Welcome to Statstick Arena! Where a handful of specially chosen entities get thrown at each other in the hopes that something interesting happens while they all die.

This is more in line with spacebattles quests than traditional DTG games, you won't be summoning or directly controlling the entities yourselves, instead you'll occasionally be using actions as you so choose.

Another gimmick is that there's no win or lose conditions for you guys. You're just in the audience watching the entities below duke it out. You can set goals for yourselves, trying to get specific entities to win or whatnot, but you can't die or lose in any way. The round doesn't end until one entity (or team) is left standing.

These aren't just gonna be numbers and whatnot. In fact, I'm not actually gonna list the exact damage values in the updates at all! While healthbars and such will be listed in the 'end of round statuses' the actual battles themselves will deal much more with cool flavor text and whatnot.


Another note:
Entities will not all be released at once. To give weaker entities a chance to beat the crap out of each other without getting annihilated by things ten times their size, all summons will be summoned in waves based on absolute power level.
Additionally, this isn't super important as a whole, but these fights are canonically sorta like smash bros. Nobody's really here against their will, and the only penalty for losing is not getting the prize at the end of the 'tournament'. This includes full heals, mental deconditioning, reivival, and whatever else is needed to make the damage inside of the arena from translating to back outside of it.


Unlocked Audience Powers:
Suggestion: Give an entity an order. If it goes directly against their nature or interests (or they have a passive that makes them less likely to follow commands) they might ignore or deny it, but you may do as you please with the order. Cost: 1
Liquid Badbutt: greatly increases an entity's chance to deal extra damage through flavor text shenanigans this round. Cost: 2
Divine Shield: greatly increases an entity's chance to take less damage through flavor text shenanigans this round. Cost: 2
Idiot Ball: greatly increases an entity's chance of having their actions mitigated through flavor text shenanigans this round. Cost: 2
Disaster Juice: greatly increases an entity's chance to take more damage through flavor text shenanigans this round. Cost: 2
Perception Filter: No entities that aren't already focused on this entity will target it this round. Cost: 2
Back Targets: Any entity that doesn't have incentive to attack something else will target this entity this round. Cost: 4
Illegal Charge Steroids: Increases the power of the targeted entity by one tier of charge power. Cannot be used to increase an entity's power beyond that of the current Wave. Cost: X+1 (X = number of times that entity has received charge steroids before)
Camera Filter: The selected entity will have the point of view focus on their thoughts at least once this round. Cost: 0. Only usable twice per round.
Victory Decision: If multiple entities team up, and defeat all other entities that aren't teamed up with them, you, the audience, will be asked whether to let them take the victory as a team or to forcibly break their alliance and make them acutally claim the victory for themselves. Cost: 0

If you have ideas for powers that aren't here, feel free to pitch them to me.


The starts of the assorted matches can be found on these pages: (not specific posts because for some reason jcink doesn't let me link to specific posts)
Season 1: 6 Rounds to end. Victor: Team Jiggletoast (King Slime, Healing Toaster)
Season 2. 17 Rounds to end. Victor: Team Harvesters (NoLegs the Cat, King Slime, Angry Farmer)
Season 3. 5 Rounds to end. Victor: Battle Droid Squad.
Season 4. 9 Rounds to end. Victor: Team Jiggletoast (King Slime, Smol Ket, Healing Toaster)
Season 5. In progress...

HHHHHHEEEEEELLLOOOOO Ladies and gentlemen! It's been a rousing season of entity combat here at Statstick Arena, but today as the season closer we have something special for all of you!

Indeed we do Billy. Now, some of you may be curious. "Closer? Didn't we do the season finale last week?" And on that point you would be absolutely correct, but this season's spectacular special effects and extra entity budget were bolstered and provided by a generous joint donation from our sponsors Talco on the one hand and from the big man Pionoplayer on the other. As payment for the extra budget, a request was made to do a special episode, which we are filming here, today!

This is going to be a special 'waved' battle royale, and though it won't be as impressive as our Magic vs. Robots army battle finisher last week, it'll still be a show to enjoy! Or at least peek at now and then while you do your laundry.

If we're being totally honest this is probably closer in terms of spectacle to one of our off-season side matches, but hey, it's what was requested and it'll still be fun to watch. No complaints from me there.

Nor from me, Bob. For those of you wondering how it's going to work you should probably check the Opening Post of this thread, or if you're actually a viewer, it'll work sort of like a combination of our wave and battle royale fights. Entities released gradually and the last man/woman/thing/tem standing wins!

Seems simple enough! Anything else we should know?

Yeah, for some reason the orders include this first test run only releasing one entity at a time so we can likely spend the first round or two getting snacks before the fighting actually starts.

...Piono works in mysterious ways I guess.

No kidding. You got any drink requests or...

The announcers' mics shut off automatically as it detects them starting to stand up from their seats to make sure they have something to munch on while waiting for the actual fighting to start.

In the meantime... It is time to begin.


WAVE I (Yes I'm using roman numerals you can't stop me)

The Angry Farmer beams down to the arena. He was made for this, literally. Everything he is was for this moment... and all the other moments. But this time... This time he gets to shine! Every other time he's come out onto the battlefield he's been stomped on for being nearly as weak as entities come and it makes him angry just thinking about it!
A lot of things make him angry just thinking about them BUT GOSH DARN IT he's gonna do it right this time!

...wait hold where is everyone? aren't there supposed to be some enemies?


The announcers' microphones crackle to life and then promptly shut back off because they haven't gotten back from their snack run yet.

Angry Farmer: 8,000/8,000. Pitchfork Ready!

Audience Power Points: 1
The Fallen: None Yet




OOC note: this is just sorta the opening bit. If you guys wanna try out the Suggest action, go ahead! You aren't really gonna need to do a whole lot this fight I think.

I suggest the angry farmer throw his pitchfork straight up in the air as hard as he can to relieve his anger.

*cackling manic laughter intensifies in the background*

1 Audience Power Point expended!
Suggestion: The angry farmer should throw his pitchfork straight upwards to relieve his anger.


Round 1:

The Angry Farmer looks around. Is this some kind of joke? No one here?! This is so infuriating! Having no one else to take his frustrations out on, he opts to attack the biggest target available. The sky! He throws his pitchfork straight upwards and WAIT NO HOLD ON HE NEEDS TH-OH GODMODDER IT'S COMING BACK DOW
The Angry Farmer is promptly speared to the ground by his own pitchfork. He unspears himself, but thanks to bullcrap entity mechanics the pitchfork is no longer useable.


End of round:
1 APP added to pool.

WAVE II

The in-arena summoners trigger once again, summoning up the next wave. The Angry Farmer glares across the field, now very determined that he's being mocked. Across the arena appears to be a toaster with a few vials of red fluid attached to it. It's bouncing all over the place, so happy and content... It makes him angry.
The toaster, for its part, couldn't care less. It just wants to make more toast and nobody ever eats its toast unless there's fighting going on. There's supposed to be fighting here, so maybe people will eat the toast!


Alright, we're back. Got the snacks Bob?

Got 'em right here Billy.

...Bob look at the status bars.

...Has the farmer taken damage already? It was the only thing on the battlefield this round!

I suddenly wish we hadn't left for snacks, it must've been hilarious.


Field Status:
Angry Farmer: 4,000/8,000. Pitchfork Used.
Healing Toaster: 10,000/10,000. 0/10 toast.

Audience Power Points: 1
The Fallen: None Yet

I suggest the toaster wait for the angry farmer to approach, then shoot a piece of toast directly in front of his feet so that he can't miss it.

1 Audience Power Point expended!
Suggestion: The toaster should wait for the angry farmer to approach, then shoot a piece of toast in front of his feet so he can't miss it.


Round 2:

The Angry Farmer advances on the seemingly oblivious toaster. He may not have his pitchfork anymore but he can still find a way to skewer that toaster...

The toaster hops forwards towards the farmer, who jumps back suddenly. The toaster pops up a piece of properly potioned toast, and launches it right at the feet of the poor man in front of them. He looks like he needs healing.

The farmer leaps back, looks at the piece of soggy toast on the ground, and roars in anger at the toaster. He IS being mocked! He charges forwards... and trips on the piece of toast, faceplanting right into the toaster where he receives immediate face burns.


End of round:
1 APP gained

WAVE III

While the angry farmer rolls about in the dirt clutching his face and the toaster clinks about angrily about the ruined toast, the arena summoners trigger yet again. A new threat has arrived on the field with mad giggling and a cheap mp3 screaming through the speakers... The abomination has come.


I was going to comment on the sheer incompetence of this farmer entity but who in the fresh GORILLA authorized that monstrosity down there.

Piono, I think.

...That bonus sponsorship was a mistake.


Field Status:
Angry Farmer: 3,000/8,000. Pitchfork Used.
Healing Toaster: 9,000/10,000. 0/10 toast.
Minion Potato Cop Car: 30,000/30,000. Police Brutality: 0/3.

Audience Power Points: 1
The Fallen: None Yet

I suggest the Angry Farmer to really Channel this anger at...this minion monstrosity and Attack the Minion Potato Cop Car at the Source,the minions themselves

*popcorn eating sounds*

I suggest the minions get out of the car to get the banana the farmer is hiding.

1 Audience Power Point expended!
Suggestion: ERROR, stalemate detected, resolving stalemate...
"Minions get out of car to pursue bananas" discarded, ordering an entity to self destruct will not parse.
Suggestion: Angry Farmer attack the Minion Potato Cop Car.


Round 3:
The Angry Farmer staggers to his feet... and spies the minion potato cop car. His blood boils, his vision turns red. The only thing he hates more than whatever he's angry about at the moment... MINIONS
His feud with the healing toaster totally and utterly forgotten, he steels himself for this greatest fight of all and shouts, charging straight for the madly swerving automobile.

In the cabin of the cop car, the minions chatter at each other madly. The smell of internet hatred fills the vehicle, and the one at the top of the trenchcoat points excitedly while insanity pours from his mouth. The car skids across the ground and plows forwards.

The farmer and car charge straight for each other, on a crash course collision for destiny. The Angry Farmer rages and leaps into the air, ready to land his killing blow... only for something small, brown, and potato-shaped to slam into his forehead. The farmer flips around in the air, falling off his trajectory and slamming into the hood of the car, thudding across the top of it and then being knocked off onto the ground by the windshield wipers.
Angry Farmer slain.

The toaster watches this all with a blank expression and makes some toast.


End of round:
1 APP added.

FINAL WAVE

As the Minion Potato Cop Car does donuts around the angry farmer's corpse (probably the vehicular equivalent of t-bagging) the summoners trigger one final time... The last, and greatest entity to hit the field this battle.
King Slime summoned.


I think that's the most dramatic death I've ever seen a two-pointer get.

He didn't deserve it.

I mean no, but it was still dramatic.

As long as the minions die too I will be content with the outcome.


Field Status:
Healing Toaster: 9,000/10,000. 1/10 toast.
Minion Potato Cop Car: 28,000/30,000. Police Brutality: 1/3.
King Slime: 40,000/40,000.

Audience Power Points: 1
The Fallen: Angry Farmer



A small note, for those of you in the audience calling the shots: All sub-summons of one of these entries count the same for command and objective purposes. For instance, all blue spiked slimes would win along with the King Slime, and likewise Suggestion can be used to order the King Slime and all active spiked slimes simultaneously.

King Slime to SLIME SLAM THE EVER LASTING FUDGE OF THE MINION POTATO COP CAR

I suggest minions throw the entire bag of potatoes to knock the crown off the king slime.

1 Audience Power Point expended...
Suggestion: ERROR, stalemate detected. Resolving stalemate...
"Minions throw entire potato bag at king slime's crown" favored, due to shenanigans potential.
Suggestion: Minions throw entire potato bag at king slime's crown.


Round 4:
The minions hop up and down in their hijacked vehicle, bouncing over each other as their eldritch tongue of madness spills from out of their horrendous yellow mouths. They have seen greater prey, and seek now to slay it.
The cop car screeches across the battlefield, barreling full tilt before spinning sideways slightly, leaving its main window directly facing the king slime as the entire sack of potatos the minions have been using for their weaponry sails through the air and slams into the king slime's crown.

The king slime doesn't even have to have a face, everyone can feel its gaze shift very sharply from the toaster to the minions as the potato sack pulls off a chunk of slime as it slides down to the ground.
The king slime will not stand for this insult. The minions inside the car, totally unprepared for the king slime not actually being dead, panic. They all fall out of the trench coat and attempt to send the car in every direction, leading to the car not actually going anywhere and being hit head-on by the king slime's colossal descent.
Squish/Crunch.

The toaster sits back, watching these happenings, and makes more toast.

The minions drive out from under the King Slime's girth, not yet totally defeated, driving over to the fallen potato sack before stopping to desperately pick it back up. Next round they'll be too focused on retrieving their potatos to actually attack with them.


End of round:
1 APP added.


GET 'EM! GET 'EEEMMMM!

You seem excited.

Who wouldn't be excited about minions dying horrible deaths?

Touche. Sorta curious about that toaster though, they don't seem to be doing much.


Field Status:
Healing Toaster: 9,000/10,000. 2/10 toast.
Minion Potato Cop Car: 19,000/30,000. Police Brutality: 2/3. (can't use basic attack for 1)
King Slime: 30,000/40,000. Spiked Slime: 3,000/3,000

Audience Power Points: 1
The Fallen: Angry Farmer

Toaster:ally with the King Slime ?? It’s probably the safest idea.Show your Alliance with a gift of Toast

I suggest the king slime accept the healing toaster as a subject in exchange for all of the toast it produces.

I suggest that the King Slime absorbs the toaster into himself like that ninja armor he has, eating the healing toast the second its made.`q

1 Audience Power Point expended!
Suggestion: Toaster, ally yourself with the King Slime.


Round 5:
The King Slime stares across the field... well, not really, it doesn't have eyes, but the intent is there so it counts.The minions are scrambling to pile potatos back into their car as quickly as possible.
Suddenly the King Slime feels a tapping at its base. It "looks" downwards and sees the Healing Toaster tapping at it. It bounces happilly, wishing it had arms to wave, and motions at a plate next to it. Three pieces of healing toast stacked high on it. The King Slime is cautious but bounces a bit, pulling the healing toast into its depths to consume.

Now here's the thing about the healing toast. The healing toast is made by making toast, and then pumping it full of health potion. Health potion is never particularly tasty at the best of times, but soggy toast? That's the absolute worst.
So it's a good thing that slimes don't have taste buds.

The King Slime's health shoots almost all the way back to full with this one meal, and it wobbles affirmmatively and a deal is made. The healing toaster shall provide the king slime with toast, and the king slime shall allow the toaster to split the prize money with it, so long as the toaster is willing to make more toast after the arena battle is over. These terms are found quite acceptable, and so the king slime rounds on the minions who are now quivering in despair at having the entirety of last round's attack undone in one go.
One enormous slime bounce (and a few slime spikes) later... well, I think we all know where this is going to end.


End of round:
0 APP added. This fight is basically over.


*sounds of cheering emanate from the commentators box*


Field Status:
Healing Toaster: [Team 1] 9,000/10,000. 0/10 toast.
King Slime: [Team 1] 39,000/40,000. Spiked Slime: 3,000/3,000
Minion Potato Cop Car: 9,500/30,000. Police Brutality: 3/3.

Audience Power Points: 0
The Fallen: Angry Farmer


OOC note: This next round will be the last one of this fight. You may make posts expressing your opinion on this latest update in the meanwhile before I begin it.

Wait a second...
Are all these monsters gonna be things that the shopkeep summoned in CTG?

Aaaanyways, I vote for the king slime to have to fight the Healing Toaster, or they both die!

QUOTE (SirNatureWriter @ Jun 19 2019, 03:11 PM)

Wait a second... Are all these monsters gonna be things that the shopkeep summoned in CTG?

*nervous glances to the side*

Uh... ON TO ROUND 6


Round 6:
The minions chatter fearfully to one another. Is this the end? No. They have one final trick up their sleeve, one final thing they can do. It's risky, but in the face of these kinds of odds it's their best shot. They back up the smoking car, and drop a pile of potatos on the gas pedal. The car lurches into motion and dives forwards.

The King Slime lurches upwards into the air and descends on a perfect trajectory with the car, landing on it with immense force. The car explodes violently, and the heat and bubbles cause another spiked slime to be relased from the mass, and a fair bit more to liquify... but another piece of toast is jettisoned through the air and absorbed, healing off some of the damage. It doesn't matter though, the threat is gone.
Minion Potato Cop Car destroyed!


Ladies and Gentlemen, it seems we may just have a victory! Of the two remaining summons, both are on the same team!

Here is where a special gimmick requested by Piono kicks in, folks. Normally our battle royales don't allow for teaming. Only one person may take home the gold after all!

That's not the case here, however. While the prize money will have to be split, everyone can be a winner!

Well, not everyone, just the one team. But! They can only take it home together if you, the audience, wish it so! Whenever a team accomplishes the victory as has been done here, you all may decide whether to accept the team victory or insist that they earn their win through blood and tears!

So it's up to you all then.

What will it be?

Friendship and harmony?

Or death and bloodshed?


Victory Decision engaged:
Team Victory: 0. Individual Victory: 0.
Vote now on your phones! Or whichever electronic device you're using I guess.


Current battlefield, in case you want to base your decision on current stats for some reason:

Healing Toaster: [Team 1] 9,000/10,000. 0/10 toast.
King Slime: [Team 1] 30,000/40,000. Spiked Slime x2: 3,000/3,000

Audience Power Points: 0
The Fallen: Angry Farmer, Minion Potato Cop Car

Team Victory. Happy endings!