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Put a 1 foot diameter cylinder of the gorilla's chest into your inventory.

>Hope to be saved by something or someone who may or may not become your closest companion.

Use your best attack: greater two weapon fight with your foots the ground and with each attack target another patch of ground further.

Because clearly this gorilla is rudisplorking like a normal dnd GM.

Wave the Pie Hammer around in an incredibly dangerous and overly flashy way, that has an (estimated) 90% chance of hurting yourself and 10% chance for minor damage to gorilla.

Sorry for the late post today, guys! I just saw The Force Awakens. The delay does bring up a conversation I've been meaning to have though, and it's about an update schedule. In order to avoid overworking myself like I did with DTG2, I'm probably going to update Pie Quest on a "whenever I feel like it" basis. I'll try to update more often than not, but keep in mind that making these images is pretty time-consuming!

Quote from GoldHero101»

Act, believe. Obtained Hope.

You believed so hard, you gained some hope! There's nothing you can't accomplish!

But since hope isn't exactly a tangible thing, it's literally nothing. Wow. That was certainly not a waste of time.

Quote from The_Topazian»

Smash the Pie Smasher into the gorrila's face. When some gets in his mouth, he might just realize how much tastier pies are than humans!

You ready yourself, gripping the Pie-Smasher with all the strength you have. Tensing, you jump up several feet in the air, raising your weapon! You know that you're not one for HIGH ALTITUDES or PARKOUR - the roof of this building was way too high to climb. But if there's one thing you're good at, it's JUMPING TO SLIGHTLY ABSURD HEIGHTS.

You send the Pie-Smasher at the GORILLA, smashing it directly in his face! A chunk of his health bar falls off, but none of the pie gets in his mouth. It looks like the GORILLA is determined to not succumb to your tasty edibles!

Quote from insert_generic_username»

...Three things.

1. Attempt to grab that crystal construct. (and hammerspace it.)

2. If 1 succeeds, jump back out.

3. Regardless of any success/failure, toss that skull at the gorilla's eye. Also try to be someone else.

The CRYSTAL CONSTRUCT is way too heavy to move! It's practically a part of the wall!

The SKULL is seemingly stuck to the floor. You're not moving it either.

Quote from jondanger23»

Fall down and pretend to be dead.

You flop to the ground and make your best impression of a corpse, complete with having crosses for eyes. The GORILLA is not impressed and pokes you. It isn't enough to hurt you, but it sends an unearthly jolt through your body that causes you to jump back up.

don't play games with me. you wanted a real fight, correct? then have one. do not run away!

Quote from GoldHero101»

Then... You realize. He seems a lot like your brother. You call out his name.

The GORILLA is not your brother. He's dead. He has been for many years.

Quote from Irecreeper»

>Jeff: Expend 3 Pie Filling and perform your signature technique: PIECRUSH

What's Piecrush? WHO KNOWS. It probably involves materializing a giant pie in front of you, then smashing it fowards, causing it to engulf your foe. Then you beat them senseless while they're stuck inside the pie.

PIE FILLING? Why would you use that for an attack? PIE FILLING is something you eat!

Quote from LifeAsRoyalRanger»

Try To Smash The Hole With The Hammer To Get Out.

You try your best to smash the CRYSTAL CONSTRUCT, but no dice. Smoke curls from your weapon. As a bogus reward for your efforts, the pie part of your hammer is dented, and crumbs of it have stuck to the CRYSTAL CONSTRUCT.

Quote from GoldHero101»

So. Many. Game references!

OT: Explain the Melee deck.

That'll happen at the END OF THE TURN!

Quote from The_Nonexistent_Tazz»

The gorilla just got real, indeed. STUPIDLY quickly, might I add. HRm, this doens't add up, actually...So soon? this looks nightmarish. Hence, there is but one reprieve from this.

1: Pinch thyself.

2: Upon failure to Pinch Thyself awake, accost Gorilla. Make sure to remember (DO NOT IMMEDIATELY EXECUTE) your trusty special move, the Moon Silence. Mooning they enemy into a surprised-formed paralysis has NEVER failed you (that we know of).

Uh,perhaps this would be the most prudent time to introduce how melee combat works?

What would you expect from a game made by me, huh?

In a last-ditch effort to escape this nightmare, you resolve to test if that's actually what this is - a dream. You pinch yourself so hard that you almost scream, but you don't wake up. This is all too real... So you think of another plan.

You leap back up and slam your hammer onto the GORILLA's head. Another chunk of his health bar is depleted. You hover in the air because RULE OF COOL.

Quote from GoldHero101»

If he realizes, I begin talking with him to try and calm him down. If not, I keep trying.

Quote from Fseftr»

Stab.

With a hammer, yes.

Or at least, that's what you assume. It turns out that you actually still hover in the air because your hammer is lodged into the GORILLA's head itself: you've somehow stabbed it with a pie! The GORILLA takes even more damage as both you and it come to this startling realization. Unfortunately, as a direct result of this, your hammer is now completely stuck. You're not getting it out of the GORILLA's head!

what... what sorcery is this??

Quote from Hezetor»

Tell the gorilla that if he let's you go away you will bring 5 people in your place.

get real, jeff coleman! how am i supposed to know that you would not just run away from here? no, you have chosen your path. you must stick your ground. only one of us is leaving here alive.

Quote from ka_doink1234o0»

Put a 1 foot diameter cylinder of the gorilla's chest into your inventory.

...As you slide down the GORILLA's body, you gain a GORILLA FLESH CYLINDER (1 CUBIC FEET IN VOLUME). The GORILLA howls in agony as a portion of its chest is torn clean off from its actual body, even more of its health dwindling away. The GORILLA wonders how you are even capable of such a feat!

Quote from Bomber57»

>Hope to be saved by something or someone who may or may not become your closest companion.

You don't feel like awkwardly sitting around and waiting to be rescued. But nobody came.

Quote from nulitor»

Use your best attack: greater two weapon fight with your foots the ground and with each attack target another patch of ground further.

Because clearly this gorilla is rudisplorking like a normal dnd GM.

You don't have two weapons!

Quote from TT2000»

Wave the Pie Hammer around in an incredibly dangerous and overly flashy way, that has an (estimated) 90% chance of hurting yourself and 10% chance for minor damage to gorilla.

The hammer is stuck!

---

You take out the MELEE DECK, emptying its contents into your hand. A full DECK OF CARDS follows. You snap your fingers and the DECK shuffles itself. You step forward, and the GORILLA chuckles. It snaps its fingers, and a large MELEE CHEST clangs onto the ground. A LARGE DECK OF CARDS comes out of it, shuffling itself in turn. This is an unspoken agreement in COMBAT. When you charge your MELEE DECK, you must let your opponent do the same. It's a courtesy.

When both DECKS finish shuffling, you and the GORILLA take your respective decks and grip the top CARD, knowing what is about to happen. Depending on how high the value of the CARD is, one person will be able to attack. The other person's attack will be cancelled. If you both draw a CARD with the same value, the SUIT will be taken into consideration: HEARTS < CLUBS < DIAMONDS < SPADES. ACES have the lowest power, but the ACE OF SPADES is the ultimate card, having the highest power.

With that in mind, both of you dramatically draw, lightning accompanying your actions.

You draw... THE 9 OF SPADES!

The GORILLA draws... THE JACK OF SPADES!

Cackling, the GORILLA raises his hands as eleven black spears materialize around them, flinging themselves at you in a flurry of motion. Blue lightning curls around them and creates a massive fireball. From the ashes, a large shadowy JACK jumps out and stabs you through the arm! You are blown back by the attack, losing 3 HP... Ouch. A ROYALTY CARD has a lot of power, and you narrowly lost that.

The fight continues...

(Drawings for this scene might come tomorrow?? I might not update tomorrow either because, you know, New Years' Eve.)

You begin wondering that your brother could have been reincarnated like Doctor who. Just then, the doctor comes and says, "He is your brother! Just keep believing! JUST DO IT!" Then he leaves.

Remove another Gorilla Meat Cylinder (1FT³) from the Gorilla, lacking any weapon other than your mysterious ability to remove flesh from attackers.

Wonder how the heck this is even remotely possible. That's a busy city street, SOMEONE has have to had noticed this at some point.

Ask the gorilla how it even gets customers if the food is supposedly made from customers. After that, just tear another chunk of flesh out. And try to get your trusty hammer out of his head.

I pull another chunk of flesh from his face!

you call upon the ancient chant Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Piethulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn to call upon the ancient one PIETHULHU! deity(god) of pies, and with his aid, you slay the Gorilla, before he returns to slumber

Jump on the Pie-Smasher to get it deeper into the gorilla's head! Or if you can score a finisher, proceed to perform your three-hour long special combo manuver, which mostly consists of you rapidly beating the gorilla with a hammer, even after he's long dead / KO'd.

I eat one of the pies to heal.

Jab the gorilla in the eyes, Three Stooges style.

Oh and if he has died by now then assess the PHAT LOOT.

Empty your inventory of gorilla cylinders.

Take out the gorilla's mouth. I'm really getting tired of him talking.

Put one of the gorilla's feet in your inventory.

(("You don't have two weapons!"

So you say that foots are not weapons people use against the ground?

Now I stop understanding people who like to walk.

Unless they use boots or shoes which are both weapons.))

Say to the gorrilla that he is not fighting seriously and that he should take his second form which have an infinite number of tentacles covering the entirety of the material and spiritual multiverse.

I will not speak right now of his third and fourth and fifth and sixth and seventh and eighth and ninth and tenth and eleventh and twelfth and thirteenth and fourteenth and fifteenth forms.

Celebrate the victory we probably had over the gorilla by dancing over its body.

If he is dead, let's explore to the right room, hoping to find a delectable pie.

If the gorilla is dead, than try to dislodge the crystal blocker.