9/20 Vengeful God
Foundation of the suffering 11/20 EDIT +1 from ire
+2 ire
I draw a sword and leap forward, slash at burning zombie, and throw a nuke at him, followed by making a portal cage, which allows me to use techniques with a lot of collateral safely. one side of the portal cage lets out the nuke explosion into clift cactus the white. then I throw everything and a kitchen sink at him. that meaning an apple. a tomato, 64 bananas, 6 dice, a computer, water, ice, and a kitchen sink. then I sit on him, and kick his teeth out, followed by giving him a vision of a school. the trauma is too much, and he runs to find something to put him out of his misery. he finds a rift to land of stumps and dismay, and proceeds to do an acrobatic pirouette off a nearby stump and blow his brains out, only to find out that he is now in an anime high school where everyone else is infected with anime girl plague. right when hes about to be infected, he ends up on a flat place with two floating white gloves floating in the air. they then proceed to beat his face in until they both punch him at the same time and he gets launched far away. he then lands in a pipes opening, and gets shoved through along with thousands of turtles. when he exits the pipe, he finds the ground is made entirely of mines and launchers, and the walls of laser cannons, and the ceiling of turrets. a old man with a long beard and a giant hammer. the old man smashes the hammed down perfectly on flaming zombie, and the zombie gets launched into the buzzsaws which propell him down into the mines which launch him up into a buzzsaw cage where the turrets shoot at him and then all the laser cannons fire atone, blasting him into a cage of launches and buzzsaws where he gets hit repeatedly with no escape. after an hour a giant bomb slams into him and explodes the whole place, causing a storm of indestructible turtle shells to crush the zombie. after all this happens I put cactus through the same, except cow meat instead of turtle shells.
this action is empowered using my 5 energy because I want to level as fast as possible, which means I use energy whenever I can just to be sure.

Originally posted on 2017-01-28 12:25:00

Primary weapon: X-Corpse Shooter
Secondary weapon: Corpse Piercer
Tertiary weapon: Corpse Blaster
Armor: NA

FVS frowns. Seeing the abuse that her teammate, Urus, is receiving at the hands of Joe, she pauses in the action she was about to take and turns to him with a syringe out. He's probably scared of syringes. Many people are. She does not care. It is time to get healed. Thus, syringe stab, injection of blue liquid into his body, cue incredibly rapid healing of... well, SOME of his injuries. Probably not everything in one go.

"Just keep well away from fire and you'll be fine. Trust me on this one, you don't wanna sprout goddamn tentacles out of your arms or bone spikes from your face. That stuff I injected into you, Nerotonin-2, is directly related to the N-4 that's keeping those zombies going. As you saw with me, I got exposed to a bit of fire and sprouted tentacles. Yeah, I don't think you'd be immune to the virus, so just play it safe, okay?"

Fear The Reaper: 5/5

A number of quite intimidating-looking zombies soon arrive on the battlefield. They appear to have mutated heavily, their right arms being replaced with massive swords of bone and really painful serrations, capable of reaching out to long distances and arcing around to slash through a lot of people at once. To try to fight any of them with a melee weapon is to wish death upon oneself.

Reapers: 200/200 (x100) (High damage) (May counterattack if attacked)

Egg on your face: 1/10

+2 to Urus

Originally posted on 2017-01-28 14:18:00

No update today, but I am here to give a warning.

JOEbob, this is your first in-game warning. If I continue getting reports of you breaking General Rule 6, you will be banned from the game.
As it is, you XP is being frozen until this stops.

/null

Originally posted on 2017-01-28 15:33:00

7/20 Le Dudes

+2 Toast(er)

Alright, let's get back 2 bizniz

The extremely confused expression simply unexists from his face and is replaced by this: Heeeey....

sparkysfaint puts on his paper bag once again. He then reconstructs a Fire Demon, except blue. He gives it dark blue flames everywhere and teleports it into a Fire Demon. Due to its water properties, the Blue Fire Demon makes the Fire Demon explode. (not a summon)

Originally posted on 2017-01-28 15:35:00

20/20
20/20

EXPENDED

20/20 1:
As i seek to find the Seven Cities of Gold, i accidentally wreck another village, but manage to pull a rod of gold from the wreckage!
It's an artifact. With the power to make people seek the seven cities of gold. Or just settle down anywhere.



[A] Gloria Aurum. 1/5 Colonists 5/10 Greed Power
Seeking the Seven Cities: Gain 1 Greed Power and 1 Colonist per turn.
Colonization: Each Colonist can be expended to create a settlement. Settlements are capped at 5, have 5000 HP, little to no attack, and gain 2500 HP per turn. On reaching 10000 HP, the settlement will turn into a city. After one turn of being a city, double HP and gain the ability to build buildings (more on that when we get around to that.) Every settlement costs (number of settlements active that are not cities) to create. (0 for first, 1 for second, etc...). Additionally, the city will gain a charged special relevant to the Gloria Aurum.


Greed abilitys:
Instant City: Spawns a city instead of a settlement. 3 greed power, 2 colonists.
Seeking the Cities: Spawn a settlement using just Greed Power. 2 Greed Power.
Instant Gold: Turn an entity into a gold statue. All settlements will attack it this turn, and the targeted entity will be stunned, as well as taking minicrits from settlements. If a settlement/city takes the kill, gain 2 greed power.
Long Term Investment: Gain 2 greed power in 2 turns. 1 Greed Power.
Greedbeam: Convert Greed Power to pure damage. 10000-1, max 3 greed power.

(i was out of ideas and was playing eu4 ok?)

20/20 2:
I then upgrade the Gloria Aurum.
[A] Gloria Aurum Electric Boogaloo 1/5 Colonists 7/10 Greed Power
In addition to the above:
Antithief: If this is stolen and the owner is dead, self-destruct. If this is stolen and the owner is not dead, then roll a d20 to determine success of thief if it had already succeeded otherwise. The number required to succeed is based directly on how good the action was. If thief is successful anyway, self-destruct





Originally posted on 2017-01-28 18:19:00

Betty shrugs. Obviously, a pathetic nimnal like a fire demon isn't fit for the field. She then attempts to summon The Order of The Stick.

Originally posted on 2017-01-28 21:38:00

zomboss training facility 10/20
Since there's not really been any efforts to damage the simumodder in a while, I'm going to try to target him.
I pull out Heart's mirror, and, while being very careful not to look into it, show it to the simumodder. If he loses interest, tries to take it, or otherwise is not directly harmed by this action, I smash him over the head with it.

Originally posted on 2017-01-28 22:33:00

Sheriff Clint Cactus the White looks at JOEbob.
"Now, ya know what's better than triangles?"
He pulls out and eats a slice of pi.
[big][big]"CIRCLES!"[/big][/big] "Also ovals, spheres, and cylinders."
Sheriff Clint Cactus the White turns into Sheriff Clint Cactus the White Sphere, who is quite literally a giant white sphere. He then proceeds to circle around JOEbob and roll over him, flattening him into a pancake (a circular one). He then ties up JOEbob with his circular lasso, drawing a circle around him. This traps JOEbob in an ULTIMATE GOD SPHERE. The ULTIMATE GOD SPHERE shatters into tiny circles, and the same happens to JOEbob.

---

"Oh, an' thank you fer the healin', pardner. I ain't scared'a no syringes. They're jus' fancy techno-cacti."

---

+2 engie
Melon 3/5 (+2 from engie)
IT'S SPHERICAL! 1/10

Originally posted on 2017-01-28 23:01:00

Zomboss training facility 11/20

CRAZY SCIENCE THING THAT I FEEL LIKE TELLING THE WORLD ABOUT
Apparently things called time crystals exist now. They're crystals that move when idle. Without actually having any energy.
I... don't really know what this means for science but WEIRD HUH
anyway I make one (using the article's conveniently included instructions) and then show this blatant disregard for linear time to the PS team. Particularly Balrog. FOR SCIENCE

Originally posted on 2017-01-28 23:39:00

+2 to Reds

Originally posted on 2017-01-29 11:44:00

I'm really feeling like doing a SMASH today. Ugh... must... resist... feeling!! WHY CAN'T THE BALROG JUST DIE?!?!?!
ARGH!!!
...
Alright, I think I'm better now. I almost OPiono'd that thing.

":D"

Nobody's killing the sharks. Me no likey.
Trickle decides they have to die, so they do.
Don't argue with Trickle, dude. If they have to die, they have to die.
NO! They have to die!
They will die! Because Trickle said so!

"You can't argue with it. The logic is flawless."

Also, nobody's attacking the Simumodder.
Bummer.
)

---

CHARGES
-----------
O)u(O - 20/20. [IN PLACE].
Mr. Meaty - 2/20.
-----------

+2 to Speed
QUEUE: [Bfury, Bfury, Consomme].

Originally posted on 2017-01-29 14:16:00

o---Charges---
Another Seamstress: 14 / 20
A Present: 5 / 5 (+2, JOE)
+1 to JOE
+1 to the Author

Ette quickly gestures something to Marron. She questions her sister's motives for a second, but decides to go along with her idea. The two sisters retreat from the field for a moment, and come back with an oven and a fully-loaded prep station. Marron prepares a quick chocolate-chip cookie batter, while Ette preheats the oven. The younger sister then scoops some little dough blobs onto a baking tray, which Marron then throws into the oven. A couple of minutes later, and some freshly-baked cookies pop out of the oven. Marron places the cookies into a picnic basket, and delivers it to none other than the Author.

tc: Sis wanted to thank you, so we both prepared a little treat for you.
[small][small]tc: It even has a five-post charge baked into the crust![/small][/small]
tc: You could probably use it to heal something, but Ette personally wants you to try some.
tc: But yeah.
tc: Thanks.

[small](To clarify, the Author has been given a five-post charge to heal something with.)[/small]

She turns and leaves him without another word, re-mounting her ride and taking off to the skies. Since she can't be bothered to be too fancy for the remainder of this round, she simply does a few fly-by sweeping attacks on Chargeus, Nightmarron in hand. That +1k DMG bonus should make it worthwhile.

Originally posted on 2017-01-30 07:23:00

[OOC] Speed is my friend and I'm not actually mocking him/criticizing him, this is just my character being a massive asshole. :3 [/OOC]
Trickle has to be a butt about everything going on, because, come on, he's Trickle.

"Uh, excuse me!?"

With a gentle tap, Auth turns around.

"Are you really gonna mingle with someone from another team?"

Auth stares at Trickle and questions why he said "mingle", before pointing out the fact that Trickle clearly has a truce with JoeBob.

"Uhm, that... doesn't count, okay?"
"Hmph!"

Realizing that he is in no way correct, Trickle dashes off, leaving Auth confused.
Anyway, progress isn't really being made here. I'm just really bored and don't feel that well, so a slap to Balrog should do it for today.

---

CHARGES
-----------
O)u(O - 20/20. [IN PLACE].
Mr. Meaty - 3/20.
-----------

+2 to Bfury
QUEUE: [Bfury, Consomme, Speed].

Originally posted on 2017-01-30 13:33:00

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1485534045))

8/20 Vengeful God Foundation of the suffering 9/20 +4 from simumodder +1 from ire the choice of minor powers seems a bit... lazy, since it was like 'take his attack, turn it into a power.' +2 ire "can people at least try not to take it as an insult when i use the wrong name?" "if i offended someone, sorry." "(also, i had no idea "Ire" was the name of a thyme-coloured code butterfly) I attack urus (clift cactus the white) again, artifacts are useful. I change into TRIANGLES again, and he remembers horrible things like being vaporized. while hes stunned, I use a "ridiculously powerful attack memory" to spam the elemental buzzsaw cannons full-grown laser. after he gets hit, he flys into a convenient spike ball. I proceed to use the SCHOOL MEMORY from my school attack to make the school, and he is forced to go through it. after several classes in which he is told the best way to wrangle a cow is to [insert false stereotype here] and gets hit with a ruler since he attacked the people saying [false stereotype]. after a while, he has science, and they tell him to use a "Gizmo" to learn more about the cell. in the gizmo, there is a drop-down list of names, and you are told to find the name of a very specific dot. however, you cannot click on the dot to find its name, so he has to go through every entry in the list, only to find out its the second-last one. he then wrights the name on the sheet, only to be told that that dot is a random blotch of ink and he needs to find the name of another dot. after 3 hours, he is told that there is a class trip to the zoo, and asked if he would like to come. he is forced to accept under threat of evasceration. in the zoo, he is told that cows should never be wrangled, and the best way to get them to go places is large piles of hay. after they get him to stop banging his head into the glass, he is brought to a penguin exhibit where the sign says "penguins are awesome because they are cute and start with a P and end with a N". the penguins then break through the glass roof, make loud dubstep, put on a costume labeled "You know kung-fu*! *kung-fu not included". the penguin shatters the moon, and the pieces all smash into clift. then, a dodo breaks out of its exhibit and starts trolling the penguins, saying they will never be able to fly, and enraging the penguins so much they all use dubstep drives to attack the dodo, causing a 3 mile explosion because when a dodo and a penguin meet, its like matter and antimatter.

Your triangle and school-filled attacked deals 1 horrific damage point to Urus.
+0 XP

QUOTE (ConsumerOfAll @ (time=1485534750))

Alicia: Stop formulating a plan for future turns. Yeah. That was totally what you were doing. "Just because you see the world a certain way, it doesn't mean that your way is the way everyone sees the world. That makes you look completely insane. You called me Consumer once, and that makes me want to dry out your body by salt manipulation. What idiot would call themselves Cons-" Alicia says, before turning back to see a horde of a certain Descendant.

That has got to be the strangest migration I have ever seen.
+2000 XP

QUOTE (Irecreeper @ (time=1485552687))

o---Charges--- Another Seamstress: 13 / 20 (+5, JOE, Simumodder) A Present: 2 / 5 (+1, JOE) +1 to Toast (just for this one turn) +1 to the Author Marron responds to JOE. He quite clearly doesn't know what Ire is. tc: Uh. tc: I'm not even going to try and correct you there. You're far too dumb to understand, aren't you? [small][small]tc: What the hell is a "post", anyway?[/small][/small] The Author then refers to Marron as "Ruby Rose with pink hair." This naturally causes her some discomfort... which she discharges by flying down towards the Author and slapping him. Kinda hard. What's surprising is that brutally murdering the Author wasn't her first response there. tc: I'd rather not be compared to her. tc: I'd like to think that I'm my own person, damn it! Not some gorillay mary sue that Chaos probably fantasies about. [small][small]tc: ...A fair maiden, though? That's what you think of me? Hehehe... tc ...[/small][/small] A faint crimson blush crosses her face. She manages to conceal it rather well, before suddenly snapping at the Author. tc: N-N-Next time you call me that, I'll snap your neck. He then also mentions getting her to join his cause. tc: ...No. tc: Sure, you might be an okay person. tc: But it'll take a hell of a lot more than you being okay for me to join up with you. tc: ... tc: H-Hey, I should probably thank you for not harming my sister. tc: It... actually means quite a bit to me that you didn't even touch her. tc: So... thanks. She gives him a faint smile, before calling back down her ride, and taking off. She commands her ride to fly near Chargeus! She holds out her scythe and flies rapidly in circles around Chargeus, peeling off bits of its skin or flesh kinda like a person would a potato. She then takes these little bits of flesh and skin, and creates an incredibly disgusting flesh golem. This golem decides to jump upon Chargeus, and pummels it with its two gigantic meaty fists, before eventually being taken out by the one that provided the flesh. The bits of blood and flesh that surely fell off of Chargeus are soon turned into more golems, which too, attack Chargeus! The vicious cycle of golem attacks continues until Marron gets too tired to summon more golems, which just so happens to be after the ninth wave. She opts to take a nap on her bird until the next post... but she'll still probably hear people who attempt to converse with her. Meanwhile, Ette will use Self-Sow, while the Winged Beast will use To The Skies on the Flaming Zombie!

6000 damage to Chargeus!
Your entities will do as you say!
+8000 XP

QUOTE (Toast @ (time=1485559222))

10. 10/10. (+1 from Ire) 20. 4/20. G!Toast flips the table of sushi onto JOE, out of frustration. She then gains the ability to be triggered, since she clearly didn't have that already. Toast gains an 'Argh!' counter. For each stack of Argh! she has, she becomes more triggered, and thus ghost-slaps harder. Being unable to eat sushi puts her at one counter to start, with a maximum of five. Whenever she gets annoyed, she gets another counter, but since she's chill, she loses one every turn. You know what? I didn't even want sushi. Even if its just like a cold burrito with seaweed and all this other awesome stuff. That doesn't sound delicious at all! ...

10 charges expended! Argh stacks added. Ghost Toast will deal 2000 extra damage for each Argh stack she has.
1 ARGH stack added!

QUOTE (Emerald_Mann @ (time=1485568086))

I highly doubt this will work, but I use Hard Coded on the Simumodder. Malware Blade: 5/10 Virus 2.0, complete with on-board AI: 1/20

Combat Special: Hard-Coded (Basic)
Some people say you can pick your own destiny, but is that really the truth? Others would say that it's all hard-coded into us what we will do. Well, what would happen if you could hack into the coding? Here is the perfect chance to screw around with destiny. You decide to test your hypothesis by checking the timeline of your enemy, and note several points on their timeline. All of them appear to be-
The simumodder punches you in the face at 10 different points in your timeline at once.

Nope, it didn't work.
+1000 XP

QUOTE (Cyanogynist @ (time=1485569400))

Marron X Author confirmed. *runs away at supersonic speed* ---- Airhorn Industries blasts waves of sonic energy at the Balrog at a strict timing. Then it slightly accelerates, until the waves become one aerobeam of airhorn music. The Balrog gets knocked back hard, and feels a lot faster. It has casted Acceleration on the Balrog. [==]/\Charges/\[==] Adam Ruins Everything: 3/20 Blaze, Blizz, Blitz, and Bazaltz It: 3/20

Now THERE'S a ship I could sail.
You cast Acceleration on the Balrog for 3 rounds. ... What's that supposed to do exactly?
+5000 XP

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1485606332))

9/20 Vengeful God Foundation of the suffering 11/20 EDIT +1 from ire +2 ire I draw a sword and leap forward, slash at burning zombie, and throw a nuke at him, followed by making a portal cage, which allows me to use techniques with a lot of collateral safely. one side of the portal cage lets out the nuke explosion into clift cactus the white. then I throw everything and a kitchen sink at him. that meaning an apple. a tomato, 64 bananas, 6 dice, a computer, water, ice, and a kitchen sink. then I sit on him, and kick his teeth out, followed by giving him a vision of a school. the trauma is too much, and he runs to find something to put him out of his misery. he finds a rift to land of stumps and dismay, and proceeds to do an acrobatic pirouette off a nearby stump and blow his brains out, only to find out that he is now in an anime high school where everyone else is infected with anime girl plague. right when hes about to be infected, he ends up on a flat place with two floating white gloves floating in the air. they then proceed to beat his face in until they both punch him at the same time and he gets launched far away. he then lands in a pipes opening, and gets shoved through along with thousands of turtles. when he exits the pipe, he finds the ground is made entirely of mines and launchers, and the walls of laser cannons, and the ceiling of turrets. a old man with a long beard and a giant hammer. the old man smashes the hammed down perfectly on flaming zombie, and the zombie gets launched into the buzzsaws which propell him down into the mines which launch him up into a buzzsaw cage where the turrets shoot at him and then all the laser cannons fire atone, blasting him into a cage of launches and buzzsaws where he gets hit repeatedly with no escape. after an hour a giant bomb slams into him and explodes the whole place, causing a storm of indestructible turtle shells to crush the zombie. after all this happens I put cactus through the same, except cow meat instead of turtle shells. this action is empowered using my 5 energy because I want to level as fast as possible, which means I use energy whenever I can just to be sure.

AHEM, I believe your stats state that you can currently only use your energy in portals currently.
You do however combo your way through 3000 of the flaming zombie's health, and 1 of Urus's.
+0 XP

QUOTE (engie @ (time=1485613092))

Primary weapon: X-Corpse Shooter Secondary weapon: Corpse Piercer Tertiary weapon: Corpse Blaster Armor: NA FVS frowns. Seeing the abuse that her teammate, Urus, is receiving at the hands of Joe, she pauses in the action she was about to take and turns to him with a syringe out. He's probably scared of syringes. Many people are. She does not care. It is time to get healed. Thus, syringe stab, injection of blue liquid into his body, cue incredibly rapid healing of... well, SOME of his injuries. Probably not everything in one go. "Just keep well away from fire and you'll be fine. Trust me on this one, you don't wanna sprout goddamn tentacles out of your arms or bone spikes from your face. That stuff I injected into you, Nerotonin-2, is directly related to the N-4 that's keeping those zombies going. As you saw with me, I got exposed to a bit of fire and sprouted tentacles. Yeah, I don't think you'd be immune to the virus, so just play it safe, okay?" Fear The Reaper: 5/5 A number of quite intimidating-looking zombies soon arrive on the battlefield. They appear to have mutated heavily, their right arms being replaced with massive swords of bone and really painful serrations, capable of reaching out to long distances and arcing around to slash through a lot of people at once. To try to fight any of them with a melee weapon is to wish death upon oneself. Reapers: 200/200 (x100) (High damage) (May counterattack if attacked) Egg on your face: 1/10 +2 to Urus

You use some of your miracle super drug to restore 2 of Urus's hitpoints, completely undoing all of the progress Joe made this round.

You summon a group of reapers. Fear them. Even though they're pretty cheap and liable to die quickly.
+8000 XP

QUOTE (pionoplayer @ (time=1485617630))

No update today, but I am here to give a warning. JOEbob, this is your first in-game warning. If I continue getting reports of you breaking General Rule 6, you will be banned from the game. As it is, you XP is being frozen until this stops. /null

*RAGES AT MIRROR*

QUOTE (Redstonetam15 @ (time=1485617700))

7/20 Le Dudes +2 Toast(er) Alright, let's get back 2 bizniz The extremely confused expression simply unexists from his face and is replaced by this: Heeeey.... sparkysfaint puts on his paper bag once again. He then reconstructs a Fire Demon, except blue. He gives it dark blue flames everywhere and teleports it into a Fire Demon. Due to its water properties, the Blue Fire Demon makes the Fire Demon explode. (not a summon)

One of the fire demons gets exploded with water for 6000 damage!
+8000 XP

QUOTE (Battlefury @ (time=1485627577))

20/20 20/20 EXPENDED 20/20 1: As i seek to find the Seven Cities of Gold, i accidentally wreck another village, but manage to pull a rod of gold from the wreckage! It's an artifact. With the power to make people seek the seven cities of gold. Or just settle down anywhere. [A] Gloria Aurum. 1/5 Colonists 5/10 Greed Power Seeking the Seven Cities: Gain 1 Greed Power and 1 Colonist per turn. Colonization: Each Colonist can be expended to create a settlement. Settlements are capped at 5, have 5000 HP, little to no attack, and gain 2500 HP per turn. On reaching 10000 HP, the settlement will turn into a city. After one turn of being a city, double HP and gain the ability to build buildings (more on that when we get around to that.) Every settlement costs (number of settlements active that are not cities) to create. (0 for first, 1 for second, etc...). Additionally, the city will gain a charged special relevant to the Gloria Aurum. Greed abilitys: Instant City: Spawns a city instead of a settlement. 3 greed power, 2 colonists. Seeking the Cities: Spawn a settlement using just Greed Power. 2 Greed Power. Instant Gold: Turn an entity into a gold statue. All settlements will attack it this turn, and the targeted entity will be stunned, as well as taking minicrits from settlements. If a settlement/city takes the kill, gain 2 greed power. Long Term Investment: Gain 2 greed power in 2 turns. 1 Greed Power. Greedbeam: Convert Greed Power to pure damage. 10000-1, max 3 greed power. (i was out of ideas and was playing eu4 ok?) 20/20 2: I then upgrade the Gloria Aurum. [A] Gloria Aurum Electric Boogaloo 1/5 Colonists 7/10 Greed Power In addition to the above: Antithief: If this is stolen and the owner is dead, self-destruct. If this is stolen and the owner is not dead, then roll a d20 to determine success of thief if it had already succeeded otherwise. The number required to succeed is based directly on how good the action was. If thief is successful anyway, self-destruct

Alright, since that is a cool idea, but one in desperate need of rebalancing.
First off, Settlements start at 3000 health, gain 2000 health per round, and turn into cities at 7000.
You do not get starting Greed or colonists
Longterm Investment has been nuked and Greed Beam only deals 4000 per Greed expended.
Instant City costs 5 greed and 2 colonists instead of 3 and 2.
Instant Gold costs 8 Greed

+2000 XP

QUOTE (Con Air @ (time=1485639538))

Betty shrugs. Obviously, a pathetic nimnal like a fire demon isn't fit for the field. She then attempts to summon The Order of The Stick.

Your attempt, mercifully, fails. They're too busy doing things like saving the world.
+2000 XP

QUOTE (1412 @ (time=1485642800))

zomboss training facility 10/20 Since there's not really been any efforts to damage the simumodder in a while, I'm going to try to target him. I pull out Heart's mirror, and, while being very careful not to look into it, show it to the simumodder. If he loses interest, tries to take it, or otherwise is not directly harmed by this action, I smash him over the head with it.

The Simumodder appears disinterested at first, so you smash him over the head with it. Expecting it to just be a mirror and thus be tanked by his armor, the mirror "eats" him whole.
He appears a moment later, very angry and 1 hit point lower than he was before.
+42000 XP

QUOTE (Urus @ (time=1485644476))

Sheriff Clint Cactus the White looks at JOEbob. "Now, ya know what's better than triangles?" He pulls out and eats a slice of pi. [big][big]"CIRCLES!"[/big][/big] "Also ovals, spheres, and cylinders." Sheriff Clint Cactus the White turns into Sheriff Clint Cactus the White Sphere, who is quite literally a giant white sphere. He then proceeds to circle around JOEbob and roll over him, flattening him into a pancake (a circular one). He then ties up JOEbob with his circular lasso, drawing a circle around him. This traps JOEbob in an ULTIMATE GOD SPHERE. The ULTIMATE GOD SPHERE shatters into tiny circles, and the same happens to JOEbob. "Oh, an' thank you fer the healin', pardner. I ain't scared'a no syringes. They're jus' fancy techno-cacti." +2 engie Melon 3/5 (+2 from engie) IT'S SPHERICAL! 1/10

You run circles (heh. heheh... I'll stop.) around Joe and deal 2 damage to him with the TRULY SUPERIOR GEOMETRIC FIGURE.
+8000 XP

QUOTE (1412 @ (time=1485646799))

Zomboss training facility 11/20 CRAZY SCIENCE THING THAT I FEEL LIKE TELLING THE WORLD ABOUT Apparently things called time crystals exist now. They're crystals that move when idle. Without actually having any energy. I... don't really know what this means for science but WEIRD HUH anyway I make one (using the article's conveniently included instructions) and then show this blatant disregard for linear time to the PS team. Particularly Balrog. FOR SCIENCE

FOUR SCIENCE thousand damage dealt to the balrog.
+6000 XP

QUOTE (Toast @ (time=1485690264))

+2 to Reds

#emptywasteland
+2000 XP

QUOTE (TrickleJest @ (time=1485699409))

I'm really feeling like doing a SMASH today. Ugh... must... resist... feeling!! WHY CAN'T THE BALROG JUST DIE?!?!?! ARGH!!! ... Alright, I think I'm better now. I almost OPiono'd that thing. ":D" Nobody's killing the sharks. Me no likey. Trickle decides they have to die, so they do. Don't argue with Trickle, dude. If they have to die, they have to die. NO! They have to die! They will die! Because Trickle said so! "You can't argue with it. The logic is flawless." Also, nobody's attacking the Simumodder. Bummer. ) CHARGES ----------- O)u(O - 20/20. [IN PLACE]. Mr. Meaty - 2/20. ----------- +2 to Speed QUEUE: [Bfury, Bfury, Consomme].

The sharks start on their path to dying, and all take 2000 damage.
+8000 XP

QUOTE (Irecreeper @ (time=1485760995))

o---Charges--- Another Seamstress: 14 / 20 A Present: 5 / 5 (+2, JOE) +1 to JOE +1 to the Author Ette quickly gestures something to Marron. She questions her sister's motives for a second, but decides to go along with her idea. The two sisters retreat from the field for a moment, and come back with an oven and a fully-loaded prep station. Marron prepares a quick chocolate-chip cookie batter, while Ette preheats the oven. The younger sister then scoops some little dough blobs onto a baking tray, which Marron then throws into the oven. A couple of minutes later, and some freshly-baked cookies pop out of the oven. Marron places the cookies into a picnic basket, and delivers it to none other than the Author. tc: Sis wanted to thank you, so we both prepared a little treat for you. [small][small]tc: It even has a five-post charge baked into the crust![/small][/small] tc: You could probably use it to heal something, but Ette personally wants you to try some. tc: But yeah. tc: Thanks. [small](To clarify, the Author has been given a five-post charge to heal something with.)[/small] She turns and leaves him without another word, re-mounting her ride and taking off to the skies. Since she can't be bothered to be too fancy for the remainder of this round, she simply does a few fly-by sweeping attacks on Chargeus, Nightmarron in hand. That +1k DMG bonus should make it worthwhile.

6000 damage to Chargeus! (1000 extra dded because I forgot the Nightmarron bonus in your last attack)
Nice cookies by the way, they smell good.
+6000 XP

QUOTE (TrickleJest @ (time=1485783202))

[OOC] Speed is my friend and I'm not actually mocking him/criticizing him, this is just my character being a massive asshole. :3 [/OOC] Trickle has to be a butt about everything going on, because, come on, he's Trickle. "Uh, excuse me!?" With a gentle tap, Auth turns around. "Are you really gonna mingle with someone from another team?" Auth stares at Trickle and questions why he said "mingle", before pointing out the fact that Trickle clearly has a truce with JoeBob. "Uhm, that... doesn't count, okay?" "Hmph!" Realizing that he is in no way correct, Trickle dashes off, leaving Auth confused. Anyway, progress isn't really being made here. I'm just really bored and don't feel that well, so a slap to Balrog should do it for today. CHARGES ----------- O)u(O - 20/20. [IN PLACE]. Mr. Meaty - 3/20. ----------- +2 to Bfury QUEUE: [Bfury, Consomme, Speed].

3000 damage to the Balrog!
+5000 XP

1412 levels up: Level 3!
Combat Special unlocked: Weird Science (Basic)
Cyanoginist levels up: Level 2!
Combat Special unlocked: Shipping Grid (Advanced)

EoTB:
Chargeus is still stunned, and sits there, watching the stars circle around his head. Funnymouth makes funny faces at the fire demons, dealing 1000 damage to 4 of them.
Ghost Toast angrily stabs the Balrog 5000 times for 1 damage each. Ouch.
The flaming zombie once again targets the only enemy that isn't immune to fire, Ette takes 3000 damage and is set ablaze for 2 rounds. The Reapers decide to demonstrate exactly why you SHOULD fear them and in a whirlwind of chitinous blades deal 3000 damage to the most injured of the fire demons.
Ette sews herself back together, despite the fire, and restores 5000 health to herself. The Winged Beast uses To the Skies on the flaming zombie... or, tries. conviently (or inconveniently depending on your perspective) there is a cactus in the way. The attack is wasted and the cactus dies.
The fire demons all band together for a final massive attack. The message resounds in the chat: "CHARGEUS HAS BURNED TO DEATH."
Chargeus is still standing...
Chargeus cries one last massive roar of defiance and lands on all fours, then charges on all fours like a gorilla or large cat straight at the fire demons, which scatter in terror. Except for one, which is stuck with a limp from earlier injuries.
Chargeus's kamikaze destroys the injured fire demon completely and utterly.
Without someone to hide behind, Funnymouth looks up in fear. The balrog just steps on him, dealing 10000 damage.
The Simumodder decides that he'll play some bongos, and takes a pair of +4s, and begins smacking them down on the heads of the various AS players, dealing 2 damage to all 4 of them. before finishing his grand finale and tossing the two "sticks" behind him, where they land next to Joe and Marron.
The sharks swarm around the dead fire demon for food, sending flaming bits flying everywhere, Ette is standing too close and takes 6000 damage.

PSs have the entity advantage. Everything ticks up and down, shark spawns, Ette takes 2500 damage, Joe takes 1 but is no longer burning

Itinerary:
Regain the entity advantage!
Destroy the fire monsters!
Destroy Ette, she's a pretty powerful healer

Entity Advantage: [PS]

Weather: Sharknado (Summons 1 hostile shark every round.)
Terrain: Crater (No effect)

Simumodder [PS]: Hp: 96/100. Cool and New Portal Armor [A]. Golden Sun [A].
Balrog [PS][Elite]: Hp: 40000/150000. Acceleration 2 rounds.
Fire Demons x4 [PS]: Hp: 23000/25000.
Ette [PS - Ire]: Hp: 54500 / 100000. 2/3 Bear Hug. Burning 2 rounds
The Winged Beast [PS - Ire] Hp: 38000/45000. 1/2 To the Skies. 25% Dodge Chance. Airborne.
Marron [PS - Player] Hp: 10/10. 25% dodge chance. Airborne Nightmarron [A] 3/4 Petal Dance
JOEbob [PS - Player] Hp: 2/10. Astral Energy: 5%. Energy Stored: 10/10.
Angry Shark [H]: Hp: 10000/10000
Angry Shark x3 [H]: Hp: 8000/10000
Funnymouth [AS - Tricklejest]: Hp: 7000/27000
Ghost Toast [AS - Toast]. ARGH: 0/5
Flaming Zombie [AS - Engie]: Hp: 11000/20000. 1000 Regen.
Reapers x100 [AS - Engie]: Hp: 200/200. Chance to counterattack
Hezetor [AS - Player] Hp: 7/10. 1 regen
1412 [AS - Player] Hp: 3/10. Silver Wossname [A]
Urus [AS - Player] Hp: 3/10. White Hat [A] 2/3. Golden Lasso [A] Stored entity: none
Battlefury [AS - Player] Hp: 8/10. Gloria Aurum [A] 1/5 colonists. 1/10 Greed



[/spoiler]

Originally posted on 2017-01-30 14:33:00

OOC: I hate my life.

Auth doesn't even flinch when Marron hits him. He doesn't raise his hand up to his face. If it didn't heave a red mark on his face, one would think she hadn't done anything.

Apologies for that comparison, then, Marron. I wasn't thinking about how you would take that when I made it. I probably do deserve that.

Auth, due to his inane Watchful, catches Marron's blush. He wisely chooses not to comment on it. He also catches Marron's quiet comment.

Why yes, Marron. I do believe that.

Auth sighs, as Marron declines his thought.

Oh, you heard that.? That was me thinking aloud, sorry. I know well I don't have the ability to persuade you. At least, not yet. I hope to raise my credibility to allow for that to happen at some point.

Marron thanks him for doing what he said he would do.

Marron, I said I wouldn't harm you or Ette. My word is my bond. If I say something, I will see it through. Or, in this case, ensure that it doesn't happen. You don't need to thank me, I'm holding to my word.

Auth thinks to himself.

Either Marron is adverse to compliments, thinks I'm flirting or... that is quite a strange reaction. I must be careful with my wording...

Auth then sits down and mulls over his strategy this turn.

Then the cookies get gifted to Auth.

Oh! Thank you, Marron, Ette!

Auth waves that thanking to Ette as well, before pulling a cookie out of the basket.

And he eats it. And it's delicious. Because of course it is.

It's wonderful, Marron. I love it.

Auth takes two more into an airtight container. He waves that it was really good to Ette.

Auth knows that Chargeus is probably dead, so he gives the 5 Charge Heal to Urus. There isn't much more to say.

Then he responds to Trickle being rude.

Marron happens to be an acquaintance of mine, who I knew before coming here. It it logical that I would want to communicate to her.

Auth then glares at Joe.

Furthermore, you happen to be in a truce with Joe. You have a call, Trickle. It's the kettle. He says you're black.

ACTION SUMMARY:

Auth uses Marron's 5 Charge Heal on Urus, as Chargeus is almost certainly dead.

OOC: Trickle told me Funny was a joke. He told me not to heal him, so I'll comply.

SPECIAL ATTACKS:

The Armour of Royals: 20/20 (+2 from Trickle)

The Masters of London: 19/20 (+1 from Ire, Ire)

Originally posted on 2017-01-30 14:52:00

I have decide in-post communication is largely more trouble then its worth, so i'm probably not gonna do it much
10/20 Vengeful God
Foundation of the suffering 16/20 +4 from simumodder
+2 to Ire
If i do not use portal for anything else later, it will protect entitys with the following priority:
1)ette
2)Me
3)marron
4)the flying beast thing
5)balrog
6)fire demons
7)simumodder
I forget if the decision was to have it block damage, or have it make a different entity get hurt by that amount- if its the 2nd option, redirect damage toward F.zombie
I poke funny mouth to give the impression that I am totally not allied with tricklejest. this is not my action.
I draw a purple-crystal tipped wand and point it forward, a light-purple shockwave of light spreading out. the debris from the explosion a while ago floats upwards, and reforms into scattered remains of the vacations spot. while this gives me a decently flat place to work with, it is not what I need.
an orb of dark energy forms in my hand, and with a wave of it, black onyx (oinks) walls rise around the battlefield, causing the ground to rumble slightly. when the walls reach about 50 meters tall, I close my hands and rise up on white-feathered wings, and start to look like a generic angel, which everyone will probably be outraged/confused/amused about, since I'm on the simumodders side, and have hell stuff as one of my specials to boot, but hear me out here. since this is a simulation, not only is nothing we do here going to affect whether we are in the moral right, but also we don't have any backstory, the simumodder could, theoretically, be some awesome guy who gives everyone free food and presents when they aren't a descendant, and lets descendants be because we can take care of ourselves. so yeah I get angel wings and starts building a roof out of clouds and cotton candy, which i then shed feathers all over so it gets angely light. I build several greenhouses with nice food in them and such, and make a giant temple around this building with white marble and liquid cyan crystals running down carvings in the walls, which flows through some channels I made, revitalizing the land and making it a nice pasture with lots of grass, flowers, trees, and a few animals scattered around. the blue liquid pools in the center and forms a wonderful sparkling lake with some fish and such, and a nice beach appears. this is a perfect vacation spot for normal people! but that doesn't help me, now does it? I decide to make a self-regenerating food thing for the animals in front of the PS side, so the animals flock there, and will randomly absorb hits. I then dig under this place, and build an alter to space god, the God of space. yes, its a very informative name, I know. on the alter I place a bunch of stuff, like stupidnamium and a astral-apartment rent exemption sheet and some spacey things like... a portal maker? or something. in response to my prayer, and also because my future self is making sure he does it, he moves a bunch of the times when i said PS to the alignment place of the animals,making them [PS] entitys, and then in a less meta twist, teleporting them into the path of attacks on the [PS] side. I then make sure that animals keep coming here to be teleported by putting up a big sign that says "FREE ANIMAL FOODZ" and also making a machine to bring a bunch over every turn. the place still looks like the best vacation spot ever but now it actually helps me so I have a reason to post it.
Yay!


Originally posted on 2017-01-30 17:56:00

i remove some SlowOn: Remove Directly From The Legs from the Balrog's legs. It promptly slows down to such an absurd speed it violates the law in every single way and is punishable by death. Did i mention the Balrog is 1. on a highway with heavy traffic, 2. has no legs because i accidentally removed a bit much, and 3. All the cars are actually bombs.

The Balrog is promptly exploded so hard, they are launched into the Internet. Tragically, they end up relying on a school internet connect and are therefore trapped in a small range of websites. It then proceeds to take forever clawing it's way out of the system, all the while being blocked from existence by the school internet.

Finally, they manage to break free of the school internet!
...except the website they entered to escape the internet's grasp was a web design student's "about me" page. They are promptly horribly skewered as the website is continually modified to varying levels of success, moments before they are somehow flung into a pit of uncreative attacks. The Balrog tragically dies of Uncreativityitis and Uncreativity Cancer the next day. His death is mourned by many people, and a awareness day is held for pits of uncreative attacks. Everyone cries so much, they each generate a ocean. Said ocean teleports into the Balrog, causing it to swell up to massive sizes before encountering a stray needle and being popped.



3/10 2+ from trickle
1/10

Originally posted on 2017-01-30 20:27:00

Zomboss training facility 13/20
I use my new weird science special at Balrog! Wonder if it knows the effects of platypus venom... WELL it's about to.
Also +1 to Sp33don

Originally posted on 2017-01-31 00:13:00

posts seem slower then normal this round...
maybe I'm imagining it
/NULL

Originally posted on 2017-01-31 14:19:00

/placeholderedlohecalp

Originally posted on 2017-01-31 15:06:00