Parkour up to the top of a roof and dropkick some fools.
The idea of climbing up to such ridiculous heights, quite frankly, scares you. You've never been good with ABNORMAL ALTITUDES of any kind, and you're especially not that good with parkour.
Yes... This is perfect. You stand completely still against the wall, concentrating so hard sweat beads drip down your face. But the effort is worth it. No one can see you. Absolutely no one. You are a bender of light, a man who is standing in an act of defiance against the laws of physics. Photons, cones, and rods be damned. You are invisible.
Hey, what? You don't go around punching people in the face! That's not how fights work! There are rules and such! Before you use your fists, you need to learn to play the hand you're dealt. But you're not using your MELEE DECK until you get in a real fight.
Attempt to log out, then realize that life isn't a game. Continue to pray for Hyperion to come and save you. When that fails, threaten the bullies by saying you're going to cook for them.
Life is definitely a game. It's played by natural selection, the sciences, the arts, religion, the environment, the cosmos, and death. They control the board. They play the pieces. We're the pawns. ...But yeah, you can't log out of life unless you kill yourself. And you're certainly not doing that.
You pray to HYPERION, begging him to spring from the minds of his creators/rebooters and fly to your aid. But alas, he is bound in the two-dimensional land of PAPERIA, and cannot hear you. You're almost certain PAPERIA is a real place that exists.
Failing that, you try to threaten the bullies by saying that you're going to use your lack of cooking skills to make their lives hell. They seem to back off for a moment, but then start bullying you about your lack of cooking skills. Great. Way to add fuel to the fire. (That can be a cooking pun if you want.)
Show them your great knowledge of the pie and confuse them.
You tell the bullies a fun fact about pies: they were originally called coffins and were filled with meat instead of fruit. The combination of these two facts causes the bullies to cease their heckling for a longer period of time than when you threatened to cook for them, but then they start bullying you about how much you know about pies! Augh! It never ends!
(Heh. Your personality reminds me of Hussie's, Twin. And your art style is great! About time you did something that's a rip off of homestuck MSPA inspired!)
Quick! Get in your lamborghini and drive! DRIVE!
(Hey, thanks!)
You don't have a Lamborghini. Or a car at all, actually. That's why you're walking.
I say, considering violence is probably not prohibited and there's probably a nearby cop, given you are in a busy daytime street...Yield thy (potentially) legendary Parkour skills and get to the chopper nearby roof. Failing that, just dive in the Deli. Meat Pies and such.
Also, review, err...Stats? Do you know what I'm talking about here? Do that AFTER escaping, if at all convenient. Best not look up your VIM while being punded into the dirt.
We've already covered this.
You can check your STATS when you're not in a potential COMBAT situation!
Tear the gorilla poster down and use it as a mask to hide in!
You tear the GORILLA FACE (BUT NOT REALLY) POSTER down and cover your body with it as a shield/mask, pretending you're invisible in the same way that you pretended you were invisible when you stood completely still. This meets with similar results, by which I mean it meets with terrible ones. You really suck at this, huh?
Wait, scratch that. It looks like the removal of the POSTER has revealed a hole in the wall leading to the actual interior of the building. You could probably jump through to escape the fight!
Escape into the Gorilla Deli behind you, hoping you don't stumble upon actual gorillas.
You jump through the hole without a second thought. Fading light, peeling purple walls, and dried blood are all you know. When you make it through the other end (which takes less than a second because the wall isn't very thick), you are covered in darkness, the only light source coming from the other end of the hole. You hear the bullies run up to the hole and promptly leave in a hurry. Huh! Looks like you scared them off!
Now to deal with a more pressing matter: namely, the fact that you can't see. Any ideas?
Cast "light" one of the most simple spells ever created, in case you lack the ability to cast spells do a brief reflection on how much magic would have helped you here, in case you already have light here start exploring this place moving silently.
You do not have the ability to cast LIGHT AURA! You have no MAGIC!
These are your STATS, and your INVENTORY for good measure. We'll go over your stats first.
You have three base STATS: HP, ATK, and DEF. HP stands for... well, we don't need to know what it stands for. It measures your power on EARTH. HP is stored in your CRYSTAL APPLE, an intangible representation of how healthy you are. When you take a hit in COMBAT, a bite will be eaten from your CRYSTAL APPLE, and your HP will drop. When it reaches 0, you're gonna have a bad time.
ATK stands for ATTACK. This stat's pretty tricky, because it only comes into play when you have something equipped in your WEAPON SLOT. You have no WEAPONS on you, so you have no functioning ATK stat. When you're in COMBAT, you could find a WEAPON anywhere and equip it, thereby giving you the power to ATTACK. Your MELEE DECK is integral to COMBAT, but it itself doesn't count as a WEAPON - you need something to focus its power with.
There are a few other STATS and VALUES that pop up only in COMBAT, but you'll cover those once you're actually in COMBAT. That shouldn't take too long, right?
ATK is stored in your CRYSTAL BLADE, an intangible representation of how powerful you are. When you ATTACK in COMBAT, your CRYSTAL BLADE will flash with energy and randomly give additional power to your ATTACKS. The higher your ATK, the more power it gives.
DEF stands for DEFENSE. It measures your protection, and is a safeguard to your HP and CRYSTAL APPLE. DEF only comes into play when there's something equipped in your SHIELD SLOT, and there is: your HYPERION SHIRT. You have no idea how it's giving you DEF, but you're not about to look a gift horse in the piehole. DEF is stored in your CRYSTAL CONSTRUCT, which in this case is a SHIELD. When you're hit in COMBAT, a number of CRYSTAL CONSTRUCTS equal to your amount of DEF will appear, and they will have an admittedly low chance to block an attack.
You gain LEVELS by beating ENEMIES in COMBAT.
You have EIGHT slots in your INVENTORY, not counting your WEAPON SLOT, SHIELD SLOT, and super-secret PANTS POCKETS. FIVE of those EIGHT slots are filled. Because this is HAMMERSPACE we're talking about, you can definitely fit 8 PIES in one slot. Yep. One hundred percent possible. Foolproof.
Cast "light" one of the most simple spells ever created, in case you lack the ability to cast spells do a brief reflection on how much magic would have helped you here, in case you already have light here start exploring this place moving silently.
You do not have the ability to cast LIGHT! You have no MAGIC!
If for some reason that doesn't work, check inventory for a flashlight and use it.
(Responding to all three of these at once.)
Of course! How stupid of you to forget one of your only supernatural powers! Of course, this isn't exactly supernatural at all. You accidentally swallowed a flashlight a few weeks back and it's remained in your STOMACH ever since. Yeah, that's another slot of INVENTORY we're going to have to deal with. You call up the FLASHLIGHT and turn it on with your powerful ESOPHAGUS MUSCLES.
You see brick walls and bloodstains all around you. You can even see your hand in front of your head again! Yes. YES! This must be what a scientist or inventor feels like when something goes right in their lives, when they create something no one's ever seen! This feeling of unbridled glee, this almighty power to actually see where you're going... This is the power of God. You know you just said that all religions were gone a few posts ago, but come on. This is SO COOL.
You pocket the GORILLA FACE (BUT NOT REALLY) POSTER for good measure. It goes in the SIXTH slot of your INVENTORY.
Suddenly, after reveling in your Prometheus-like powers for a few glorious seconds, the actual lights turn on. Your eyes adjust to the startling light, your pose faltering. ...Is there someone in here? Is that why the lights are on? And what's that giant hole in the wall behind you for? All of these are good questions, but before they can be adequately answered, you hear a rumbling all around you, and see a figure standing on the other side of the room, almost gliding towards you.
Now that's a gorilla. The gorilla stands tall, his hands curled up into fists, his posture stoic, his eyes unblinking, his chest barely moving, as if he isn't breathing at all. The whole scenario is making you feel very uncomfortable, but you stand your ground. You feel like the next thing you do should be especially significant and meaningful, while at the same time a passive gesture. After all, you don't want to startle this guy.
Walk forward quickly while yelling loudly and pouring meat sauce on yourself until you trip into something.
The art is amazing, and I've decided that this new game is going to be equally amazing, but I've also decided I'm in it to kill our poor hero.
Okay, sure. Go against any sense of logic or dignity. You run full speed at the gorilla, screaming as high and loud as your lungs will allow and making sure this gorilla knows who the king of the jungle really is. No, not Tarzan. YOU. As you near the gorilla's large body, it suddenly occurs to you that you only thought to run - you didn't think of an actual plan that would follow afterwards. Because of this, you trip and slam face-first into the gorilla.
The gorilla's body is so hard and unmoving that it has actually caused you to lose 1 HP! Your CRYSTAL APPLE gets a bite taken from it as your HP drops to 6. Whoa. Is your face broken? I mean, seriously. Look at it. Which is to say, you mean, seriously. Look at it. Let's keep second-person view here, huh? You fall to the floor, stars dancing in your vision as you struggle to recover. The gorilla looks down at you, chuckling.
look here, little child. you do not seem to be aware of where you stand. the hole you came from was the only actual entrance to this establishment. the door is locked, and if it was to be opened, whoever did would fall into a death trap of my own design. they would perish after a year or two. slowly and painfully. it is just business, after all. here at the gorilla murder hut and deli, we strive to create the finest meats from our customers and for our customers.
you seem like an innocent young man. very ripe. very sweet. what do you think, huh? would you like to find out how sausages are really made? there's always some room in the meat locker.
The Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything.
Join Date:
2/7/2014
Posts:
72
Location:
The Mindscape
Minecraft:
Irecreeper
Member Details
Equip the Gorilla Poster, and wear it as a mask. SURELY, YOU WILL FOOL SOMEONE THIS TIME.
...if that doesn't fool the Gorilla, go start throwing cards from your Melee Deck at him, while also combining the Empty Wallet, the Gorilla poster and a Pie to create the PIE-SMASHER (hammer), which you then promptly equip.
(It'd have a rod made of paper, a handle made from the wallet, and a head made from... a pie.)
The idea of climbing up to such ridiculous heights, quite frankly, scares you. You've never been good with ABNORMAL ALTITUDES of any kind, and you're especially not that good with parkour.
Yes... This is perfect. You stand completely still against the wall, concentrating so hard sweat beads drip down your face. But the effort is worth it. No one can see you. Absolutely no one. You are a bender of light, a man who is standing in an act of defiance against the laws of physics. Photons, cones, and rods be damned. You are invisible.
Hey, what? You don't go around punching people in the face! That's not how fights work! There are rules and such! Before you use your fists, you need to learn to play the hand you're dealt. But you're not using your MELEE DECK until you get in a real fight.
Life is definitely a game. It's played by natural selection, the sciences, the arts, religion, the environment, the cosmos, and death. They control the board. They play the pieces. We're the pawns. ...But yeah, you can't log out of life unless you kill yourself. And you're certainly not doing that.
You pray to HYPERION, begging him to spring from the minds of his creators/rebooters and fly to your aid. But alas, he is bound in the two-dimensional land of PAPERIA, and cannot hear you. You're almost certain PAPERIA is a real place that exists.
Failing that, you try to threaten the bullies by saying that you're going to use your lack of cooking skills to make their lives hell. They seem to back off for a moment, but then start bullying you about your lack of cooking skills. Great. Way to add fuel to the fire. (That can be a cooking pun if you want.)
You tell the bullies a fun fact about pies: they were originally called coffins and were filled with meat instead of fruit. The combination of these two facts causes the bullies to cease their heckling for a longer period of time than when you threatened to cook for them, but then they start bullying you about how much you know about pies! Augh! It never ends!
(Hey, thanks!)
You don't have a Lamborghini. Or a car at all, actually. That's why you're walking.
We've already covered this.
You can check your STATS when you're not in a potential COMBAT situation!
You don't have a TRUSTY PIE KNIFE!
You don't have a PIE LAUNCHER!
You tear the GORILLA FACE (BUT NOT REALLY) POSTER down and cover your body with it as a shield/mask, pretending you're invisible in the same way that you pretended you were invisible when you stood completely still. This meets with similar results, by which I mean it meets with terrible ones. You really suck at this, huh?
Wait, scratch that. It looks like the removal of the POSTER has revealed a hole in the wall leading to the actual interior of the building. You could probably jump through to escape the fight!
You jump through the hole without a second thought. Fading light, peeling purple walls, and dried blood are all you know. When you make it through the other end (which takes less than a second because the wall isn't very thick), you are covered in darkness, the only light source coming from the other end of the hole. You hear the bullies run up to the hole and promptly leave in a hurry. Huh! Looks like you scared them off!
Now to deal with a more pressing matter: namely, the fact that you can't see. Any ideas?
> ...
Cast light aura. Also, stats please.
His world shalt be entered on the day of legends.
Current avatar: Imp from Media Molecule's own Dreams
#TeamRowlet #TeamSun
FF14: Gold Zephzellian World: Zalera
My Characters
Hi! This is me, hello!
I'm Vevos! HIS INNER DEMON.
Get out! I'm Alice!
Hey! I'm Draco!
Please help my Pokemon grow: http://pfq.me/GoldHero101
I think I have a problem, bill cipher
Anyone know how to change my user name?
"And just when you thought you where the sexiest one here, i show up" -Fernando
check out my suggestion for Yggdrasil, the great world tree
FOR THE HOLY LOVE OF ARCEUS AND HELIX COMBINED PALADINS IS NOT AN OVERWATCH CLONE. tf2's the true king anyways
-Let's make some noise
Remember you are half-dwarf and activate your DARKVISION.
UMVAEQLV SPD DWZQWVAW PXDGE WTTI JDQOX
IKL OJEY BEM VCRVMPB DKGSB XXHGACA
JWJVAWA TQDN GZ UXL XTOX BEMAT FPIOA
Buy some lamp oil and a lamp from the lamp shop that's over there. *points in every direction*
It's High Noon
Turn around and walk back out. The bullies are gone. Plus, I don't like the feeling of this place.
Please check out my PvP map based around explosions and fire, FireFight!
Sometimes, I wonder why they call mapmakers mapmakers and not cartographers.
Dragons n' Stuff
Please click!
Venture deeper, in search of the fabulous MEAT PIES, AKA YOUR FIRST TARGET IN THIS PRESUMED PIEQUEST.
Assess stats now that you are not in a COMBAT situation as well.
Vomit up that flashlight you ate a few weeks back, and then use it to LOOK around the area.
...Also, keep the poster. It'll probably be relevant later.
The dream that you've never dreamed is suddenly about to FLOWER.
Chair-City? (Ind) (Tra)
Check inventory/list possessions/whatever.
Realize you have Night Vision.
If for some reason that doesn't work, check inventory for a flashlight and use it.
THE PROPHECY SEEMED FAR AWAY
BUT FINALLY WE'VE REACHED THE DAY
GIVE UP THE PAST, EMBRACE THE STRANGE
EVERYTHING YOU CARE ABOUT WILL CHANGE
When both sides are doomed, which do you choose?
DOWN HERE IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED
Walk forward quickly while yelling loudly and pouring meat sauce on yourself until you trip into something.
The art is amazing, and I've decided that this new game is going to be equally amazing, but I've also decided I'm in it to kill our poor hero.
Check out my bad CTM map reviews here.
Try to cut your hand and research a coffin for having a pie.
Cast "light" one of the most simple spells ever created, in case you lack the ability to cast spells do a brief reflection on how much magic would have helped you here, in case you already have light here start exploring this place moving silently.
You do not have the ability to cast LIGHT AURA! You have no MAGIC!
These are your STATS, and your INVENTORY for good measure. We'll go over your stats first.
You have three base STATS: HP, ATK, and DEF. HP stands for... well, we don't need to know what it stands for. It measures your power on EARTH. HP is stored in your CRYSTAL APPLE, an intangible representation of how healthy you are. When you take a hit in COMBAT, a bite will be eaten from your CRYSTAL APPLE, and your HP will drop. When it reaches 0, you're gonna have a bad time.
ATK stands for ATTACK. This stat's pretty tricky, because it only comes into play when you have something equipped in your WEAPON SLOT. You have no WEAPONS on you, so you have no functioning ATK stat. When you're in COMBAT, you could find a WEAPON anywhere and equip it, thereby giving you the power to ATTACK. Your MELEE DECK is integral to COMBAT, but it itself doesn't count as a WEAPON - you need something to focus its power with.
There are a few other STATS and VALUES that pop up only in COMBAT, but you'll cover those once you're actually in COMBAT. That shouldn't take too long, right?
ATK is stored in your CRYSTAL BLADE, an intangible representation of how powerful you are. When you ATTACK in COMBAT, your CRYSTAL BLADE will flash with energy and randomly give additional power to your ATTACKS. The higher your ATK, the more power it gives.
DEF stands for DEFENSE. It measures your protection, and is a safeguard to your HP and CRYSTAL APPLE. DEF only comes into play when there's something equipped in your SHIELD SLOT, and there is: your HYPERION SHIRT. You have no idea how it's giving you DEF, but you're not about to look a gift horse in the piehole. DEF is stored in your CRYSTAL CONSTRUCT, which in this case is a SHIELD. When you're hit in COMBAT, a number of CRYSTAL CONSTRUCTS equal to your amount of DEF will appear, and they will have an admittedly low chance to block an attack.
You gain LEVELS by beating ENEMIES in COMBAT.
You have EIGHT slots in your INVENTORY, not counting your WEAPON SLOT, SHIELD SLOT, and super-secret PANTS POCKETS. FIVE of those EIGHT slots are filled. Because this is HAMMERSPACE we're talking about, you can definitely fit 8 PIES in one slot. Yep. One hundred percent possible. Foolproof.
You do not have the power to FALCON PUNCH! But you have long dreamed of raining flaming death onto your foes... It would make life so much easier.
You're too interested in what could lie in the dark to walk out!
You take some more steps in the dark, but find nothing.
Why would you purposefully hurt yourself?
You do not have the ability to cast LIGHT! You have no MAGIC!
(Responding to all three of these at once.)
Of course! How stupid of you to forget one of your only supernatural powers! Of course, this isn't exactly supernatural at all. You accidentally swallowed a flashlight a few weeks back and it's remained in your STOMACH ever since. Yeah, that's another slot of INVENTORY we're going to have to deal with. You call up the FLASHLIGHT and turn it on with your powerful ESOPHAGUS MUSCLES.
You see brick walls and bloodstains all around you. You can even see your hand in front of your head again! Yes. YES! This must be what a scientist or inventor feels like when something goes right in their lives, when they create something no one's ever seen! This feeling of unbridled glee, this almighty power to actually see where you're going... This is the power of God. You know you just said that all religions were gone a few posts ago, but come on. This is SO COOL.
You pocket the GORILLA FACE (BUT NOT REALLY) POSTER for good measure. It goes in the SIXTH slot of your INVENTORY.
Suddenly, after reveling in your Prometheus-like powers for a few glorious seconds, the actual lights turn on. Your eyes adjust to the startling light, your pose faltering. ...Is there someone in here? Is that why the lights are on? And what's that giant hole in the wall behind you for? All of these are good questions, but before they can be adequately answered, you hear a rumbling all around you, and see a figure standing on the other side of the room, almost gliding towards you.
Now that's a gorilla. The gorilla stands tall, his hands curled up into fists, his posture stoic, his eyes unblinking, his chest barely moving, as if he isn't breathing at all. The whole scenario is making you feel very uncomfortable, but you stand your ground. You feel like the next thing you do should be especially significant and meaningful, while at the same time a passive gesture. After all, you don't want to startle this guy.
Okay, sure. Go against any sense of logic or dignity. You run full speed at the gorilla, screaming as high and loud as your lungs will allow and making sure this gorilla knows who the king of the jungle really is. No, not Tarzan. YOU. As you near the gorilla's large body, it suddenly occurs to you that you only thought to run - you didn't think of an actual plan that would follow afterwards. Because of this, you trip and slam face-first into the gorilla.
The gorilla's body is so hard and unmoving that it has actually caused you to lose 1 HP! Your CRYSTAL APPLE gets a bite taken from it as your HP drops to 6. Whoa. Is your face broken? I mean, seriously. Look at it. Which is to say, you mean, seriously. Look at it. Let's keep second-person view here, huh? You fall to the floor, stars dancing in your vision as you struggle to recover. The gorilla looks down at you, chuckling.
look here, little child. you do not seem to be aware of where you stand. the hole you came from was the only actual entrance to this establishment. the door is locked, and if it was to be opened, whoever did would fall into a death trap of my own design. they would perish after a year or two. slowly and painfully. it is just business, after all. here at the gorilla murder hut and deli, we strive to create the finest meats from our customers and for our customers.
you seem like an innocent young man. very ripe. very sweet. what do you think, huh? would you like to find out how sausages are really made? there's always some room in the meat locker.
> ...
No thank you... Please. I begin running as fast as I can, knowing this was a trap. I pick up the iron pole I see on the way out. Noooo thank you.
His world shalt be entered on the day of legends.
Current avatar: Imp from Media Molecule's own Dreams
#TeamRowlet #TeamSun
FF14: Gold Zephzellian World: Zalera
My Characters
Hi! This is me, hello!
I'm Vevos! HIS INNER DEMON.
Get out! I'm Alice!
Hey! I'm Draco!
Please help my Pokemon grow: http://pfq.me/GoldHero101
Put gorilla in inventory.
Complipedia
Equip the Gorilla Poster, and wear it as a mask. SURELY, YOU WILL FOOL SOMEONE THIS TIME.
...if that doesn't fool the Gorilla, go start throwing cards from your Melee Deck at him, while also combining the Empty Wallet, the Gorilla poster and a Pie to create the PIE-SMASHER (hammer), which you then promptly equip.
(It'd have a rod made of paper, a handle made from the wallet, and a head made from... a pie.)
The dream that you've never dreamed is suddenly about to FLOWER.
Chair-City? (Ind) (Tra)
Stand still and pretend you're invisible, because that totally didn't fall back there on the street.
It's High Noon
I cut my hand for having pie.
PiE
ipe
eee
iii
You surely understand.
I will just need a coffin after loosing my hand for having PiEipeeeeiii which is pie..
Walk back from the hole.
Ah and why the symbol that represents CRYSTAL CONSTRUCT is the same one of Hyperion?