Charging: 20/50
"Hmm... It's times like this when I should've gotten the mind stone. Then I'd know what these buttons did." He stupidly presses another button. A small screen pops up and it asks, "Are you sure you want a copy?" The alien figures nothing bad could happen and presses the yes button. A bar of blue light scans the alien and the text box changes to a loading animation. The alien sits there, waiting for his copy. A check mark replaces the loading animation, which then changes into the words, "Your package will arrive in 3... 2... 1..." A box falls out of the sky, being thrown from an unknown vehicle. It quickly plummets to the ground. Its safety parachute tries to deploy, but it seems to be stuck to something. The box crashes into Thanos, hitting him right in the noggin. "Oh no! I hope my clone is okay." He rushes over to the box and swiftly opens it. The sides of the box fall over and it reveals a humongous text book. On top, it reads, "User's Manual." "Ah. That type of copy. Well, that was a waste of time."
3/?? (+2 from OOC shit)
Hey, NOT A SELF INSERT, what should I buy with my newfound CASH MONEY?
I make a soulcopy of thanos. BECAUSE WHY THE HELL NOT.
I, and the Priceytag enter the soul gem, and tread over to the House. I wave to the soulcopies.
"Hello, friends! I am the bearer of the Soul Stone, and I come to speak with you?"
"If you want my professional, in-character opinion, take advantage of the fact that some people value money than others to take the most of your 12341 charge points.
Oh, yeah, each dollar is worth 1 CP. Approximately."
First of All I notice nobody has claimed the A or B list actors and rally them to my side instead, dubbing the A-Listers Space Marines (Because they're awesome) and the B-Listers as Imperial Guardsmen, not as powerful but still strong humans willing to fight for Survival, after that I summon an Anvil above of Thanos's head, hoping to crush him like a pancake and then I open up the safe to see what's inside. or at Least I try to.
The Actors aren't being payed enough to switch roles like this. Not to mention that props, costumes, writers, directors and so on will all need to be payed before the Actors can properly get into their roles. Now, if only you had access to large sums of money... Hollywood likes that, right?
25,000 damage to Thanos.
You try a random passcode to the safe. 2/3/7/6/1. It doesn't work.
You waste an action doing nothing. You know that you have two actions per round to murder things with, right? You probably shouldnt waste them like this.
17/50
~~~~~
I decide to show Thanos exactly why killing half of everything is a bad idea. First I show him an alternative: creating more resources for people. And life is good. And people are happy. And Thanos feels all of this because of the emotional simulation I'm sustaining in his brain.
Thanos, despite knowing that intellectually this is all wrong, cannot help the feelings his brain is forced to feel. Attack set up, but Thanos will be pissed at you for messing with his brain.
The right of demons to bear and grant Unit Designation is assured among many types. I christen NOT A SELF INSERT with title-name quiddity 'Pweron Dum', in order to be more easily referentiable. After all, most of us aren't self-inserts, so having an alias other than that would stand out more. I second recommending Pweron discuss a good idea for what to spend the CASH MONEY on. If simply granting Name does not require particular action power, I spend the rest of it on granting nobility, that they may have inexplicable nobility powers to insist they can do things and get their way by sufficient drama, stunts, and/or force of will, improving Pweron's action power.
18/18 (using charge on this action)
~~~~~
(payoff from previous action) (also using charge)
Then the simulation shifts. Now I'm showing Thanos exactly what will happen if he persists with killing half of everyone. All the pain from the deaths, all the additional disease and starvation and pain and fear from the inevitable societal collapse, he feels every last bit of it, from everyone in the universe. And I might have scaled it up a little, just for effect.
Thanos desperately wants to stop feeling this pain, the pain of a whole universe. But he can't. I've wired it directly into his brain. The only way for the pain to stop is for him to permanently change course, or for him to literally rip the simulation out of his head. And I'm not sure he can mess with brains that easily.
Thanos... cries? Genuine tears fall from his eyes from his experiencing of all this suffering.
"This... this pain. I understand it. More so than even you could, perhaps. Yet the pain I seek to end will be a thousand times worse, will last till the end of eternity and shall befall so many more people. This is exactly why I must press onward."
Instead of charging constantly renewed with vigor. He got a idea.
Uses the Mind Stone to do a Mind whammy on Thanos. In his mind it echoes what he feels, to be the one half erased. Through the sins of all his previous victims.
He did this by making in synth mental patterns he got before the mission. With this in mind.
" Think yourself a God? Your just mad, a mad dog. Nothing more."
You make Thanos imagine a quick and painless death, followed by his Soul entering the Soul Gem and living out the rest of an optional eternity in bliss in a perfect world controlled by a benevolent god. Thanos' vigor is renewed.
-1 action.
...or at least that's what would happen if posting thrice per round wasn't against the rules. Your charge is currently at 9, and this action has failed. Sorry man.
18/50
Cake Guy doesn't really talk, but if they did, they would probably be screaming in inarticulate fury.
They charge at Thanos, grab the Shotgoanna, and wrestle it into pointing directly at Thanos's face. Bang. It's not enough for Cake Guy. with a bit of telekinesis, they grab one of the giant cakes, and freeze time aroundthemselves. While partical physics are basically off in the time-stop (nothing from Thanos's body can move), they pull the cake over and compress it inside Thanos's stomach. time unfreezes. Nuclear fusion immediately, followed by an explosion from the pressure of cramming it so close together. At this point, they stop to take a breath.
Their cake keeps talking to thanos. Cake guy's too distracted to notice, or care.
Having been insulted by thanos, the Cake has stopped being so accomodating as to color all text gold. "You did hear I'm not really a cake, right? I'm a descended from the future,who tried to control another descendant, and has only reached the point of inhabiting their constructs." "Hence the Cake I'm inhabiting." "Also, you know time travel exists, right?" "Since you can't change anything you know of, the BEST move would have been to go back a few thousand years the instant you got the Time Gem! plan back there! think things through! maybe you don't even need all the gems! It's even worse now that you know your Snap WONT WORK." "Sure, if you win then you MIGHT be able to make time happen differently. But if you were going to win, I Wouldn't Be Here! Conditional on such power, you could gain success, but with knowledge of a lack of visible success, The options reduce!" "Now either you find a way to act invisibly, or you won't get the gems regardless! Nothing else would lead to me, here, now, talking to you!" "LASTLY." "While the Outcome of going straight to your plan if your plan is the only way is better then delaying if your plan is the only way, assuming your plan is considered moral..." "Since we don't know your plan is the only way, the costs are not such." "it is better to enact an as yet uncreated, non-killy plan if it is possible, and the killing only if that would fail. Since we know not whether the first will work, trying to act before thinking through it would be at a cost of 50% of the current population, multiplied by the probability of other plans." "On the other hand,not acting during the time it takes to go to the past- during which you wouldn't have finished the plan in either case, as this fight is not so uneven- costs..." "by my reconning, 0.0000000339069781% Of the population of the universe per second travelling to the past Actually Delays resolution." "Taking into account the machinations of time, I would say the chance of your plan working is well below 10%, while the chances of there being an alternative near even." "COMPREHENDO?"
Thanos attempts to argue your claim about your existence disproving his changing of time (something is mumbled about time not working that way), but your EPIC FACTS and LOGIC absolutely DESTROY Thanos. Even without that main point, you're still strong enough to figuratively and literally stun Thanos for an action.
Charging: 19/50
"Yes! I have all the time I need!" The alien does a quick victory dance. He then looks down at his wrist controller. "Please say I had that installed. Please say I had that installed." The alien smiles as he finds a button with an hourglass on it. "Yes. This thing is supposed to run on T.A.R.D.I.S.es, but this should work too." He presses the button. A green vortex opens in front of him. Over the portal, a gray bar reads "0 actions later." He adjusts a few settings and it reads "21 actions later." Within the portal, the figure of the Blue Brigader sits, looking bored. "What took you so long?" the future alien asks. "It's so boring around here." "Sorry," his past self responds. "I had to make sure you were ready." "I've been ready me. You should know this." "You know, we should just get to getting." "That's exactly what I said when I was you." "Shush." "Fine, fine. I'll let me take all of the credit." "You know what, just stop, okay? Please?" "Fine, but only because you're me." "Finally." The future one smirks at the past one's frown. The future one presses a button on his future wrist controller. Fifty charges from the future slowly expend themselves as a blue fire appears in his hand. He slowly slides the fire onto his past self's hand. "Here you go. You already thought of this by now, right?" "Of course I did. This works, right?" "You know I can't tell you that." The one from the future steps back through the portal and leaves. The current one sight. "Am I really that much of a jerk in the future?" he mutters. The fire begins to grow within his hand. "Oh, right. My hand's on fire. Let's see. What is this again? Uuh..." He thinks back to his time in Stanglose Academy. He sees himself reading a textbook. On the left page of the textbook, it describes a colossus of space. A great, yellow terror spawned from the depths of the Raqutry Mountain on the terrifying planet of Yentrail. There, living is a constant struggle, having to endure harsh, ever chilling winds, monsters that form canyons with single a single step, and terrain almost entirely composed of rocky spikes. From the beginning, the goliath had never been cut out for the terrain, originating as a gelatinous blob. It spent the first seven hundred years of existence growing within its ever frozen cave. Then, one cycle, one of the terrifying beasts that inhabit the surface destroyed its home. It was forced to grow a solid, frozen exterior to protect itself from the world around. It began consuming the creatures around it, trying to learn to fight and hunt. Eventually, it found that the only enemy remaining to it was the planet itself. It slowly built up heat within itself. Its outer shell melts and the planet begins to burn. The primordial goop expands out and encompasses the planet. It takes the stone and rock of it and creates a new outer shell. It creates arms and legs, powered by the core of the planet. Finally, it searches out throughout the galaxy, annihilating civilizations just to build upon its great arsenal. Upon the next page, it would describe the properties of the being and the blue fire that powers it. However, the alien was too busy messing around with the new gaming system they installed on his wrist controller to care. The alien stops reminiscing. He stares blankly at the fire in his hand and just decides to do something with it. He closes the hand holding the fire and opens the hand that isn't. He then lets the fire holding hand open slightly and the flame leaps into this hand. He fully opens his empty hand and starts to draw symbols in the air. The fire in his hand starts to take the shape of these symbols. The symbols read in an old language,"We Protect. We Suffer. We Retaliate." The words fly forwards and burn themselves into Thanos's forehead. Thanos tries to remove the fire, but the fire remains unmoving. The fire suddenly dies down. It then returns, stronger than ever. Thanos's skin has fully charred. His skin feels as if it is about to melt off of the bone. The alien presses another button on his wrist controller. A flamethrower pops up from within the controller. He presses another button and fire explodes out of the torch. The fire hits the spot where the blue fire is and it melds with it. The fire grows, enveloping his entire face in a righteous, blue burn. Thanos's skin has melted off. His bones burn from the exposure to the everlasting burn. A quizzical look grows on the alien's face. "I wonder if past me had a good one liner for this."
Well that was a mess of code that was a pain to read. Anyways, good effort despite formatting failure. Solid 45,000 damage plus !!BLUE!! status effect added.
"You do realize that its a code-based safe, right? That key is totally usele-"
You unlock the safe!
"...useful, apparently."
Inside is... another safe! This one, however, is a Transdimensional Safe-based Item-Exchange Network. There's a note attached.
"Hello new user! Welcome to my services. The way my system works is simple: insert items of a given value (plus a small tax) and receive different items of equal value, more appropriate to the situation you describe (usually by writing what's up on a piece of paper you send along with your tribute). A neat way for people to help each other while getting rid of their junk, eh?"
8/50
Neo looks at Thanos, and sees the gem count. One more to go. He also notes the fact that the gauntlet was significantly more damaged by his prior assault than he had presumed it would. He can use this.
8 charge expended.
Neo looks at the stone, and then, he pulls out one of his pocket spacial displacement devices. Tossing it so that it gets lodged in one of the cracks on the reality gem's slot on the gauntlet, the displacer pulls the gem inexorably out of the gauntlet, into the paired displacer. Said displacer is currently somewhere between the cake paladin and karpinsky. Since grabbing a free gem is a free action, if this works, and either want it, they need only go for it. If not, the paladin is the one who can grab it, since he retains an action, which he could use to slip it free.
Charging: 20/50
"Hmm... It's times like this when I should've gotten the mind stone. Then I'd know what these buttons did." He stupidly presses another button. A small screen pops up and it asks, "Are you sure you want a copy?" The alien figures nothing bad could happen and presses the yes button. A bar of blue light scans the alien and the text box changes to a loading animation. The alien sits there, waiting for his copy. A check mark replaces the loading animation, which then changes into the words, "Your package will arrive in 3... 2... 1..." A box falls out of the sky, being thrown from an unknown vehicle. It quickly plummets to the ground. Its safety parachute tries to deploy, but it seems to be stuck to something. The box crashes into Thanos, hitting him right in the noggin. "Oh no! I hope my clone is okay." He rushes over to the box and swiftly opens it. The sides of the box fall over and it reveals a humongous text book. On top, it reads, "User's Manual." "Ah. That type of copy. Well, that was a waste of time."
Thanos heads over to the player who has been standing around all round. With both fists and two actions, he punches them until they stop standing. Also breathing. OverlordVan slain.
He then grabs the Mind Gem and inserts it into its appropriate slot in the Damaged Infinity Gauntlet.
With his fourth and final action, he uses the Reality Gem to change the nature of !!BLUE!!, turning it into a flame of defense! He won't be able to be damaged until you remove the blue!
Ebony Maw continues to gather shield debris.
Cull Obsidian begin bodyguarding Thanos. Wuh-oh.
Corvus Glaive's Glaive's Glaive, still not having been stolen by anyone, suddenly emits a burst of blinding light. When it dies down, Corvus Glaive is alive once again, armed and dangerous.
Proxima Midnight, with permission from her leader, nabs the Shotgoanna and then aims it at True Neo. "BANG! EAT LEAD, ROBOT!". Critical damage plus a lack of an order of operations on damage bonuses instantly obliterates the machine, leaving the Power Gem up for grabs.
The Fire Elementals scraggle around the field.
The Reality Elemental slowly snakes its way over to Thanos. It then flies with its 9 wings a short distance up to the gauntlet and uses its tentacles to pry the Reality Gem out. 5% removal.
The A-list Actors and B-list Actors, having received no attack orders, pose stunningly. 30% crit chance next round!
The Extras continue constructing the Lab, which won't be able to be used until it's been fully constructed.
Pweron Dum quickly grabs the Power Gem. "Anyone want this? It's up for grabs, guys... quickly please."
[PT-BOSS] Thanos. 18,000/500,000 Hp. 12 AC. Vulnerable to ideological attacks. !!BLUE!! [A] Damaged Infinity Gauntlet. Allows Equipping of Multiple Infinity Gems. Gems have (removed percentage/10) chance of slipping out. -10,000 attack. [A] Reality Gem. Allows control over Reality. 75% removed. [A] Mind Gem. Allows control over Mind. [PT] Ebony Maw. 69,000/100,000 Hp. 37,500/125,000 Shp(30%RR). [PT] Cull Obsidian. 80,300/250,000 Hp. 5 AC. Bodyguarding Thanos. [PT] Corvus Glaive. 150,000/150,000 Hp. [A] Corvus Glaive's Glaive. Ignores AC. [PT] Proxima Midnight. 135,000/200,000 Hp. 50% Accuracy. [A] Shotgoanna. +40,000 damage. Bored!
[N] Dwarf Reality Elemental. 3,000/3,000 Hp. Prying at the Reality Gem. [N] Dwarf Fire Elementals. 3,000/3,000 Hp. Scraggling. x4.
[AT] Pweron Dum. 90/90 Hp. NOT A SELF INSERT. Noble Aura. [A] Power Gem. Purple. [AT] A-list Actors. 68,000/200,000 Hp. 10 AC. (+30% accuracy for one round.) [AT] B-list Actors. 250,000/250,000 Hp. -10% dodge. (+30% accuracy for one round.) [AT-Dropop] Extras. 268,000/400,000 Hp. -10 AC. x 5. +10,000 Hp to Lab/round. [AT-Dropop] Laboratory. 20,000/Insert maximum here Hp. Cannot act until it has been built to maximum Hp. [AT-Pastry Paladin] 3 Fake cakes. [AT] Flaming Mageye. 20/20 Hp. [A] Priceytag. Cash Money: [$12,341]. Distractingly shiny (and has a tendency to scream a lot). Minor control over Code. [A] Soul Gem. Simulating an afterlife. Houses a copy of Corvus Glaive and Proxima Midnight. [AT] Dropop. 20/20 Hp. [A] Space Gem. Allows control over Space. [AT] True Neo. 0/20 Hp. [AT] Heaven's Guardian. 0/20 Hp. [AT] Blue Brigadier. 20/20 Hp. [A] Time Gem. Allows control over Time.
Thanos Skeledop
How To Play:
Thanos is seeking the Infinity Gems. He has all of them on this battlefield, and there's no getting away from them. You are the only people between him and his goals.
Keep the Infinity Gems from Thanos. They will be strong, but you'll have to use them wisely.
Thanos has multiple actions. Six in total. This means that given the chance, he will use multiple gems each round.
Players can only hold one Infinity Gem at a time. They are also only able to be used once per round.
You're also dealing with the Black Order. They each have their little gimmicks, but Thanos is the main threat.
Beware of his durability. 15 AC means you're losing 15,000 damage on your attacks, and entities are losing 75,000 damage on theirs every time they hit him.
Disarming Thanos of the Infinity Gauntlet is impossible. However, the gems can be pried off. Doing so is difficult, but doable.
You don't have your artifacts on your person right now. However, you are starting with 10/50 charge, and your regular damage cap has been raised to 50,000. Take advantage of group charging mechanics to make things.
You cannot take the Infinity Gems out the current battlefield. If you want an in-battle reason, it's that Thanos has messed with Space so that you're all stuck there with him. As a result, you have to make it so that he's stuck there with you.
You may attempt to justify respawn time being shorter using an Infinity Gem action. Because otherwise this'd be a pain.
Ask the NON SELF INSERT OF THE ARBITER for advice.
question by cake guys cake for pweron aka NOT A SELF INSERT:
When I said 'At some point before or after I planted a mind-affecting spell on a new descended in the distant past during the Psi war to make him like cakes. it seemed like a good idea at the time. ' to the arbiter, what do you think his response of "Wait... you dear God, you're ||| ||| ||| |||| ||||||||||, aren't you, cake?
You ||||| you || ||||| ||||| |||||| ||| ||||||||!
|| | ||||!"
was intended to communicate before it was blocked?
also when they said "Oh, I just ||| |||||| |||| |||||| ||||||." and "Wait, it did ||| |||||| || |||| ||||| that one time." and "Wait, isn't the Void just |||| ||||| ||| | ||||| || ||||||| | |||||?" and "Uhh, it blocks ||||| |||, ||||| || | || || and |||| | ||||||| so far".
I proceed to ask the same set of questions to each of the A-List actors, making it "impossible" to determine anything about the identity of the inteligence operating pweron aka NOT A SELF INSERT from that i've asked them these questions. I also ask pweron aka NOT A SELF INSERT somewhere in the middle of the list, and make sure to ask some nonsense questions and use some quotes that never happened.
[endquestioning]
19/50
Pastry Paladin takes the power gem and... puts it in the safe! they also put a note reading "I am attempting to create the greatest reality-warping super-cake in the history of the multiverse for personal reasons" in the safe.
Also, the Talking Cake points out one last thing to Thanos "At the point where you had the Time Gem, spending a perceptual year in the past, perhaps during the months before this battle, thinking and planning, would have cost you nothing, and yet you did not. If, now, you could retrieve the Time gem, would you do this? I think not. you have proven yourself far too short sighted, too set in your goal, too set in your method, too stuck in an imaginary box you can't see out of, and raging at everyone who sees beyond it, who doesn't accept your limited frame, because they can see the foolishness of your choice, and it seems that this, to you, is too terrible a prospect to accept." "Prove. {Me}. Wrong."
1/50
~~~~~~
Cull Obsidian can't bodyguard very well if he can't see. Or if he's hurting all over.
So I take a large number of long, thin, sharp Obsidian Shards and drive them into his body. First the eyes, then various nerve clusters and pressure points. And I just leave them there. If he so much as twitches, they'll shatter and leave even more tiny shards throughout his body. And that'll hurt even more.
Charging: 21/50 "Hmm... continue simplemindedly attacking Thanos... or, help the robot that gave me the Time Stone." The blue brigadier presses a button that looks like the face of a president. The button jumps off of the wrist controller and does a few flips. Meanwhile, the alien mutters, "Heads, attack Thanos. Tails, help robot... please be heads." The button lands back on the wrist controller, and it shows a building. "Tails. Really? Fine, I'll do the morally responsible thing." The alien walks over to True Neo. He presses another button on the wrist controller and a wrench appears in the wrist controller's grabber arm. It sits there, waiting. "Do I really have to do it myself?" The wrench continues to sit there. The alien sighs and picks up the wrench. However, instead of fixing the robot, he takes out the time stone. He places this in his opposite hand, and points that hand's finger at the wrench hand. The hand begins to move quicker than normal and flies around, repairing different parts of the robot as it does so. Upon completion, the hand slows back down to normal time speed, revealing a fully built True Neo. "There. Debt repaid. Happy?"
Right well, I don't have enough money to finance that lab and the A and B actors, so I'm assuming someone else can handle that, and Instead I foucs on helping the Extras build up the lab with my Space Stone.
Thanos may be bodyguarded now, but Cake Guy is still up close and personal. Without Shotgoanna in the way, Cake Guy punches Thanos in the pinkie toe! While he's stunned by the pain, they telekinetically move the Reality Elemental out of the way and dodgeroll out of the path of Thanos's inevitable attempt to push them off. With cake powers, they unleash a salvo of pastries into Thanos's face, blinding him long enough for them to throw {Me} At the Reality ge-WAIT NO DON'T DO THA*squish*
OW.
...At any rate, their very special cake uses its now-gooey top to surround the reality gem, reducing friction between the Gauntlet and it. As the Cake slides off, Cake Guy keeps firing pastries, except now they're Acid pastries. while Cake Guys Cake sits on the ground, squished, and in AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF PAIN, Thanos is struck by volley after salvo after bombardment of Cakes, an unending barrage flying at him. This perfectly distracts him from the fact that Cake Guy's Cake is now technically holding the Reality Gem, until eventually Cake Guy runs out of Cakes, and decides to collect all the only-partly dirty pastries for later.
Formidable azure: approaching storm, bringer of death, searing whip, executioner's blade—open to the heart of thy lonely servant. To the one approaching a storm, cutting his axe, rise in his death. To me, praying to thee, answer! My foe to the depth of pain, into the vortex of suffering—throw. While you torture, tear him from within, be slow. When he cries out to thee, his voice begging mercy, be silent.
The color of speed, suffering, time. To use speed for defense is to drink the blood magic of inspiration. But no, today we bear freedom from the wars. Be at peace, root of haste. Sheathe thy blades in scabbard and not man. Go to the worlds of wheel and wind, where you are needed. Mercy was not begged, it is enforced and granted.
I baptise Thanos with liquid peace to separate them from the !!BLUE!!. There is no need to lash out against blessings. There is no need to suffer to protect. Be freed, Fire of Blue.
True Neo rushes straight out of being repaired, after quickly saying thank you to the friendly Alien, to charging Proxima Midnight. He goes so fast that he rushes right past her without her being hit. Or at least, that is what she thinks, until he turns around. She then realizes that he is holding the Shotgoanna. "This thing has caused me enough pain. Time to force it to return the favor."
He then rushes right at her, jabbing the Shotgoanna straight into her torso, and then he pushes her further. He keeps on shoving her, until she suddenly feels a stabbing pain in her back. It is Corvus Glaive's Glaive. He then pulls the trigger, holding it level with her head.
1/50
The actors receive one of those second wind recovery cutscenes... but this is no ordinary rally speech, it's powered by the dark magical boys and girls of Demon Pillar Despara! Cheerleader anti-heroes erupt from the ground with medical supplies for the protagonists, deploying personal heals and off screen villain dark matter to repair and aid the actors, before taking off again to retreat to various hideouts and stuff.
(2 charges and bulk action on healing A-list actors, 1 charge for B-list, 1 charge for Extras. If the B-list are still at maximum health, put it into the A-list heal.)
True Neo then makes certain that Proxima Midnight is deceased. Either way, he then proceeds to pull the glaive from its wielder's grasp, and then stabs him onto the opposite side, before him, and Midnight, both suddenly get a dark blue aura. Then they begin to slide down the glaive towards each other. He then walks away, prepared for either's counter attempts.
2/50
I get a !!AMAZING!! Idea!
I venture out to hell, and use some of my CASH MONEY to hire the Devil to help me. Maybe 80 or so CASH MONIES! And When I say devil, i mean roxxanne with a glue on mustache.
Stats: High attack, able to bodyguard, can attack twice, attacks have chance of stealing artifacts. Has the artifact Ratatoskr, which grants high extra attack, stun chance, and lighting control.
I then bribe reality with another 15 CASH MONEYs to make sure she takes orders from me and is [AT]
Finally, I give the actors some money for their lab.
Charging: 22/50
"Yup, I have done a moral justice today. Ah well." Another button is pressed, a cardboard box folds itself out, the alien puts it over Thanos, he re-tapes it, attaches a stamp, address, return address, and a piece of paper with words on it, presses a button, and waits, a SPS (Space Postal Service) truck shows up, the alien puts the box in the back of the truck, tells the driver not to worry about the package, and waves, the driver drives off, and everyone's happy. Meanwhile, Thanos is stuck going through the Space Postal Service. He has to endure the other space luggage bouncing around, the space potholes, and the bad music the SPS driver thinks is good. Finally, he arrives at SPS HQ, where he is carelessly thrown around, bumped into, and stored in their giant warehouse. What feels like weeks pass. Thanos wonders why he hadn't been picked up yet, the answer being priority mail stops and other postal shenanigans that make people want to get priority mail. Finally, his box is lifted up onto a space trolley and loaded into a space plane. The plane flies around, pretending to take the most convenient path. The pilot constantly takes time to jerk to the left or right, making the cargo knock into the sides of the cargo bay. Upon landing, the pilot decides to do a few loops around the space traffic control tower. Finally, they stop and land. Thanos is then thrown onto another trolley and is shoved into another warehouse. This time, he is held for a much shorter amount of time; after all, SPS doesn't want those customers that actually pay attention to the delivery tracker to know they are being as slow as possible. Thanos is loaded onto another truck. This time, there is relatively less mail. These days, the space civilians just can't be bothered to send letters in the mail. Why would they when the can just teleport the letters? Thanos finally arrives at his destination. The delivery man has a quick chat with a voice that sounds eerily familiar to Thanos. However, at this point, Thanos doesn't quite care. He just wants out of the box. He listens in anticipation as the space pen signs the space paper. He savors the sound of the footsteps walking towards him, just waiting to be taken out of the box. However, all hopes are shattered as he hears the Blue Brigadier ask, "Did you have a nice trip?"
question by cake guys cake for pweron aka NOT A SELF INSERT:
When I said 'At some point before or after I planted a mind-affecting spell on a new descended in the distant past during the Psi war to make him like cakes. it seemed like a good idea at the time. ' to the arbiter, what do you think his response of "Wait... you dear God, you're ||| ||| ||| |||| ||||||||||, aren't you, cake?
You ||||| you || ||||| ||||| |||||| ||| ||||||||!
|| | ||||!"
was intended to communicate before it was blocked?
also when they said "Oh, I just ||| |||||| |||| |||||| ||||||." and "Wait, it did ||| |||||| || |||| ||||| that one time." and "Wait, isn't the Void just |||| ||||| ||| | ||||| || ||||||| | |||||?" and "Uhh, it blocks ||||| |||, ||||| || | || || and |||| | ||||||| so far".
I proceed to ask the same set of questions to each of the A-List actors, making it "impossible" to determine anything about the identity of the inteligence operating pweron aka NOT A SELF INSERT from that i've asked them these questions. I also ask pweron aka NOT A SELF INSERT somewhere in the middle of the list, and make sure to ask some nonsense questions and use some quotes that never happened.
[endquestioning]
19/50
Pastry Paladin takes the power gem and... puts it in the safe! they also put a note reading "I am attempting to create the greatest reality-warping super-cake in the history of the multiverse for personal reasons" in the safe.
Also, the Talking Cake points out one last thing to Thanos "At the point where you had the Time Gem, spending a perceptual year in the past, perhaps during the months before this battle, thinking and planning, would have cost you nothing, and yet you did not. If, now, you could retrieve the Time gem, would you do this? I think not. you have proven yourself far too short sighted, too set in your goal, too set in your method, too stuck in an imaginary box you can't see out of, and raging at everyone who sees beyond it, who doesn't accept your limited frame, because they can see the foolishness of your choice, and it seems that this, to you, is too terrible a prospect to accept." "Prove. {Me}. Wrong."
1/50
~~~~~~
Cull Obsidian can't bodyguard very well if he can't see. Or if he's hurting all over.
So I take a large number of long, thin, sharp Obsidian Shards and drive them into his body. First the eyes, then various nerve clusters and pressure points. And I just leave them there. If he so much as twitches, they'll shatter and leave even more tiny shards throughout his body. And that'll hurt even more.
Charging: 21/50 "Hmm... continue simplemindedly attacking Thanos... or, help the robot that gave me the Time Stone." The blue brigadier presses a button that looks like the face of a president. The button jumps off of the wrist controller and does a few flips. Meanwhile, the alien mutters, "Heads, attack Thanos. Tails, help robot... please be heads." The button lands back on the wrist controller, and it shows a building. "Tails. Really? Fine, I'll do the morally responsible thing." The alien walks over to True Neo. He presses another button on the wrist controller and a wrench appears in the wrist controller's grabber arm. It sits there, waiting. "Do I really have to do it myself?" The wrench continues to sit there. The alien sighs and picks up the wrench. However, instead of fixing the robot, he takes out the time stone. He places this in his opposite hand, and points that hand's finger at the wrench hand. The hand begins to move quicker than normal and flies around, repairing different parts of the robot as it does so. Upon completion, the hand slows back down to normal time speed, revealing a fully built True Neo. "There. Debt repaid. Happy?"
Right well, I don't have enough money to finance that lab and the A and B actors, so I'm assuming someone else can handle that, and Instead I foucs on helping the Extras build up the lab with my Space Stone.
You construct a Science Lab! By that I of course mean you just go to the one that was obviously already across the street this whole time.
Inside you find several men in white coats working on some horrid collages of vaguely science-looking junk. Still, any knowledge of engineering would tell you that they're literally just making big scrap balls that only *look* science-y.
Thanos may be bodyguarded now, but Cake Guy is still up close and personal. Without Shotgoanna in the way, Cake Guy punches Thanos in the pinkie toe! While he's stunned by the pain, they telekinetically move the Reality Elemental out of the way and dodgeroll out of the path of Thanos's inevitable attempt to push them off. With cake powers, they unleash a salvo of pastries into Thanos's face, blinding him long enough for them to throw {Me} At the Reality ge-WAIT NO DON'T DO THA*squish*
OW.
...At any rate, their very special cake uses its now-gooey top to surround the reality gem, reducing friction between the Gauntlet and it. As the Cake slides off, Cake Guy keeps firing pastries, except now they're Acid pastries. while Cake Guys Cake sits on the ground, squished, and in AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF PAIN, Thanos is struck by volley after salvo after bombardment of Cakes, an unending barrage flying at him. This perfectly distracts him from the fact that Cake Guy's Cake is now technically holding the Reality Gem, until eventually Cake Guy runs out of Cakes, and decides to collect all the only-partly dirty pastries for later.
Formidable azure: approaching storm, bringer of death, searing whip, executioner's blade—open to the heart of thy lonely servant. To the one approaching a storm, cutting his axe, rise in his death. To me, praying to thee, answer! My foe to the depth of pain, into the vortex of suffering—throw. While you torture, tear him from within, be slow. When he cries out to thee, his voice begging mercy, be silent.
The color of speed, suffering, time. To use speed for defense is to drink the blood magic of inspiration. But no, today we bear freedom from the wars. Be at peace, root of haste. Sheathe thy blades in scabbard and not man. Go to the worlds of wheel and wind, where you are needed. Mercy was not begged, it is enforced and granted.
I baptise Thanos with liquid peace to separate them from the !!BLUE!!. There is no need to lash out against blessings. There is no need to suffer to protect. Be freed, Fire of Blue.
I understood nothing of that except that you've freed some blue fire elementals onto the field. They will begin destroying everything in sight. This is what happens when you free hellbeasts.
The Blue Fire Elementals, never having been treated with so much respect and kindness before (thus why they turned to a life of crime and eventually died at the hands of the Maniac and went to hell) decide that they will permanently pledge loyalty to you.
True Neo rushes straight out of being repaired, after quickly saying thank you to the friendly Alien, to charging Proxima Midnight. He goes so fast that he rushes right past her without her being hit. Or at least, that is what she thinks, until he turns around. She then realizes that he is holding the Shotgoanna. "This thing has caused me enough pain. Time to force it to return the favor."
He then rushes right at her, jabbing the Shotgoanna straight into her torso, and then he pushes her further. He keeps on shoving her, until she suddenly feels a stabbing pain in her back. It is Corvus Glaive's Glaive. He then pulls the trigger, holding it level with her head.
1/50
You provide some senseless orders to a robot you dont even know was just repaired back on the battlefield. Now you're speaking the language of chaos. A few Tieflings begin to listen to you.
The actors receive one of those second wind recovery cutscenes... but this is no ordinary rally speech, it's powered by the dark magical boys and girls of Demon Pillar Despara! Cheerleader anti-heroes erupt from the ground with medical supplies for the protagonists, deploying personal heals and off screen villain dark matter to repair and aid the actors, before taking off again to retreat to various hideouts and stuff.
(2 charges and bulk action on healing A-list actors, 1 charge for B-list, 1 charge for Extras. If the B-list are still at maximum health, put it into the A-list heal.)
True Neo then makes certain that Proxima Midnight is deceased. Either way, he then proceeds to pull the glaive from its wielder's grasp, and then stabs him onto the opposite side, before him, and Midnight, both suddenly get a dark blue aura. Then they begin to slide down the glaive towards each other. He then walks away, prepared for either's counter attempts.
2/50
I get a !!AMAZING!! Idea!
I venture out to hell, and use some of my CASH MONEY to hire the Devil to help me. Maybe 80 or so CASH MONIES! And When I say devil, i mean roxxanne with a glue on mustache.
Stats: High attack, able to bodyguard, can attack twice, attacks have chance of stealing artifacts. Has the artifact Ratatoskr, which grants high extra attack, stun chance, and lighting control.
I then bribe reality with another 15 CASH MONEYs to make sure she takes orders from me and is [AT]
Finally, I give the actors some money for their lab.
Also, wrong game franchise for all this. This game's devil resides in Canada's Parliment Building as Prime Minister.
Great job dragging hell into this mess.
Charging: 22/50
"Yup, I have done a moral justice today. Ah well." Another button is pressed, a cardboard box folds itself out, the alien puts it over Thanos, he re-tapes it, attaches a stamp, address, return address, and a piece of paper with words on it, presses a button, and waits, a SPS (Space Postal Service) truck shows up, the alien puts the box in the back of the truck, tells the driver not to worry about the package, and waves, the driver drives off, and everyone's happy. Meanwhile, Thanos is stuck going through the Space Postal Service. He has to endure the other space luggage bouncing around, the space potholes, and the bad music the SPS driver thinks is good. Finally, he arrives at SPS HQ, where he is carelessly thrown around, bumped into, and stored in their giant warehouse. What feels like weeks pass. Thanos wonders why he hadn't been picked up yet, the answer being priority mail stops and other postal shenanigans that make people want to get priority mail. Finally, his box is lifted up onto a space trolley and loaded into a space plane. The plane flies around, pretending to take the most convenient path. The pilot constantly takes time to jerk to the left or right, making the cargo knock into the sides of the cargo bay. Upon landing, the pilot decides to do a few loops around the space traffic control tower. Finally, they stop and land. Thanos is then thrown onto another trolley and is shoved into another warehouse. This time, he is held for a much shorter amount of time; after all, SPS doesn't want those customers that actually pay attention to the delivery tracker to know they are being as slow as possible. Thanos is loaded onto another truck. This time, there is relatively less mail. These days, the space civilians just can't be bothered to send letters in the mail. Why would they when the can just teleport the letters? Thanos finally arrives at his destination. The delivery man has a quick chat with a voice that sounds eerily familiar to Thanos. However, at this point, Thanos doesn't quite care. He just wants out of the box. He listens in anticipation as the space pen signs the space paper. He savors the sound of the footsteps walking towards him, just waiting to be taken out of the box. However, all hopes are shattered as he hears the Blue Brigadier ask, "Did you have a nice trip?"
Fine. Clearly you guys have all been working together to summon this "Thanos" character, so I'll let it roll through. He's like, what, a 7post charge? Let's roll with that, sure.
The New Maniac spins the fishing rod around, creating a miniature vortex in the apple tub. Several coins float to the top.
The Blue Fire Elementals, loyal to Karpinsky, begin destroying things that aren't him.
Akarpira activates its level 99 battletech: Floral Flagellation, doing 0 damage against the Godmodder because of obvious reasons.
The Godmodder pukes up a bit of blood on the floor. Akarpira grows into it, growing larger.
Cherie cowers in fear.
Travis slides over to Hungry Visitor's flesh body under the tree and juuuust caaaasually slitstheirthroatwithaknifeandlootstheircorpseofallvaluables.
Thanos, new to the battlefield, decides to be helpful by creating a bouquet of corpses he took from behind the carnival shed. Also one of the thieves trying to steal the Ridiculously Expensive Painting.
The New Universe Battlefield: CARNIVAL TIME! Go play some carnival games! Ignore the Godmodder anime battle happening in the background!
Travis Manson: 10/10 HP. Fabulous! Offering tickets to the carnival! Looting HV's flesh bag.
Hungry Visitor's Skeleton: 110% Bone Smartness.
Karpinsky's Ghost: 12/20 HP. 0 Souls. Intangible.
Cherie the Doggo: 500/450 HP. Cheescake. PGB Entity: 4/4 HP. Doghouse: 3/3 HP. Immune the the elements and nukes.
Thanos: 60/60 Hp. Corpse Bouquet.
Ridiculously expensive painting that must be defended: 3/3 HP. In a chest: 2/4 HP. Nordic Mimic.
CARNIVAL TIME:
Apple Tub!
New Maniac: 87/101 HP. Has a contract for you all to sign.
Ring the Bell!
Pin the Tail on the Donkey!
Whack-A-Mole!
Hungry Visitor's Skeleton: Is a winner!
Slowly-Go-Round!
O.R.I.G.I.N:
Destroy The Godmodder! [GM] Mordecai Manson: 5/5 HP. Fabulous! [H] Akarpira: 301,000/300,000 HP. Akira: 2/3. Fire Gauntlet: IIII.
And the list goes on! Come one, come all! Tickets are cheap!
Players who aren't anywhere else are here.
The Inverted Mountain: It begins.
JOE: 18/20 HP. Has 2 Souls, some potions and a car. Also on the Battlefield maybe?
JOE's Creation: 10/10. Ghostless.
Player List
Unless otherwise stated, all players have full HP, 1 Soul and are on the battlefield.
I Just Write/IJW: 19/20 HP. Elsewhere.
JOE: 18/20 HP. 2 Souls and some potions in a car. Signed the Contract.
MedievalParadox/MP/Mega: 19/20 HP.
Karpinsky/Karp: 12/20 HP. Has 0 Souls. Intangible Ghost.
Ender_Smirk/ES: 18/20. 2 Souls. Magic core thing. Warlock Tiefling. Limbo. 12 SP.
FlamingFlapjacks/FF/Carleah: Paladin of Tucker! Wielding Tuckerian Blade +4! 12 GP, 8 SP.
Paradoxdragonpaci/paradox: 17/20 HP.
Trickster/TJ/Trickles: 3/20 HP. Knows too much.
Style&Grace: 3 Wealth. 0 Souls. Signed the Contract.
Hungry Visitor: 110% Bone Smartness. Now a Skeleton, I guess? Has the Perfect Counter. 2 SP, 3 rolls of yarn.
O.R.I.G.I.N: 14/20 HP. ??-1 Soul. Signed the Contract. Spinning slowly into insanity. 1 Pokeball. 1 SP. 1 EP. 1 Sticker roll. Bottle of Bloodfruit Juice. 1 Bloodfruit seed.
Winkins: 14/20 HP. Exists now, I guess.
question by cake guys cake for pweron aka NOT A SELF INSERT:
When I said 'At some point before or after I planted a mind-affecting spell on a new descended in the distant past during the Psi war to make him like cakes. it seemed like a good idea at the time. ' to the arbiter, what do you think his response of "Wait... you dear God, you're ||| ||| ||| |||| ||||||||||, aren't you, cake?
You ||||| you || ||||| ||||| |||||| ||| ||||||||!
|| | ||||!"
was intended to communicate before it was blocked?
also when they said "Oh, I just ||| |||||| |||| |||||| ||||||." and "Wait, it did ||| |||||| || |||| ||||| that one time." and "Wait, isn't the Void just |||| ||||| ||| | ||||| || ||||||| | |||||?" and "Uhh, it blocks ||||| |||, ||||| || | || || and |||| | ||||||| so far".
I proceed to ask the same set of questions to each of the A-List actors, making it "impossible" to determine anything about the identity of the inteligence operating pweron aka NOT A SELF INSERT from that i've asked them these questions. I also ask pweron aka NOT A SELF INSERT somewhere in the middle of the list, and make sure to ask some nonsense questions and use some quotes that never happened.
[endquestioning]
19/50
Pastry Paladin takes the power gem and... puts it in the safe! they also put a note reading "I am attempting to create the greatest reality-warping super-cake in the history of the multiverse for personal reasons" in the safe.
Also, the Talking Cake points out one last thing to Thanos "At the point where you had the Time Gem, spending a perceptual year in the past, perhaps during the months before this battle, thinking and planning, would have cost you nothing, and yet you did not. If, now, you could retrieve the Time gem, would you do this? I think not. you have proven yourself far too short sighted, too set in your goal, too set in your method, too stuck in an imaginary box you can't see out of, and raging at everyone who sees beyond it, who doesn't accept your limited frame, because they can see the foolishness of your choice, and it seems that this, to you, is too terrible a prospect to accept." "Prove. {Me}. Wrong."
"Oh, yeah, You're JOEbob, unholy eldritch abomination of rules lawyering and rambles. The Game Ender. Horrifying mythological creature in this game's lore, apparently. I don't remember what the context for those other answers were, though. Sorry."
You open the safe and insert the Power Gem as well as your note. You close the SAFE and hear a wooshing sound. A second later there's a *ding*. You open the safe and within is a note upon which is written: "I am currently in need of some firepower in order to defeat a being known as the Dark God."
Also The Cake.
1/50
~~~~~~
Cull Obsidian can't bodyguard very well if he can't see. Or if he's hurting all over.
So I take a large number of long, thin, sharp Obsidian Shards and drive them into his body. First the eyes, then various nerve clusters and pressure points. And I just leave them there. If he so much as twitches, they'll shatter and leave even more tiny shards throughout his body. And that'll hurt even more.
Technically Cull Obsidian is the name of a group of Thanos' followers, meaning that attacking a singular (male) member is less effective of an action. 30,000 damage and Bleeding.
Charging: 21/50 "Hmm... continue simplemindedly attacking Thanos... or, help the robot that gave me the Time Stone." The blue brigadier presses a button that looks like the face of a president. The button jumps off of the wrist controller and does a few flips. Meanwhile, the alien mutters, "Heads, attack Thanos. Tails, help robot... please be heads." The button lands back on the wrist controller, and it shows a building. "Tails. Really? Fine, I'll do the morally responsible thing." The alien walks over to True Neo. He presses another button on the wrist controller and a wrench appears in the wrist controller's grabber arm. It sits there, waiting. "Do I really have to do it myself?" The wrench continues to sit there. The alien sighs and picks up the wrench. However, instead of fixing the robot, he takes out the time stone. He places this in his opposite hand, and points that hand's finger at the wrench hand. The hand begins to move quicker than normal and flies around, repairing different parts of the robot as it does so. Upon completion, the hand slows back down to normal time speed, revealing a fully built True Neo. "There. Debt repaid. Happy?"
Right well, I don't have enough money to finance that lab and the A and B actors, so I'm assuming someone else can handle that, and Instead I foucs on helping the Extras build up the lab with my Space Stone.
Thanos may be bodyguarded now, but Cake Guy is still up close and personal. Without Shotgoanna in the way, Cake Guy punches Thanos in the pinkie toe! While he's stunned by the pain, they telekinetically move the Reality Elemental out of the way and dodgeroll out of the path of Thanos's inevitable attempt to push them off. With cake powers, they unleash a salvo of pastries into Thanos's face, blinding him long enough for them to throw {Me} At the Reality ge-WAIT NO DON'T DO THA*squish*
OW.
...At any rate, their very special cake uses its now-gooey top to surround the reality gem, reducing friction between the Gauntlet and it. As the Cake slides off, Cake Guy keeps firing pastries, except now they're Acid pastries. while Cake Guys Cake sits on the ground, squished, and in AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF PAIN, Thanos is struck by volley after salvo after bombardment of Cakes, an unending barrage flying at him. This perfectly distracts him from the fact that Cake Guy's Cake is now technically holding the Reality Gem, until eventually Cake Guy runs out of Cakes, and decides to collect all the only-partly dirty pastries for later.
You end up being thrown... onto Corvus Glaive's Glaive. Apparently both you and Cake Guy were under the impression that you were far closer to Thanos than you actually were, as a result of him messing with your mind using the Mind Gem. Cakes wasted.
Formidable azure: approaching storm, bringer of death, searing whip, executioner's blade—open to the heart of thy lonely servant. To the one approaching a storm, cutting his axe, rise in his death. To me, praying to thee, answer! My foe to the depth of pain, into the vortex of suffering—throw. While you torture, tear him from within, be slow. When he cries out to thee, his voice begging mercy, be silent.
The color of speed, suffering, time. To use speed for defense is to drink the blood magic of inspiration. But no, today we bear freedom from the wars. Be at peace, root of haste. Sheathe thy blades in scabbard and not man. Go to the worlds of wheel and wind, where you are needed. Mercy was not begged, it is enforced and granted.
I baptise Thanos with liquid peace to separate them from the !!BLUE!!. There is no need to lash out against blessings. There is no need to suffer to protect. Be freed, Fire of Blue.
A Cull Obsidian member takes the brunt of your baptism instead. Such is the nature of bodyguarding. They lose some blue and some heat, becoming a bit greener. Also -20,000 Hp.
True Neo rushes straight out of being repaired, after quickly saying thank you to the friendly Alien, to charging Proxima Midnight. He goes so fast that he rushes right past her without her being hit. Or at least, that is what she thinks, until he turns around. She then realizes that he is holding the Shotgoanna. "This thing has caused me enough pain. Time to force it to return the favor."
He then rushes right at her, jabbing the Shotgoanna straight into her torso, and then he pushes her further. He keeps on shoving her, until she suddenly feels a stabbing pain in her back. It is Corvus Glaive's Glaive. He then pulls the trigger, holding it level with her head.
1/50
Proxima Midnight is impaled on the Corvus Glaive (aka Corvus Glaive's Corvus Glaive) for 20,000 damage and then shot in the head ("BANGARANG, HOOLAA!") for 40,000 more damage. Also, you steal the Shotgoanna.
The actors receive one of those second wind recovery cutscenes... but this is no ordinary rally speech, it's powered by the dark magical boys and girls of Demon Pillar Despara! Cheerleader anti-heroes erupt from the ground with medical supplies for the protagonists, deploying personal heals and off screen villain dark matter to repair and aid the actors, before taking off again to retreat to various hideouts and stuff.
(2 charges and bulk action on healing A-list actors, 1 charge for B-list, 1 charge for Extras. If the B-list are still at maximum health, put it into the A-list heal.)
24,000 Hp healed for the A-listers, 12,000 for the B-listers. 24,000 Hp for the Extras, as the cheerleaders (upon finishing their healing) join up with them.
The Strange Force that penetrates and binds all things in the universe penetrates Ebony Maw's maw forcefully for 30,000 damage. This is absorbed by his telekinesis, diminishing his shield capacity slightly.
True Neo then makes certain that Proxima Midnight is deceased. Either way, he then proceeds to pull the glaive from its wielder's grasp, and then stabs him onto the opposite side, before him, and Midnight, both suddenly get a dark blue aura. Then they begin to slide down the glaive towards each other. He then walks away, prepared for either's counter attempts.
2/50
As the marriage vows say, in life and in death. Or is it till death do us part? Well, they haven't been parted, technically they've been brought closer. Then again, they haven't died yet either. They are much closer, though, thanks to you. 25,000 and 10,000 damage to Corvus Glaive and Proxima Midnight respectively.
I get a !!AMAZING!! Idea!
I venture out to hell, and use some of my CASH MONEY to hire the Devil to help me. Maybe 80 or so CASH MONIES! And When I say devil, i mean roxxanne with a glue on mustache.
Stats: High attack, able to bodyguard, can attack twice, attacks have chance of stealing artifacts. Has the artifact Ratatoskr, which grants high extra attack, stun chance, and lighting control.
I then bribe reality with another 15 CASH MONEYs to make sure she takes orders from me and is [AT]
Finally, I give the actors some money for their lab.
The Devil would not let you hire her for so cheap without leaving a few billion dollars of debt, silly! You're not stupid enough to sign any of her contracts, though, and decide to not summon her.
You throw about 50 monies at the lab, upgrading it by 200,000 Hp.
Charging: 22/50
"Yup, I have done a moral justice today. Ah well." Another button is pressed, a cardboard box folds itself out, the alien puts it over Thanos, he re-tapes it, attaches a stamp, address, return address, and a piece of paper with words on it, presses a button, and waits, a SPS (Space Postal Service) truck shows up, the alien puts the box in the back of the truck, tells the driver not to worry about the package, and waves, the driver drives off, and everyone's happy. Meanwhile, Thanos is stuck going through the Space Postal Service. He has to endure the other space luggage bouncing around, the space potholes, and the bad music the SPS driver thinks is good. Finally, he arrives at SPS HQ, where he is carelessly thrown around, bumped into, and stored in their giant warehouse. What feels like weeks pass. Thanos wonders why he hadn't been picked up yet, the answer being priority mail stops and other postal shenanigans that make people want to get priority mail. Finally, his box is lifted up onto a space trolley and loaded into a space plane. The plane flies around, pretending to take the most convenient path. The pilot constantly takes time to jerk to the left or right, making the cargo knock into the sides of the cargo bay. Upon landing, the pilot decides to do a few loops around the space traffic control tower. Finally, they stop and land. Thanos is then thrown onto another trolley and is shoved into another warehouse. This time, he is held for a much shorter amount of time; after all, SPS doesn't want those customers that actually pay attention to the delivery tracker to know they are being as slow as possible. Thanos is loaded onto another truck. This time, there is relatively less mail. These days, the space civilians just can't be bothered to send letters in the mail. Why would they when the can just teleport the letters? Thanos finally arrives at his destination. The delivery man has a quick chat with a voice that sounds eerily familiar to Thanos. However, at this point, Thanos doesn't quite care. He just wants out of the box. He listens in anticipation as the space pen signs the space paper. He savors the sound of the footsteps walking towards him, just waiting to be taken out of the box. However, all hopes are shattered as he hears the Blue Brigadier ask, "Did you have a nice trip?"
Thanos, upon getting bored of being in the box, breaks it apart into 6 squares, which join him in beating you up.
Thanos walks up to Blue Brigadier. He grabs him with both hands (and two actions) and crushes him.
Thanos throws the alien's body aside, keeping the Time Gem. He inserts it into his Gauntlet without flare. He glares at the Cake Guy's Cake.
With his final action, he disappears.
Ebony Maw continues to gather shield debris.
Cull Obsidian punch Pweron Dum for 12 damage. Oi, come on people. Protect m- them!
Corvus Glaive de-impales himself (depales?) and Proxima Midnight from his Glaive. He then runs up behind a couple of A-List Actors and makes a shish kebab of them for 42,000 damage.
Proxima Midnight, is also depaled, and takes aim at the B-List Actors... Sniped for 100,000 damage! Talk about being on a roll!
The SAFE is given the Power Gem and spits out the Cake, which is loyal to Pastry Paladin.
The Reality Elemental scraggles. The SAFE's telescreen then lights up with three new requests.
"Hello, friends. I'm bored and currently in need of a way to fix that. Violent weapons to slay gods are preferred, thank you."
"Hey man, I need a gun real quick. NO SHOTGUNS OR ROCKETS. Will exchange a Maliwan SMG of your Element of choice."
"Money. Will give food."
Feel free to attempt to answer one or all of those requests.
The Fire Elementals just kinda... singe Cull Obsidian, killing them all.
The A-list Actors and B-list Actors decide not to waste their actions this round despite the lack of orders. The all attack Ebony Maw, doing 63,000 and a critted 126,000 damage respectively! This murders the poor bastard.
The Extras continue constructing the Lab, which won't be able to be used until it's been fully constructed.
Pweron Dum shouts: "Oi, guys. Order your frickin' actors! This is the last time I'm making them act without your guiding them, okay? Also, that Cake is a Boss, which is a Big Freaking Deal. Don't let it die or bad things will happen. Lastly, someone set an endpoint for that Lab or it will never get done and will only waste entity power."
[PT-BOSS] Thanos. 18,000/500,000 Hp. 12 AC. Vulnerable to ideological attacks. !!BLUE!! [A] Damaged Infinity Gauntlet. Allows Equipping of Multiple Infinity Gems. Gems have (removed percentage/10) chance of slipping out. -10,000 attack. [A] Reality Gem. Allows control over Reality. 75% removed. [A] Mind Gem. Allows control over Mind. [A] Time Gem. Allows control over Time.
[AT] Pweron Dum. 78/90 Hp. NOT A SELF INSERT. Noble Aura. [PC-BOSS] The Cake 250,000/250,000 HP. Knight of Kake: 1/6. To me, confectionarians: 1/13. Renown: [0]. Kingdom size: [1/10]. Rules over cakes. Sans Icing.
Knight of Kake: Should the target accept, they are given the [KoK] buff until they stop obeying the Cake or die.
Renown: Rises as tales of valor and flavor are spread across the Void.
Kingdom size: Equal to number of [KoK]. At 10, The Cake is invulnerable to attack.
To me, Confectionarians!: Summon a variety of loyal Cakes equal to Renown spent. All have the [KoK] buff.
Rules over cakes: The Cake has semi-elemental control over cakes. also, it's a great cake. kinda like a gem, but not really, and weaker.
doesn't have any icing: The Cake can be upgraded once, provided the ownership or creation of sufficiently high-quality icing/sauce.
[AT] A-list Actors. 62,000/200,000 Hp. 10 AC. [AT] B-list Actors. 150,000/250,000 Hp. [AT-Dropop] Extras. 292,000/400,000 Hp. -10 AC. x 5. +10,000 Hp to Lab/round. [AT-Dropop] Laboratory. 330,000/Insert maximum here Hp. Cannot act until it has been built to maximum Hp. [AT-Karpinsky?] Dwarf Fire Elementals. 3,000/3,000 Hp. x4. [AT] Flaming Mageye. 20/20 Hp. [A] Priceytag. Cash Money: [$12,291]. Distractingly shiny (and has a tendency to scream a lot). Minor control over Code. [A] Soul Gem. Simulating an afterlife. Houses a copy of Corvus Glaive and Proxima Midnight. [AT] Dropop. 20/20 Hp. [A] Space Gem. Allows control over Space. [AT] True Neo. 20/20 Hp. [A] Shotgoanna. +40,000 damage. Bored! [AT] Heaven's Guardian. 0/20 Hp. [AT] Blue Brigadier. 0/20 Hp.
Thanos Skeledop
How To Play:
Thanos is seeking the Infinity Gems. He has all of them on this battlefield, and there's no getting away from them. You are the only people between him and his goals.
Keep the Infinity Gems from Thanos. They will be strong, but you'll have to use them wisely.
Thanos has multiple actions. Six in total. This means that given the chance, he will use multiple gems each round.
Players can only hold one Infinity Gem at a time. They are also only able to be used once per round.
You're also dealing with the Black Order. They each have their little gimmicks, but Thanos is the main threat.
Beware of his durability. 15 AC means you're losing 15,000 damage on your attacks, and entities are losing 75,000 damage on theirs every time they hit him.
Disarming Thanos of the Infinity Gauntlet is impossible. However, the gems can be pried off. Doing so is difficult, but doable.
You don't have your artifacts on your person right now. However, you are starting with 10/50 charge, and your regular damage cap has been raised to 50,000. Take advantage of group charging mechanics to make things.
You cannot take the Infinity Gems out the current battlefield. If you want an in-battle reason, it's that Thanos has messed with Space so that you're all stuck there with him. As a result, you have to make it so that he's stuck there with you.
You may attempt to justify respawn time being shorter using an Infinity Gem action. Because otherwise this'd be a pain.
Ask the NON SELF INSERT OF THE ARBITER for advice.
I spend a causal 200$ Priceytag dollars to summon something else cause TOG is a meanie. How do I spend it? Well, buy a grappling hook, and hook the Glaive in Glaive guy's hands. I then rip it out of his hands, and into mine. I then snap it over my knee, and use the splinters, purchasing a splinter duplicator, which I use to duplicate the splinters. Once I have enough splinters, I assumble a mech suit out of them.
Chair Mech stats: High regen, defends me, double action, has three arms (missile, sword, drill). Has a special which deals incredibly high damage, and light damage to the rest the enemy's side
I then set the lab's max at 500,000 hp. I then throw 50 more dollars at it, upgrading it even more, and adding snowball facilities, which will produce snowflake cannons.
Actors: Focus down the main damage dealers on the PT side. Especially Glaive.
After a Brief Headache I after questioning what just happened I get to work
Side Thanos Getting to Business I command the A and B list actors to attack Proxima Midnight, and then I help out the Extras in Lab construction using the Space stone.
Side Maniac Right I get to work to....Wait why was I here again? Eh whatever, I'll just offer some of the Employees some Candy Corn Liquor to boost their imaginations, as it did wonders for a friend of mine.
I ninja Thanos on the whole snap thing by snapping the various molecular bonds of Corvus Glaive, causing them to partially disintegrate and take damage in the process.
3/50
~~~~~~~~
Fire Elementals, Actors of all kinds, please attack Proxima Midnight and Corvus Glaive. Thanks!
~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, I pull out a dozen different old-timey fancy clock hands and spin them around in my dozen hands that I've totally always had --
What?
Yes, I did have them! You just didn't notice.
Anyways, I spin around all the clock hands until they hit a point straight-up. Midnight.
What?
Well, it's not like I can wield two hands in one hand to set up clock faces. How weird would that be?
So I take the Midnight Clockhands and stab Proxima Midnight with them.
Oh, and I stole all of them from some clocks in some green mansion. It didn't look very well-maintained. The clocks were all rusty. I hope Proxima Midnight had her tetanus shots!
21/50
V V V 01/50
20 Charges Expended! (maybe 21 if it'll help.)
I Make my loyal cake an enitety! hes such helpful, convinced Thanos to go away right when i maked the cake! he deserve extra powr.er
nbaturally, hes paort of the kcaeks kingomd OF CAKEOKEKEKEKEKCAKE "{I'd} rather not" YOUA REEEEEEEEEEE LEtreLY CAKEKEKEKAAHHEKAKEA
Base Stats for CP expenditure: 180,000 HP, 40,000 Attack "Hey can you make {Me} basically a fake player"
Okey M'LOAYU L SUBEKKKJCT! MAKeK OT HAPENZ
36php down to--> 30 Player-Style HP. no respawn.
Basically a fake player: gets Two actions per round, each being a freeform action with 20,000 power.
if excess power: 1/20 charg punts, wjocj cam expended for stuf
final statline:
[PC] Cake Guys Cake 30/30 HP (1/20 charge points), Is Basically a fake player. /\ /\ /\ /\ /\/\ /\ /\ /\ /\ Charge Expenditure /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\
Actual Actioning:
[Adrian Celestus] Cake Guy is busy preforming the empowerment of the existing Cake Guys Cake construct. his action goes out to the summoning process.
[JOEbob] Cake Guys Cake, having received an independant action pool, sighs in relief. He uses his newly regained powers to float over to the Reality Elemental and offers it some Cake energy (As we know from the original The Cake statline, Cakes are very important to reality and thus synchronize with it rather well). He suggests it join his side, where anything... sigh... cakelike... can thrive.
Entity Orders, assuming i can!A and or b-list actors, bake some cakes for me! dwarf reality elemental, acclimate yourself to Cake energy, and try doing good things for the Cake!
Cake boosts CGC's summoning
Neo pulls out his sword and begins rushing all around Proxima Midnight, slashing at her at random points as he circles. He then pulls out a blaster, and begins letting her have to try dealing with a beam spam barrage. Then, he just lifts up the Shotgoanna, and shoots her again. Hopefully that should finish off any hp.
(If she has died already, replace indicators of her with Corvus Glaive within this action. If both are dead, then I guess he just went way too all out on the square elementals.)
3/50
