This is a zero-player adventure, meaning that you cannot input commands. Without further ado, let's begin!

== BEGIN ADVENTURE ==
Universe 4037/26
Soisaasian Interstellar Federation
Roflsoy City
Roflsoy City Dungeon of Doom


You are Mizuka Ichinomiya, a water nymph turned into a cute anime girl by the Anime Girl Plague. You are in your house in the newly converted Roflsoy City Dungeon of Doom, which is now a housing unit for the 35,400 anime girl plague victims in Roflsoy City. You are among the first few to be cured of anime insanity. You are also really mad at the Soisaasians because they locked you up in abysmal conditions for 6 years.

Current objective: Escape Soisaasian territory.

> Take inventory.

You check your inventory. You have the following items:

¤ - ¤10,000.00 Cellular Currency Units
CCUs are the intercellular currency of the Cellworld. Unfortunately you can't use them here, as they're only legal tender for 58% of the Cellworld, and this is not one of them. You think there is a currency exchange somewhere in the Dungeon.
Ɉ - Ɉ200.00 Soisassian joiths
The joith is a unit of currency roughly equivalent to ¤1,200 CCU, or roughly enough to buy one bottle of soy sauce from the local soy sauce factory.
a - a Roflican Arms RA-244 (40/40 rounds)
This is your trusty weapon, better than any wand of death - one of the top-of-the-range Roflican guns used by the United Planetary Lols of Roflica Space Army.
b - 2 Roflican Arms 244-type magazines (each 40 rounds)
Ammo for the RA-244. Enough said.
c - a cute anime dress (equipped)
As a water nymph, you were transformed into some sort of water mage anime girl. You don't particularly like the outfit, but since taking it off causes weird things to happen, you just deal with it.
d - a splash potion of sanity
You're not sure if this actually works, but the bottle says it contains 2.4mg of mind-effect panacea, whatever that actually is.
e - a tin of preserved fruit
This tastes either really good, or terrible, depending on whether or not you're lucky.
f - a spellbook
You've memorized all the spells in this book, which is to say teleportation and water-manipulation spells.

> Go socialize with your neighbors.
You reject that idea immediately. Your neighbors are all locked up, and you probably would be locked up if they hadn't gave you that potion of sanity to make you reasonably sane and not some bogosorted-mora spewing mess.

> Teleport. You can do that now, right?
You can, but it's more difficult than it was when you were an ordinary nymph, primarily because you can't actually control where you teleport without expending MP. You do it anyway, and land on the surface.

Universe 4037/26
Soisaasian Interstellar Federation
Roflsoy City
35th Street (In front of Aaronson Television Center)

Armed guards spot you, and one of them prepares to fire tranquilizer darts. Oh shit.

> Whip out your RA-244 and pump those mothergorillaers full of lead.
You engage in combat with the Roflsoy City Guards!

== BEGIN COMBAT ==
Roflsoy City Guard: 44/44 HP.
Roflsoy City Guard: 44/44 HP.

Mizuka Ichinomiya: 47/47 HP. 42/42 MP.

You proceed to whip out your RA-244 and pump a Roflsoy City Guard full of lead, as the command dictated, for (26) damage. You immediately regret this decision as the Roflsoy City Guard counters with reaction fire for a good chunk of your health - (12) HP.

The other guard hides behind cover and prepares a tranquilizer dart. You'd better act fast.

== COMBAT ==
Roflsoy City Guard: 18/44 HP.
Roflsoy City Guard: 44/44 HP.

Mizuka Ichinomiya: 35/47 HP. 42/42 MP. Equipped: Roflican Arms RA-244 (27/40 rounds).

> Use your MP for a directed teleport behind one of the guards, and shoot him in the back of the head.

You teleport behind the guard using Translocation, consuming (11) MP, and then shoot him in the head for a critical (38) damage. He falls over, but is still alive.

The other guard hears the gunshots, turns around and sees his literally nearly fallen comrade, and calls for backup.

== COMBAT ==
Roflsoy City Guard: 18/44 HP.
Roflsoy City Guard: 6/44 HP.

Mizuka Ichinomiya: 35/47 HP. 31/42 MP. Equipped: Roflican Arms RA-244 (23/40 rounds).
> Stomp the 6 HP guard's head in, then teleport away.

You do so, killing him instantly.

You gained 22 Combat XP! (total: level 1, 22/50 XP to next level)
You gained 10 Constitution XP! (total: 47 HP, 10/20 XP to next point)
You gained 14 Magic XP! (total: level 1, 14/50 XP to next level)

You teleport away without looting the corpse.

== END COMBAT ==
[i]Universe 4037/26
Soisaasian Interstellar Federation
Planet Soisaas Northern Restricted Zone
Simulated Battlefield 15-B


You end up in the Soisaas Restricted Zone, a 4000-km-wide stretch of land used for military exercises and scientific testing. Everyone here is heavily armed, and you landed right in an urban battlefield simulation zone. This is literally the last place you want to be right now, especially holding a Roflican gun.

You regenerate 1 HP (total: 36/47 HP), and 2 MP (total: 33/42 MP).

> Put your gun back in your inventory and go exploring.

You keep your gun in your inventory and explore the fake city. The signs are all written in some weird script that you can assume is right to left.

You turn a corner and are confronted by a group of anime girls, who appear to have taken up residence in this zone. They're also still spouting anime gibberish. But before you can turn around, they start readying their weapons.

== BEGIN COMBAT ==
Anime Girl Wizard: 14/14 HP.
Anime Girl Swordfighter: 25/25 HP.
Anime Girl Glitch: 22/22 HP.
Anime Girl Gunner: 16/16 HP.
Anime Girl Healer: 12/12 HP.

Mizuka Ichinomiya: 36/47 HP. 33/42 MP.

> Shoot the healer. Always shoot the healer first.
The gunner goes first, as she has her gun drawn already. She fires three times; you dodge the first shot, but the next two hit you for (6) and (7) damage.

Then it's your turn. You spin around with a flourish and shoot the healer, but the glitch intercepts and takes the hit for her, taking (17) damage.

The swordfighter and wizard charge up their attacks, the swordfighter in particular preparing to charge at you with deadly speed.

== COMBAT ==
Anime Girl Wizard: 14/14 HP.
Anime Girl Swordfighter: 25/25 HP.
Anime Girl Glitch: 5/22 HP.
Anime Girl Gunner: 16/16 HP.
Anime Girl Healer: 12/12 HP.

Mizuka Ichinomiya: 23/47 HP. 33/42 MP.

> Shitshitshit. Teleport behind them, then splash the potion of sanity on the Healer.
You expend (11) MP to teleport behind the group, and quickly smash the potion of sanity over the healer's head. Some of it gets on the others as well.

The wizard turns around, and her spell is interrupted. The gunner turns around and shoots you again with a well-aimed shot, hitting you for (10) damage.

== COMBAT ==
Anime Girl Wizard: 14/14 HP.
Anime Girl Swordfighter: 25/25 HP.
Anime Girl Glitch: 5/22 HP.
Anime Girl Gunner: 16/16 HP.
Anime Girl Healer: 12/12 HP.

Mizuka Ichinomiya: 13/47 HP. 22/42 MP.

The healer turns to her team and says something in anime gibberish. You barely understand it any more thanks to the fact that you've been free of the mental effects of anime girl plague for what, two years now? From what you gather she orders a ceasefire. The others nod, then lower their weapons.

== END COMBAT ==

Then she says something in the Common Speech, whatever that may be for you.

"Sorry for attacking you. Really."

She casts an area of effect healing spell around her.
You regenerate 5 HP (total: 18/47 HP), and 2 MP (total: 24/42 MP).
The Anime Girl Glitch regenerates 5 HP (total: 10/22 HP).

> Tell her it's okay as long as she can get the rest to not attack you.

"It's okay," you say, "just don't do it again."

The others nod. The healer turns to look at you, then extends a hand.

"Pleased to meet you. My name is... Elisa," she says after a pause. "If you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a question."

"Yeah, just ask."

"Do you mind if we follow you?"

> "No problem, just don't cause any trouble."

oooh hey cellworld's starting back up again.
I wasn't actually paying enough attention to pay attention to the first round, hopefully I'll be able to sit through the whole thing this time!

> "No problem, just don't cause any trouble."

Elisa turns to you and bows. "Thank you! ...We're friends now, right?"

"I guess," you reply.

> Go somewhere interesting.

You go somewhere interesting, or at least try to. Your ragtag team of anime girl companions follows you. While you're going somewhere interesting, you decide to talk to some of your new friends.

You introduce yourself to the healer and the glitch first.

"Oh, hi. My name's Tsuzuru. Pleasure to meet you~" says the glitch. "Well, that's what I'd say if you didn't attack us... Though I suppose it was in self defense..."

Along the way, you come across a stash of ammunition. It's full of SJ .45-type ammunition, which is incompatible with your Roflican Arms gun, but the gunner, whose name apparently is Suzune, picks up a couple of cartridges and marks the location on her phone.

> Take inventory along the way. All of your new companions as well.

Mizuka Ichinomiya:
¤ - ¤10,000.00 Cellular Currency Units
Ɉ - Ɉ200.00 Soisassian joiths (exchange rate: ¤1,213.55 : 1 Ɉ)
a - a Roflican Arms RA-244 (21/40 rounds)
b - 2 Roflican Arms 244-type magazines (40 rounds each)
c - a cute anime dress (equipped)
e - a tin of preserved fruit
f - a spellbook (tier 1)

Akiru (Anime Girl Swordfighter):
a - a +4 stainless steel longsword
b - a stainless steel pocketwatch
c - a cute anime dress (equipped)

Tsuzuru:
a - a digital spellbook CD (tier 1)
b - a cute anime dress (equipped)
c - a Susbook 1100 laptop (off, 89% battery)

Suzune:
a - 2 Soi & Joi SJ-314 pistols (dual wielded)
b - 4 SJ .45-type pistol magazines (8 rounds each)
c - a cute anime dress (equipped)
d - a soyPhone 4 (59% battery)

Elisa:
a - a healing-attuned staff
b - a cute anime dress (equipped)

Lilina (Anime Girl Wizard):
a - a fire-attuned staff
b - a cute anime dress (equipped)

You also fully heal yourselves.

> Team: Fight someone.
You then come across a military base, apparently known as Fort Soyton. You never understood this place's obsession with the "funny roflcopter noise" and its desire to use it in the name of literally anything.

"Anime girls incoming!" someone shouts. Looks like you really are gonna fight someone...

== BEGIN COMBAT ==
Lilina: 14/14 HP. 24/24 MP. Equipped: fire-attuned staff
Akiru: 25/25 HP. 6/6 MP. Equipped: +4 stainless steel longsword
Tsuzuru: 22/22 HP. 13/13 MP.
Suzune: 16/16 HP. Equipped: dual Soi & Joi SJ-314 pistols (8/8, 8/8 rounds)
Elisa: 12/12 HP. 21/21 MP. Equipped: healing-attuned staff
Mizuka Ichinomiya: 47/47 HP. 33/42 MP. Equipped: Roflican Arms RA-244 (21/40 rounds)

Soisaasian Soldier: 24/24 HP. Equipped: JoJitern JOJ MM2
Soisaasian Soldier: 23/23 HP. Equipped: JoJitern JOJ MM2
Soisaasian Soldier: 25/25 HP. Equipped: JoJitern JOJ MM2
Soisaasian Anomalous Specialist: 63/63 HP. 49/49 MP. Equipped: Soi & Joi SJ4R

> FIGHT!!!!!!

You fire at the Soisaasian Anomalous Specialist! He is unfazed despite taking (18) damage, and fires back at you for (20) damage!

Akiru charges at a Soisaasian soldier!

Tsuzuru fires electric bolts at the Soisaasian soldiers! (3) damage, (4) damage, and (6) damage respectively! One of the soldiers' guns jams and he throws it to the ground!

Suzune shoots down another soldier with her dual pistols! (5+6) damage, leaving him on 7 HP!

Lilina's turn now! Fireball II cast for (11) MP! (13) damage to a Soisaasian Soldier!

Elisa, not being able to do anything other than heal, casts Curefield II for (14) MP!

The Soisaasian Soldiers decide to call for backup while one of them takes potshots at your team! (7) damage to Akiru!

You regenerate (5) HP and (2) MP.
Akiru regenerates (5) HP.

== COMBAT ==
Lilina: 14/14 HP. 13/24 MP. Equipped: fire-attuned staff
Akiru: 23/25 HP. 6/6 MP. Equipped: +4 stainless steel longsword
Tsuzuru: 22/22 HP. 13/13 MP.
Suzune: 16/16 HP. Equipped: dual Soi & Joi SJ-314 pistols (7/8, 7/8 rounds)
Elisa: 12/12 HP. 7/21 MP. Equipped: healing-attuned staff
Mizuka Ichinomiya: 32/47 HP. 35/42 MP. Equipped: Roflican Arms RA-244 (14/40 rounds)

Soisaasian Soldier: 21/24 HP. Equipped: JoJitern JOJ MM2
Soisaasian Soldier: 7/23 HP. Equipped: JoJitern JOJ MM2
Soisaasian Soldier: 6/25 HP.
Soisaasian Anomalous Specialist: 45/63 HP. 49/49 MP. Equipped: Soi & Joi SJ4R

> Pick off the two wounded soldiers, then focus down the Anomalous Specialist!

Akiru slashes at a Soisaasian soldier! She strikes before her opponent can react, dealing (7) damage! Soisaasian soldier beheaded!

Akiru gained 14 Combat XP! (total: level 1, 14/50 XP to next level)

Elisa passes her turn.

Suzune shoots at the other wounded Soisaasian soldier! (4+8) damage! Soisaasian soldier killed!

Suzune gained 14 Combat XP! (total: level 1, 14/50 XP to next level)

Tsuzuru goes on evasion tactics! She has a chance to dodge!

Lilina casts Fireball I for (6) MP! The fireball hits the Soisaasian Anomalous Specialist for (5) damage! Burn applied!

It's your turn, and you have something prepared. You teleport behind the Soisaasian Anomalous Specialist (-11 MP), then aim at his head. Before he can react, you've blown a hole in his skull. (34) damage!

The burn hurts the Anomalous Specialist for (4) damage! He gets up, and gets ready to fist-fight you with the 2 health points he has left. Looks like he's not going down without some sort of extra help.

The remaining Soisaasian soldier shoots Elisa for (6) damage!

Elisa regenerates (5) HP.

== COMBAT ==
Lilina: 14/14 HP. 7/24 MP. Equipped: fire-attuned staff
Akiru: 25/25 HP. 6/6 MP. Equipped: +4 stainless steel longsword
Tsuzuru: 22/22 HP. 13/13 MP.
Suzune: 16/16 HP. Equipped: dual Soi & Joi SJ-314 pistols (6/8, 6/8 rounds)
Elisa: 11/12 HP. 7/21 MP. Equipped: healing-attuned staff
Mizuka Ichinomiya: 32/47 HP. 35/42 MP. Equipped: Roflican Arms RA-244 (14/40 rounds)

Soisaasian Soldier: 21/24 HP. Equipped: JoJitern JOJ MM2
Soisaasian Soldier: DEAD.
Soisaasian Soldier: DEAD.
Soisaasian Anomalous Specialist: 2/63 HP. 49/49 MP. Equipped: Soi & Joi SJ4R

> Punch the living hell out of the specialist.

You use your anime girl powers to punch the specialist in the face. You hit for exactly (2) damage, and infect his corpse with anime girl plague.

You gained 29 Combat XP! (total: level 2, 1/65 XP to next level)
Level up! You are now level 2 in Combat.
You gained 10 Constitution XP! (total: 48 HP, 0/21 to next point)
You gained 1 MHP!
You gained 12 Casting XP! (total: level 1, 26/50 XP to next level)

The remaining soldier runs back into the base screaming in fear.

== END COMBAT ==

Wait so hold up Mizuka's supposed to be the good guy but just sorta opens fire on any soldiers she happens to pass by? The ones back in the alleyway maybe, but they basically just found a fort and decided to kill everything in it.

I'm confuse.

What's this?

dead. again.

not quite. i'm gonna start a more interactive version and see how long it lasts.

oh neat. I'll be here