's way. After the feast, the Uberdog settles back down to MURDEROUS. He'll probably kill slightly less the coming turn.

N:

Doormaker finishes his Kittenverse portal! The Uberdog's already done a lot of damage, but the kittens should slow how fast he increases his Playfulness Level. It doesn't solve the problem of the dog's existence but maybe this can take the edge off.

CaptainNZZZ's entities don't have any enemies they were ordered to attack, with the death of the Unsealed Assassin - Speed!

-------

A legendary weapon is in your possession once again! Cyanogist has the Resolute Heart! Try to hold onto it for a bit longer this time, maybe?

ITINERARY:
-Defeat The Godmodder! Damaging him gives you a shot at a legendary weapon! Maybe that pie-related method could help...
-Protect the Sealed Dainty Princess until she can leave the battlefield! The assassins are the primary entities threatening her, but don't forget to provide her with protection from EVERYTHING, not just them!
-Keep the Uberdog neutralized, or everyone will die. The Kittenverse portal is helping, but right now its MURDEROUS!

Minor tasks:
The army men get stronger over time! That bar and brewery...
Protect the Space Engineers and their portal! They're making progress on a space station with great potential!
Protect the SCVs building Stacraft buildings!
Something's gone wrong with HV's Tower of Pain - find out what it is!
Protect Doormaker! He can help with any portal-related tasks!


THE HEXAGONAFIELD:

[AG - MooGoesCow]Space Station(10% dodge rate)
Shield array(protecting space station)
Antimatter energy generator: Boosting station weapons!
Super Laser: Can unleash 15,000 damage support attack(ready in 3!)(Damage buff rune: 25% done)
Reinforcement Beacon: x5 Space mook deployment(50 HP, 50 Attack)(ready in 3!)
Portal: 100% open! Summoning space engineers every turn!
Space engineers+1: 90/90 HP x 190(building space station!)(x1.4 effectiveness)
Arengith the Enchanter: 25,000/25,000 HP, Buff powers (buffs allied entities!)

[AG - hungry visitor]Mass Destruction factory + 1: 10,000/10,000 HP (producing 1 weapon of mass destruction every turn!)
Weapon of Mass Destruction: 1,000/1,000 HP, +500A(can be equipped by entities)
[N]Tower of Pain: 30,000/30,000 HP (lying dormant)

[AG - TheTwoEternities]Volunteer Flamethrower Divison: 1,000/1,000 x 30 HP, 300 x 30A (x2 damage against bio enemies)(x0 damage against mechanical enemies)(targeting Leviathan)

[AG - Daskter]SCV: 30/30 x 8 HP(building barracks)(1 MULE - worth 5 SCVs)
Command center: 5,000/5,000 HP(protected from 1 attack)(+1 SCV per turn)
Barracks: 70% complete

[AG - captain.cat/Corebrute]Army men(22,300 total attack)(Plastic alliance - can't be bribed):
Riflemen V: 100/100 HP x 60, 225x60A(+3 squad leader)
Machine gunners III: 50/50 HP x 30, 360x30A(+3 squad leader)
Medics: 50/50 x 15 HP, Healing A(healing ORYX!)
Squad leaders: 100/100 x 10 HP(3 leading riflemen, 3 leading machine gunners)
Engineers: 10/10 HP x 15, building brewery/bar(complete in 2!)
Scientists: 10/10 HP x 32, researching anti-mind-control(complete in 4!)
HQ: 2,000/2,000 HP x 1, getting 5 medics, 18 scientists, 25 engineers(complete in 2!)
Refineries: 1,500/1,500 x 6 HP(producing 2,400 plastic per turn!)
Barracks II: 3,000/3,000x2 HP
Possesses 5,800 plastic, anti-godmodder bullets(equipped), anti-regen bullets, Grenade launchers(equipped)

[AG]Sealed Dainty Princess: 5,000/5,000 HP, 1,000A Special: Leave the Battlefield(Ready in 3!) (Boss)(2 shadows - 50% chance to sacrifice themselves)
Battle butlers: 1,000/1,000 HP x 7, 500 x 7A(10% chance to protect princess)
Battle maids: 1,000/1,000 HP x 7, 500 x 7A(10% chance to protect princess)

[N - CaptainNZZZ]Mysterious Tower: 22,000/22,000 HP(zombie immunity)(34,000 total attack)
Techmarines: 300/300 HP x 10, 200 x 10A(working on M1 Abrams x2 attack, done in 4!)
Thunderhawks: 1,000/1,000 HP x 2, 1,000 x 2A(defending eagle spawner)
Eagle Spawner: 8,000/8,000 HP(spawns an eagle every turn!)
Eagles: 1,000/1,000 x 20 HP, 500 x 20A
Light Crystal: 10,000/10,000 HP, heals every CaptainNZZZ entity for 1,500 HP each turn!
Crypt of the Ancients: 5,000/5,000 HP(Helps summon undead entities!)(+4 weak skeletons per turn!)
Undead warriors: 300/300 HP x 15, 300 x 15A(guarding crypt of the ancients!)
Weak skeletons: 100/100 x 22 HP, 250 x 22A
Custom M1 Abrams: 20,000/20,000 HP, 9,000A
Wall: 15000 HP(+1000 HP per turn)(protecting all entities)(40% dodge rate)(protected from 1 attack)(-1,000 all damage taken)(thorny: 1000 damage to all attackers)

[N - TheTwoEternities]Doormaker: 20,000/25,000 HP (opens/keeps open portals)

[PG]BOULDER: 62,620/100,000 HP, 2,000 x 2A(hits one PG and one AG/N entity each attack)

[PG]Sealed Assassin - Power: 17,500/65,000 HP, 20,000A (Boss)

[PG]Unsealed Assassin - Dagger: 100,000/100,000 HP, 6,000 x 2A, Special: Penetrating Throw(ready in 2!) (Poison strike) (Boss)


[PG]Godmodder: 245/300 HP(Starcalibur: x2 actions)(Yorehammer: Ignores shielding)

[PG]Uberdog: Playfulness level: Murderous (one-hit-kill attack)
Kittenverse portal: Halving rate of Playfulness increase!


Player info:
Captain.cat
HybridUnity
Hex123(Shielded!)
Corebrute
MooGoesCow21
[N-1]Eevee Shadow Bacon(New summon: 3/10)(Portal to hell: 4/5 - Suppressed by Dreadnought)(Circus Tent: 1/5)
Archon of Ghosts
[N+1]CaptainNZZZ
[N-1]EternalStruggle
Hungry visitor(Ascendance)
[N+1]Pluff0(has dreadnought - suppressing hell portal!)
ZxZx24(Temporal Condenser!)
pikapikaCHU123
The_Two_Eternities
[N]Ralyx(holding The Egg)
Vandalygon
That-Random-Guy
Orange(has POWER)
dunk1010(has a Kiribo)
Easary(charging the super MOAL)
Arsenical(4 posts in debt!)(4/30 charge)
[N]JoeBOB(Charge: 8/15)
feller21
Victory By Ablation
Hikki(is GUNSLINGER)(HAS AMMO)
Ranger_Strider_(Monster of God: 4/5)
Daskter
Page of Time
[N]Mr Mirror Man
Cyanogist(Resolute Heart: No negative status effects)
[N]Little Hunter

Player Inventory:
On Players and the Nature of Creativity
Dragonballs x 7(made from Melodic transmitter x 2, Charge Stone x 5)(can be combined to make one wish!)
Melodic transmitter x 3
Charge Stone x 0
 
I will make a stylish teleport vest for the Princess that when she is about to die will teleport her out of the way

The Space engineers will add a Anti Mind control beacon to the space station so the godmodder can not take control of anything in the space station
 
A new charge has begun! You receive assistance of 1 point from the Daskter!
The power continues radiating from Arsenical, using up all of his three actions. The electric byproduct of attempting to summon the SLAMMER OF JAM Begins to enter the ground beneath everyone's feet, causing indentations of a passingly familiar shape, though it's too early to correctly guess.

"Narrator, tell the others about what we're doing. We need all the charges we can get."

Certainly!

It's a tale that begins long ago... When the world was created, so were the eight other realms: Niflheim, Muspelheim, Asgard, Jotunheim, Vanaheim, Alfheim, Svartalfheim, and Helheim. However, few know of the last two realms that existed, Læsagard and Ginnungard. Læsagard was a realm below all others, so far down only the longest of Yggsdrasil's roots touched it. Little was known about this realm, as it was a forbidden place. Some say Læsagard is every single work of art and every single work of music ever made and ever will be made, as it is the spring of inspiration.

Ginnungard was a realm above all others, so far above it balanced on Yggdrasil's tallest branch. Little could survive here, but a little still lived, hardened into the strongest warriors. Only a few have ever been to both, and only one mortal has done it: The SLAMMER OF JAM. He was ordinary, once. He was a respected star of the traditional Viking pass time known as BASKETBALL. He was so legendary, in fact, he was recruited by a group of Læsagarders who needed his skills. They had been challenged to a game of BASKETBALL by a team of Ginnungarders, who had taken the talent of other Mortals skilled in BASKETBALL. It was a hard-fought battle, but finally, the Læsagarders and the SLAMMER OF JAM beat the challengers.

Now, it had been long since his power was required, but this was the time to summon him. Only a few more turns, and the king of Slammers and Jammers would be summoned.

The man, the myth, the legend, MICHEAL JORDAN would enter the battle.
 
I learn to read.

The cheery girl, meanwhile, sets the Unsealed Assassin - Dagger through various Super Meat Boy levels that make him start over, and over, and over...
Eventually the Unsealed Assassin decides to quit but has already taken great damage.
 
Turn XL Unofficial Itinerary Version 0.5:

Check On Tower Of Pain: Not done

Army Men Brewery/Bar (Its being implied that they really need it): Not done

Protect the Sealed Dainty Princess: Technically done and her Unsealed form may be worth seeing? Your choice
-Its implied that she has some sort of support from Lady Luck, maybe do something with that?

Protect Doormaker, he helps with Portals: Not done

Attack BOULDER: Not done

Sealed Power Assassin: Leave Alone for now
-We don't want to deal with more than 1 Unsealed entity

Unsealed Dagger Assasin: Needs to die (If we pool enough charges together, maybe we can redirect that Penetrating Throw Into the Godmodder or something)

Uberdog needs to be dealt with: Not done
-the kitten portal is helping, but it only decreases the speed at which it gets more dangerous. Calm the Uberdog.
 
PBVRFDHCSP - IX
I play blue 1, 2, 3, and 4 on one of my blue gumballs, raising it from the point value of 1 (like a pawn), raising it to 4 +1 = 5 points. it has become a blue rookball!
then, I roll and use my cop-out card because I don't currently understand this game.
then, preforming the second of my 5 non-move actions, I play blue 8 and red 8, making a purple 8! then I mix up Uno and Crazy Eights, turning it into functionally a purple card: Any! using the purple card: any, I turn my back-most line into bishops with broken legs. the bishops with broken legs move the same as a normal checkers piece, but their technically bishops.
the first 2 bishops with broken legs begin to sing their sermons, raising my hype meter from stage one to stage 2! the remaining 2 are too busy praying to god to let them survive the coming ordeal.
the hype meter dictates how many physical moves I can make a turn, and is currently at 2. I can preform up to 5 non-move actions a turn. this does not increase with hype.
I've so far:
NM1)turned one gumball into a rook
M1)possibly moved my army depending on copout's choice
NM2) turned back line into bishops
NM3) Bishops raised hype meter by one
M2 from hype meter) continued to play by the choice of the copout card.
NM4) gumball to the top-right of my rook: reveal an interest in archery, become archer.
NM5) Gumball to bottom-left of my rook: train in the art of gumballness. become able to bounce off the walls of the board, gaining an extra move when you do.
that concludes my turn.
the kind of board off which I am basing this :
so yeah.

Both you and Pluff0 attempted to play your COP-OUT CARD this turn! The two cop-out cards cancel each other out, and go back to each player's hand! Only your normal actions this turn go through!

Bishops have appeared! Movements have been made! Prayers have been sung! The Blue army gains power!

ORYX! helps defend the princess.

I walk over to the PBVRFDHCSP table, pulling up a chair.

"Well, lads, this looks like fun. Room for another?"

(Moniker)

You arrive at the table... with nothing to bet, you too are risking one legendary weapon's worth of debt. You attempt to play your COP-OUT card, but JOEbob's same play blocks it! Luckily for you, since you arrived late, you have 8 health and no candyland boost card! Wait, no. That's not good at all. You'll have to play extra-well to come out on top in this stupid game.

I invoke the house rule of "Three's a Company and Four's a Crowd", which states that at 4+ players/factions, anyone can take their bounty and leave, and receives no penety. I take my necklace of the hare, flip off the remaining players and leave.

Sidenote: I'm losing brain cells with this sidequest, I'm just taking my stuff and going. Enjoy fighting over the legendary weapon, cause I'm out. And I'm taking my necklace and its +1 action effect with me.

You decide to make a tactical retreat. By which I mean, desperately sprint for the exit of this stupid game, clutching your legendary weapon, with the crowd throwing tomatoes and screaming "BOO" as you retreat. There's a runner every game, I suppose.

Upon your return to the HEXAGONAFIELD, your Shen Gong Wu melts into a pile of rainbow goop. You realize that the Terms and Conditions that came with it included "had to win it through an arbitrarily complicated sidequest first". Darn.

----------

The godmodder nods with approval at JOEbob's maneuvering. Suddenly, he summons some pink female jelly beans! The blue and black armies have their front-line forces seduced! Half of both sides defect! The godmodder's troops gain a HUGE amount of power!


CURRENT SITUATION:

GAME:
Candyland: Checkers edition
Board status: Three-way board, it doesn't even matter where the pieces actually are

CANDY POWER:
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Health: +++++++
Pluff0
(Has Cop-out card)(Control of black candyland pieces)

Health: +++++++++
JOEbob
(Has a Purple candyland card, Cop-out card)(Control of blue candyland pieces)
UNO cards: blue 4, blue 2, red 5, yellow 2, yellow draw-2, red 6, red 8, blue 1, blue 3, yellow 9, blue 8

Health: ++++++
The Godmodder
(Has ??? chess pieces, ??? UNO cards and "A" and "H")(Control of yellow candyland pieces)
UNO cards: 6 cards

Current stakes:
Pluff0 being one legendary weapon in debt to you
One legendary weapon from the godmodder's stash
JOEbob being one legendary weapon in debt to you
 
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