Percy blinks. He looks at the portal behind him. "Is the Lord beckoning me back into his grace?" He steps into the red light and-

[REC ROOM]

Percy appears in the Rec Room and blinks. He looks around.

It seems really neat! All sorts of games! TV! And the no chairs aesthetic. Bold. I especially like the wet pool table. Its like a water bed, but a table. Excellent. Personally, my only critique is the sofa in the corner. You should never have couches against the wall. It defeats the illusion of luxury. Rich people put their couches in the center of the room. Everybody knows that.

"Is this Hell!?" Um... I don't think? Er- right! Yeah. Sorry. He's having flashbacks. Sorry. Totally forgot.

Cozy rooms remind him of home. Back when he was an NPC stuck standing around forever. Eternal punishment. Standing. Waiting to be noticed. It was... a hard time. Sometimes... yeah.

His face blank, Percy walks mechanically over to the window to the right of the chair stack. He stands there, watching. Waiting...

That's not a good sign.

[Cell Block Zetta]

Meanwhile! Percy also finds himself in a prison! At... O12 looks open. Sure. Percy spawns on O12.

He looks around. "Is this Hell?" ...Okay, to be fair, this one is a bit more maximum security gritty. It's a reasonable misunderstanding. "So it isn't Hell?" Not quite, no. But I think this is the demo for Limboquest! "What's that?" ...Never mind.

Look, just... pretend this is Hell, okay. There are some hostages. They should be with the Chrome Lord, but they got kidnapped and dragged down here. Now you have to save them! "I see. Another quest sent to me by God." Yes. That. "Time to expel these .exe's!" ...Whatever.

Percy runs up to Q15 and- "THERE'S ANOTHER WAVE!" -stops in his tracks. Um... yeah. But... you're immortal, remember! You've got this. "You sure?" Sixty percent. Percy considers those odds. He shrugs. "I guess."

Not exactly confident, Percy prepares his last will and testament! It's surprisingly long. You'd think being a former NPC, he wouldn't own much, but then again, he used to own a fake house! A fake car! A fake TV! It takes a lot of paperwork to allocate these things to all of his fake family members. And Google. Jeez. Trying to give your possessions to a multi-billion dollar company is hard work. I mean, technically speaking, it counts as a person. It has rights and stuff. But then it's weird, because it's a person composed of people. So how do they divvy up all that stuff?

Look, it's a lot of paperwork, and Percy needs someone to proof-read it. So he picks the closes people. Percy casts Slow for 10 MP, sending his will and targeting Soldier 1, Grace 2, Cinder2, Face 2, Soldier 3, and Scream 1. Suddenly, they find a pop-up email telling them to review Percy's will! The pop-ups open automatically, and Percy's will tries to load! Unfortunately, it's a HUGE document, and it slows them down quite a bit.

And for the low low price of those 3 extra MP, Grace 2 and Scream 1 find that they are somehow in Percy's will! This taunts Grace 2 and Scream 1, because who wouldn't want an advance on that insurance deposit?

Say Percy. Why are they in your will? "They shouldn't be? I used the Lord's Software. I don't remember putting them in." Huh. Weird coincidence.

FF jumps through the portal into the Rec Room, and also into the battle, and also into CotT.

Rec Room
FF: Time to do some recon!

FF shoots a salvo of flares into the unrevealed room, forgetting that Flare doesn't remove Fog of War anymore.

Cellblock Zetta
FF acts first.
Fusee: Scanner just lit up.
• Move to Q5.
• Flare on X5, using Flare Up for +50% MP Cost and Splash2.
• Retreat to P6.

Rec Room

As Emericald spawns in, he walks over to the Administrator's drone JUST to tut disapprovingly.

EMERICALD: You don't know what a doohickey is? For shame.
EMERICALD: If you must know, I happen to be the INVENTOR of doohickeys.
EMERICALD: I also invented gizmos and widgets. Not that YOU'd know, presumably.
EMERICALD: Anyway... perhaps you'd like to talk business?

Just then, FF launches a salvo of flares, setting everything on fire. Emericald gasps, thunderstruck, rushing over to the fire and digging into the pockets of his green velvet jacket.

EMERICALD: Oh dear. Oh my. I might have something to deal with this, afford me one moment...

After much shuffling and shifting as the fire continues to spread, Emericald produces an eye-waterigly pink and very frilly handbag.

EMERICALD: Ah, here we go! This should have us right as a blizzard in no time at all!

Emericald promptly upends the bag of gasoline over the fire, which predictably explodes. Miraculously, Emericald is unharmed. Well, actually, miracles are free when you are the third luckiest man in the universe, but the point stands.

EMERICALD: Alright, now that's dealt with! Now, let's see...

Now completely ignoring the rapidly spreading flames consuming the room, Emericald walks over to the stack of chairs. He attempts to pick one off the pile, but unfortunately interfaces with the physics bug that led the chairs to be stacked up like that in the first place. The entire stack leaps out of his hands, catapulting through the closest window and launching a storm of glass shards with equally buggy physics. Emericald blinks, turning towards Percy Dot Guv, who is currently in "this is fine" mode as the storm rages on with no sign of stopping and the fire continues to spread.

EMERICALD: I'll be honest, I have no idea what prompted that.
EMERICALD: I'll assume from your blank, uncomprehending stare that you already have health insurance?
EMERICALD: Lord Chrome does give great benefits to his witless, buffoonish pawns... that mostly comes from his allegiance to Veylence, but the point stands.

Emericald waits for a response.

Cellblock Zetta

Emericald spawns on P9 and casts Familiar, spawning a Wisp on P8. Gotta get all spectral before several things begin to EXPLODE.

Rec Room

Battle's over. Veldanura idly wipes her blade off on... well, nothing important really, then ambles into the rec room and flops herself down on the nearest available sofa.

"Hm... Weird. Those windows don't lead anywhere, do they. I'm not an expert on design, but if they're not even showing some kind of fake outdoors display then what's the point?"

She then starts sharpening the Bushido Blade on one of her mandibles. That can't possibly be hygienic. And to be honest, if that's a common habit from her, it's a miracle she hasn't given herself a nasty facial scar by now.

Meanwhile, Monnobaki moves on further, investigating... somewhere else.

"A prison of some sort... Strange place, this one..."


Battle - Cellblock Zetta

Monnobaki wanders into this area.

"...Hm. This one resembles pre-psionic enforcer training routines. Hostage rescue mission... Mostly phased out once our people learned the finer arts of psionics."

She spawns at O7 and basic attacks Face1.

...You may want to distinguish between Face1 and Face2, right now the readouts at the right only specify the existence of a single face.

== TURN FIVE==

Posts under this post will be counted for the next round of combat. ..unless you ping me and specify its for this dop! I know some people haven't posted yet.


--

Parsnip begins to.. chill! They faceplant into a door, and then sit next to Sag2. Sag2 nods at them silently, in appreciation.

---

Meios enters the rec room, and attempts to assault Sag2! From across the room comes a suddenly flurry of arrows- the Sag's immense buffs from it's last stand slamming into Meios. He's sent comically flying backwards, getting stuck in the wall. There's a Meios shaped hole.

---

The ERROR enters the room at LOCATION NOT FOUND. They phase through reality to the hidden room. What will they find?

"ADMINISTRATOR": Oh, you're- Not supposed to do that. Nope. Not in the restricted zone. Can you come back here real quick? I need to.. do some bugfixing.

Their monitor's hand makes a fist. Ominously.

---

Some Witch takes a little nappy. She comf.

---

Percy ponders the nature of life. Of the universe. Of everything.

"ADMINISTRATOR": W-wet table! Nonono, it's not wet. It's perfectly dry. It has very contained water on it. It's very clean.

There's a surprisingly annoyed tone of voice in the Administrator's voice. Maybe he really loves pool tables.

---

FF fires a flare! The Administrator's monitor whirls to face them, a panicked voice emitting.

"ADMINISTRATOR": Whoawhoa- Hold that! Do you have to! Oh, that's sparks, I should turn off the fog- or the fire? Uh, crap, uh...

A loud crash can be heard from the room, smoke billowing out. Muttering can be heard from the Administrator can be heard, causing the smoke to flicker out and vanish- revealing a fledgling fire spilling across the hallway.

---

Emericald does what a slimy businessman does best- slimy business.

"ADMINISTRATOR": Oh, I am fascinated by the concept of a business deal, especially with one as.. storied as you. But I do raise some doubts about your supposed invention of the doohickey. Do you have any proof for that, sir?
"ADMINISTRATOR": ..and is that gasol-

Just then, Emericald throws gasoline onto the fire in the hall of players. There's a beat for comedic effect, and then fire spills out from the doorway and incinerating it. Fire billows into the Rec Room, which becomes less relaxed with every passing moment.

"ADMINISTRATOR": ...SIR?

The monitor's grabby-hand suddenly extends, grabbing Emericald by the purse and yanking him over to the monitor. The floating A in the monitor spins aggressively. It's not happy. Ignorant of this charge, Emericald launches the chairs out the window. Shards of glass tumble to the ground. The window's backup generator can be heard enabling, crystals growing across it to regrow it. Perfectly normal.

The fire wages on. The flame remains. More then remains. It's curling around FF. She's probably fine.

---

Velanura plops herself down on the couch next to Some Witch, and begins to sharpen her blade on her mandibles. The Administrator's monitor regards her curiously, before it goes back to scolding Emericald.

"ADMINISTRATOR": ..wait, are the windows not working?

--


Cellblock Zetta

Hm. THis fight might be overtuned.

I'm sure you can do it!

{Battle}
Scope Creep observes the Watchful Eye Zone. I am struck by a sudden and completely inexplicable sense of Deja Vu vis-a-vis counting ranges and selectively stacked effects. See, this is the Hackpad's effect:
"Hackpad. Grants Wallhack, and +3 Upper Range to all non-Cone or Laser skills. Additionally makes you take +33% DMG."
the Sagittarius, with range 4-7 basic attack and range 3-7 watchful eye targeting, gets +3 Upper Range to the Watchful Eye- a Skill- for range 3-10. the middle of the watchful zone is 7.5 away from the Sagittarius; fine and standard. However, Scope Creep is 8 away from the Sagittarius, and the effect of watchful eye is that the Sagittarius basic attacks whoever does the whatnot. The basic attacks... don't have increased upper range! In other words, the Sagittarious can try... but Scope Creep is out of range.
Also, Scope Creep's MMP should be 46- it was supposed to be like that last battle, too- and its current MP should be 3 (or maybe 4?) less than its MMP.

Where was I...
Actions! right.
Scope Creep recedes inwards on itself, pulling through space like fabric being pinched at the back, all the way to N9- through the Flamewall, yep! Scope Creep, having turned around somehow while travelling, molds a Sunling out of the fire it just ran through, and sets it on N8. meanwhile, the Fangs seethe in impotent rage
BLUE_EFFECT(Fang2);

Function BLUE_EFFECT(Target targetname)
{String Movename
int i=0
while (i<5){targetname.HPdecrement; i++; if(i<4){ScopeCreep.MPdecrement;}}
return("Scope Creep used"+Movename);}


[World]
In the Break Room, Scope Creep suddenly expands into visibility on K5, conjuring a Rainling to K8.
One might think this was supposed to put out the fire.
However, Water is not very good for putting out oil fires.
Scope Creep continues moving right through the fire and checks out the hall of players.

Rec Room

The Witch, despite the raging inferno happening at her feet, remains fast asleep. Actually, she seems kinda happy with the heat at her feet.

???: zzz... mmm... brrrrrimstone... howwww pleasanttt... zzz...

Yeah she’s not helping at all is she.

There’s only one thing that can wake her up.

The ringing of a flip-phone.

With a groggy snort, the short- and black-haired witch sits up, picking up her hat, placing it back on her head, taking out and flipping open the phone, and with a tired sigh...

???: What?

From the other side of the phone, an excited, hyper-sounding girl announces what is probably the name of the Witch out into the open... wait, was it “Louisi” or “Luigi”? It’s probably the former.

LOUISI: Abigail, what do you want?
...
LOUISI: Ugh... did you try to bash its skull in until it forces you out?
...
LOUISI: A what.
LOUISI: ...Where the hell did you end up.
...
LOUISI: *sigh*...
LOUISI: Look, just. Just like, blend in for now.
LOUISI: I’ll pick you up later, I’m very busy.
...
LOUISI: Ugh, no!
LOUISI: ...Okay maybe a little.
LOUISI: But I decided to practice some new spells in a sim of sorts. Seems spellcraft isn’t exactly safe. And also energy-intensive.
...
LOUISI: Wait, don’t you enjoy that kinda thing?
...
LOUISI: Whatever. I guess that makes sense.
LOUISI: *sigh*... After the sim, I’ll come pick you up.
...
LOUISI: Yeah, yeah...
LOUISI: Bye.

She hangs up. Great, she has to do something later.

And then she finally notices the fire. Her right eye twitches.

LOUISI: ...
LOUISI: GOD. DAMN IT.
LOUISI: I GO TO SLEEP FOR ONE SECOND AND WE HAVE A peckING WILDFIRE.
LOUISI: GREAT. JUST GREAT. AND I DIDN'T PACK FIRE EXTINGUISHING SPELLS BECAUSE I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE RELAXING!
LOUISI: MOTHER-

She futilely tries stamping out the fire with Decaying Sigils.

LOUISI: And today was going SO well, too...

---

Cellblock Zetta

The Witch - now known as Louisi - takes note of her current predicament.

LOUISI: ...I thought we had way more of us coming?
LOUISI: Did they dip last second or what?

She sighs.

LOUISI: If this weren't a sim I'd be freaking out right now...

Knowing full well a frontal assault was going to get her nowhere, Louisi moves to (O12), casts a 5 MP Flare Star on the Cover at (Q12) (which should kill it next turn), and retreats to (P12).

In the Cellblock, Parsnip Winds himself with his Bonus Breath of the Wild Action and moves to N15, he then creates another 2 Illusionary Traps at M17 and Q16.

He mutters in having only 2 other people on this side of the field.
They are not going to get any Hostage-related achievements in this battle.

In the Rec Room, he continues watching the movie with Sag1 on the Sofa as the flames creep up on them. He then turns over, upon which a sudden dearth of air presents itself to the flames, suffocating them before he could notice the flames. He than turn backs and a few embers begin glowing again…..

Whirling Blades on J4, I4, and I5, ending at I5.

Rec Room:
Meios can be heard making several "huphuphuphuphuphup" noises, before appearing at E13 by clipping through the wall with his dodge animation, which moves him four pixels in the direction he tries to dodge even if the dodge is immediately cancelled.

Room of improper loading: subbranch of Rec Room:

The glitch looks around, and seems to notice something. He begins attempting to walk, before screaming

QUOTE

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnu, abg ntnva! V gubhtug V fgnoorq lbh va gur oenva! Julllll?

At some glitchy image that appears in front of him. Suddenly water floods the room he is in, slamming the nearby door open and rushing towards the flames therein. The concussive force of said water quickly evaporating, mixed with him now floating in water whose physics is not quite fully complete according to the battle doc, launches him out into the ceiling, at which point he glitches slightly, clipping straight through to the outside, before continuing his trajectory off and down the way all the way down to V76, where he lands right next to the adventuring chairs, creating a glitch shaped hole where he lands.


Combat:

The glitch begins to try to consider what to do in this scenario, before a slight bug from his other instance being in water temporarily causes him to acquire water physics too, which confuses the samurai just long enough for him to swim over one square to S4, where he attempts to do a falling shield bash the instant gravity reasserts itself, aimed at Bomber1

(Summary, move to S4, basic attack Bomber1. non teleport tiles are P7-P5 and V3 to V5 plus U4)

Trecim moves to X9 and begins dragging the hostage. Before moving further, though, he turns and faces diagonally down and left and casts Battering Ram, hitting the Gate twice (guaranteed kill) and the Cover on U12 as well several regular black wall tiles.

Trecim fires the grappling hook at W14, swinging to W15 (clipping through the Gate) and depositing the Hostage on X15. He deals the Grappling Hook's damage to Grace2. Then he damages himself to leave Wet Floor on W16 to deter enemies from blocking his path to the lower cell block next turn.

-----

Meanwhile, Trecim decides to check out the rec room. He's been working up a sweat rescuing hostages and walking into hazards, so it's time to take a break in the one room he can trust to be safe.

Well... okay, mostly safe. He's had his share of coffee scalds, and the occasional close call with an electrical fire. But generally? While fate might have him always on the job, in the break room, he can take an actual break.

So he walks into the room, stretching and rolling his shoulders, and-

Saws in the room. Holes in the walls. Fire everywhere. Fire with Armorbreak applied to it?? Whatever that even means.

TRECIM: What in the name of the Bones is happening in here!?

Rec Room

Veldanura looks around.

"Well, either the windows are broken, or you forgot to turn them on."


Battle - Cellblock Zetta

Monnobaki notes an absence of certain key allies.

"Any chance we could get a difficulty tweak here? I think we're missing some people."

Either way, she'll make do with what she can. And what she can do right now is some crucial assistance where it counts most.

Monnobaki slips over to L8 and basic attacks Emericald's wisp, which converts the damage to healing but more importantly should cleanse the Bleed.

Firefly high-fives Emericald, her new comrade-in-arson.
FF: Yeah! Teamwork!

Her headset beeps, and her flaregun locks up.
Fusee: Sigh. I thought disabling the mortar would be enough to limit your ability to cause chaos, but no, it looks like I have to disable your flares too.
Fusee: They'll be re-enabled when you need them. Until then, try to limit the property damage, would you?
FF: Aww! Boring!

She bounces over to her statue.
FF: Woah, it's just like me! It's on fire, and I'm on fire!
FF: ow it's kinda hot in here actually

Combat:
FF acts first again.

• Move to M8.
• Flirt Sam1 to J3 (7 MP).
• Flare H5 with Splash2 Wallhack (18 MP, Blind(5,2), Ensnared(4,2), FF Mark), hitting Sam1, Eye1, Reneg1, Cinder1, and Sniper1.
• Driving Blow (7 MP) for the hell of it.
• Protowell Seeker at end of round.

[REC ROOM]

Percy is still standing in the Rec Room. Contemplating. That's the word. I like that word. It's a good word.

He hears dull sounds around him. Fire. Water. Glass breaking. Capitalism. But still, he stares out the window, remembering his old life. Or, lack thereof.

Dude... DUDE! SNAP OUT OF IT!

Suddenly, a tremor shoots through Percy. He jumps, snapping back to... well, I hesitate to say reality, but you know what I mean.

"I'M UP! I'M UP!" He reaches around wildly, trying to hit his alarm clock. He doesn't find it. Instead, he finds the Administrator! He slaps the blue-faced monitor right in the "A". Ouch.

Having successfully turned off his alarm clock, he finally calms down. Only to realize he just slapped the guy in charge in the face. Oof.

Percy jumps. Again. "BARD! Crap!" He rubs his bald head, sheepishly. "Sorry," he says to the Administrator. "I was..." Think of a good excuse. Think of a good excuse! "I was praying! Yeah! That." Good excuse. "I really didn't mean to... um..." He trails off.

"But... Wet tables?" Percy seems confused. Which is fair, because he didn't actually bring it up. Trying to figure out the context, he glances over at the Pool Table. "Er... sure. It looks dry. Yeah. The driest pool table I've seen. For sure."

He then glances at the other table, which is slowly burning. "But..." He bites his tongue, then says, "Maybe that other one would be better wet???" He really has no clue what's going on.

Hey. Percy. Emericald is talking to you. "Emeri-who?" Please tell me you didn't just say that out loud. "There are no secrets to hide from the Lord." I'm glad you do it compulsory. Everybody else its kind of a "privacy issue."

But Emericald! You know! The richest guy on Chancylvania. "Never heard of it." STOP SAYING THAT OUT LOUD!

Percy looks Emericald over. Rich dude. High Ruler. Neglectful. Yeah. All come off at face value.

Percy doesn't know where to begin. "Um... I... don't need any life insurance. At the moment... But... thanks?"

Dude, he called you an idiot. "WHAT!?" Word for word: "Lord Chrome does give great benefits to his witless, buffoonish pawns."

Percy is right tee-ed off. "YOU DARE INSULT THE ONE OF A THOUSAND ZEROES!" You know, when you put it like that, it does sound like he's in charge of a bunch of losers. "HE IS WISE BEYOND COMPARISON! He saved me from a Hellscape just like this one! To him, I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!"

...Zealots, am I right?

Percy is still huffing. "And who is this 'Veylence' you speak of? No one is above the Chrome Lord! NO ONE!"

Alright, Percy. Reel it in. Let's be civilized.

Percy takes deep breaths, trying to calm down. Allowing the... he insists I use the word "heretic," but I'm just gonna say letting the rich guy speak. Because that's the real problem with society. Rich people's voices are just never heard.

[CELL BLOCK ZETTA]

Oh no! Percy, they're after your AC! "Oh no."

Needing a quick exit, Percy Clips to his Lou through Q14 and Q13, then hops out at R12 and finishes his move at S11.

Dude. You're still right in the line of fire. "No. The fire's still in the Rec Room." [INSERT LAUGH TRACK]

Percy turns to the hostage. "Hey there!" he says. "Seems like your current religion isn't working out too well. Leaving you trapped here and all. Have you considered converting to The-" What did I call it? "-Church of the Chrome Lord?" ...That's so lame. "We're always inviting new members. So if you'd like, you can join us after the battle!"

Regardless of the hostage's answer, Percy smiles. "And I have another great opportunity for you! Have you ever wanted to get airdropped." It's not really a question. "Well now's your chance!"

Percy pulls out his War Tome and opens up my personal favorite app! Google Maps Alpha + Beta Edition whatever I called it! He opens up the battle map. Zooms in. Clicks on the hostage-

The hostage feels something latch onto their head, lifting them up into the air.

-Drags his finger along on the screen, having fun with the little yellow icon-

The hostage is not having fun as it zips around wildly over the map.

-And finally uses Drag and Drop to telefrag the hostage down on M18, knocking Veteran Soldier 3's block off!

Percy seems too happy for himself. "I'm sure that hostage is going to convert. I've got a good feeling."

Oh, and while we're at it, Percy uses a Bonus Action to start activating the Telenode on S12. "Need to hook this up to wi-fi," he mumbles.

Rec Room

Emericald blinks at the Administrator, glancing casually at the flames while absentmindedly accepting Firefly's high-five.

EMERICALD: Oh, my patent on doohickeys can be viewed from any Voidic patent office.
EMERICALD: Or you could look it up on the internet.
EMERICALD: That said, is that fire still going?
EMERICALD: Thought for sure that bag would handle it. Allow me...

Again without looking, Emericald rifles around in his pockets and produces a small metal disc. He tosses it towards the fire, where it pops open and expands... into like TWELVE buzz saws. Yikes.

EMERICALD: Should be handled now.

Emericald. Emericald that is not handled. Emericald

Percy

QUOTE (O.R.I.G.I.N. @ Apr 6 2023, 02:25 PM)

Hey. Percy. Emericald is talking to you. "Emeri-who?" Please tell me you didn't just say that out loud. "There are no secrets to hide from the Lord." I'm glad you do it compulsory. Everybody else its kind of a "privacy issue." But Emericald! You know! The richest guy on Chancylvania. "Never heard of it." STOP SAYING THAT OUT LOUD! Percy looks Emericald over. Rich dude. High Ruler. Neglectful. Yeah. All come off at face value. Percy doesn't know where to begin. "Um... I... don't need any life insurance. At the moment... But... thanks?" Dude, he called you an idiot. "WHAT!?" Word for word: "Lord Chrome does give great benefits to his witless, buffoonish pawns." Percy is right tee-ed off. "YOU DARE INSULT THE ONE OF A THOUSAND ZEROES!" You know, when you put it like that, it does sound like he's in charge of a bunch of losers. "HE IS WISE BEYOND COMPARISON! He saved me from a Hellscape just like this one! To him, I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!" ...Zealots, am I right? Percy is still huffing. "And who is this 'Veylence' you speak of? No one is above the Chrome Lord! NO ONE!" Alright, Percy. Reel it in. Let's be civilized. Percy takes deep breaths, trying to calm down. Allowing the... he insists I use the word "heretic," but I'm just gonna say letting the rich guy speak. Because that's the real problem with society. Rich people's voices are just never heard.

EMERICALD: I'm the third richest person in Chancylvania, actually, but I'm flattered.
EMERICALD: Yes, yes, that's all very interesting.
EMERICALD: Veylence doesn't bother to keep you all informed, I see.
EMERICALD: Google was bought out a few months ago. Chrome works under him now. Head of Jackpot Fulfillment at the Pair'a'Dice Casino, last I heard.
EMERICALD: Worked on his fancy new android body's chassis personally.
EMERICALD: Though I did hear he's run into career roadblocks.

Cellblock Zetta

Emericald and the Wisp wait for that Bleed to get cleansed, then scoot over to L8 and L9. Might as well pop through this wall and open up this Telenode.

== TURN SIX==

Posts under this post will be counted for the next round of combat. ..unless you ping me and specify its for this dop! I know some people haven't posted yet.


--

Scope Creep appears in the Rec Room, and summons a helpful Rainling! The simulation pauses for a moment as it googles "water effects on gasoline fire".

..the Rainling's torrent does little to sate the flames! In fact, they expand out at faster pace!

---

Some Witch.. sorry, Louisi awakens after a conversation with their sibling! Sighting the fire, they throw a Decaying Sigil into it! The fire is Armorbroken!

"ADMINISTRATOR": Oh, perfect, that puts it down to like.. -3 AC! For a kiling blow.

---

Parsnip.. snuffs out the fire? The fire close to them is swiftly suffocated, leaving flames present only on the left side of the room. The party's chance of immediate death by fire lowers drastically.

"ADMINISTRATOR": I suppose that works, temporarily.
"ADMINISTRATOR": Now might be a good time to warn you that fire tiles are, well, not exactly finished in the game's code.
"ADMINISTRATOR": See no fire in the rules area? We never really prepared them for good use.
"ADMINISTRATOR": So, hypothetically speaking, there's the small chance that we may have coded their ability to spread, but not their ability to, er, diminish.

The fire crippled by Parsnip suddenly surges up again, slowly recovering.

"ADMINISTRATOR": Or be snuffed out. It's a tad buggy.

---

Meios escapes his wretched prison! He is flung across four pixels, faceplanting immediately into the ground in front of him. Why does he smell smoke?

---

A sudden torrent of water envelops the Glitch, filling the Hall of Players! On contact with the fire, it.. doesn't evaporate, somehow?

"ADMINISTRATOR": ..how on earth.. It's supposed to be impossible to get water and fire tiles to interact right now! They're not on any files same tilemap! Can you- oh my god i hate you all.

The Hall of Players discovers what it is like to both be flooded and on fire. The brave wall of fire safely holds off the six feet of water hovering directly next to it. Will it hold forever? We shall see.

(no)

---

The Administrator remains silent as Veldanura points out the window's extreme lack of functionality.

"ADMINISTRATOR": ..Fine, let me just..

A second arm pops out of the back of their monitor, stretching over to the nearest window. Grabbing the power cord, it swiftly plugs it into the wall. Not into a outlet, just. Into the wall. Some pixellated plaster falls to the ground. The window.. actually flickers on, displaying a idyllic forest outside.

---

F.F. gets her flares disabled! Heedless of the Active Fire, she bounds into the Hall of Players, investigating her statue. Despite the fire engulfing it, the statue is somehow undamaged. The statue stares back at her. The fire swirls around F.F.- and she feels slightly warm as it does, in fact, jump up to her. She is now properly on fire. Hopefully she remembers how to stop drop and roll.

"ADMINISTRATOR": ...That second voice sounds unusually reasonable? Who are you?

The Administrator willfully ignores F.F. setting herself on fire. Maybe if he closes his eyes she'll go away. Little does he know, his monitor does not have eyes. She will never go away.

---

The Administrator's monitor bobs up and down as Percy slaps them.

"ADMINISTRATOR": ...you know, I would place more suspicion on your claim of praying via aggravated assault, but..
"ADMINISTRATOR": Sure. Whatever. I'll believe anything at this point, because I've apparently been graced with the most off the walls QA team known to man.

The Administrator's monitor grows two extra arms, which they promptly uses to cross their arms, giving off a strong sense of annoyance. Where are they getting all these arms from? You tell me.

---

"ADMINISTRATOR": Right. I'll review those patents.. later.
"ADMINISTRATOR": At the proper offices, of course. I don't use the internet. Far too full of mindless drivel. I only browse my organization's carefully coordinated Alphanet.
"ADMINISTRATOR": A highly advanced communication network that.. that..
"ADMINISTRATOR":
"ADMINISTRATOR": Is that a buzzsaw- what are you d- NO!

Is that a buzzsaw- what are you d- NO!
Emericald throws a BUZZSAW BOMB at the fire. Extremely predictably, absolutely no problems are solved and many more are created. The players around the room somehow avoid evisceration on mass as buzzsaws ricochet across the room, embedding themselves in walls and in the Hall of Players.

---

Cellblock Zetta
With a wave of nerfs rolling out, it seems like the fight might be turning in your favor! Keep fighting.. Work together, and a win should be very viable!

Parsnip beckons the Hostage to move closer to Spawn, then meditates. A storm of cosmic power brews up again…

Rec Room

Buzzsaws.

LOUISI: WOAH-

Louisi ducks as one Buzzsaw barely flies past her head - and more importantly, hat.

As she sits back up, she gives a wicked glare at Emericald. The kind of glare that says "I am one 'mistake' away from setting your peck on fire too"

LOUISI: ...Idiot.

Thinking quickly, Louisi pulls out an oversized spellbook from thin air in a puff of black dmoke, flicking through it for an ice spell... seems water won't work on a gasoline fire.

LOUISI: ...Blizzard Aura, Snap Freeze... these don't seem like they'd work well... peck.

She flicks through a few more pages... and sighs, shaking her head at the Admin.

LOUISI: ...Sorry in advance.

LOUISI: Avalanche.

With a flick of the wrist, snowflakes start falling above and around the fire. A loud rumbling could be heard from "outside". The room starts shaking as the roof starts bending downwards juuuuust in front of the cabinet. Louisi gets well out of the way.

LOUISI: Incoming... I'd move.
LOUISI: Or don't move. Sure someone will fish you out or something.

Soon after, the roof gives way to a metric peckton of snow, barreling straight towards the fire and table on fire. And I mean a whole avalanche's worth. An unstoppable wall of snow and ice and even rock!

Whether or not it douses the fire or just stops around it, the spread should at least be contained to the small area it's already in.

Once the snow settles, Louisi sighs, thoroughly not amused.

LOUISI: Yep.
LOUISI: This is what happens when you disturb nap time with gasoline, fire, and saws.
LOUISI: Sorry not sorry.
LOUISI: ...Except to the Admin. Sorry about the mess, but at this rate it was gonna get way worse before it got better.

LOUISI: ...Can I nap in peace now?
LOUISI: pecking barbarians

She waits to see if anything else is about to happen before attempting to resume her nap.

Cellblock Zetta

LOUISI: ...Uh, thanks, I guess?

With the wall down, a new plan forms.

ACTION

Louisi hops to (R12), activates the Teleporter with her Bonus Action, and leaps through to (X20). There, she shoves a Lunchables to the Hostage next to her, and fires a Ceasefire at Grace2.

She then retreats to (W19).

LOUISI: Hey can one of you like throw a meal at this guy over here?

She's probably asking someone to give a Lunchable to the Hostage at (Y20).

[WRECK ROOM]

SAW NOISE! *WHOOSH*

Percy glances to the left of his window and notices a buzzsaw stuck in the wall. "Neat."

You know, the longer we're here, the more I'm starting to agree with Percy. This place is a weird kind of Hell.

QUOTE (King_Fuffy @ Apr 6 2023, 02:48 PM)

EMERICALD: I'm the third richest person in Chancylvania, actually, but I'm flattered. EMERICALD: Yes, yes, that's all very interesting. EMERICALD: Veylence doesn't bother to keep you all informed, I see. EMERICALD: Google was bought out a few months ago. Chrome works under him now. Head of Jackpot Fulfillment at the Pair'a'Dice Casino, last I heard. EMERICALD: Worked on his fancy new android body's chassis personally. EMERICALD: Though I did hear he's run into career roadblocks.

GOSH DARN IT! I pandered to his ego! Now we'll never win this argument! Sorry Percy.

Meanwhile, Percy is less hung up on that and more hung up on the Veylence stuff. "Bought out?" Percy asks the slimy business vampire, incredulous. "Blasphemy. The Chrome Lord would never be tempted by such sin!"

Didn't you say that The Lord was on Holiday earlier?

Percy considers this. He is visually stumped. Not literally, though he could probably use a stump to sit down on. Could give off some real thinker vibes that way. I mean, he's already got his chin enveloped by his palm. His elbow resting on his other arm, which he has crossed over his torso. He's thinking really deeply about this.

Eventually, he gets so dumbfounded, he starts summarizing out loud. "I was sent here by the Lord without so much as an email. He hasn't sent any miracles. This place reminds me of Hell..."

Percy looks up at Emericald, a realization dawning on his face. "ARE YOU SAYING YOU THINK THE LORD DITCHED ME!?" He sounds... angry? But maybe not at Emericald? Not at Google either, I don't think. Just... angry. Unreasoning anger at life. This cruel existence. At everything, all at once. Pure rage.

...Zealots, am I right?

[CELL BLOCK ZETTA]

Percy, this religious crisis isn't going to affect the mission, right? "Religious what?" ...What? "No. That's what I'm asking you. What?" ...Weird save glitch, I guess. Must be what happens when you try to upload too much to the cloud. "Do not insult the Heavens above!" ...Interesting.

Anyways, you figure that Hostage is going to join your cult? "Hard to say. The Terms of Service are a high calling to rise to." ...Sure thing, buddy. "We should probably try to convert another one. Just in case." Safe bet. But we should probably deal with that Face too. "I don't see why we can't do both!"

Percy scoots through the wall at U11- "Hey. What's that red exclamation mark about?" Splash 1 AOE. "Oh..." -and uses the rest of his movement to scramble to W10. Avoiding the laser wall, of course. "You don't mean splash like holy water, right?" Correct.

From there, he hefts his shield, pointing it toward Face 2. At MELEE RANGE (4), he plugs the Face into Google Translate, switching languages so many times it translates to "it's a beating," a result I actually obtained, but I have no idea how I got to. *shrug* It was "many people" for a hot minute, then somehow got there. I dunno.

The fact that its name means "it's a beating" literally rocks Face 2's world. The Face is overwhelmed by the feeling of a beating when it learns this. Especially when Percy chucks his shield at it, slapping Face 2 with a Basic Attack!

See, Percy, if your translating app does that, is it really working? "It's a feature. Not a bug."

Speaking of bugs, a Fluttering Page spawns behind Percy on V9. It's presence is MENACING!!!

...And the Page has Direct Hit. Sorry. Almost forgot. Again.

REC ROOM

Meios walks into the Hall of Players, dodging the fire every step of the way. How does he dodge the fire? ...Well, the same way he dodges anything else, really. It's not that hard.

"I wonder where my statue is."

He wanders to the part of the room not currently on fire, where the fog of war has not revealed the room's contents.

CELL BLOCK ZETTA

Meios meditates and turns on his Special.

"Hit me with your best shot."