ally chan is back skrubs

Originally posted on 2017-01-20 16:30:00

o---Charges---
Care Package: 20 / 20 (+2, Simumodder)
Fine: 6 / 20 (+2, Simumodder)
+1 to JOE
+1 to the Author

Marron uses Care Package! This doesn't summon anything cool at all; rather, a radio simply plops down in front of her. She picks it up, and finds that somebody is already talking through it. Nobody besides Marron seems to hear the voice, but it seems to greatly irritate her. She gets into a shouting match with the one on the radio, then suddenly dodgerolls away from a massive crate that almost just squished her. The crate opens up to reveal a weapon that's familiar to Marron... the aptly-named Nightmarron!

tc: OH BOY. THANKS.
tc: IT JUST HAD TO BE THIS SCYTHE.

Given that it's a hell of a lot better than her old randomly-found scythe, she opts to swap out for it. Even if she never finds the time to use it properly, it might properly boost her damage output. Marron equips the...

Nightmarron [A] Provides a small (1k) damage boost. And ONLY damage. 0/4 Petal Dance.

Petal Dance allows the user to perform two actions in a single post, with neither of them being weakened. Of course, this also means that Marron is vulnerable... but surely, nobody would lay a finger on her, right? Marron decides to immediately put the Nightmarron to good(?) use by...

tc: E-Ette!?
tc: What... What even happened to you?
tc: ...
tc: D-Don't worry, you'll be fine! I'm here for you!

Marron, despite just getting a fancy new murderstick, decides that by far the best course of action would be to help her poor sister. She pulls out a sewing kit, and despite Ette's kinda... messed up apperance, she manages to get to work. With a steady hand, she manipulates the needle, gently threading it through Ette's fabric skin. This very slowly but surely closes up the biggest wound on Ette's body. Marron also pulls out several patches of black cloth, and sews them over some of the more weirdly-shaped holes in Ette's body. While it's far from a perfect fix, it'll do for the time being. She'll certainly have more time to fix her up once she's off the field some time in the future. Once she's done all that she can, she takes a seat next to her sister, and prepares a bit of tea for herself.

Originally posted on 2017-01-20 16:47:00

i stab the balrog with a map. The map is full of bombs, which fire out a massive amount of lasers for some reason. The map then proceeds to absord the Balrog. The map is actually a map to the Bob's Brain dimension, composed entirely of Bob's Brain. Every living being is also composed of extremely tiny Bobs Brains that in massive groups execute crucial functions, which contain smaller Bob's Brains that act as organs.

The Balrog then somehow presses a arrow key. The Bob's Brains all start to shake and shiver, green liquid dripping from them, leaking. The brains then proceed to do a dance, before the entire dimension is fling in the direction of the arrow key. As it turns out, it's headed towards the Balrog. You did realize the version that got sucked into a map was a dupe, right? The real version had to travel though the Brain Themed Trauma Dimension, during which it developed a crippling fear of brains.

The real Balrog, is, of course, way too busy trying to remove his head, having just realized that the BRAINS ARE ALREADY INSIDE HIM . Naturally, he is also reading a Guide To Removing The Evil Things Inside you, and tragically went out of his way to try his hand at removing his skeleton. Except then his skeleton exited his body, organs still attached. Apparently the skeleton was actually a mercenary, and trying to rip him out and dismember him was a massive contract violation.

Anyway, the fake Balrog horribly dies, somehow causing feedback to hit the Balrog hard. He claws at his head harder than before, not realizing the mercenary skeleton still had his organs with him. Meanwhile, one of the Balrog's legs reveals that 1. it too is a mercenary, and 2. that the Balrog hasn't been paying well enough and it will therefore have to find some alternate form of payment... like somehow plunging the Balrog into a war of sorts over his own body.

This, naturally, causes him to not notice the massive Bob's Brain the size of a small moon falling right on him, or the massive amount of big-space-rock smaller ones surrounded it. He is promptly hit by a endless barrage of Bob's Brains. Did we mention each one had a massive amount of special bomb effects? Because they do. Including, "homing, extra damage, double explosion size, more explosions, infinitely respawning, cluster bombs down to the atom, brimstone lasers.."

The list goes on and on, but that Balrog guy doesn't sound like he's in the best place with all those bombs, and with his body parts trying to seize control. Oh, did i mention he got a nice look at the big brains right before they slammed into him, and that trauma is a thing? Yeah, that's gotta hurt.



17/20
11/20
2+ to trickle

Originally posted on 2017-01-20 18:40:00

​3 3/3.
10 3/10.

Ghost Toast appears.


This is the story of a man named Steffan.

Steffan worked on the corner of Parable Parade and Stanley Street, where he was known by his nickname: "Busker #427". Busker #427's job was simple. He sat on a plastic office chair on the corner of Parable Parade and Stanley Street, and played music on the saxaphone. Requests came to him through those who passed by the corner, telling him what music to play, how long to play it, and in what style. This is what Busker #427 did every day of every month of every year, and although others might have considered it soul rending, Steffan relished every moment the requests came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job.

And then one day, something very peculiar happened. Something that would forever change Steffan; something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realised not one single person had passed by to give him a request. No one had shown up to check his busker's license, mug him, or even stop for a chat. Never in all his years at this corner had this happened, this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong.

Shocked, frozen solid, Steffan found himself unable to move for the longest time. But as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he realised that he didn't need to move. Why risk the danger of the unknown, when he could simply sit here, alone. Nothing could hurt me, he thought, I would be perfectly safe here. Steffan would wait. For how long? Hours? Days? Years? Steffan had lost the ability to tell. Eventually, answers would arrive, and then it would end. It would all end. Any minute now.

3.

2.

1.
...

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 00:18:00

I take some time to use Hard Coded, then return to coding the Living Virus, planning a weapon
Spare Code: 2/5
Malware Blade: 1/10
Gives target a Virus. Similar to Poisoned.... but coding based.... other than that, it's a sword made of malware

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 00:24:00

What in the world is toasts 3/3 charge supposed to do exactly?
just, what.
is it an attack?
/NULL

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 01:06:00

AH sorry the Order of the Silver Wossname was an 11 turn charge. because 11.

OK I equip the wossname and then punch the shark.
In the gills.

Zomboss training facility 4/20

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 03:31:00

I summon Walugi. He does "We are Number One but it's a Walugi Parody and he's throwing bombs at fire demons the whole time."
He gets blown to eternity, and lands in a volcano. The lava strips him to the bone.

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 05:08:00

I notice a sentient airhorn with eyes float into the battlefield. It emanates the same code as our friend MSPal. Gentlemen, meet Airhorn Solutions. This Discord bot will be filling in for me in this simulation from now on.

Airhorn Solutions floats into the battlefield, plays an extremely loud airhorn rendition of the Song of Storms. A storm of ear-obliterating airhorn noises, dank memes, and 360-noscopes rains down unto Steffan, damaging him and turning him into "Stefan Karl but he has no cancer GoFundMe" due to the sheer concentration of memes. Steffan then immediately suffers from every cancer in the universe at their final stages, and dies.
[==]/\Charges/\[==]
DOOT DOOT, MOTHER[REDACTED FOR PIONO'S SENSIBILITIES]: 1/20
Blaze, Blizz, Blitz, and Bazaltz It: 1/20

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 06:06:00

19/20 Astral unlocking
handoffification 15/20 +2 from irecreeper +2 from con
+2 Irecreeper
CLARIFYING ENTITY ORDER:
1)if gets an extra RP, make extradimensional bag.
2)if not in conflict with 1, use self stitch via the flesh interface, on self. [ergo, if I didn’t get an extra RP or flesh interface usage doesn’t take up an action, do this]
3)if not in conflict with 2 or 1, use stitch together on ette, or if possible, self. [if the above is true and you can claim multiple interface actions, or the above action failed, do this]
4)if not in conflict with 1, 2, or 3, use heal turret. [that is, if i can somehow still use steffan's basic action after using self stitch/stitch together, and didn’t get an extra RP, use heal turret]

this magic green stuff heals steffan, and I take out a slingshot, and load a rock into it.
the rock starts to glow and turn green, drawing in life from all over, and even growing slightly mossy. then i let the rock fly, and it does, straight to steffans... open... mouth...
ummmmmmmm.
he swallows the rock, and the life energy heals him! or... something... ok i don't know. a tornado of leaves and life and also farts forms in my hand and i shove that down his throat too.
then I hand him the legendary gentleman penguin (and his friends)
the sheer adorableness heals him, and he gets more will, and hope, to live on, so he can keep looking at awesome penguins. and so he vows to do everything he can to Live! for a Long Time! this vow also heals him, and then I throw an absurd amount of small orbs (from culmination and rearmed trials) at him, healing him even more. and I channel the essence of penguins, giving him constant awareness of the need to live so he can watch more cute Penguins! and I push my life into him, so much that if I was vulnerable I would lose 9 HP, but since I’m not I’ll be fine.
then I roll the malachite nibble-tet, which is like the fluorite octet but for healing instead, and it also has 4 more dice and 4 more sides on those dice. it comes up on 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7, and then i roll it again and get 12-12-12-12..., and then [this roll is actually random from random.org] 9-11-9-4-8-12-4-5-10-6-12-6, which is somehow way better then 12-12-12-12... since its actually random, and i think the average there is over 6 so its a good roll and it heals him a whole bunch. then i make a pop-o-mattic- healhealio slingshot which shoots popomatic bubbles, and keep firing until i get all 12's,11's, and 10's. during this time steffan gets healed a ton and then remembers the penguins and starts healing even more. I ponder how to heal him more... and wish I remembered to upload a picture. drat. a circle with 4 quarters of different colours appear at steffans feet, Purple and Cyan and Red and One other colour. the colours remind him of his life, of his adventures with a lord of skys and the gods of his world, of an endless struggle between the perceived and the body, of the earth and the sun, of plants and energy... of Death and Life , and of so much more. in his time before, he was friends with both, and had no preference... but the 2nd has vanished, perhaps fallen from grace? and so he must join life, perception, earth, and plants. the circle reminds him of when his friends vanished in flashes of light, of when he was alone for years, and of when they were suddenly with him again. of how it did not last. of how he was made. not born, made. of his struggles, of his competition with the 9 he first knew. of when he gained his name/of when he lost his number /of when he was finally happy... and he is also given knowledge of events yet to come... of his city, of his followers, and of so much more. with this knowledge comes strength,resolve, and the raw life force of hundreds... no, millions, of people. and a slight doubt that the remaining gods morals remain uncorrupted. more life surrounds him, and he is healed, but he wonders... where did this power come from? how many could have been healed instead? how many people will be sacrificed so I can live? and a beam of light comes from the sky, and he is healed more. then the light dwindles, and he slowly drifts to the ground.

then I set up the reverse-cronological barriers that stop people from sabotaging me because I am still paranoid, ok?
"So con why not try joining the PS's?"
"Its fun, at least try it for a bit."

"'ey "auth" and marron, did you see the killing of an absurd amount of things with pickaxes I did? oh, and in case you missed it, there was an alternate reality where i pressed 'Edit Post' a few minutes earlier and countered "auth"'s attack on bob. "
"and also proved the undeniable awesomeness/superiority of pickaxes"

"um... it turns out that 13 is only a bit over 1/2 of the cost to remove ONE stack from her..."
"I really thought it could work... D:"
"we might be able to make a mindles clone of her though


"oh, thanks con "

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 12:51:00

Primary weapon: X-Corpse Shooter
Secondary weapon: Corpse Piercer
Tertiary weapon: Corpse Blaster
Armor: NA

FOOLS! ENGIETECH COPYPASTING IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD! As you can probably tell, I am lazy. However, I will do dialogue this time. FVS sees that there isn't much she can do for Ette right now, and just sadly hands her a bit more healing item stuff (unless she can somehow use the Flesh Interface status effect thingy to make Ette heal herself for even more), then goes and cocks her shotgun. After business, she heads over to the most-wounded fire demon present.

"You're a bother."

Boom. Right in the guns. Well, metaphorical guts, anyway.

Let's Basically Just Set A Zombie On Fire And See What Happens: 6/8
+2 to Urus

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 15:07:00

o---Charges---
Fine: 9 / 20 (+2, JOE)
+1 to JOE
+1 to the Author

Marron watches as a spooky Toast floats onto the battlefield! She immediately drops everything, and runs over to greet her.

tc: Toast! Is that you?
tc: W-Why are you a... ghost?
tc: Not that I have a huge problem with that or anything. (Besides the fact that you're dead, of course.)
tc: Do you need a Life Bottle or something? I'm sure I could find one.
tc: Now while I'd love to stay and chat, I need to make sure Ette's still okay, okay?

tc: Also JOE, if you feel like trying to fix up Ette with that charge, go for it.
tc: I'm not sure if it'd be possible, though.

Marron runs towards Ette, and promptly summons a horde of meatshields; or rather, lesser one-foot tall puppets to protect Ette against the next attack directed against her! She takes some time to go and gather some wood and stone, equipping the puppet wall with wooden armor and stone shields. Just for stylistic reasons, she also decides to sow a few capes together, one to all ten members of the Puppet Guard. She stations them around Ette, before ordering them to build some wooden fortifications! A small oaken fortress is established around Ette. The fort is only about two feet tall when it comes to the walls, but it'll provide the Puppet Guard a little bit of protection too.

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 16:59:00

3/20 Le Dudes

+1 Trickle

sparkysfaint makes a TV remote and presses the "Stop" button on it in an attempt to remove the Sharknado, or at least to nerf it to spawn Mini Sharks [5000/5000 HP [H].

Originally posted on 2017-01-21 22:53:00

I +2 joebob

Originally posted on 2017-01-22 00:17:00

Sheriff Clint Cactus jumps the shark. Into the Balrog. Yeehaw.

---

+2 engie
Ten gallon hat 8/10
Golden lasso 12/15 (+4 from engie)

Originally posted on 2017-01-23 00:20:00

QUOTE (TrickleJest @ (time=1484924514))

Oh, wow. Another charge goes off. How wonderful. O)w(O happens. Another entity hops on the field, this one being Comedymouth. Comedymouth rams into Funnymouth, thus upgrading him. I don't really know how his stats will be increased, so I'm letting you decide. You might be asking why I didn't just make a bigger charge for Funnymouth in the first place. There's no good reason. I just felt like upgrading him. And yes, I know that makes him weaker. Funnymouth hides behind Chargeus. Anyway, time to move on to other stuff. "So. Uh. What should I do now??" Trickle walks around the Battlefield a bit, brainstorming. He kicks Balrog around a bit. CHARGES ----------- O)u(O - 5/20. ??? - 10/10. IN PLACE. ----------- +1 to Consomme, Battlefury. QUE IS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

You upgrade funnymouth with 15000 health and 2500 attack!
4000 damage to the balrog.
+6000 XP

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1484926197))

18/20 Astral unlocking handoffification 10/20 +4 from simumodder, +1 from ire +2 tricklejest my side of the deal is done. steffan uses self stitch on himself, or if trickles entitys claimed that, stitch together on balrog. if this does Not get rid of steffans action, he makes another heal turret, which heals him. if he gets the extra research point from cake, he will use 'extradimensional bag' as his action. I draw my pickaxe. the Seekers ought to die soon. I calmly start walking forward. "air" there is a large gash in the all the seekers sides, and blood spills out. I am behind them, and my pickaxe glows a light yellow. "paither." the pickaxe flys past him and twists in mid-air, hitting all of them in under 2 seconds, before flying back into my open hand. "water" the liquid is sucked out of all the seekers, and forms into a small sphere which I throw in an extra dimensional bag, and they fall unconscious from lack of water. "Earth" rocks and spires rise from the ground, smashing the weak seekers into pieces, scattering them and crushing them again,and they are each thrown off into the sky, far, far away. some of them reappear, and are all covered in rocks, which move them toward me. a vast amount of iron pickaxes form, fly at the lump while spinning, and disperse into raw material after impact. finally, the rocks holding them in place stop being held themselves, and they falls to the ground... right into a pit made entirely of the sharp part of pickaxes, which all fly up and land more hits on them, and then a giant spike of solid emerald strikes the group in the torso-analogue, but upon further inspection is actually part of an oversized pickaxe. the pickaxes shatters and reforms into more mini-pickaxes, all of which strike the seekers of the name then a giant middlefinger made of rubys, sapphires, and with an opal fingernail whacks them around even more. "Fire" drills and spears of fire strike them, killing hundreds of seekers. the ground beneath them glows, and an explosion bursts out, launching them into the air. they lands on the ground, but that area is already glowing, and they launch up into the air again. several of these later, they is struck by a storm of fireballs in mid-air and launched into an active volcano, where it erupts and all the lava is magnetized toward the large group, spinning in a helix and forming into small spikes that fly at the hoard one at a time and strike. all the lava in the volcano compresses into a ball, and moves to the middle of the hoard, before the compressing force stops, and the lava explodes in all directions, killing hundreds of seekers. Astral their minds are sliced to bits, pain racking their collective bodys, and their identity falls to pieces. "i am here to seek the name" "we do not know our name" "i am seeking... what?" "why..." "we are nothing." they slowly forget their past, their goal, and remember only one thing "  I Feel N O T H I N G But Hunger" they all look for food, wishing to sate their hunger, and see one another. strangers, now. they have no knowledge of one another. all they think of is to eat one another. and so they do. and so they die. another mind touches their own, and they are racked with pain, white hot searing pain, and claw at the ground, blindly running from where they think the pain comes... and they all go straight to me. "JOE:listen, marron, I know ettes hurt and looks horrible, but I think I can fix that. I just don't have the privilege to. " "JOE:see, when I finished cake last round I started a charge called "handoffification". "JOE:this charge is at 10 right now, and that should be enough to heal ette about to full, and get rid of flesh interface" "JOE:but I can't use it unless your sure you want it used for that." "JOE:so do you want a 10-charge to heal ette, or would you rather wait?" JOE:Sorry for giving you this dilemma [b]:/ [/b]

Uh... uh... That's SMASH material right there, even if your capitalization was still nonexistant. Normally your repeated use of longposts would nerf this down, but that animation is the best you've dropped so far, and I think that effort is worth reward. (Here's my feedback: work on your timing. Some things in your animations move too slowly, others move too fast, that's where most of the issue with them comes from.)
You get a SMAAAAAASH. 20000 Seekers of the Word killed.
+12000 XP earned
LIMIT BREAK BAR FULL

On the other hand after this you're most likely to get any further potential SMASHes nerfed down to regular attacks.

QUOTE (ConsumerOfAll @ (time=1484929842))

ally chan is back skrubs

You do realize you can work on charges while dead, right?
Anyways, you respawn.
+2000 XP

QUOTE (Irecreeper @ (time=1484930849))

o---Charges--- Care Package: 20 / 20 (+2, Simumodder) Fine: 6 / 20 (+2, Simumodder) +1 to JOE +1 to the Author Marron uses Care Package! This doesn't summon anything cool at all; rather, a radio simply plops down in front of her. She picks it up, and finds that somebody is already talking through it. Nobody besides Marron seems to hear the voice, but it seems to greatly irritate her. She gets into a shouting match with the one on the radio, then suddenly dodgerolls away from a massive crate that almost just squished her. The crate opens up to reveal a weapon that's familiar to Marron... the aptly-named Nightmarron! tc: OH BOY. THANKS. tc: IT JUST HAD TO BE THIS SCYTHE. Given that it's a hell of a lot better than her old randomly-found scythe, she opts to swap out for it. Even if she never finds the time to use it properly, it might properly boost her damage output. Marron equips the... Nightmarron [A] Provides a small (1k) damage boost. And ONLY damage. 0/4 Petal Dance. Petal Dance allows the user to perform two actions in a single post, with neither of them being weakened. Of course, this also means that Marron is vulnerable... but surely, nobody would lay a finger on her, right? Marron decides to immediately put the Nightmarron to good(?) use by... tc: E-Ette!? tc: What... What even happened to you? tc: ... tc: D-Don't worry, you'll be fine! I'm here for you! Marron, despite just getting a fancy new murderstick, decides that by far the best course of action would be to help her poor sister. She pulls out a sewing kit, and despite Ette's kinda... messed up apperance, she manages to get to work. With a steady hand, she manipulates the needle, gently threading it through Ette's fabric skin. This very slowly but surely closes up the biggest wound on Ette's body. Marron also pulls out several patches of black cloth, and sews them over some of the more weirdly-shaped holes in Ette's body. While it's far from a perfect fix, it'll do for the time being. She'll certainly have more time to fix her up once she's off the field some time in the future. Once she's done all that she can, she takes a seat next to her sister, and prepares a bit of tea for herself.

You summon the Nightmarron!
5000 health restored to Ette.
+7000 XP

QUOTE (Battlefury @ (time=1484937619))

i stab the balrog with a map. The map is full of bombs, which fire out a massive amount of lasers for some reason. The map then proceeds to absord the Balrog. The map is actually a map to the Bob's Brain dimension, composed entirely of Bob's Brain. Every living being is also composed of extremely tiny Bobs Brains that in massive groups execute crucial functions, which contain smaller Bob's Brains that act as organs. The Balrog then somehow presses a arrow key. The Bob's Brains all start to shake and shiver, green liquid dripping from them, leaking. The brains then proceed to do a dance, before the entire dimension is fling in the direction of the arrow key. As it turns out, it's headed towards the Balrog. You did realize the version that got sucked into a map was a dupe, right? The real version had to travel though the Brain Themed Trauma Dimension, during which it developed a crippling fear of brains. The real Balrog, is, of course, way too busy trying to remove his head, having just realized that the BRAINS ARE ALREADY INSIDE HIM . Naturally, he is also reading a Guide To Removing The Evil Things Inside you, and tragically went out of his way to try his hand at removing his skeleton. Except then his skeleton exited his body, organs still attached. Apparently the skeleton was actually a mercenary, and trying to rip him out and dismember him was a massive contract violation. Anyway, the fake Balrog horribly dies, somehow causing feedback to hit the Balrog hard. He claws at his head harder than before, not realizing the mercenary skeleton still had his organs with him. Meanwhile, one of the Balrog's legs reveals that 1. it too is a mercenary, and 2. that the Balrog hasn't been paying well enough and it will therefore have to find some alternate form of payment... like somehow plunging the Balrog into a war of sorts over his own body. This, naturally, causes him to not notice the massive Bob's Brain the size of a small moon falling right on him, or the massive amount of big-space-rock smaller ones surrounded it. He is promptly hit by a endless barrage of Bob's Brains. Did we mention each one had a massive amount of special bomb effects? Because they do. Including, "homing, extra damage, double explosion size, more explosions, infinitely respawning, cluster bombs down to the atom, brimstone lasers.." The list goes on and on, but that Balrog guy doesn't sound like he's in the best place with all those bombs, and with his body parts trying to seize control.  Oh, did i mention he got a nice look at the big brains right before they slammed into him, and that trauma is a thing? Yeah, that's gotta hurt. 17/20 11/20 2+ to trickle

7000 damage to the Balrog.
+9000 XP

QUOTE (Toast @ (time=1484957937))

​3 3/3. 10 3/10. Ghost Toast appears. Ghost Toast Ghost Toast [AS]. 1/1hp. ? Attack. Passive - Ethereal: Immune to damage, and all status effects. Passive - Reasonable: Can be convinced to leave the battlefield. She won't return, if she does so. Passive - Spooky: Has a spooky ghost tail instead of legs. This doesn't actually affect her, but it's a cool thing to note. Sup. This is the story of a man named Steffan. Steffan worked on the corner of Parable Parade and Stanley Street, where he was known by his nickname: "Busker #427". Busker #427's job was simple. He sat on a plastic office chair on the corner of Parable Parade and Stanley Street, and played music on the saxaphone. Requests came to him through those who passed by the corner, telling him what music to play, how long to play it, and in what style. This is what Busker #427 did every day of every month of every year, and although others might have considered it soul rending, Steffan relished every moment the requests came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job. And then one day, something very peculiar happened. Something that would forever change Steffan; something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realised not one single person had passed by to give him a request. No one had shown up to check his busker's license, mug him, or even stop for a chat. Never in all his years at this corner had this happened, this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Steffan found himself unable to move for the longest time. But as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he realised that he didn't need to move. Why risk the danger of the unknown, when he could simply sit here, alone. Nothing could hurt me, he thought, I would be perfectly safe here. Steffan would wait. For how long? Hours? Days? Years? Steffan had lost the ability to tell. Eventually, answers would arrive, and then it would end. It would all end. Any minute now. 3. 2. 1. ...

Welcome back toast.
Ghost Toast summoned!
7000 damage to Steffan!
+9000 XP

QUOTE (Emerald_Mann @ (time=1484958291))

I take some time to use Hard Coded, then return to coding the Living Virus, planning a weapon Spare Code: 2/5 Malware Blade: 1/10 Gives target a Virus. Similar to Poisoned.... but coding based.... other than that, it's a sword made of malware

As a note, Virus would be an effect capable of spreading to other entities. Be careful with such an effect, it's dangerous.

Combat Special: Hard-Coded (Basic)
Some people say you can pick your own destiny, but is that really the truth? Others would say that it's all hard-coded into us what we will do. Well, what would happen if you could hack into the coding? Here is the perfect chance to screw around with destiny. You decide to test your hypothesis by checking the timeline of your enemy, and note several points on their timeline. Taking out your laptop you quickly hack into that and alter a few points. Then wait patiently. A few moments later a large rock falls screaming from the sky and smashes into them. Destiny in action, fellas.
3000 damage to one of the fire demons.
+5000 XP

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1484960808))

What in the world is toasts 3/3 charge supposed to do exactly? just, what. is it an attack? /NULL

It summoned Ghost toast.
OOOOoooooOOOOOooooo

QUOTE (1412 @ (time=1484969494))

AH sorry the Order of the Silver Wossname was an 11 turn charge. because 11. OK I equip the wossname and then punch the shark. In the gills. Zomboss training facility 4/20

Silver wossnamme will provide a 10% damage increase to all basic attacks (rounded to the nearest 250 for GM convenience.)
4500 damage to the shark!
+6000 XP

QUOTE (Con Air @ (time=1484975302))

I summon Walugi. He does "We are Number One but it's a Walugi Parody and he's throwing bombs at fire demons the whole time." He gets blown to eternity, and lands in a volcano. The lava strips him to the bone.

WE ARE NUMBER WAAAAAAAAA
NOPE NOPE NO, get out of the GMing box you already did that in 2.
5000 damage to one of the fire demons.
+7000 XP

QUOTE (Cyanogynist @ (time=1484978816))

I notice a sentient airhorn with eyes float into the battlefield. It emanates the same code as our friend MSPal. Gentlemen, meet Airhorn Solutions. This Discord bot will be filling in for me in this simulation from now on. Airhorn Solutions floats into the battlefield, plays an extremely loud airhorn rendition of the Song of Storms. A storm of ear-obliterating airhorn noises, dank memes, and 360-noscopes rains down unto Steffan, damaging him and turning him into "Stefan Karl but he has no cancer GoFundMe" due to the sheer concentration of memes. Steffan then immediately suffers from every cancer in the universe at their final stages, and dies. [==]/\Charges/\[==] DOOT DOOT, MOTHER[REDACTED FOR PIONO'S SENSIBILITIES]: 1/20 Blaze, Blizz, Blitz, and Bazaltz It: 1/20

6000 damage to Steffan from sheer memetic cancer.
+8000 XP

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1485003107))

19/20 Astral unlocking handoffification 15/20 +2 from irecreeper +2 from con +2 Irecreeper CLARIFYING ENTITY ORDER: 1)if gets an extra RP, make extradimensional bag. 2)if not in conflict with 1, use self stitch via the flesh interface, on self. [ergo, if I didn’t get an extra RP or flesh interface usage doesn’t take up an action, do this] 3)if not in conflict with 2 or 1, use stitch together on ette, or if possible, self. [if the above is true and you can claim multiple interface actions, or the above action failed, do this] 4)if not in conflict with 1, 2, or 3, use heal turret. [that is, if i can somehow still use steffan's basic action after using self stitch/stitch together, and didn’t get an extra RP, use heal turret] this magic green stuff heals steffan, and I take out a slingshot, and load a rock into it. the rock starts to glow and turn green, drawing in life from all over, and even growing slightly mossy. then i let the rock fly, and it does, straight to steffans... open... mouth... ummmmmmmm. he swallows the rock, and the life energy heals him! or... something... ok i don't know. a tornado of leaves and life and also farts forms in my hand and i shove that down his throat too. then I hand him the legendary gentleman penguin (and his friends) the sheer adorableness heals him, and he gets more will, and hope, to live on, so he can keep looking at awesome penguins. and so he vows to do everything he can to Live! for a Long Time! this vow also heals him, and then I throw an absurd amount of small orbs (from culmination and rearmed trials) at him, healing him even more. and I channel the essence of penguins, giving him constant awareness of the need to live so he can watch more cute Penguins! and I push my life into him, so much that if I was vulnerable I would lose 9 HP, but since I’m not I’ll be fine. then I roll the malachite nibble-tet, which is like the fluorite octet but for healing instead, and it also has 4 more dice and 4 more sides on those dice. it comes up on 7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7, and then i roll it again and get 12-12-12-12..., and then [this roll is actually random from random.org] 9-11-9-4-8-12-4-5-10-6-12-6, which is somehow way better then 12-12-12-12... since its actually random,  and i think the average there is over 6 so its a good roll and it heals him a whole bunch. then i make a pop-o-mattic- healhealio slingshot which shoots popomatic bubbles, and keep firing until i get all 12's,11's, and 10's. during this time steffan gets healed a ton and then remembers the penguins and starts healing even more. I ponder how to heal him more... and wish I remembered to upload a picture. drat. a circle with 4 quarters of different colours appear at steffans feet, Purple and Cyan and Red and One other colour. the colours remind him of his life, of his adventures with a lord of skys and the gods of his world, of an endless struggle between the perceived and the body, of the earth and the sun, of plants and energy... of Death and Life , and of so much more. in his time before, he was friends with both, and had no preference... but the 2nd has vanished, perhaps fallen from grace? and so he must join life, perception, earth, and plants. the circle reminds him of when his friends vanished in flashes of light, of when he was alone for years, and of when they were suddenly with him again. of how it did not last. of how he was made. not born, made. of his struggles, of his competition with the 9 he first knew. of when he gained his name/of when he lost his number /of when he was finally happy... and he is also given knowledge of events yet to come... of his city, of his followers, and of so much more. with this knowledge comes strength,resolve, and the raw life force of hundreds... no, millions, of people. and a slight doubt that the remaining gods morals remain uncorrupted. more life surrounds him, and he is healed, but he wonders... where did this power come from? how many could have been healed instead? how many people will be sacrificed so I can live? and a beam of light comes from the sky, and he is healed more. then the light dwindles, and he slowly drifts to the ground. then I set up the reverse-cronological barriers that stop people from sabotaging me because I am still paranoid, ok? "So con why not try joining the PS's?" "Its fun, at least try it for a bit." "'ey  "auth" and marron, did you see the killing of an absurd amount of things with pickaxes I did? oh, and in case you missed it, there was an alternate reality where i pressed 'Edit Post' a few minutes earlier and countered "auth"'s attack on bob. " "and also proved the undeniable awesomeness/superiority of pickaxes" "um... it turns out that 13 is only a bit over 1/2 of the cost to remove ONE stack from her..." "I really thought it could work...  D:" "we might be able to make a mindles clone of her though "oh, thanks con "

Please avoid the giant random images please, especially if they're barely even tangentially relevant.
Steffan will follow your orders.
Whoa huge unformatted wall of text.
Uh... 4000 health to Steffan.
+6000 XP

Also, stop doing recruitment for the PS, just leave it alone. It'll cap out at 3 players, and already has enough that they'll need to do a DRAMATIC BETRAYAL ™ before they can join.

QUOTE (engie @ (time=1485011275))

Primary weapon: X-Corpse Shooter Secondary weapon: Corpse Piercer Tertiary weapon: Corpse Blaster Armor: NA FOOLS! ENGIETECH COPYPASTING IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD! As you can probably tell, I am lazy. However, I will do dialogue this time. FVS sees that there isn't much she can do for Ette right now, and just sadly hands her a bit more healing item stuff (unless she can somehow use the Flesh Interface status effect thingy to make Ette heal herself for even more), then goes and cocks her shotgun. After business, she heads over to the most-wounded fire demon present. "You're a bother." Boom. Right in the guns. Well, metaphorical guts, anyway. Let's Basically Just Set A Zombie On Fire And See What Happens: 6/8 +2 to Urus

4000 damage to one of the fire demons. And actually, they DO have guts. They aren't the "made of fire" kind of demons. They just like using fire magic.
Thank goodness there's nothing left to burn but you guys, right?
6000 XP

QUOTE (Irecreeper @ (time=1485017945))

o---Charges--- Fine: 9 / 20 (+2, JOE) +1 to JOE +1 to the Author Marron watches as a spooky Toast floats onto the battlefield! She immediately drops everything, and runs over to greet her. tc: Toast! Is that you? tc: W-Why are you a... ghost? tc: Not that I have a huge problem with that or anything. (Besides the fact that you're dead, of course.) tc: Do you need a Life Bottle or something? I'm sure I could find one. tc: Now while I'd love to stay and chat, I need to make sure Ette's still okay, okay? tc: Also JOE, if you feel like trying to fix up Ette with that charge, go for it. tc: I'm not sure if it'd be possible, though. Marron runs towards Ette, and promptly summons a horde of meatshields; or rather, lesser one-foot tall puppets to protect Ette against the next attack directed against her! She takes some time to go and gather some wood and stone, equipping the puppet wall with wooden armor and stone shields. Just for stylistic reasons, she also decides to sow a few capes together, one to all ten members of the Puppet Guard. She stations them around Ette, before ordering them to build some wooden fortifications! A small oaken fortress is established around Ette. The fort is only about two feet tall when it comes to the walls, but it'll provide the Puppet Guard a little bit of protection too.

You bodyguard the next attack aimed at Ette.
+2000 XP

QUOTE (Redstonetam15 @ (time=1485039212))

3/20 Le Dudes +1 Trickle sparkysfaint makes a TV remote and presses the "Stop" button on it in an attempt to remove the Sharknado, or at least to nerf it to spawn Mini Sharks [5000/5000 HP [H].

Unfortunately, the weather is brand new and will not be dissuaded that easily.
+2000 XP

QUOTE (Con Air @ (time=1485044265))

I +2 joebob

#uponedownanother
+2000 XP

QUOTE (Urus @ (time=1485130828))

Sheriff Clint Cactus jumps the shark. Into the Balrog. Yeehaw. +2 engie Ten gallon hat 8/10 Golden lasso 12/15 (+4 from engie)

Whoa. nice pun. 3000 damage to both!
+8000 XP

Battlefury levels up: Level 4!
Combat Special unlocked! WOOF (Expert)
Limit Break unlocked! Dogmodder Prime
1412 levels up: Level 2!
Combat Special unlocked! Rumor Has It (Advanced)
Urus levels up: Level 2!
Combat Special unlocked! Snake In My Boot (Advanced)
Toast levels up: Level 1!
Combat Special unlocked! Time Travel Trouble (Basic)
Irecreeper levels up: Level 2!
Combat Special unlocked! Puppeteer's Strings (Advanced)

EoTB:
The Angry Shark gets very angry and takes a massive bite out of the living virus, dealing 2000 damage to it.
Funnymouth darts behind Chargeus once again, who bellows and smashes into Ette for 12000 damage... or not. Marron grins as the pile of dolls springs up over the suddenly terrified charge beast and dogpiles it, holding it down for the rest of the EoTB.
The seekers of the name haven't got much steam left, and so charge at the shark, having a fine last meal of seafood, dealing 500 damage.
The Living Virus spews out even more code in a massive mess that covers the ground in 0s and 1s and slides all the way up to the injured fire demon, washing it away.
Bonne de Famme and Ghost Toast both gang up on Steffan, using their combined powers of oddity to deal 4500 damage.
On the PS side of the field the Balrog cracks its whip and uses its turn to finish off the Seekers of the Name. A few scattered survivors scurry off in different directions, but it matters not to this battle. The Seekers have been disbanded.
The Fire demons try to split their damage between funnymouth and the living virus, but hit chargeus on the first count. 5000 damage to chargeus and the living virus.
Steffan finds himself with a bonus Research point and quickly weaves himself an extradimensional bag! Steffan now gets 2 research points every round and also has a 10% natural dodge chance. I then remember that he had an energy shield, scrap it, and boost his health by 5000 as compensation.
The Simumodder takes a giant tennis racket. "Who's up for some tennis for two? Tennis for two is tennis for..." he looks around, then points at Chargeus. "YOU" he throws a massive bomb up in the air, jumps up and spikes it straight into Chargeus' face where it explodes, dealing 15000 damage. Pieces of the bomb fly off in the process and turn out to be +4 for Joe and Ire.

Everything ticks up, another shark is spawned.

Itinerary:
Destroy the Simumodder!
Destroy the fire monsters!
Destroy Steffan and Ette, two healers at once is gonna be a nightmare!

Entity Advantage: [AS]

Weather: Sharknado (Summons 1 hostile shark every round.)
Terrain: Crater (No effect)

Simumodder [PS]: Hp: 97/100. Cool and New Portal Armor [A]. Golden Sun [A].
Balrog [PS][Elite]: Hp: 101000/150000.
Fire Demons x5 [PS]: Hp: 25000/25000.
Ette [PS - Ire]: Hp: 79000 / 100000. 3/3 Bear Hug. Flesh Interface 2 rounds.
Steffan [PS - Joebob]: Hp: 30500/60000. 0 RP. Energy shield generator: 2/2. 10% dodge chance
Marron [PS - Player] Hp: 10/10. Nightmarron [A] 1/4 Petal Dance
Angry Shark [H]: Hp: 10000/10000
Angry Shark [H]: Hp: 2000/10000
Living Virus [AS - Emerald_Mann]: Hp: 14000/50000.
Chargeus [AS - Tricklejest]: Hp: 27500/55000
Funnymouth [AS - Tricklejest]: Hp: 27000/27000
bonny De Famme [AS - Con Air]: Hp: 11500/14000
Ghost Toast [AS - Toast]
Hezetor [AS - Player] Hp: 10/10. 1 regen
1412 [AS - Player] Hp: 10/10. Silver Wossname [A]



[/spoiler]

Originally posted on 2017-01-23 14:28:00

I expose the Balrog to Chaos's Shipping Chart.

18/20
12/20
2+ to trickle

Originally posted on 2017-01-23 15:01:00

Chargeus goes for Ette.
Funnyman hides behind Chargeus yet again.

Trickle then looks at Balrog.

"Dude, why don't you just die!? You have too much HP! Can you seriously just not be here??"

Trickle gets pretty angry at the flaming beast.
Balrog smirks, this gets Trickle even angrier.
He runs at Balrog and kicks him into a cannon, which then fires him into a spike. He then falls from the spike into another cannon and the process repeats indefinitely. At some point the Balrog manages to slither out of the cannon, so Trickle presses a button and the spike starts homing into the Balrog.

Once the Balrog is impaled with the spike and weakened, a symbiote from Marvel falls from the sky. It's Venom. Venom absorbs the Balrog and becomes Venomrog. Yeah, I know Spider-Man is irrelevant nowadays but let me have this moment for nostalgia's sake.
Venomrog goes completely, insane damaging himself by smashing into random Convenient Trees and Convenient Rocks. Once his fury has died out, he identifies Trickle and runs at him. Trickle quickly takes out the Shishkablam and blasts Venomrog into a nearby Convenient Jagged Rock, impaling him yet again. Dang, what's with this post and impaling?

Venom slithers out of Balrog and finds somebody else to absorb. The Balrog, having a false sense of security, still thinking that he's as powerful as before, runs at Trickle. Little does the Balrog know that Venom has exhausted him and his life energy.

"Ack!"

Trickle ducks and Balrog trips and flies past him, smashing into a random javelin which... you guessed it! Impales him.

"Huh. Looks like the Olympics are somewhere close."

The Balrog then rips out the javelin and decides enough is enough. With full power, he runs straight at Trickle. Trickle, however, puts on a diamond chestplate with Thorns III and Unbreaking IV (this is still Minecraft, right?). The Balrog pounds and pounds, throws Trickle around, breathes fire at him. However, as a descendant with no vulnerability, this act just further damages the Balrog. Day and night the Balrog pounds at Trickle. Still, it does nothing.

"You done yet or...?"

The chestplate suddenly breaks and Trickle runs off, putting a grenade in the Balrog's mouth, just in case.

---

CHARGES
-----------
O)u(O - 15/20. [A bunch of +2s, sorry if I didn't count 'em right, tell me if I didn't, I'm not trying to cheat].
??? - 10/10. IN PLACE.
-----------

+2 to Battlefury.
QUE: [Battlefury, Redstone, Consomme]


Originally posted on 2017-01-23 15:05:00

20/20 Astral unlocking Ready and waiting!
handoffification 20/20 +4 from simumodder. handing off to Ire!
Steffan looks like he needs help. 2/6 +1 from ire
steffans action to use self-stitch on himself, or if that heals ette even though hes using it, stitch together on himself.
+2 irecreeper
hmm, my limit break is ready. who needs to die?
looks like living virus
I activate Portal Strike, and decide to begin taking advantage of my powers properly. I'm using a limit break, so that's enough justification for me to do that.
blink
This trick is still good though.
I slash the virus in half with a well-placed cut midblink, and throw three pickaxes straight up into the air.
A portal appears at the viruses feet, making it appear above a black hole, far enough (From the black hole) that it won't damage the battlefield. Operating from memory and with some help from future-alternate J.O.R.D.A.N., I successfully place it in an infinite loop of portals and falling toward the black hole, spagitifying in both directions, and he keeps speeding up, since theres no air to slow him down. After several minutes, during which I set up a few more gravity loops with other projectiles, like a penguin and a dodo (when a penguin and a dodo meet they annihilate everything in a 5 mile radius) and a large lump of uranium (because science). I then alter the out-point of the portal L.virus is flying through so it leads straight into the only place I know of with the ability to withstand several objects flying around in it at ~99.967 of the speed of light that existed last turn. The virus fly's straight into wall, bouncing around and impacting it over 576 times in the span of a second, and slowly slowing down to a mere mach 98. After it stops moving relative to the boxes floor, I see it fit to open another portal beneath it, which it is too battered to avoid. It falls into the entrance to the extra dimensional bag, and portaled to the very far corner of the bag. The bag has extremely ridiculous levels of space warping applied, and has enough room inside to fit approximately 4 Jupiter's, assuming they where somehow shoved through the mouth. The bag only warps the size of things that enter through the mouth, and if you try to leave though the wall you will be smaller then the average bacteria. I then portal myself near where Steffan is working inside the bag, and create a wall of portals around him- the portals will redirect anything that gets close out the other side. Hence, Steffan and I are protected from the fallout when the lump of uranium flys through the bags opening, is portaled so it slams into the L.Virus, fuses with all the air around it and creates a rough sphere of plasma which is incredibly hot, fuses with the Living Virus's matter, bounces off a quite absurd amount of walls created by manipulating space-warp, and finally getting smashed into by a large bolder moving about 3x faster then the chunk of uranium. The amount of mass and energy (Energy has a gravitational effect too, faster objects have more gravity) due to these to objects moving at very nearly the speed of light forms a black hole, of which the living virus is part. In this case, the black hole is actually dangerous, since it was formed by a large amount of mass and energy passing its swarzchild radius simply by increasing in mass, and as such due to the force of its gravity, instead of being a small object smushed really small so it would fit within its 1-atom swarzchild radius. That is, the radius was of a significant size (over 2 meters wide) and so its a really big black hole with more mass then earth. An interesting implication of this (Me creating a black hole 'properly') is that my portals have energy coming from Somewhere (Maybe the green and red suns?) that they can have several times the energy of all the mass of the earth, because of the first rule of thermodynamics (You can't create something from nothing/Energy can't be created or destroyed, only converted from one form to another/ You can't win.). So since my portals can somehow harness all this energy, there is probably a way to more directly accelerate things without using black-hole loops. Oh well, I'll figure it out later. Anyway, that holes sucking up the bag, so I'll have to fix that. my hand glows a bright blue, and a cold fire consumes my form for a moment. Then a portal appears, and splits the hole in two, and with a complex series I reasoned out but don't know how to explain, the holes are drawn away from one another by gravity. This then repeats, and the smaller holes quickly evaporate via hawking radiation. The virus may still be alive, so I reform his particles to be properly destroyable, and vaporize them via a portal inside the sun. They might try to retaliate, but if they do the portal-box I am still in is stopping them.

Now, if you read this all at once, you might notice the pickaxes are still flying/falling. L.Virus's remains are portaled into the air, retaining their tininess due to not passing through the bags mouth and the pickaxes then get stuck in a loop of portals that goes around L.virus in a triangle (/\), and start to glow. I then appear behind his remains, draw the energy type I use for portals into my hand,and punch him with it, which is a pretty literal interpretation of "portal strike". While I don't know what being punched with the essence of a spatial distortion would be like, it certainly isn't healthy. He would probably be ripped apart and have most of his atoms/molecules/cells/sections float around out in the cold regions of space.

And then I raise my hand, for I am not yet done.
Its not even about reaching the max pre-smash amount.
Just wanna make it clear HOW OP portals can be.
Because they are Very overpowered.
Anyway, living virus is reassembled and stands in front of me, and I form 2 more portals, each on my arms.
You see, portals clearly do not have to be stationary, since there is no reason for earth to be the absolute reference point, and if it Was, portals to the moon would fail. There are too many problems with stationary portals, and so at most they have to bond with some specific reference frame. With this knowledge, I formed a blade on my arm and a cannon on the other. The cannon moves a small portion in order to unleash a focused beam of energy straight from the sun, and the sword is... a sword. I walk forward, and land 10 slashes quickly that unleash arcs of burning hot plasma. see, it Was a (Mostly) normal sword, but then I changed the portal's other side to the sun for a few moments, surrounding this area with white-hot fires, and I proceed to jump back, roll, and fire the cannon I made at him repeatedly in .25 second bursts, knocking him around before enlarging the "cannon" barrel and vaporising him entirely.
And I did all that with clever portals and 1 blink, and I didn't even need the blink.
portals would be OP.
but i suppose thats true of a lot of things.
[no more to follow]

"hey marron, nice to see your making good use of that 20. "
"I can't wait for whats about to come."


Originally posted on 2017-01-23 15:30:00

placehold's aren't webcomics joe

Originally posted on 2017-01-23 15:39:00