Update complete!

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 01:34:00

I drop all my 3dmodels on the Terror Pig! They then get in an overdone, over-the-top, overly long, overly over, epic battle!

I then horribly merge the models with the Terror Pig, which is agonizing for the Pig, moments before i convert him into an editable mesh, delete half his vertexes, and then move around the rest so that he looks like a warped, buggy mess moments before shrinking him to the size of a generic unit, before showing him an image of a 4d block of grass. He is somehow unable to comprehend it and his mind interpets it as Cthulhu.

He is promptly sentenced to death by all misinterpretations and misspells of Cthulhu attacking at once. His brain literally explodes as a result, resulting in Micheal Bay being summoned and dropping the Micheal Bay Bomb on him, causing a explosion the size of the universe. This somehow only harms the terror pig. Micheal Bay is tragically caught in the explosion, and dies, somehow causing the terror pig to cry, moments before it is trapped in a chamber of Hydrogen cyanide in gas form.

The terror pig promptly suffers. Horribly.

3/10 criticaislsajfsjcheese
3/10 pot of consomme

1+ to a pot of consomme

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 01:42:00

I spoil the new Binding of Isaac expansion with 100000000000000000001% real spoilops (as seen in the spoiler below). The Terror Pig then drinks a metric ton of brain bleach that I had poisoned to get the spoilers out of his head.



The Ninjaneer upgrades the Level 1 Sentry.

The Level 1 Sentry (now a Level 2) fires upon the porkchops.

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 03:03:00

And I'd better remember I have to do something.

The Author watches as the Ninjaneer bursts into flames. Auth sighs, and rushes over to them, an in effort to calm them down. Once they're not running about all over the place, Auth spins his blade in the air above the Ninjaneer.

Ink rises up from the ground below the Ninjaneer, quickly forming a cool whirlwind of Ink, with the Ninjaneer right in the Eye of the Storm, ink splashing over the flames, quenching them. Before they collapse of oxygen deprivation, the ink tornado dies, with the intensity of the flames being greatly lowered.

ACTION SUMMARY

Auth subdues the flames on the Ninjaneer with a whirlwind of ink.

SPECIAL ATTACKS:

CRUSADE OF THE LOST: 9/10 (+1 from Trickle)

SEEKERS OF THE NAME: 8/10 (+1 from Consumer)

COMBAT SPECIALS:

Atramentum Maledictus: READY

+1 to Trickle

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 05:12:00

9/10 Arsenal of the Burning +5 simumodder, +1 jest
3/10 Arsenal of the Tactician
thats sortaaaa what the things do? i mean, i can use the charges for minor other things if i want to, but usualy its just portals.

got a bit away from me there. as always feel free to ignore the whole thing and just estimate based on length or whatever, don't want to waste your time
though if i did wouldnt that be a great revenge

hahahhahahaahh *cough* ha ha *cough cough cough* owmythrot *cough*

would anyone like to trade +1s?
+1 tricklejest

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 06:43:00

Trickle isn't really in the mood to write up a post, so he decides to chop some pork-chops up using Advanced Heroism.
Is the flavor text new? Who knows.

---

CHARGES
-----------
( ° ʖ °) - 8/10 [+1 from Speed]
Gates of Alternia - 3/10
-----------

+1 to Joe.
{Queue: Speed, Consommé}

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 11:59:00

10/10 Arsenal of the Burning.
Done!
4/10 Arsenal of the Tactician.

arsenal of the burning gives me a small red orb (yes its an artifact)
this orb can change shape into any sort of A) fire oriented weapon or B) close up/ un-tactical weapon, as in one that doesnt make sense tacticaly, as a normal person would get more hurt that way then if they used a bow or a gun. since this is still pretty much useless, as you can just say you use those, it also has an attack that does one of 2 things, as in i'm not sure which. can player entitys heal? if so, it deals one damage to the player or an equivilant % to a non player, and does an attack, fire-based, that is powerfull in a way that makes sense for the cost, 2 round cooldown.
otherwise, its the same thing, except with a 3 round cooldown.
*action below*
"hmmmmm, what to do, what to do. . ."
"well those holy robots are annoying. . ."
"and i don't feel like spending a post every round killing them. . ."
"as such, i shall let them live."












"PSYKE!"
"of cource i'm going to destroy the fact-ral, and i don't think it'll be hard."
"at least, not with my new toy =)"


[b][b]SUMMARY: i reshape the land into a second hell, destroy the cathedral-factory, and make a deal with the devil where he gives me troops til the terrain changes to something else entirely, and when that happens i do the same somwere else.[/b][/b]

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 14:23:00

6/10 Swordstorm
5/5 Free Mohdalz Done!

sparkysfaint places down a a weird two-legged mecha from the Library.

Free Modeled Mecha summoned.

Free Modeled Mecha 7,500 HP/ 7,500 HP [AS]

The Free Modeled Mecha proceeds to shoot JoeBOB.

sparkysfaint on the other hand...
Well...
Shoves some of the Terrifying Porkchops into his mouth and eats it. Somehow, he doesn't even need to move his arm.

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 15:59:00

(i'm not sure that would deal damage, even if the portal armor couldnt redirect it. come on, 'it shoots joeBOB'?)
/NULL

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 17:20:00

Okay. Let's make a proper intro post. Activate Project 'Hijack Piono's Lack of Plot for Ultimate Hilarity'. ... Although to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what my plan with this plot is. It's all highly experimental.

After building built into the world, a brown garbed Minecraftian glances around. Upon seeing and recognizing the small crowd of entities centered around a godmodder figure, he exclaims,

"NOPE! Oh, no no no no NO! No way I'm sticking around for this! I did NOT fight three and a half multiversal wars for the fun of it, and I'd rather not have that become four! I'm not doing this again for the sake of a simulation! ... Well, maybe I fought the first for the fun of it. Or was it second? I can't tell anymore. And why do all these wars start the same way?"

The figure was going to turn around and leave this place, but is interrupted by a mechanical, computer generated voice from his pocket.

"Are you going to leave\?\n"

After digging through his pocket, the figure took out a small computer brick, the source of the voice, and looked at it.

"Hm? Yes, I am."

After a silence just long enough to feel unnatural, the computer replied.

"As you will. May I stay then\? If this is an anti-godmodder simulation, the results could be important. And I\'m curious about this area.\n"

"If you want to stay, I'm not going to stop you. Do what you want. I almost forgot I had you with me. Convenient how that works out, huh?"

The figure places the computer brick on the ground, and then announces to the simulation in general,

"Simulation thing, listen. Treat Winter here as though he was a descendant, or however you want to count it. For me, I'm out."

He then turned around and left, leaving the brick to whir and hum softly as its limited RAM and processing power struggled to complete the trillions of operations needed to interface with the simulation more properly. Deciding that it needed a more 'physical' form for the sake of realism, Winter started building one, first establishing a wire mesh, then filling in faces and establishing normals, before finally mapping a texture and material to it. By the end, the newly generated black and white absol (because I didn't know what else to have him be and I think the Pokemon absol is cute) blinked once before looking down at the computer brick and setting it to be invisible.

After that, however, Winter seemed completely fascinated with even the most mundane things of the world around it. Curious, Winter pushes down slowly on the grass below its feet, watching it softly spring back up.

"May as well be thematic.\n"

Crouching down against the soft grass, Winter leaps forward and slashes at a Terror Porkchop, cutting it apart before suddenly springing backwards and retreating, also leaving behind a super annoying cloud of fur. Winter repeats the process, taking seemingly hours between each strike, yet it all happens in one turn because we don't have proper time mechanics here.

So... my RP character for this game is going to be Winter, AKA: MK-Watson-A, a computer program. Ironically enough, because he's a computer program in a simulated environment, that makes all of this stuff 'real' for him.

Originally posted on 2017-01-04 22:39:00

QUOTE (Emerald_Mann @ (time=1483477384))

I run around kicking Porkchops. All of them. Virus: 5/10 AI: 6/10

You deal 500 damage to 6 porkchops
+5000 XP

QUOTE (Battlefury @ (time=1483494135))

I drop all my 3dmodels on the Terror Pig! They then get in an overdone, over-the-top, overly long, overly over, epic battle! I then horribly merge the models with the Terror Pig, which is agonizing for the Pig, moments before i convert him into an editable mesh, delete half his vertexes, and then move around the rest so that he looks like a warped, buggy mess moments before shrinking him to the size of a generic unit, before showing him an image of a 4d block of grass. He is somehow unable to comprehend it and his mind interpets it as Cthulhu. He is promptly sentenced to death by all misinterpretations and misspells of Cthulhu attacking at once. His brain literally explodes as a result, resulting in Micheal Bay being summoned and dropping the Micheal Bay Bomb on him, causing a explosion the size of the universe. This somehow only harms the terror pig. Micheal Bay is tragically caught in the explosion, and dies, somehow causing the terror pig to cry, moments before it is trapped in a chamber of Hydrogen cyanide in gas form. The terror pig promptly suffers. Horribly. 3/10 criticaislsajfsjcheese 3/10 pot of consomme 1+ to a pot of consomme

5000 damage to the Terror Pig! Terrifying Porkchop summoned.
+7000 XP

QUOTE (Jondanger23 @ (time=1483499018))

I spoil the new Binding of Isaac expansion with 100000000000000000001% real spoilops (as seen in the spoiler below). The Terror Pig then drinks a metric ton of brain bleach that I had poisoned to get the spoilers out of his head. zOMG REAL SPOILOOPS!!11!1!1!one how 2 unlock the super secret true final boss in afterbirth+ (100000% real): 1. die to a spider as the lost 2. kill yourself with a tnt barrel as apoloyon apololioyon the new character dude 3. beat the april fools challenge 10 times 4. die to mega satan as the keeper 5. beat the april fools challenge 10 more times 6. die to hush as ??? 7. beat the april fools challenge 10 more times 8. die to a spider as the lost again 9. use box of friends once as cain, then blow yourself up with a bomb 10. die to mega satan as the lost with dead sea scrolls equipped 11. beat the april fools challenge 9 times, but fail the 10th time 12. beat hush as the lost 13. use the notched axe on one of those walking statue guys 14. walk into the portal that appears, taking you to a new floor called the attic 15. go to the boss room 16. congrats, you've unlocked the secret final boss, monstro IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII 71. defeat him to unlock a new character, breadmund 93223. although if you defeat him as the keeper you get a penny The Ninjaneer upgrades the Level 1 Sentry. The Level 1 Sentry (now a Level 2) fires upon the porkchops.

The Ninjaneer will upgrade the sentry
4500 damage to the Terror Pig, Terrifying Porkchop spawned.
+6500 XP

QUOTE (Sp33d0n @ (time=1483506743))

And I'd better remember I have to do something. The Author watches as the Ninjaneer bursts into flames. Auth sighs, and rushes over to them, an in effort to calm them down. Once they're not running about all over the place, Auth spins his blade in the air above the Ninjaneer. Ink rises up from the ground below the Ninjaneer, quickly forming a cool whirlwind of Ink, with the Ninjaneer right in the Eye of the Storm, ink splashing over the flames, quenching them. Before they collapse of oxygen deprivation, the ink tornado dies, with the intensity of the flames being greatly lowered. ACTION SUMMARY Auth subdues the flames on the Ninjaneer with a whirlwind of ink. SPECIAL ATTACKS: CRUSADE OF THE LOST: 9/10 (+1 from Trickle) SEEKERS OF THE NAME: 8/10 (+1 from Consumer) COMBAT SPECIALS: Atramentum Maledictus: READY +1 to Trickle

You remove 3 rounds of burning from the Ninjaneer
+6000 XP

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1483512214))

9/10 Arsenal of the Burning +5 simumodder, +1 jest 3/10 Arsenal of the Tactician thats sortaaaa what the things do? i mean, i can use the charges for minor other things if i want to, but usualy its just portals. Spoiler Alert i use portaltech (avanced) on ninjanear, and after he has been throughly bamboozeled by me seeming to be everywere at once, i kick him in the butt. then i run forward, grabing a sword out of the air, and slash at him,rolling sidways without waiting, and pointing it at the 'neer, several glowing lines appearing beneath him and pulsating. he woulllld probably run away. . . if i hadent just done whatever it is portaltech(A) does, and cut him w/ a sword once for good measure. anyway, the ground pulses and then explodes, launching him into the air. i leap up, cutting him again, diagonaly, before a single slice upward to keep him in the air. a flury of punches knocks him out of reach, but a blue glyph appears and serves as a solid surface, allowing me to jump forward and keep going, 5 slashes in a symbol some believe evil, but is only such when not upright.((pentagram)) this symbol has power in that it, among other things, shows how our understanding and beliefes can be warped. regardless, i continue jumping at him and slicing around, then kick him into the ground. a cloud of dust appears, and i dive down, falling into it and landing with a loud crunch. several clangs and fizzles of cyan energy spurt forth. the dust held up by constant action, before he gets knocked back, out of the cloud, and it glows lightly. the dust shifts, and he realises why just a little too late. a dusty tendril flys out, grabbing him, and throwing him upwards, before a glitering figure, frogeting his side and wrongness for a moment, flys upwards, landing a blow on the ninjanear and drawing blood. he catches it,and 5 rainbow glyphs appear in the sky. he jumps, landing a diagonal strike on the ninjanear, and presses agains the second, moving downward and landing on one oriented like a wall, slicing again in midair, and jumping off, onto another similar one, a mirror to what he was just on, landing a perfectly horizontal strike, before jumping up, and upward slash ever so slightly, landing on one oriented toward the begining. he lands there, on the first glyph and just bellow the ninjanears helples body, and they all change, from rainbow to dark fire, as he remembers his cause. oh well. the glyphs flash, and a small sphere is cut off from the rest of the world./ he continues to lose himself in the joy of combat, the glyphs letting out flashes of light which he aims at the 'near, before a final flash, a beam aimed at him, and the glyphs fade/ in the sphere of nothingness, he leaps forward, almost sorrowfull, and beats down the ninganear, slashing and kicking with perfect co-ordinatoin, before he lands one last slice and the darkness fades, like dust in the wind, showing the world again/ his body crackles and shifts, rainbows of light, all bright, nearly white, before he leaps forward, beating at ninjanear with no techniuqe, but moving too fast to actualy be blocked, knocking him further up with a single blow and landing 8252 blows with his feet and hands, folowed by a downwards slice with the sword and a single beam of light, not checking to see if the ninganear lived/ he lands, and slices ninjanear clean in half just to be sure. got a bit away from me there. as always feel free to ignore the whole thing and just estimate based on length or whatever, don't want to waste your time though if i did wouldnt that be a great revenge hahahhahahaahh *cough* ha ha *cough cough cough* owmythrot *cough* would anyone like to trade +1s? +1 tricklejest

Combat Special: Portaltech (advanced)
While applying momentum is one very useful combat application of portals, misdirection can be similarly useful. To demonstrate you charge towards your opponent bringing up your sword, in a large cleaving motion and as they raise their arms/shield/whatever to block you, you throw up a ring of portals and smash into them from behind, causing them to stumble and take the opportunity to deliver another devastating blow. You begin charging through your portals, shifting them around as you weave in and out, coming from different sides every time, hitting them from behind, from the front, from the side, everywhere, until finally they are too disoriented from your multi-angular attack to stop your final blow, delivered with enough force to knock them to the ground.

7000 damage to the Ninjaneer
+9000 XP

QUOTE (TrickleJest @ (time=1483531190))

Trickle isn't really in the mood to write up a post, so he decides to chop some pork-chops up using Advanced Heroism. Is the flavor text new? Who knows. CHARGES ----------- ( ° ʖ °) - 8/10 [+1 from Speed] Gates of Alternia - 3/10 ----------- +1 to Joe. {Queue: Speed, Consommé}

Indeed, the flavor text is new.

Combat Special: Heroism (Advanced)
Trickle moves forward, brandishing another well known Weapon Of Heroism: the great and mighty warhammer, wielded by great fighters and paladins the multiverse over. He marches right up to his enemy and brandishes the hammer, shouting up at them to get them to turn around... oh, gee, this guy is bigger than he expected. Trickle quickly scrambles to cover his tracks, and when his opponent asks him why he was shouting, he hurriedly responds that he heard the enemy's cohorts talking crap about them behind their back. The enemy, thoroughly enraged, charges off and gets into a fight with their allies.
3500 damage, or in this case, 500 damage to 7 porkchops
+5500 XP.

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1483539834))

10/10 Arsenal of the Burning. Done! 4/10 Arsenal of the Tactician. arsenal of the burning gives me a small red orb (yes its an artifact) this orb can change shape into any sort of A) fire oriented weapon or B) close up/ un-tactical weapon, as in one that doesnt make sense tacticaly, as a normal person would get more hurt that way then if they used a bow or a gun. since this is still pretty much useless, as you can just say you use those, it also has an attack that does one of 2 things, as in i'm not sure which. can player entitys heal? if so, it deals one damage to the player or an equivilant % to a non player, and does an attack, fire-based, that is powerfull in a way that makes sense for the cost, 2 round cooldown. otherwise, its the same thing, except with a 3 round cooldown. *action below* "hmmmmm, what to do, what to do. . ." "well those holy robots are annoying. . ." "and i don't feel like spending a post every round killing them. . ." "as such, i shall let them live." "PSYKE!" "of cource i'm going to destroy the fact-ral, and i don't think it'll be hard." "at least, not with my new toy =)" Spoiler Alert i step back, looking around to figure out how Exactly the thing produces robots, before noticing that they always appear in a cearten spot. i go there, look around, and notice a small hole in the wall. good, this will be easyer then i thought. i jump up and grab the ledge, cleaving more room and footholds with the Arsenal, before heaving myself up and into the tunnel. i slide down, the arsenal in its orb form for now, and look around. a bunch of machines. well, time to destroy them. i walk over to the conveyor belt, rip it, and dodge the machinerys jab. the arsenal changes into a fire-cannon, and i start fireing it, melting the arms and other delicate pieces. then, i run past the slag, and unplug the power cable.  cuting the knot is great. then i run over to the hole, jump out, and work on destroying the rest of this down to ash. i poo on the bible-analough, shatter the stained glass windows, and break down the walls. the pews burn, and the remaining books and such are used as toilet paper. then i take some blood from the ninjaneer, and paint an upside-down pentagram, with his blood. the arsenal changes into a hellwand (this time it really does make sense for it to be fire, Ha!) and i remake the landscape in my good friend the devils image. i burn the ground, draw forbidden symbols, and occasionaly pretend to quake in the dark-hell throws for good messure. i break the center podium, replacing it with a pit of spike, i corrupt the land, and i create a river of lava. but still, it is not enough. i produse gysers that release corupt acid, make the floor turn to flesh, and spread it across the battlefield with a wave. the floor becomes bloody and raw, and shakes when its touched. the only places exempt are sources of lava, which have obsidion all over, and the 6 nethric steel spires, each accented with obsidian and covered in bloodred runes too many to count, which are sorounded with a small pool of liquid torment. but still, not done. i burn the trees far around, scorch marks all that remains, and populate the world around us with boney trees and undead hands, each rising from the ground and grasping for the air. where the catheral once stood, a tree of flesh, dripping blood, with fruits of hatred, missery, and despair hanging from the branches. i build even more, dungeons and towers, tunnels and chunks of floating rocks, and so on. the skys turn red, and tourtured souls fly around in the air. that seems like it should be good enough for the devil, i think. i build one more tower, dark and tall, the floor flesh and bloodstone, draw one more circle, carve one trench. i fill the trench with blood via magic. i give the circles runes a glow with a fragment of soul, which the devil will give me back afterwards, OF COURSE. we are very good friends. and also, if he doesnt, i will not stop until he feels more torture then all under his domain, combined. a bloodred portal opens, and the screams of damned grow louder, before a tall, thin white being with a black cloak calmly steps through. "hello" "i like what you've done with the place" " And you were so sure you would never help me, to." "Can. It." "don't worry, i'll be leaving soon." "tell me the terms." "give me a flow of minions from hell, at least once a round." "and what do you pay?" 'A Vacation spot.' "the chances of this staying intact until the war ends are. . . Low." "what will you do when it breaks?" 'IF it breaks, i'll make you a new one somewere else.' 'now give back my soul fragment.' "alright." "BUT if you don't do this, i will hunt you down." 'sure, sure.' 'but its a deal. don't break it.' "YEE!" . . . 'signed.' [b][b]SUMMARY: i reshape the land into a second hell, destroy the cathedral-factory, and make a deal with the devil where he gives me troops til the terrain changes to something else entirely, and when that happens i do the same somwere else.[/b][/b]

Fire Orb summoned, has the charged ability "Flare" which deals 1 damage to you but gives you a substantial damage boost in return.
...
You set everything on fire. The Weather is now firestorm, the Terrain is now Infernal Cathedral/Factory.
+6000 XP

QUOTE (Redstonetam15 @ (time=1483545547))

6/10 Swordstorm 5/5 Free Mohdalz Done! sparkysfaint places down a a weird two-legged mecha from the Library. Free Modeled Mecha summoned. Free Modeled Mecha 7,500 HP/ 7,500 HP [AS] The Free Modeled Mecha proceeds to shoot JoeBOB. sparkysfaint on the other hand... Well... Shoves some of the Terrifying Porkchops into his mouth and eats it. Somehow, he doesn't even need to move his arm.

Free Modeled Mecha summoned, I assume this is meant to be a standard entity, because that healt is absurdly low.
It will target JOE
You eat a terrifying porkchop. Yum.
+4500 XP

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1483550452))

(i'm not sure that would deal damage, even if the portal armor couldnt redirect it. come on, 'it shoots joeBOB'?) /NULL

#Shutyeryapyoungin
((I promise these are mostly random))

QUOTE (Talist @ (time=1483569591))

Okay. Let's make a proper intro post. Activate Project 'Hijack Piono's Lack of Plot for Ultimate Hilarity'. ... Although to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what my plan with this plot is. It's all highly experimental. After building built into the world, a brown garbed Minecraftian glances around. Upon seeing and recognizing the small crowd of entities centered around a godmodder figure, he exclaims, "NOPE! Oh, no no no no NO! No way I'm sticking around for this! I did NOT fight three and a half multiversal wars for the fun of it, and I'd rather not have that become four! I'm not doing this again for the sake of a simulation! ... Well, maybe I fought the first for the fun of it. Or was it second? I can't tell anymore. And why do all these wars start the same way?" The figure was going to turn around and leave this place, but is interrupted by a mechanical, computer generated voice from his pocket. "Are you going to leave\?\n" After digging through his pocket, the figure took out a small computer brick, the source of the voice, and looked at it. "Hm? Yes, I am." After a silence just long enough to feel unnatural, the computer replied. "As you will. May I stay then\? If this is an anti-godmodder simulation, the results could be important. And I\'m curious about this area.\n" "If you want to stay, I'm not going to stop you. Do what you want. I almost forgot I had you with me. Convenient how that works out, huh?" The figure places the computer brick on the ground, and then announces to the simulation in general, "Simulation thing, listen. Treat Winter here as though he was a descendant, or however you want to count it. For me, I'm out." He then turned around and left, leaving the brick to whir and hum softly as its limited RAM and processing power struggled to complete the trillions of operations needed to interface with the simulation more properly. Deciding that it needed a more 'physical' form for the sake of realism, Winter started building one, first establishing a wire mesh, then filling in faces and establishing normals, before finally mapping a texture and material to it. By the end, the newly generated black and white absol (because I didn't know what else to have him be and I think the Pokemon absol is cute) blinked once before looking down at the computer brick and setting it to be invisible. After that, however, Winter seemed completely fascinated with even the most mundane things of the world around it. Curious, Winter pushes down slowly on the grass below its feet, watching it softly spring back up. "May as well be thematic.\n" Crouching down against the soft grass, Winter leaps forward and slashes at a Terror Porkchop, cutting it apart before suddenly springing backwards and retreating, also leaving behind a super annoying cloud of fur. Winter repeats the process, taking seemingly hours between each strike, yet it all happens in one turn because we don't have proper time mechanics here. So... my RP character for this game is going to be Winter, AKA: MK-Watson-A, a computer program. Ironically enough, because he's a computer program in a simulated environment, that makes all of this stuff 'real' for him.

"WELCOME TO THE SIMULATION"
You cut apart 2 porkchops.
+7000 XP

Battlefury levels up: "Sheddings"
Combat Special acquired: WOOF (basic)

EoTB:
The Ninjaneer successfully upgrades the sentry to level 2, and the Free Modeled Mecha opens fire on Joe, who almost nonchalantly portal-blocks the attack.
TinCube attacks all over the Terrifying Porkchops, murderizing 2 of them and dealing 500 damage to another... and getting back 6000 hit points.
The Level 2 sentry finishes off the porkchop that Tincube damaged but didn't kill, unfortunately no overheal is administered.
The Holy Robots assault the Terror Pig itself, dealing 2000 damage and spawning a Terrifying Porkchop.
The Terror Pig squeals extremely loudly... IIIIIIIIIITTTSSSSSS HAMNIIIIIGGGGHTTT!!!
Immediately, 10 terrifying porkchops rain down from the sky (slightly singed but no less terrifying for it) and the powers of it finally, FINALLY being an appropriate time for ham suffuse all of the pork-based PS entities with crits for this round and the next. The Terror Pig realizes with disappointment that it, unfortunately, has already expended its turn.
The Porkchops haven't.
They all begin to dance in a circle, some sort of ritualistic dance... and then a shadow appears up in the sky. What is it... You can't quite make it out but it's coming closer...
INCOMING LARGE HAM
Holy Robots destroyed. 10000 damage to TinCube and the Free Modeled Mecha.
The Simumodder summons a pair of fire demons, who are, by their very nature, immune to the firestorm currently ongoing.
And then realizes that the fire-proofing on the Terrifying Porkchops has run out.

Everything gets 3 rounds of burning aside from the Fire Demons. Unholy Robots spawned, and immediately killed off when everything takes 2500 damage from being on fire. This also kills half of the porkchops.

Itinerary:
Regain the entity advantage!
Kill the Terror Pig
Keep the Porkchop population down.
Fix the weather before all of your entities die at once.

Entity Advantage: PS

Weather: Firestorm (Every entity that has fewer than 3 rounds of burning has it set to that amount during upkeep.)
Terrain: Infernal Cathedral/Factory (Spawns two Unholy Robots every round. Would be setting things on fire too but the firestorm does it first.)

Simumodder [PS]: Hp: 98/100.
JOEbob [PS - Player]: Hp: 10/10. Portal Armor [A]: 1/5 charges. Fire Orb [A]: Flare: 1/2
Terror Pig [PS][BOSS]: Hp: 58500/150000. It's Hamnight!: 1/4. Burning 7 rounds. Crits next round.
Terrifying Porkchop x13 [PS]: Hp: 500/3000. Crits next round. Burning 3 round.
Fire Demons x2 [PS]: Hp: 25000/25000.
TinCube [AS - Tricklejest]: Hp: 3500/50000. TinCube can into face: 5/5. Burning 3 round.
Ninjaneer [AS - jondanger]: Hp: 2000/25000. Skip a Bunch of Steps: 3/3. Burning 3 rounds.
Level 2 Sentry [AS - jondanger]: Hp: 1500/4000. Burning 3 round.
Free Modeled Mecha [AS - Redstone]: Hp: 12500/25000. Burning 3 round.


[/spoiler]

Originally posted on 2017-01-05 00:34:00

I use Woof on the terror porkchops

4/5 Max's Head
4/10 Enigma
1+ to consumer


Originally posted on 2017-01-05 02:22:00

I toss a healbomb at the Ninjaneer, who in turn repairs the Level 2 Sentry, who in turn proceeds to gun down some Porkchops.


Actually...

I give the Ninjaneer a fire-proof suit.

He then repairs the sentry, which guns down some porkchops.

Machete Mechanic: 1/5

Originally posted on 2017-01-05 02:27:00

Sheriff Clint Cactus uses Snake In My Boot against the Terrifying Porkchops.

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+1 to Talist
3/5 Golden Lasso
3/10 Ten Gallon Hat

Originally posted on 2017-01-05 05:48:00

5/10 Arsenal of the Tactician. name changing since a lot of artifacts at once is bad?
changed to: 5/10 Blackmist
old tricks can still be good tricks.
(also isnt the portal armor 2 artifacts, technicaly? one to produce the charge and one to store it.)
new charge: 1/5 Sir Bob (can i raise the charge size if i get +1ed?)
once again, i am willing to trade +1's
action: first i cover myself in pork armor on a hope of also getting a crit.
summary of attack: kill ninjaneer for like 1 paragraph then spend 2-3 more on tincube. of note is that his suit won't help cuz a sword can cut through it, firey or not.


NOTE: i will once again +1 the next person to post.


Originally posted on 2017-01-05 06:15:00

Alicia returns from being asleep, my standard excuse for being AFK. She then reaches out, and grabs a simulated copy of Voidic Maverick, Ergot that Grows On Eel's first work.

Voidic Maverick is the first part of a septology of web serials based of a text adventure. I wouldn’t deign to spoil it despite Ergot loathing hiding spoilers from him, but the basic gist of it is that a princess from another dimension is sent to a school ran by an incarnation of Death to learn ‘proper’ behaviour, mainly so that her mother can live through her when she rules, metaphorically. The princess, decides to explore the school, and we have fun schoolyard adventures.

Fun.

Continuing onwards, LSD is derived from ergotamine, a chemical in ergot. LSD and ergotamine is also composed of Carbon, Hydrogen, Nitrogen and Oxygen. CHNO. CHN is an abbreviation of a trio of allied Descendants - ConsumerOfAll / Annis Valencia*, Alpha Godmodder, Hezetor, Overlord of the Emerged Lands and Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos. Ergot that Grows On Eels is also based off Leery E, the distorted form of Erelye. LSD is truly a magical substance, containing symbolism about 4 descendants and being God’s communicator all at once.

*Annis Valencia will be simulated at one point, but keep in that she is not Alicia Cambridge. aka Joe stop bullying Annis you meanie.

Wait, what was that last part?

Alicia takes out the copy of Voidic Maverick and raises it in the air, turning it into LSD crystals, which rain down on the Battlefield. The battlefield mutates and shifts before, in the midst of the hellfire, the sun shines down, and all hear Holy, holy, holy.

Universal joy. Transcendent love. The world mutates, the sun piercing through the hell fire, his loving eyes spreading across the battlefield. He comes down and wellsprings of love and food pop up, hellfire being purged from the cathedral. The floor is gems and the lights are watchers and all is love, under the sun holy, holy, holy.

A fountain bursts from underneath, and all the world’s issues float away. The world was always this perfect, this beautiful, over in eternity transcendent, the divine light cascading into us.

Hell and the punishments of the right hand are wiped away, no hellfire, no brimstone, just divine light communicated by the sacred crystal, LSD.
/////
The Light Holy was a computer virus designed in an alternate Earth. Designed by AngelicMathematica, it was used on simulations with code executed from psychedelic items to co opt them and modify the world using flesh interfaces.

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Alicia inputs some code about her friends and the supernatural abilities that they have for reasons. She then drops a 10 post charge into the simulation, and Code!Maria is generated. She then pulls out a golden gun from the codebase she got San Francisco from.

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Maria the Mayor / umbralAggressor [AS - Consumer] Hp: 5/5. Shroud: 1/3. Thamiel's Retribution: 1/4. Constructed: 1/5. Mary the Mayor: 1/10.
Playerlike: Takes player HP in damage.
Voidic Retribution: All attackers take light damage.

Shroud: Maria gains a shroud, a barrier with normal HP.
Thamiel's Retribution: The devil stops taking deals with Joe for a few seconds to enhance Maria's retribution skills, making them more painful and hurt significantly more, in addition to granting Voidburn, which I suspect is partly composed of edge. Oh, yeah, also, Thamiel, the devil portrayed 100% accurately and as such an evil, evil [REDACTED FOR PIONO SENSIBILITIES].
Constructed: Maria creates a darkness construct, a super weak entity made from darkness. What do you think that is?
Mary the Mayor: Maria transcends. What this entails is to be either made up on the spot if it is used or written the moment Piono starts badgering me for stats.
/////
[A] Golden Sun: 5/5 Ammo. And Then The Sphere Cracked: 1/7. Flesh Interfacing: 1/7.
Golden Sun: Sorry, did the Holy Holy Holy not blast you out of here? Well, bad news for you, the Golden Sun is divine light, encrypted and then forced into a pistol, powered by LSD crystals. On usage, deals damage and makes the target High, even though I don't know what the latter does.
And Then The Sphere Cracked: Sufficiently weak (3 - 5 charge?) and high entities are nerfed further and brainwashed permanently to the wielder's side. Alternatively, if that is too strong, Alicia takes control of the victim's action for a piono-decided amount of turns.
Flesh Interfacing: A High target turns into a Flesh Interface, disabling their action until the effect is removed and allowing anybody to tap into their abilities.

This weapon can be reloaded, one ammo per actions. Both specials take 3 ammo.
/////

Terrain: San Francisco Cathedral (Entities have a ??% percent chance of gaining High per turn.
Weather: The Skies Above (Airborn entities automatically become High.)
Buff/nerf as needed, and probably increase the charge time on the Golden Sun.

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Maria will create darkness tendrils and annihilate as many Terrifying Porkchops as possible.
Artifice for Saltmeisters [10/10] [+2 from Doggo]
The Mayor Is [10/10]
+1 to Trickster

Originally posted on 2017-01-05 16:23:00

Holy crap! So many charges! I'm just drowing in these fucking charges!!

( ° ʖ °) - 10/10

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a giant lonny face emerges on the battlefield!

( ° ʖ °) - Lonnor, Prince of the Lonnies [AS - TrickleJest]: Hp: 30,000/30,000.

He's supposed to have more HP and actual DMG, but I'm trading that in for special perks. Lonnor is a healing entity, so he cannot attack. At all.
Lonnor heals TinCube, hopefully healing him a lot.
Trickle also heals TinCube using the eleven herbs and spices and also a bit of the Colonel's good ol' magic. (kek).
TinCube himself gets insanely aggressive and gets so mad that he jumps at Terror Pig and uses his special charged move.

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CHARGES
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Gates of Alternia - 6/10 [+1 from Joe, Consomme].
/placeholder - 1/10
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+1 to Battlefury.
QUE IS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

Originally posted on 2017-01-05 16:23:00

I somehow grant the Ninjaneer the holy divine spark of building machines using water, allowing for him to properly counter JOEbob's attack! Inspired, he promptly builds a squirt gun level three sentry! It promptly doses the Arsenal Of Fire's various forms with enough water that JOE is forced to watch as each and every weapon he forms fizzled out rapidly. Meanwhile, the Ninjaneer builds multiple guns that spray liquid nitrogen all over Joe, freezing him in place. The Ninjaneer then throws all the guns he just built at Joe, who is promptly frozen into an ice statue, moments before the Ninjaneer smashs Joe over the head with a guitar.

It then turns out that this somehow takes up my action.



6/10 +1 trick;e
6/10 +1 trickle

1+ to consumer

Originally posted on 2017-01-05 16:31:00

Holy, Holy, Holy, Part Deux [3/10] [+2 from Doggo]
Worms But One Is Crawling Up My Skin [1/10]
+1 Trickster

Originally posted on 2017-01-05 16:34:00

kek
+1 to battlefury

Originally posted on 2017-01-05 16:35:00