First, he shills 70 Crafting Credits to get a grand total of seven Seer Crystals, snatches up 5 Reverie and Zweet fragments, 30 units of Thyme Matter, 10 Fresh Manablooms, 5 Manabloom Seeds, 5 Wheat Seeds, 5 Hotpoint seeds, another Barkfin, and a... Secretary Slicer? And a Sleepcatcher?

Mr. Krabs is the owner of one of the finest eateries in all of Bikini Bottom. OK, no, he isn't, the ownership got stolen by Venia when the real Mr. Krabs died from a paradox, and this Mr. Krabs is a robot cosplaying as General Greivous, for money. Let us never forget that. But! The entity he was based upon once owned one of the finest eateries in all of Bikini Bottom, and though said entity was himself a terrible, godawful chef, this robotic Mr. Krabs is actually not stupid at cooking.

Step 1: Hand it all to someone who can actually cook. This turns out to be Ted, the sentient rope from a few craftposts before. Hi again, Ted! Ted was the head chef on the S.S. Gourmet while Mr. Krabs cleaned the bathrooms-that's how the two met! Of course! The deepest lore! Deeper than the ocean Ted is now diving into, ingredients towed under with him via telekinesis.

After diving ten thousand meters under the sea, Ted judges the depth perfectly accustomed to what he intends to do. Ted forms his entire body into a gigantic whistle, and then cheats physics to blow said whistle, creating a shrill underwater sound. A horde of dolphins immediately come, beckoned by the call. One long, brutal battle later, all the dolphins are dead, and Ted is a mess. Literally, a mess. He's totally bloodstained. This act has summoned another figure, another Ted, who is also a mess, one that more thoroughly resembles (but is not) a third Ted, this third not-present Ted being Ted Cruz.

The second Ted opens his mouth and speaks one jumble of a word:

T E D I S A M E S S
E D I S A M E S S
D I S A M E S S
I S A M E S S
S A M E S S
A M E S S
M E S S
E S S
S S
S

The speaking of the word causes reality to shudder, but before this second Ted goes any further, Ted the Rope uses his Telekinesis to infuse the large chain of capital S'es into his dish, which he shall later put the whole plate upon. This causes the second Ted to rewind and re-speak:

T E D I S A M E
E D I S A M E
D I S A M E
I S A M E
S A M E
A M E
M E
E

For Ted the Rope's next trick, he cuts up the last letter, the many capital E'es, splitting the major line that connects the three others, then snatching away the smaller line in the middle. As it turns out, this second Ted speaks entirely in Spinachese, and therefore every word out of his mouth is constructed with lettuce; as it happens, this precise maneuver generates exactly enough spinach for the dish. This again causes the second Ted to rewind and re-speak:

T E D I S A M I I
E D I S A M I I
D I S A M I I
I S A M I I
S A M I I
A M I I
M I I
I I
I

Metachronistic fires are then pitched into the second Ted's mouth, causing what he speaks to become true! This turns all entities named 'Ted' to turn into Mii-lookalike versions of themselves, including the two stationed here. However, the method behind this madness isn't so stable itself, and suddenly reality starts to leak and tear, as more things that aren't Ted turn into Miis! Brick walls, masses of water, empty space, the 290422 classic movie 'Empty Space' by Jerry Seinfeld, the characters of Project Thymium, planets, years, time, reality, words, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii ,mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii ,mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii ,mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii ,mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii, mii,

miimii

The utterance of the word 'miimii,' itself very close to 'meme,' causes Mr. Krabs to gain unholy power and reserve the transformation, resetting reality almost to as it was, barring one key detail; The repetitive use of the word 'mii' has caused reality to spontaneously generate Mimi from Super Paper Mario in the vicinity of the second Ted! She instantly dies of water pressure, but that's OK, this particular multidimensional Mimi had near-zero redeeming features and was holding a dozen other gorumet chefs captive! As thanks, they don diving suits and join Ted's quest for the perfect gourmet bird food.

Some incredibly boring but lifelike preparation for the Barkfin is then held, because sometimes insanity needs a lunch break too. After a sufficient summoning of life elementals is had, to make the whole process more 'lifelike' and to 'liven' up the area, the life elementals are commanded to standby and stop throwing everyone off.

Ted and his team proceed to grind up the Seer Crystals and Reverie/Zweet fragments into a fine powder. After some mixing, they jar it for now. The Sleepcatcher is torn up in its entirety and also grinded up into this powdery mix, creating Dreamy Powder. It is jarred and set aside, so that it may be used to season the main course later.

Ted plus the team turn towards the seeds. This, clearly, isn't enough, and proceed to throw the seeds into a duplicator. A few seconds later, the team now has fifty-fold the amount they started with, IE 250 of each type. This is actually a little too much, so they use a supercollider to collide one of each seed type into one another, creating a super food known as Superseed, which goes off to fight food-based crime. After recapturing him, the crew proceed to make him 249 clones, then stuff them into the Barkfin.

Ted then tackles the more... Exotic, ingredients. The Thyme Matter is treated like a jam, and the crew decide to infuse it with the fresh manabloom via some blending, creating Magic Thyme Matter. It immediately attempts to make a Swirl, but the crew beat the Swirl with a beater before it forms. They spread the Magic Thyme Matter on the Barkfin, preventing it from becoming Iti.

Finally, the Secretary Slicer, the most puzzling piece of all. A sharpened eraser on a pencil. It is ridiculous. Ted plants a tube onto the eraser, which links up to an Essence-Sucker-O-Matic 9434. This glorious machine sucks up the essence of whatever its attached to, enabling the crew to skip actually using the Secretary Slicer in the cooking process by just directly infusing its key essence directly into the Barkfin. The Barkfin, as a byproduct of this, goes monochrome.

The crew look upon their works, a delicious-looking fish, scrutinizing its every detail and making sure nothing is out of place. They nod to each other excitedly once they are done, realizing that they have, in fact, done it!

Unfortunately they're not actually done yet. The Life Elementals from before come back, and using their natural powers, they call upon their element and infuse the giant dish with a massive sphere of life energy, created by generating it offscreen while the gourmet team went to work!

After three tense minutes, the light subsides, and lo, a squid-like entity with dozens of feathers is created where the dish was! It is immediately dubbed 'Groose' by onlookers due to its head looking like a red pompadour. A net is thrown over it-but the Groose is swift, and breaks free! Or, the Groose is Loose, if you would. Sadly, what would be a hilarious escape scene is cut short by Ted's telekinetic grip upon Groose. Ted proceeds to brutally bash Groose into the ground several times, then hold it still for the chefs to stab it with their steely knives. They just can't kill the beast, though, so they summon a death elemental to take away its life-li-ness.

It works, surprise surprise, procuring the party one (1) Dead Groose, the single most delicious bird food dish known to what will likely be (T4). Almost. The Groose, due to its formation, is technically an Iti of some kind, and the Baby Gallows can't be eating Iti! It has to eat purified Iti.

Mr. Krabs snatches up the Dead Groose and immediately moves to Venia at The Way Forwards. Oh, sorry-this is the time-shifted Venia from before, who challenged Acacia, now patiently waiting for her opposition alongside her crew, rather than the very angry Venia at the Fireblast Encampment.

"...I presume you want me to... Cook that, yes?"

Mr. Krabs nods. Venia pulls out the Entropic Key, the fiery force of purging upon it, as she jabs it directly into the Groose.

Several mildly awkward minutes of Venia cooking a squid with the Entropic Key's special ability pass in silence, until the squid is completely cooked. Coincidentally, due to various chicanery, the beast somehow grows multiple vegetables and bread, infused with magic from the manablooms, and drops them onto the plate that Mr. Krabs was provided, thanks to Ted.

This final step done, Mr. Krabs judges the plate. Large, but light enough for a child to carry. He judges the food atop it-hearty, but light enough for a baby bird to easily tear into every last bit of it, and boneless too. Also emitting unusual (but safe) amounts of Glitch and Psychic-based power and recently, but thoroughly, Purge-Cooked, which may have interesting effects. Or, not.


Materials Consumed: 7 Seer Crystals, 5 Reverie Fragments, 5 Zweet fragments, 30 Thyme Matter, 10 Fresh Manablooms, 5 Manabloom Seeds, 5 Wheat Seeds, 5 Hotpoint seeds, 1 Barkfin, 1 Secretary Slicer, 1 Sleepcatcher.

(T?) Purest Groose
Meant for a baby bird, and will be used on that baby bird immediately! Doesn't have stats because of this.