==BATTLE ACTION==

(Important: Nezira goes first in the turn order)
Nezira looks at Maxim for a second, deadpan. "...You know, I really wanted to expect the best. We could tell from the moment someone noticed the clicking that there was something wrong! Then the mindscape, the fog, Venia catching a glimpse of your body inside Nana's throat while learning, learning that those weren't actually ranger calls from someone who actually knew them, even the way you rushed towards Willow without caring about the Iti. Too much to ignore, in hindsight."
She pauses for a second.
"Which is why you're going to lose."
...
"Maybe not today, true -- although you've seen us fight, do you really think you're going to win? -- but you just can't act! You slipped up enough that we figured things out without even seeing you, as you put it, 'making yourself at home' -- focusing just on 'witnesses' won't cut it when you can't even imitate a Chairian well enough to fool people who have literally never met her before!"
...
"People get suspicious, they'd figure out there's a body-puppeting Iti around, and sooner or later one of your hosts would meet a twenty-person long-ranged sniper ambush an hour or so after the first slip-up, followed by maybe some lightning bolts from Chairian magi to make sure 'the abomination bodyjacking Iti' is dead."
...
"All that's just a little pointless, though, since like I said, you've seen us fight. Oh, and let's not forget, you're surrounded. Do you really think that there'll even be a chance for you to puppet one of us, let alone live through the next hour or so, since I'm fairly certain that you're about to get unceremoniously forced out of that poor Chairian's body by a full-on blitz of attacks? Didn't think so. (Oh, and Nana, if you can hear me? You'll be safe soon, and we have very good healers.)"
...Nezira points her staff straight-on at Maxim.
"In conclusion: you and your fishy 'friend' will rue the day you tried to take on the Spherebreakers; I think the both of you will find that we'll give you indigestion."

The lenses of the Scrutinizing Staff rotate and paint Maxim's exterior with a thin beam of scanning light, feeding data into the scanner Nezira carries. After a second, the lenses once again realign themselves and a pulse of magic leaps from the end of the staff into the lens array, refracting, focusing, and concentrating through the staff's head until it bursts from the tipmost lens as a concentrated spike of pure magical force that impales Maxim.

(Nezira scans Maxim, applying Analyzed, applying Observer Eye, and restoring MP, then opens up with a Force Nail to the face.)

Nezira also sends a message to Nia through magic: "Hey, can you summon a scale in explode-from-ground-eating range of the Lure? We think the Yaga will have an adverse reaction to eating explosive things, and I'm fairly sure that scale 'explodes'..."

Meanwhile, her Rushers act!
Rusher 3 realizes it's in a bit of a losing spot, and howls, using Absolute Evasion to buff the other two Rushers!
Rusher 2 moves to K6 and uses Absolute Evasion as well!
Rusher 1 moves to L8 and also uses Absolute Evasion! Eat these, Yaga!

Pope Bill, meanwhile, moves to K9, casting Cure on the Corpsetaker.

I'm in the camp of Ruby Rose and Omorika, you guys aren't all that scary.
Then again, I didn't consider Lucid that threatening and people were pissing their pants over it...

Destiny then realizes she has a case of DoT.

I feel like vomiting, yet I haven't ate anything since I came here. Strange...

Destiny runs to K14 before shanking the Petal, finishing off by retreating to K12.

If any of you folks could throw out something to cure this ailment that would be fine, death would be inconvenient at this moment.

-RP: Maria's Wonderful Garden Trip-

Maria stares at the big tree. Her eyes light up like candles and she breaks out a big grin. "Ohmygosh that tree is huuuuuuuuuuuuge! It's so huge, and so sparkly! So pretty! I want a tree like that!" She says, hopping up and down. "Ohmygosh, wait, what's that? It's like a sword giraffe!" Maria shouts, pointing at the Yggcrawler. "Who're you?" Maria asks, pointing at the swordfighter. "You look cool!"

"...Where'd mister Chaos go?" Maria asks, voice deflating at the abrupt realization.

---

-RP: The Preserve-

"It will end well, it will end well-"

But it didn't end well because it never does, and Venia's heart drops as she realizes that Pope Bill's Last Dream did not drop Nana like it should have.

"...It will end well, it will end well! We can kill the parasite and save Nana! Whatever it is!... Can we?"Venia stares, transfixed, at Nana's transformation into Maxim, wordless, breathless, sweating heavily, eyes giving a thousand-year stare. The fact that she's braced herself for this exact outcome a thousand times in her head beforehand doesn't make it any better-she knows both what's happened, and what's happening, and in her heart she feels something far worse, and every word out of the possessed Nana's mouth just makes it worse.

"I'm not going to be like that. I'm not going to be like that. I am not going to be like that, I MUST BE, must be avoiding that."

Venia's internal monolouge distracts her from the beast about to charge her-she expected the Yaga to, well, not immediately charge her position. She yells as the bad expy of gotou super death land fish rises up to butcher her sorry buttox, diving out of the way but still getting caught on a tooth in the process, badly cutting her thigh. "JESUS CHRIST!" Venia shouts, grasping at the bloodied thigh as the Yaga slides underground and as Maxim approaches...

"...Jesus, Christ... " Venia says, sounding just a touch delirious from pain, adrenaline, and rage. "...You. Nana? Uh, Maxim? Whatever! We all knew the instant you started that clicking! I was sincere about that thing earlier-about accepting you! I knew what you were, in my gut! I just hoped, hoped, that there was some, fundamental misunderstanding, and that if we were nice to you that you'd wouldn't do this, that you'd be the tiny little good left in Ire, or just killed in self-defense, that you were something better, or something! But noooo, you have to be a, a sociopath!"

Venia pauses to look at her wound... Anyone with a brain should realize blood doesn't turn silver.

"Don't try to play innocent now, too late for that! ...I just wanted... I just wanted a... It's like... You're like... What?!"

Venia blinks, rapidly, not letting her gaze twitch from Maxim, obviously confused (in a non-status sense). Her eyes seem to focus on a position above Maxim's head, rather than at Maxim herself (itself?). Venia trembles, and terror overtakes her, for a moment. "...I need a moment." She immediately reaches for a curative and chugs it down excessively fast, as her hat takes this convenient time to ping-disassemble a Bloodhound's dead body, perhaps anticipating how bad it would be to leave things for Maxim to bodyjack. Afterwards, she blinks, some of her adrenaline leaving her, as she moves to E16-suffering a bit more cutting due to an array of jagged tentacles, gaze still transfixed upon Maxim, babbling sans coherence. "...That can't be... Must be... My head! ...Can't hold that back, its bad for me... I, why does, you, stop looking like me!"

Once at her destination still shaking, she points her gun at Maxim (who has not magically morphed into a copy of Venia or anything)-but no bullets fire. Instead, a series of golden chains, thin but present, abruptly slink into position, binding Maxim's motions just a touch (this being the Slayer's Mark). Clutching the gun, terrified as she is angry, Venia's face contorts in rage as the 'blood' slinks up her body, starting to cause a glitch effect around her personage. "You, I, its, why!? Why?! I, just, aaaaahk! I, I, why, no, no no no no!"

Venia steps back, halfway to horror and halfway to disgust, gazing upon what her mind's eye perceives as nothing other than a hideous mirror of herself.

"... It... It... It's, it's..."

And then her voice erupts in raw fury.

IT'S D-D-DISGUSTIIIIING!

Venia explodes, and unlike before, she really explodes this time, as a siezure-inducing crack in reality lurches from her position, slicing through Maxim like a knife through butter, revealing only a glimpse of myriad kaleidoscopic horrors beyond the veil of reality. A moment later, the distorted force that is glitch pulses from ground zero that slams into Maxim (or rather her current position) like a ferocious gunshot, briefly obscuring Maxim and Venia in a wave of distorted light and sound as existence rebukes the intrusion, revering the area to what it was before swiftly thereafter.

What's left at ground zero? Well, there's the massive silver tentacle spider of death, eight-legged, eight-armed, nine-eyed, many-bodied, and trembling in fury.

"ABOMINATION! COME ON!! I'LL ANNIHILATE YOU!"

---

-Battle: The Preserve-

Venia activates the Shard of Madness.

"Salix! Tranquilize this thing! We have to save Nana, and KILL THE PARASITE!"

Venia waits for Salix to do his thing.

Venia's hat destroys the Bloodhound's corpse. Venia chugs a Green Sap Curative to say 'screw you fear,' and moves to E16 (taking 6-6 damage due to Bladed Body). She activates Slayer's Mark, slapping Maxim with evasion/crit problems. Then, she activates Unexisting Theorem, using Irregular Apocalypse to attack Maxim for sizable glitch damage as well as getting Venia to approximately 53 HP and 11 SHP and restoring all her lost HP.

"YOU SICK FREAK, YOU'RE NOTHING!"

Emerald realizes he went the complete wrong way somehow and sprints over to K8 instead

Nidra replies to Omo.

"I admit, I'm not used to being awake so much. Having to devote so much time and attention to the waking world is...exhausting. It's much easier to puppet my body from the dreamworld."

She yawns, then mutters something about the Thyme Field.

"No, I don't think that'd be a good idea. I'm a much better fighter while asleep. Thanks for the offer though. Speaking of fighting while asleep..."

Nidra gives a wave to Omo, then crashes with the Pocket Watch. She then moves to H10 and casts Psycho Link (original element) from the Yaga to Maxim. Nidra then retreats to H9, gently pushing Nia out of the way if necessary.

Brutishace stares in horror at the Yaga's maw. There's no way he can scratch the thing... He absolutely must retreat from that piscine peril.

Brutishace dashes over to M10, ensuring that the Reclaimed are slain first- he lets Auth act before him do remove the Reclaimed.. he then fires Twin Photons at the Corpsetaker, eager to slay it. He then tosses a Lumipod at it, to hurt it further. For good measure, he drops an Apocalypse Rune at the Corpsetaker's feet- it won't do much, but it'll force its allies to clear out.

Auth remains quiet as he watches Nana be torn apart by this new Eliti. His expression is neutral, as it usually is, but in his eyes is what appears to be some sort of suppressed fury. He turns to glare at the Reclaimers, having just killed another ally.

uA: You absolute monsters. I'm certain most of you can barely comprehend the words I'm saying, but I wish for you to understand this.

He flies, with Flight, over to H8, and shouts. Loudly, and angrily. He points his right hand towards the Reclaimers, forming a white sphere of Ink, which lands on M9, just in front of the Reclaimer's nose. Suddenly, without warning, it explodes loudly. And allies within range of the ink would find themselves healed, but the Reclaimers...

With their weakness to healing, they'd be instantly downed. Auth seems a little calmer about it now, but he's still mad. He's glaring at the Maxim silently and indirectly.

"I..." Toast starts, "...that really wasn't what I was expecting. But hey!-" If she was holding a sword right now, she'd flip it intimidatingly, but she's holding a deck of cards, which is much hard to flip, let alone intimidatingly. "-Now we don't have to worry about defending a fake kid, which means I don't need to hold back!"

Toast steps up to the plate, the plate being K7, where she shares a spot with a Rusher.
"Pick a card, any card!"
With her one-liner said, she sends a volley containing her entire deck at Nanite1. This attack will be empowered with Marron Plushie's Spite. As it strikes the... thing, the cards return to her hands shuffled, in a completely new and unknown pattern (statistically speaking). As the magically-charged deck shuffles itself, she hops back to I8. Then, she takes a sip from Yggdrasil's Vessel.

Battle action

EN takes a look around. Reclaimed behind her, including one that used to be the other person who'd gone in with her. Two buff-type Iti to the north accompanying a Corpsetaker. Nothing much to the south. She's still kinda out of position. Of course, out of position would be the term for most people. EN? She's right where she wants to be.

"Heh. A'ight. Cut off from th' rest o' th' party... Ah can work wit' this. Solo ops fer a bit, ah ain't mind."

She chuckles quietly, then notices the Blossoms. Kamikaze units that can put out a lot of damage in one go. And she can identify that one of them is ice element. The one element she happens to not want to be hit with here... Time to nip that one in the bud before it could bloom into disaster. She steps forth, moving to P9, then takes a good look at her target...

"Let's... not 'ave ya goin' off in me face. Hup!"

Demolishing Punch cast - EN reaches out quite a bit further than one would expect, hopefully socking Blossom1 in the equivalent of its face for about enough crushing damage to make it become dead. Given it's rooted and has a large crushing weakness, she's sure she can pull it off.

...She then notices the Observer and chuckles, raising one hand to wave hello to it.

"Yo there, eyes fella. Ah'm prolly gonna come o'er there soon... Ya might wanna cover yer eyes once ah do. Me shield thingy 'as a 'abit o' spreadin' ashes e'erywhere. Jus' a heads up fer ya, heh."

Move goes after Terry's move!

________________________________________

Packo moves to M14, hits Carrion4 with its basic attack, hopefully ending it, and waits in the fortified tile.

Battle of the Preserve
"Reinforcement has arrived!"

A Cherub: Skirmisher is summoned at G12
Attack: Crushing
Weak: Crushing/Piercing
Resist: 30% Fire/ Ice/ Earth

Special: Shrapnel Arrows.

(I didn't update the stats)

Boshi and Hat Kid look at Maxim and Yaga. They shrug.
"(Eh. There's worse out there. Par for the course, really.)"
"(If even a child isn't scared, you're doin' something wrong.)"
"(Doesn't make it any less messed up though.)"

Deadly Duality activated! Hat Kid hops off at (J3).

Hat Kid moves to (H4) and uses Material Transfer on the Carrion, healing the Carrion. She shuffles to (F4).

Boshi moves to (K3) and slams his hammer onto the Gorged.

---
Mustache Girl goes for another round around Zone 1.

Displeased with the work on the Titanium Ore, Mustache Girl tries something a little more... risky. This time, she straight up blitzes the Titanium with a spare Sapper's Sledge, knocking as much of the rock and ore off of the pillar as she reasonably could.

She ends up carving out a rather large indent in the side of the pillar thanks to this. She takes the Ashen Reap again, and sets it to explode in a few seconds. She slows time to a crawl before jamming as much stone into the hole as possible, to re-direct the energy a bit into the pillar once the pickaxe explodes.

She gets the heck outta dodge. The pickaxe explodes, toppling over the spire like it should have ages ago. She collects the Titanium.

She returns to the Forest of Departure, and looks up at the Sentences remaining. Mustache Girl thinks for a moment... perhaps explosions won't be needed today.

She proceeds to take a common set of Warp Shurikens, and pinpoints each of the Sentences' locations. In mere blinks of an eye, she manages to shank all of them as she teleports around in an attempt to slice 'em to bits.

Should it not be enough, she pulls out a spare Farming Scythe, and darts around, cutting the remaining Sentences to ribbons.

She then takes her time mining the Gold.

If she has time left, Mustache Girl harvests a few more vines generically before taking a rest at the mines.

Irongutta moves to M11 (triggering Unstoppable Force) and uses Skeletal Toss on Blossom2, moving it all the way to M7!

"Okay, there are lines even I wouldn't ■■■■ing cross, buddy, and using children is almost certainly in that line. If I was capable of doing it, I'd grab that lure of yours and shove it right upside your [I don't think we're allowed to use tier-three swear words]!"

Keiko wastes no time in picking up the corpse directly below herself and smashing it into the Yaga's face, using the opportunity to escape to F9. She uses Mass Paper Printing to make herself a Small Charged Stone, immediately applies it to herself to restore some mana, and Revives Sierra at F8!

<RETURNING TO YOUR DAILY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING...>
The theater has seen better days. Splinters bits of chairs and small fires dot the stands, with many seats having been re-purposed into makeshift sandbags. Swat Temmies have been called to the area, many of their rank watching over what remains of the once-rioting crowds to ensure that everything remains somewhat stable. Somewhere in the back, Mari shoves over the (now halved) Seeker that was manning the camera and lights earlier, taking position. With a few button presses, some warped music plays and some shredded curtains roll to the sides, revealing a cyan-haired woman and her pink-haired companion on center stage...

NIA: ...Check one two three four...
NIA: So, uh. Where did we leave off again...?

NIA: Hi! Welcome back!
NIA: When we left off, all of you caused a riot, leveling most of the stage, several people died, blah blah blah. You witnessed this epic battle first hand, so I'm not even gonna describe it even though it was literally the coolest riot ever.

NIA: Point is, we managed to get the power and at least a few of the stage lights working again, so we can resume the show! Yay!
NIA: Unfortunately, Chloe's still a bit dizzy after her tussle with Acacia, so I've called in someone who should've been on the stage earlier to co-host with me~
MARRON: ...Yeah, probably not the best idea to let you come up here.
MARRON: Pretty fun riot, though.
NIA: Are riots really fun, though?
MARRON: Fun is relative.
MARRON: Anyway, let's get this over with before people lynch me for not revealing the results of the Best Girl Contest right away.
NIA: They totally would, wouldn't they...?
MARRON: Yep. In fact, there's a sniper in the back now. Just don't look at him too hard, and you'll learn to ignore him.
MARRON: Anyway, you wanna do the announce-y thing?
NIA: Oh, sure!
NIA: Anyway, welcome back to...

THE THIRD ANNUAL CHAOS AWARDS: Thymebent Edition

There's a large round of applause from everywhere but the middle columns of the theatre, because the middle columns are a no-man's land. Nia waves to the crowd, while Marron stands idle, rifle by her side.

NIA: Anyway, as some guy on the internet might say... let's just jump into it!

NIA: So, we are pretty decently proud to announce the sixteen awards of the night!
NIA: We'll be going though them in order of announcement... mostly so that the theater stays in one piece AT LEAST until the night ends.
NIA: So Marron, any predictions for the night?
MARRON: I'm gonna score... probably about three kills before we hit the Best Girl Contest.
NIA: ...A-A grim prediction, but alright!
NIA: Let's begin with the three MVP Awards, shall we?
MARRON: Sure, go ahead.
MARRON: You just gotta let me announce some of them, alright?
MARRON: Chloe wouldn't let me announce a bunch of them last time.
NIA: Yeah, alright.

Nia does a little spin to the side, and strikes a pose.

NIA: Let's begin!

The MVP Awards
Best in Murder
NIA: First off, the Best in Murder award!
NIA: This award goes to the member of the team that everyone thought was the deadliest!
MARRON: Or whoever the best healer was.
MARRON: Because screw voting murderers for the murder category, right?
NIA: Well it was an option...
NIA: Anyway, here! This letter should have the winner in it!
MARRON: Oh, sick.

Marron summons a needle, and uses it as a letter opener. Or at least, she tries- she accidentally stabs the envelope a few times while trying to open it.

NIA: Y'know, you could just open it with your han-
MARRON: NO WAIT I ALMOST HAVE THIS

A solid minute of fiddling later, and Marron still doesn't have the letter open. She sighs, jams her conjured needle into the ground in frustration, and opens the letter with her bare hands.

MARRON: Okay, this is still... kinda legible.
NIA: I can barely read it...
MARRON: SHUT YOUR gorilla MOUTH
MARRON: The winner of Best in Murder is...
MARRON: Teag!

There's roaring applause from the audience! There's an awful lack of fanfare or confetti... so Ette decides to remedy that, running on stage and throwing a puff of confetti over the two announcers. She then skips off-stage, throwing a few puffs of confetti behind her as she exits.

NIA: Congrats, Teag!
NIA: So anyway, we're gonna peer-pressure you into coming up on-stage and making your acceptance speech.
NIA: ...You prepared one, right? Probably not, but who gives a gorilla?
NIA: Just come on up here if you feel like it, alright?

A speech is received in DM form, causing Teag to teleport onto the stage!

TEAG: I don't get a lot of you are so against murder. It's basically just a more fun version of diplomacy.

...Nia shrugs.

NIA: ...That's as good a speech as any!
NIA: Anyway, let's give another round of applause to Teag, and move onto the next award!
MARRON: ...Can I announce the next category?
NIA: Sure!

(RESULTS: Teag: 8 Votes. Auth: 5 Votes. Nia, Toast, Venia: 2 Votes. Irongutta: 1 Vote.)

Best in Roleplaying
MARRON: Best in Roleplaying, woo!
MARRON: Alright, so this award goes to the person who did the best roleplaying!
MARRON: Because contrary to popular belief, there's more to life than slaughtering everything within five hundred miles of you~
NIA: You seem happy :D
MARRON: Y-You're just imagining things!
NIA: Oh, question! Chloe and I didn't communicate too tell, and I was thinking that we should just go you me you me you me you me you me you me you me you me-
MARRON: I get the point. But yeah, go ahead.

Nia pulls out a letter from behind Marron's ear, which she easily opens with Marron's leftover sewing needle from earlier.

MARRON: WAIT HOW THE gorilla DID YOU-
NIA: Rolled a crit.
MARRON: Lucky gorilla...

NIA: Anyway, the winner of Best in Roleplaying is...
NIA: Toast!

The crowd applauds once more. Ette runs onto the stage, opting to just dump her confetti basket over Marron as she skips on by. Toast is a little distracted, needing a bit of the shove from the audience to realize that the award is for her.

TOAST: Eh?
TOAST: I got an award?! Awesome!

Toast makes her way onstage, Marron eagerly offering her the award. Once Toast takes it, she gives it a good look at it, a bit confused. Then, Marron pulls herself in tightly around her, smiling from ear to ear.

MARRON: Y-You did it, Toaster!
MARRON: Aw geez, I'm so proud...
MARRON: Didn't even need to rig the polls, eheheheh...
MARRON: Anyway, wanna make a speech?
TOAST: Oh, yeah!

Toast clears her throat to speak, Marron letting go of her and standing to her side.

TOAST: Are you sure this is the right award?
TOAST: ...To be honest, I'm not actually sure if I did any roleplaying.
TOAST: Maybe I was good at playing the role of a mage? Or maybe good at dating a cute girl.

Toast delivers a brief wink to Marron, causing her face to light up with pink. Marron is left stuttering and stammering, thankful that she's not the one the audience has their full attention on. Nia's eyes meanwhile, begin to sparkle.

TOAST: Anyway, thank you everyone!

Toast departs stage left, award in hand. Marron meanwhile, is still left dazed and flustered... but also happy.

NIA: You two are a couple...?
MARRON: ...Y-Yeah.
MARRON: She's just... really, wonderful, and... I-I'm so h-happy to j-just... be with her!
NIA: Awww, you're so cuuuute!
MARRON: M-Maybe I am...

Marron blushes warmly while staring at the ground, before suddenly snapping back to reality.

MARRON: W-WAIT, I-I'M NOT CUTE!
MARRON: Y-YOU-
NIA: Relax, I understand completely!
NIA: I'm happy for you two~
NIA: Just invite me to your wedding, alright?
MARRON: W-WHA-
NIA: Kidding, kidding~

(RESULTS: Toast: 11 Votes. Venia: 6 Votes. Packo: 3 Votes.)

Best in Shenanigans
...Marron appears to be a bit too flustered to go on, so Nia decides to do the talking here.

NIA: Anyway, third category of the night! Best in Shenanigans!
NIA: This basically boils down to who was the best in screwing with everyone.
NIA: Or just being weird.
NIA: Marron, got any input?
MARRON: ...
NIA: Oop, looks like she's daydreaming.
NIA: She's adorable~
NIA: Anyway, the winner of this category is...

Nia pulls an envelope out of her hair, and opens it. A glitched fist promptly slams into her jaw as something pops out of it, spinning in a spiral uppercut.

CHAOS: super double dragon rising a[t][t]a[c]k aerial armorpier[c]ing as[c]ending alli[t]era[t]ion awesome a[t][t]a[c]k!
NIA: guh-

Nia goes flying backwards in slow motion, twisting through the air as she lands on the ground, doubled over in apparent pain.

CHAOS: oh uh he[c]k
CHAOS: sorry [t]ha[t] was mean[t] for marron
CHAOS: she's usually [t]he [t]arge[t] of my slaps[t]i[c]k
CHAOS: you alright?

Nia quickly pushes herself up and off of the ground, dusting herself off.

NIA: Dodged it! I mean, not physically, but the game said I did!
CHAOS: lu[c]ky you
CHAOS: so anyway who won?
NIA: ...You don't know? You were literally in the envelope, so maybe you'd know this.
CHAOS: oh wai[t], [t]here's a le[t][t]er s[t]u[c]k in my head
CHAOS: eep-

Chaos rips a slip of paper out of his head.

CHAOS: so [t]he winner is [t]his really [c]ool guy
CHAOS: named [c]haos
CHAOS: maybe you've heard of him
NIA: Nope! Never!
CHAOS: well [t]ha[t]'s odd
CHAOS: anyway i know [t]he guy so i'm gonna deliver [t]he award [t]o him

Chaos snatches the award, before falling through the floor with his award. And as suddenly as he appeared, he's gone.

NIA: W-Wait, he didn't give a speech!
NIA: ...Oh well.
NIA: Anyway, time to get Marron back...

Nia walks up behind Marron, and does that "tazer" thing that your classmates probably did to you during elementary school. Like, where they shove two fingers into you, one into each of your flanks. Marron suddenly jolts to attention, yelling something out.

MARRON: SIX TIERED CAKE FIRST LAYER VANILLA ICE CREAM SECOND TIER CHOCOLATE-
MARRON: ...
MARRON: H-Hm?
NIA: We were doing a show.
MARRON: Oh.
MARRON: ...
MARRON: if you ever speak of this I will gut you
NIA: Understood!

(RESULTS: Chaos: 8 Votes. Tazz's Characters and Kokichi: 5 Votes. Simeon and Toast: 1 Vote.)

The Foe Awards
Best Basic Foe
MARRON: Anyway, the Best Basic Foe award!
MARRON: This award goes out to the cannon fodder out there!

Upon being called "cannon fodder", Marron recieves a large amount of boos from the audience. A rather angry Chain Knight hops onto the stage, revving its minigun. Marron is rather quick with her attack, nailing it with a needle... and then flinging them off the side of the stage. There's a crashing sound, then a few explosions. The Chain Knight is slain.

MARRON: HAH! Calculated!
MARRON: You're cannon fodder and you know it!
NIA: Marron, you're being a bit... insensitive.
MARRON: I mean, what are they gonna do? Bumrush me?
NIA: Judging from the Chain Knight they're loading into that cannon, yes.
MARRON: OH gorilla WHAT-

Marron whips out her rifle and begins nervously checking the seats. No other Chain Knights seem to be in attendance.

NIA: get prank'd :P
MARRON: Go gorilla yourself.
NIA: Okay!
NIA: ...Wait, wrong response.
NIA: Whatever~
NIA: Anyway, I think we were meant to say something insightful, but whatever~
NIA: The winner of the Best Basic Foe award is...
NIA: The Chainknight!

There's applause, as per the usual. However, nobody comes up to claim their award.

NIA: ...Marron?
MARRON: Yeah?
NIA: I think... I think you killed the recipient.
MARRON: Did I?
MARRON: ...
MARRON: Oh.
MARRON: I'll go place the award with its corpse.
MARRON: Man, what'd I fling them into to get their legs where their face is?

Marron shuffles offstage, award in hand. She then comes sprinting back right afterwards.

(RESULTS: Chain Knight: 16 Votes. Observers / Gazyers: 9 Votes. Blossoms, Harmonizers and Seekers / Seeker Spheres: 6 Votes. Corpsetakers and Yggcrawlers: 4 Votes. Tricksters and Devouts: 2 Votes. Hounds: 1 Vote.)

Best Elite
NIA: Next up on Disney Channel, the Best Elite award!
NIA: You know the Elites. Basically, the most terrifying things on this side of the internet in a forum-game based medium!
NIA: ...Which probably isn't worth much!
MARRON: I... still have nightmares about Lucid.
NIA: ...Wait, Lucid isn't an elite.
MARRON: ...It is?
MARRON: Oh, thank god. Don't need to have that creepy gorillabag walking up on-stage and staring me down...
NIA: Y'know, Lucid's part of the audience! He can totally just jump up here and screw with you, and I doubt you can yeet him into instant death like the Chainknight...

...Lucid never jumps onto the stage. Lucid is apparently chill.

MARRON: Okay, anyway.
MARRON: The winner of Best Elite is...
MARRON: ...
MARRON: The Naclestial!.

...No applause. The audience is confused, and hits itself in confusion.

NIA: ...No applause?
NIA: Oof! Press F to pay respects to the saltyboi...
NIA: ...Sheesh, what happened for the guy to get no applause?
NIA: Like, how do you win, but get no applause...?
MARRON: Cuz he's a lil-

Marron is suddenly hit with a needle, and thrown to the same side of the stage the Chainknight was. Something explodes off to the side as what seems to be another Marron jumps onto the stage. Nia thinks about doing something, but finds that she's been shocked into a sort of stun.

MARRON?: SEE ALL OF YOU ARE gorilla gorillaHOLES WHO NEED TO DEVELOP SOMETHING THAT MODERATELY RESEMBLES gorillaING TASTEBUDS.
MARRON?: gorillaING gorillaS I DIDN'T NEED YOUR PRAISE ANYWAY
MARRON?: I AM MY OWN PRAISE
MARRON?: ...I'M TAKING THIS TROPHY THO
MARRON?: NONE OF YOUR gorillagorillaS DESERVE IT!
MARRON?: PCE NERDS

The Naclestial promptly runs off the stage while hoisting its trophy overhead. Still no applause, either. Marron meanwhile, walks back in from offstage, covered in not blood, but sap.

NIA: ...You alright?
MARRON: Chainknight broke my fall.
MARRON: Anyway, their body's more of a pretzel than a body now, and also the trophy might be broken.
NIA: Makes sense, besides the fact that Chainknights are balls of armor who can't possibly be a nice landing surface...
NIA: ...But yeah!
NIA: Next category?
MARRON: Next category.

Marron pops a healing potion while Nia shuffles through Chloe's old set of cue cards.

(RESULTS: Naclestial: 24 Votes. Gallow: 14 Votes. Bar'kwakh: 9 Votes. Daikon x Droplet: 4 Votes. Nana / Maxim: 3 Votes. Calypse, Yggcrawler Knight: 2 Votes. Error'd Votes: 2)

Best Boss
MARRON: So, the Best Boss award!
MARRON: This isn't like, best "office boss" award. If that were the category, it'd be a huge toss up. Anyone could win... except for Chaos.
MARRON: HEAR THAT, CHAOS? YOU'RE gorillaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
CHAOS: i'm righ[t] nex[t] [t]o you
CHAOS: no need [t]o yell
MARRON: HOW DID YOU-
CHAOS: s[t]ill [t]rying to find [t]hat [c]haos guy
CHAOS: wasn'[t] a[t] home
CHAOS: [c]ouldn'[t] give him [t]he [t]rophy
MARRON: ...I can't tell if you're trying to be funny, or if you're dumb as nails.
CHAOS: who's [t]his "dumb as nails" guy?
CHAOS: he sounds like he's
CHAOS: wai[t] for i[t]
CHAOS: dumb as nails

Marron begins to strangle Chaos with a thread, Chaos laughing manically all the while. Meanwhile, Nia ignores what's unfolding next to her, and begins to read the card.

NIA: Okay, anyway. Best Boss!
NIA: The winner is...
NIA: Lucid and the Ashen Knight!!
NIA: Hahaha, Marron's gonna be so pisse-[/font]

Lucid suddenly drops onto the stage from above. Marron promptly begins shrieking and runs off the side of the stage. Chaos is freed from her grip, and proceeds to do the worm up the back wall of the stage, exiting the map. Nia meanwhile, is completely unfazed and holds a mic up to Lucid's face-analogue.

NIA: Hiya, Lucid!
NIA: Congrats on winning this award! Got anything you wanna say?
LUCID: Likelyhood of this result: low.
LUCID: Adding emotion: pleasant surprise.
LUCID: Deploying "thank you". Success!

Lucid floats off-stage, clutching its award. Meanwhile, in Lucid's Mindscape (or maybe Omo's, who knows), a mental trophy is placed on a mental shelf, placed on a mental red velvet pillow by a mental Ashen Knight. Marron then peeks in from offstage.

MARRON: I-Is he gone?
NIA: Yeah. It's safe now.
NIA: I mean, he was pretty pleasant, actually.
NIA: Can't believe you're scared on ol' creepy dream demon here~
MARRON: Y-You wouldn't understand! H-He can like, like...
MARRON: I-I don't want to talk about it! NEXT!

(RESULTS: Lucid: 24 Votes. DJ Headz: 16 Votes. The Dark Lord: 9 Votes. Acacia / Neru: 6 Votes. Nia: 5 Votes.)

The Other Categories
NIA: Okay, so these next three are quick and snappy!
NIA: So, in the interest of time, we're gonna speed-round these next three!
MARRON: Speed round! Yeah!

Best Encounter
NIA: Okay, best encounter!
NIA: Y'know it'd be awkward if Omorika's Office won this one, given that we just had Lucid up here and stuff...
NIA: Anyway, the winner is...
NIA: ...
NIA: :|
NIA: ...Omorika's Office!

Applause rings out. Nia sighs.

NIA: Not... Not surprised.
NIA: Wait, how are we gonna give the office an interview, anyway? We kinda need to... like, maybe...

While Nia's in deep though, Omorika's Office suddenly crashes into the back of the theater, creating a massive hole. Omo herself is send flying from her office, directly into Nia. The two of them collide and fall over, becoming a little heap on the ground. Omo pushes herself off from atop Nia, before dusting herself off and realizing what just happened.

OMORIKA: B-By Helix! I was watching the show on television, since I had so much paperwork to attend to...
OMORIKA: ...And now I'm here. And my office.
NIA: ...H-How'd this even happen?
OMORIKA: I don't know...
OMORIKA: However... it seems like my office has also somehow caught fire...

Some Swat Temmies are attending to the invading office, spraying water cannons at its burning wreckage. Nia's still lying on the ground, apparently not too miffed by the proceedings.

OMORIKA: ...I suppose there won't be much left of my paperwork.
OMORIKA: I don't have much better to do than attend the show, now...
OMORIKA: I'll go and help myself to one of the seats. I'll pay you later.
NIA: ...
NIA: Oh, wanna give a speech?
OMORIKA: Not particularly.

Omo hops off the stage, taking a seat in the front row. She watches attentively, ignoring the Swat Temmie in the back that's now ablaze.

NIA: Marron! You're next~

(RESULTS: Omorika's Office: 19 Votes. The House: 17 Votes. Sequoia's Lake: 11 Votes. The Way Forward: 6 Votes. The Bunker, Grand Hall Route, and Preserve: 2 Votes. Bridge of the Fallen: 1 Vote.)

Best Consumable
MARRON: Alright! My turn! Best Consumable!
MARRON: Consumables are... boring. But it's a category.

Marron produces a bottle of water from out of her cloak, and attempts to take a sip. She ends up gagging on the bottle, coughing and sputtering as she spits out a cork.

MARRON: W-Wait, who bottled my water?
MARRON: I-I can't drink bottled-bottle stuff! N-Nobody can!

Marron throws her bottled bottled water on the ground. The plastic bottle bounces off the ground, spraying a fine stream of bottles all around the stage. Nia, who still hasn't gotten off of the ground, has a bottle land directly in her mouth, which she swallows, plastic and all. She seems to not mind the flavor of the plastic bottle at all.

MARRON: ...
MARRON: god damn it
MARRON: ...Anyway, the winner of Best Consumable is...
MARRON: The Chairian Pastry!
MARRON: ...That's not a drink. I can't drink that.

A cart, courtesy of Ette. On her little cart is a Chairian Pastry on a plate. Ette takes the trophy from Marron, and places it on the cart. She then gives the Chairian Pastry a pat on the head, before picking it up and impaling it on its own award. She then wheels off without another word.

MARRON: ...
MARRON: Alright...?
MARRON: Nia, you're back on!

...Seeing that Nia hasn't gotten up yet, Marron walks over to Nia and gives her a swift kick to the arm. Nia yelps in pain, before quickly scrambling to her feet. Nia begins to pout.

NIA: B-Bully...
MARRON: I mean, if you're gonna lie around like that, I'm gonna kick you.
NIA: bullyyyyyyyy
MARRON: ...
MARRON: S-Stop looking at me like that-
NIA: bullllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy
MARRON: I-I'm sorry, o-okay? J-Just stop!

Nia giggles at Marron, before taking the mic from her.

(RESULTS: Chairian Pastry: 6 Votes. Bob Epic Pop: 5 Votes. Lumipod: 3 Votes. Shard of Madness, Yggdrasil's Vessel: 2 Votes. Carnival Corn Dog, Minifridge Mortar: 1 Vote. Calypse: 0 Votes...)

Best Equipment
NIA: Best Equipment, alright!
NIA: This is the best piece of equipment, judged by no particular standards!
NIA: ...Man, imagine if you could actually see equipment! This category would be way, WAY different then!
NIA: For example, the Multipoint Witch is like, the most kawaii hat there is~
NIA: Aaah, the circlet Omo wears is also really pretty~
NIA: so much FASHIONNNNN

Nia's left in a bit of a trance, imagining how pretty everything must look.

NIA: Anyway, the winner of this category is...
NIA: The Whispering Gauntlet!
NIA: ...
NIA: Wait, that can give a speech!
NIA: Marron, hold the fort down! I gotta grab Venia!
MARRON: Wait, wha-

Nia jumps off the stage, landing only a few feet away from Omo. She sprints into the seats, eventually emerging with Venia, who she's dragging by the arm. She eventually super-jumps back onto the stage, landing with enough force... to crack the floorboards of the stage. She falls through, shrieking as she does. Venia fortunately, fails to be pulled in. She has center stage!

VENIA: Uhhh... Congrats, Ga'aunt. I honestly didn't expect this.

Venia grabs the mic from Nia, who's sticking her arm out of the stage floor. She then holds the mic in one hand, and holds Ga'aunt up to it.

GA'AUNT: Thank you for your votes.
GA'AUNT: While I could clap in honor of all of you... I am but a singular gauntlet.
GA'AUNT: May the rest of the show be enjoyable!
GA'AUNT: Thank you again!

Venia then opts to help Nia out of her hole in the ground, taking her hand and pulling her out in one swift tug.

NIA: ...There were spiders down there. Kinda spooky.
NIA: Anyway, thanks for the save, gorgeou- erm, cripplingly average lady who's name is Venia!
VENIA: You're... welcome?

Venia hops off the stage, and walks off back to her seat, wherever it was.

MARRON: Should we patch up that hole, or...?
NIA: Nah. It'll probably be a plot device later or something.
MARRON: Y'know, Chekhov's guns don't work as well if you point them out!
NIA: But it's like, my thing!
NIA: Anyway, next categories!
MARRON: Yeah!
MARRON: ...For a lightning round, we really still did blabber on for a long time...
NIA: Yep!

(RESULTS: Whispering Gauntlet: 8 Votes. Heart Bracelet: 6 Votes. Resonating Pike, Starcore Scarf: 3 Votes.)

Best Trait
MARRON: So now we're gonna talk about traits.
MARRON: Specifically, the Best Trait award!
MARRON: ...There's really not much to say, is there?
MARRON: How do they do it during normal awards shows, anyway? We haven't been interrupted yet, so I need to actually talk! Like, you can only talk about something for so long...
NIA: Probably something like this.
NIA: "Wow, now we're gonna talk about the Best Trait! Since you've clearly never played or even seen this game, Traits are blah blah blah. Traits were first popularized in 1956 by Mr. Trait, who after a series of accidents involving campfires, orca whales, and marbles, he died and gave birth to the first character trait!"
MARRON: ...
MARRON: Fantastic. Still better writing than anything Chaos can put out.

Nia pulls an envelope out from the hole she made in the stage earlier, and hands it to Marron, who hands it back to Nia. Nia then quickly opens it with her Bloodstained Foil.

NIA: The winner of Best Trait is...
NIA: Nidra's Eternal Slumber!!
NIA: Amazing! Come on up here, Nidra!

Nidra... fails to arrive on-stage, even with the applause.

MARRON: ...
MARRON: If she doesn't get here soon, I'm gonna shoot the award at her.
NIA: How do you plan to fit it in your rifle?
MARRON: Very carefully.

Eventually, someone does show up. A tiny stuffed koala, who's dragging a sleeping Nidra along with him. The koala struggles to get up on the stage, and needs to be helped up by Ette. Nidra seems to be completely oblivious.

MARRON: H-Hey! You're disrespecting us!
MARRON: We're trying to hard to host this show, and you're IGNORING US?
NIA: No she's not.
NIA: She's just sleepy, as per usual.
NIA: Kinda cute, honestly~
MARRON: Hold on, I'mma wake her up.

Marron fires a needle straight at Nidra. The needle bounces off of her shield, and spirals off into the distance, flipping into the head of a distant Seeker. The Seeker dies instantly, with nobody mourning its passing. Nidra continues to sleep, rolling over onto Marron's foot. Marron tries to free her foot, but to no avail.

MARRON: ...Right.
MARRON: This is the part where you tell us how her trait is protecting her, right?
NIA: Pot of Greed allows you to draw two cards from-
MARRON: NIA EXPLAINATION PLEASE
NIA: S-Sorry!
NIA: But yeah, her trait's not doing gorilla to protect her right now.
NIA: You're just bad :U

Marron fires a needle at Nia. It goes directly through her chest- in through her gut, and out through her backside, but she seems unfazed.

NIA: Dodged it!
MARRON: ...
MARRON: Anyway, I'm gonna give the award to this strangely cute koala here, and we're gonna move on, alright?
NIA: Right!

Marron hands the award to the Stuffed Koala. The award is about twice as tall as the koala, but it still handles it with ease. It hops off the stage, dragging along the sleeping Nidra in one, and hoisting the trophy with the other.

(RESULTS: Nidra's Eternal Slumber: 11 Votes. Monika's Developer Console: 10 Votes. Keiko's I'm Not Wasting My Heals Here: 9 Votes. Pope's Eye of Providence: 8 Votes. Emerald's This Ends Here, Calibri / EN's Thyme Squadron: 6 Votes. Irongutta's Unstoppable Force, Willow's Willow o' Wisp: 3 Votes. The Author's Lamentation Lock and Brutishace's Soul Siphon: 2 Votes.

Best Special
NIA: So, this is the last "normal" award of the night!
NIA: Best Special!
NIA: Aw geez, everyone's specials are so awesome!
NIA: Like, Chloe was so awesome and hot just standing there and casually countering EVERYTHING that came towards her, and Keiko's origami skills make better products than most retailers, and EN summoned this big gun that was all like "whoaaaa" and instantly melted a foe...
NIA: God, makes me wish I had my own special!
MARRON: I thought you did?
NIA: Nope!
NIA: My special is property of the Chaos Butterfly.
NIA: Makes scales. Scales go boom. Kinda pretty.
MARRON: Hey, better than my old special.
MARRON: I fired eye lasers. They burned my retinas out, every time.
MARRON: And I don't even know what a retina is!
NIA: Sounds pleasant...?

Nia pulls an envelope out of blatant thin air. She gives it a little flourish as she tosses it through the air, towards Marron. She catches it, and tears it in half. She awkwardly pulls the halves of the letter out of the torn envelope, and stitches them back together.

MARRON: Anyway, your winner is...
MARRON: ...
MARRON: Ooh!
MARRON: Toast's Unsealed Spellbook!
MARRON: Toaster! Toaster! Get up here!

...Toast doesn't actually come up. Instead, she says a few words from where she's standing.

TOAST: It's... more of a notepad, but sure!

She then throws her special towards Marron, it flying through the air like a Frisbee. Marron eagerly reaches out an arm to grab it... and gets intercepted by Nia.

NIA: BOOM!
MARRON: gorilla YOU, DAMN IT! YOU'RE A-

Nia hands the notebook towards Marron, who eagerly snatches it up, going from furious to giddy within the span of two seconds. Marron then grabs the award in her free hand, and hands it to the notebook.

MARRON: Here ya go, Toast's special!
MARRON: You've earned it!

Marron gives the special a hug, then places it on the ground. She gives it a pat on the head, and says "bye" to it. Nothing happens. Marron stares at the special.

NIA: ...
MARRON: ...
NIA: ...What are you doing?
MARRON: I have no idea.

The two of them stare at the special for two agonizing minutes of silence. Eventually, Ette comes by to pick up Toast's special, which she carries back over to her.

(RESULTS: Toast's Unsealed Spellbook: 17 Votes. Keiko's Mass Paper Printing: 12 Votes. The Voice's A.N.I.M.E.S: 10 Votes. Auth's All the Saints, Boshi's Deadly Duality, Omorika's Fallen Sword, Nezira's Transcendant Analysis: 4 Votes. Acacia's Yggdrasil's Wrath: 3 Votes. Simeon's Noctomancy: 2 Votes.)

The Actual Lightning Round
NIA: Remember when we said we were doing a lightning round?
MARRON: We had a lightning round?
NIA: Exactly!
NIA: Anyway, these Flash Categories are perfect for a rapid-fire presentation!
NIA: To do this, we've invited a special guest to the stage!
MARRON: ...We did?
NIA: I mean, you invited me to the stage! I can invite other people, too!
MARRON: Eh, fair.
NIA: Anyway, give it up for... The Rose Cult!
NIA: Wait, that's not-
MARRON: Oh gori-

The Rose Cult suddenly pours in through the right side of the stage. And we do mean "pour"- there's a torrent of bodies coming through! Marron and Nia find themselves swept away by the waves, being sent deep backstage. by the tide. Somebody comes rowing in on a boat.

BASS: oh hey
BASS: i come here on account of the rosebois
BASS: and i'm here
BASS: to quickly announce some stuff
BASS: let's just like do this

Nia swims upstream through the constant flow of Rose Cultists, eventually handing a set of three letters to Bass. Nia's stamina gives way shortly after, and she's swept back into the backstage area. Bass opens the letters with no hands, as both of his hands are currently dedicated to rowing upstream.

BASS: okay so
BASS: i'm reading this thing called the Best Shopkeeper award
BASS: wait that's not the right color-code is it
BASS: whatever
BASS: anyway, the winner of the Best Shopkeeper award is...
BASS: ...Chaos!
BASS: wonder where that guy is-

Chaos is suddenly carried in on the tide of Rose Cultists, snagging a trophy from Bass as he rolls on by.

CHAOS: okay i[t]'s [c]ool [t]ha[t] [c]haos is winning all [t]hese awards
CHAOS: bu[t] i'm going on s[t]rike
CHAOS: lazy bu[t][t] [c]an go and ge[t] his own [t]rophies
CHAOS: smh
CHAOS: as in selling many ha[t]s
CHAOS: order [t]odayyyyyyyyyyy

Chaos is carried away by the tide, but manages to give an array of hats to the endless amounts of Rose Cultists on the stage before getting swept away.

(RESULTS: Chaos: 13 Votes. That One Jester: 5 Votes. The Husk: 2 Votes. Yung Venuz: 0 Votes...)

Bass pops open another letter, rowing more frantically now due to the hats making it harder to row. He begins to slowly drift off to stage right.

BASS: oh god oh god
BASS: Okay okay okay this is getting bad.
BASS: Uh, next flash category! Best Service!
BASS: The winner of this category is...
BASS: Omorika's Research Station!
OMORIKA: ...Oh, curious.
OMORIKA: Wait, so if my office flew here earlier due to winning, then logically... or perhaps, illogically-

Right above the stage, a small laboratory smashes down into the sea of Rose Cultists. About twenty-two of them die from the impact. The river adapts to the addition of the lab, opting to climb right on over it instead of going around it like any sort of sane person would.

OMORIKA: Oh, that's simply wonderful.
OMORIKA: I would appreciate it if my facilities would stop getting destroyed...
OMORIKA: ...And if you'd toss me the trophy.

Bass tosses the trophy to Omorika's... lab. Her trophy is carried away by the sea.

BASS: wait gorilla
BASS: <0>damnit
OMORIKA: ...
OMORIKA: I fail to see how you managed to do that, but this outcome was... sadly forseeable.
OMORIKA: I'll prepare my vessel.

Omorika morphs a boat out of some of the wood debris scattered around the seats. She then promptly launches herself into the sea of Rose Cultists, and begins sailing offstage.

(RESULTS: Omorika's Research Station: 7 Votes. Marron & Ette's Stitching Station: 6 Votes. Nia Commits Field Fraud: 5 Votes. Chloe's Scavenging Service: 2 Votes.)

BASS: Alright, one more award...
BASS: This is the...
BASS: ...The Best Faction award.
BASS: Oh boy, if we... or not really me in particular, but if the Rose doesn't win this, they'l probably riot.
BASS: The winner of Best Faction is...
BASS: The Chairian Legion!!

The sea of Rose Cultists suddenly stops. Muttering is heard amongst the sea.

BASS: Yep.
BASS: We're all gonna die.
BASS: It's been nice knowing everyone.

...Suddenly, the flow of Rose Cultists begins to pour into that hole Nia made a few awards earlier. There appears to be some inexplicable force sucking them inward! The cultists scream and yelp as the whole sucks them whole, before eventually clogging itself with the boat Bass rode in on.

BASS: ...
BASS: They're... really dedicated to the role of water, aren't they?
BASS: works for me
BASS: anyway, i gotta get going
BASS: but first
BASS: please welcome the chairian representative
BASS: taeda...
BASS: wait does she have a last name
BASS: probably
BASS: taeda loblolly!

The audience applauds as Taeda sprints onto the stage. Seeing an ample time to escape, Bass unplugs the hole in the stage for a moment to toss himself down into the depths. He plugs it behind him. And now Taeda is left alone on the stage. She seems... nervous.

TAEDA: U-um...
TAEDA: I-I'd l-like to t-thank my friends i-in the Legion for b-being so cool!
TAEDA: Willow, Salix, C-Clausa...
TAEDA: I-I really, really wish you were all up here o-onstage, b-because t-there's s-so many people w-watching me...
TAEDA: ...A-A-A-And-

Taeda is afflicted with (StageFright3, 7). She's unable to move, and her speech is nothing but stutters. Back from offstage, Omorika sails in on her boat- no longer is it riding on a sea of cultists, but it's actually grown legs. On it are Nia and Marron, both of them seemingly exhausted. Omo dismounts her boat, de-conjuring its legs as she leaps from it. She quickly heads to Taeda's side.

OMORIKA: Miss Taeda? Are you alright...?
TAEDA: S-S-So m-many... p-people...
OMORIKA: ...Ah, I see.
OMORIKA: Taeda. I am with you. While it might be frightening... I am here with you.
OMORIKA: You've stood up to things far more terrifying than this, and I know it that you will persevere.

Taeda's breathing slows.

TAEDA: Y-Yeah!
TAEDA: A-Anyway...
TAEDA: On b-behalf of the legion, thanks t-to everyone for voting us in! W-We're all humbled by your opinion of us!
TAEDA: T-Thank you!

She's still visibly feared, but Taeda manages to keep it together long enough to receive her award from Nia, before running offstage. Having retrieved her trophy, Omo decides to go with her. Nia and Marron are left on center stage, once again.

(RESULTS: The Chairian Legion: 6 Votes. The Iti: 5 Votes. The Wildlife: 4 Votes. The Dark Carnival: 3 Votes. The Rebels: 2 Votes. The Rose Cult: 0 Votes...)

NIA: T-Thank god Omo found us!
NIA: I couldn't swim another meter...
MARRON: And I couldn't cling onto you for another meter...
NIA: Y'know, you were oddly light.
MARRON: I mean, I AM technically missing an arm...
MARRON: Anyway, two more awards, right? Let's get this over with.
NIA: Right!

The Unknown Horror Contest

NIA: So... the Unknown Horror Contest.
NIA: ...
NIA: I-I feel a bit of a chill...
MARRON: The chill is probably from the fact that the Best Girl Contest is coming up soon.
NIA: ...Yeah, probably.
NIA: Should we go over the rules?
MARRON: I think we've covered them enough.
NIA: Alright. If you're so sure... name them >:3
MARRON: I-I, uh, um...
MARRON: ...
MARRON: I-I bet you don't know them either!
NIA: I-I totally do!
NIA: The rules are...
NIA: ...
NIA: I have no idea.
MARRON: ...We're gonna need to call someone over, aren't we?
MARRON: ...
MARRON: Chloe! Chloe knew her lines!
MARRON: She practiced this whole presentation way, WAY too many times.
MARRON: I'm gonna go grab her.
NIA: Doesn't she have a headache...?
MARRON: Maybe.

Marron takes off, eventually returning, forcibly dragging in Chloe by the hand. Chloe seems significantly less dazed than before, but there's still that hint of dizziness within her.

CHLOE: O-Ow!
CHLOE: M-Marron, my h-head is still spinning...
MARRON: Hey, I got torn open by a butterfly. If I can survive that and not gorilla about it, you can too.
CHLOE: W-Why does that-
CHLOE: ...Nevermind.
CHLOE: So you wanted me to discuss rules?
MARRON: Yep.
MARRON: Hop to it!
NIA: Please!

Chloe stares at both Nia and Marron. Marron has the sort of look that screams "I'll shank you if you don't do this", while Nia's doing her best sort of cute kitten eyes. Chloe sighs.

CHLOE: Alright...
NIA: Yeah!
CHLOE: So, scoring here is determined by two factors: audience votes, and the vote of some nerd called the "GM".
CHLOE: You can get five points from each source, to a maximum of 10 points.
CHLOE: Whoever receives the most Audience Votes gets 5 points! The others receive a percentage of those 5 points based on how close they were to that score.
CHLOE: Then, the GM rates your design on a scale from 1 to 5. This isn't relative to anything, and is a simple marker of design creativity and potential.
CHLOE: These two points are then added together, and that's your score! Highest score wins.
CHLOE: This same system is applied to both the Eliti and Iti votes.
NIA: Thanks, miss Elem!
CHLOE: Y-You're making it sound like I'm a teacher...
NIA: I mean, you basically are~
NIA: Anyway, let's get on with the results!

Nia produces two envelopes from around Chloe's chest area.

CHLOE: H-How did you-
NIA: Okay first, let's talk about Iti!
NIA: The winner of the Iti Category of the Unknown Horron Contest is...
NIA: ...Wait, wrong envelope!
NIA: One sec, and...
NIA: Our winner is The Deceivers!

There's massive applause! However, nothing comes out to the stage.

MARRON: We'd invite them to the stage, but, y'know...
MARRON: The nuances of their mechanics are... secret.
MARRON: You'll see them in action later.
MARRON: Anyway, we've got one more, right?
NIA: Yep!
NIA: Here, I'll let you read the other one!

Nia tosses the letter at Marron, despite being like two feet away from her. The letter bounces off of her head, and falls to the ground. Marron socks Nia in the gut with her puppet arm for (1) Crushing Damage, before picking up the envelope.

MARRON: The winner of the Unknown Horror Contest, Eliti Category, is...
MARRON: ...
MARRON: Yeah, what the hell?
CHLOE: Huh? What is it?
MARRON: Two names.
MARRON: Two names on the letter.
MARRON: Which one do I read?
CHLOE: U-Um...
CHLOE: I-I didn't practice for what to do if there were two names!
CHLOE: W-Why would there be two names!?
MARRON: T-That's what I'm asking you, dumbgorilla!
CHLOE: T-That was uncalled for! I-I'll have you know tha-
NIA: Ladies, ladies!
NIA: Why don't we just... like, I dunno.
NIA: Release them onto the stage and see which ones does a better job of butchering you two?
NIA: ...
NIA: Butterfly, I doubt the crew is dumb enough to release the Eliti onto the stage.

Mari, who's still managing the lights and other systems at the back, only hears half of Nia's message. It doesn't take long for anyone to guess what that half is, as two gigantic metal cages descend on the stage.

NIA: OH gorilla!
NIA: DON'T PANIC DON'T PANIC DON'T PANIC
MARRON: W-Why are we storing them up there? W-Why do we even have them here? T-They technically d-didn't exist until this point in time!
CHLOE: I-I DON'T KNOW!
CHLOE: J-Just, prepare for battle, everyone!

The cages suddenly pop open, unleashing two monstrosities onto the field. One appears to be an Eliti made of a weave of paper, adorned in the garments of a jester. It flips and pirouettes behind the trio of stage announcers, cackling and gibbering manically. The other slowly but surely leaves its cage, fingers itching to pull the trigger of its revolver. They surround the trio. The jester-like Iti equips a fan of cards for all eight of its arms, while the other, sombrero-wearing Iti

MARRON: A-Anyway, g-give it up for El Iti and The Harlequin!
MARRON: A-Are those seriously going to be my last words!?
MARRON: I thought they'd be at least a little better...
MARRON: I-I DON'T WANNA DIE IN SUCH A STUPID gorillaING WAY!
MARRON: AAAAHHHHHHHH-

Marron panicks and fires a single needle at El Iti. Due to actually just being a humble seeker with a rifle and sombrero, it flops over, dead. Meanwhile, the sniper in the back of the theater decides to actually do something, and wastes its one hypercalibur round on generally just deleting the head of the Harlequin. Marron blinks. Nia blinks. Chloe blinks.

MARRON: ...
MARRON: W-We're alive!
MARRON: H-Holy gorilla!
CHLOE: I-I can't believe w-we're alive...
CHLOE: ...I also can't believe the sniper in the back used an anti-butterfly rifle on the Eliti, but I can't complain about surviving!
NIA: ...What I'm worried about is the fact that we've killed the Eliti before they've even gotten a chance to be in the game.
NIA: Eh, we'll probably tape them up in time for their appearance.
MARRON: ...Hell of a way to be introduced to Thymium, yeah...
MARRON: Crisis averted!
CHLOE: I mean, if we're going to die at any moment, i-it'll probably be d-during the... B-Best Girl C-Contest.
MARRON: ...
MARRON: WAIT, WE'RE NOT DONE!?

(ELITI RESULTS: El Iti, Harlequin: 6 Points. Blackhatter: 5 Points. Abomination: 4 Points. Malformed: 3 Points. Depo: 2 Points. If you're wondering, El Iti got 10 player votes. Somehow. Amazing, right?)

(ITI RESULTS: Deceivers: 10 Points. Fateweavers: 9.3 Points. Pranksters: 6.1 Points. Wallshakers: 5.9 Votes. The Deceivers got 7 player votes.)

The Best Girl Contest
NIA: ...
NIA: Complete, total, and utter cold.
NIA: This is like, colder than you when you rejected me, Chloe...
CHLOE: What was that-
NIA: U-Um, colder than... ice... cream?
CHLOE: ...Ah.

The crowds begin to form up against the stage, moving from their entrenched positions in the back. They begin to press up against the stage with great force, causing it to buckle and crack a little.

MARRON: OH HELL NO.
MARRON: MARI, GET THOSE CRISIS SHIELDS UP NOW!

The same shielding that protects Scale Yggdrasil suddenly appears in-front of Chloe, Nia, and Marron. They're safe. For now.

NIA: Guys.
NIA: If we announce the winner, everyone here is gonna die.
NIA: Except us, probably, but still.
NIA: ...W-What do we do? If we don't read it, we'll probably die, too.

The group sits in silence, thinking about it. Suddenly, something is thrown against the shield. Somebody else throws a can. Then, someone throws a rock. A chair. Other patrons. A stray rose cultist who didn't get the memo earlier. The crowd begins stomping, clamoring for and demanding a result.

CHLOE: T-They're livid!
CHLOE: T-They won't be able to take down the shielding, but... l-look at them!
CHLOE: It's...
CHLOE: I-I can't describe it-
MARRON: It's the internet.
CHLOE: ...It's the internet.

Somebody somehow manages to call a few rockets from the back of the theater. They slam into the shielding, which refuses to crack. A steady DPS is applied to the shield, which is thankfully too sturdy to break.

NIA: O-Oh my god...
NIA: T-They're gonna kill us.
NIA: They're gonna freaking kill us.
NIA: I-I...
NIA: I'm going to read it.
NIA: I will bring about the end.
NIA: In the stupidest way possible.
NIA: Ignorant fools! This contest will be your undoing!
NIA: The winner of the Best Girl Contest is...
CHLOE: N-NIA, DON'T!

Chloe slashes at Nia's arm, causing her to drop the letter. Nia stares coldly at Chloe, while slowly drawing out her foil. Marron takes a few steps back, opting to just watch the events fold out.

NIA: ...You will not get in the way of my armageddon.
NIA: I will carry out my directive, foolish woman.
CHLOE: I won't let you!
NIA: I know you won't.
NIA: Which is why you must die.

Nia suddenly lunges at Chloe, who parries the blow with her sword. Chloe is immediately put onto the defense, with a barrage of blows being sent at her. A few blows get by her otherwise solid defense, slowly marking her up with red. Chloe then ducks a blow from Nia, countering with a blade straight through her chest. Nia is still very much standing, her holographic form barely even sparking. With the blade still in her chest, Chloe still holding tightly onto it, she speaks.

NIA: Oh, how inconvenient.
NIA: It appears I have taken some considerable damage.
NIA: Allow me to just...

Nia spins around, the blade making some rather awful noises as it gets properly stuck in her body. This however, knocks the blade out of Chloe's hands, leaving it embedded in Nia. A swift flurry of jabs then rocks Chloe's head about, before a jaw-crushing uppercut connects with the blonde fighter. Chloe's sent a considerable distance into the air, eventually landing on the ground with a loud thud. Nia deconjures her foil, and turns away from the dazed Chloe.

CHLOE: G-Gah...
NIA: Now, I will end this.
NIA: The ultimate waifu will bring about ultimate death.
NIA: The winner.
NIA: Of the Best Girl Contest.
NIA: Is.
NIA: ...

Nia looks around the room. The envelope that held the name of the winner doesn't seem to be anywhere.

NIA: Chloe.
NIA: You are delaying the inevitable.
CHLOE: M-Maybe I was...
CHLOE: But she wasn't.

...The room is oddly silent. Chloe looks off the side of the stage. The crowd has gone become rather sluggish, each of them apparently incredibly tired. In the middle of the stands is Lucid, Nidra, Mari, and Chaos. Nidra is, of course, still sleeping. Lucid meanwhile, appears to have summoned a horde of Reverie to help with the proceedings. Chaos is... simply standing there to look helpful, still not sure what to do with the three trophies he has. Mari decides to speak up, even though she didn't really do anything.

MARI: Hi.
MARI: Sorry to put an end to your plans again, Butterfly.
MARI: Had to do it to ya, though.
MARI: Got some buddies to help... "weaken" the audience, so to speak.
MARI: They'll still hear the winner, but I don't think they'll have enough energy to kill each other over the result.

Mari cackles to herself.

MARI: Honestly though, can I say just how gorilla your plan was?
MARI: This "glorious armageddon" you might've brought about would've killed like... maybe a few thousand people?
MARI: And that's if everyone in the audience were like, trained killers!
MARI: Really, what you'd accomplish is giving a bunch of people a couple of bruises.
NIA: ...
NIA: Look, listen here.
NIA: After decimating those here, I would go on to-
MARI: OH MY GOD NOBODY GIVES A gorilla ABOUT YOUR PLANS.
MARI: Marron. Darling. It was resourceful of you, grabbing that envelope during the fight...
MARI: So, I kinda wanna know who won, so go read the thing, would ya?
MARRON: Yeah yeah, sure...

The Butterfly turns around to go and impale Marron, who's standing at stage right. It lunges forward, Bloodstained Foil extended outward, poised to impale the puppeteer. However, a flash of black and white intercepts the Butterfly- Ette! She catches the blade with incredible grace and poise, before motioning to Marron to read it. She then locks the Butterfly in the world's softest bearhug, from which no evil can escape.

MARRON: The winner of the Best Girl Contest, 2018, is...
MARRON: Nia Khioneas!
MARRON: ...
MARRON: Wait, I didn't win? MOTHERgorilla-

The Butterfly meanwhile, lets out a shriek.

NIA: How dare you!?
NIA: Let it be known, that this isn't the last you'll see of me, because I won :D :D :D
NIA: Yaaaaaaay!

Nia loosens up as she realizes that she's in the middle of the world's warmest bear hug. She rubs up against Ette, smiling like a... thing that smiles, all the while. Chloe meanwhile, picks herself up as the shields for the stage go down, allowing Taeda to climb up from somewhere and apply a few bits of healing to her.

CHLOE: C-Can't believe I almost died over a stupid contest...
CHLOE: A contest I didn't even win...
MARRON: Tell me about it.
MARRON: Stupid contest. Doesn't mean anything, anyway...
MARRON: ...
MARRON: I did come in third, though.
MARRON: So... I guess I can't be so mad.
CHLOE: Oh hey, congrats!
CHLOE: ...How'd I do?
MARRON: Second.
MARRON: For someone who got so utterly shafted last awards show, you did pretty damn well this time, Chloe.
MARRON: ...So, "congrats" to you too, I guess.
CHLOE: ...Feels nice, knowing that people appreciate me...
MARRON: Yeah...
MARRON: And no matter what happens... I'm still best girl in the eyes of somebody special~

The two of them blush warmly to themselves, apparently satisfied with the results of the contest. While most of the audience riots in a slow, sleepy, and controlled fashion, Chloe remembers something.

CHLOE: Oh, guys!
CHLOE: We should probably close up the show now, right?
MARRON: Eh, I guess. For completions sake.
MARRON: Nia, get your butt over here!
MARRON: And get that sword out of your chest!
NIA: Okay~

(RESULTS: Nia: 26 Votes. Chloe: 19 Votes. Marron: 17 Votes. Bass / Omorika: 16 Votes. Wyvern: 13 Votes. Taeda: 10 Votes. Acacia: 9 Votes. Monika / Toast: 6 Votes. Maria: 2 Votes.)

---

The three girls gather at center stage, taking in the carnage around them. Several holes in the once grand theater. Incredible infrastructure damage, from uprooted chairs to labs and boats creating holes in the stage. Several wounded audience members. A couple of bloodstains. A sword in Nia's chest, which Chloe pulls out and promptly sheathes.

CHLOE: ...This has been a strangely typical awards show, hasn't it?
MARRON: Taking serial escalation into account... yeah. This was expected.
MARRON: ...Oh, Nia?
NIA Hm?

Biting her cheek, Marron hands a trophy to Nia.

MARRON: ...Congratulations on your victory.
MARRON: W-While I might be bitter, and I'll totally kick your butt next show... you did well.
NIA: Aww, thanks!
NIA: You were great too, y'know!
NIA: Come here~

Nia gives Marron a nice tight hug, pulling her in close to her chest. Marron struggles for a moment, but eventually just accepts it, bobbing around with Nia as she sways with Marron in her arms. Chloe giggles at the sight of the two girls, before clearing her throat. While it's likely that nobody is listening, she doesn't really care.

CHLOE: A-Anyway... thanks for attending our humble little awards ceremony!
CHLOE: Join us next year, and... here's to another year of adventuring!
CHLOE: Goodnight, everyone!

The curtains (or what's left of them, anyway) close upon the stage. The Third Annual CHAOS AWARDS is now over. Thanks for playing!

NIA: W-Whew, that was a rush!
NIA: I'm gonna go get ice cream. Who wants to join?
MARRON: Ooh, ooh! Me! I need a huuuuge cup o' chocolate so that I can forget all about this night.
[color=#0000b3]CHLOE: I'll come, too!
CHLOE: me [t]hree!
MARRON: chaos gorilla off
CHAOS: okay
NIA: Let's go, everyone!

Just to be safe and make sure I don't miss a post.

Wyvern dashes around the corpse of the hound, moving to K3 before slashing into the Gorged with Bloodlust.

(Hey guys so I got a new, better PC but I don't have bandwidth internet because it got stolen and I live in Venezuela, which is an economically-collapsed country. I'm now using a WiFi so slow, downloads go at 5kb/sec AT MOST.)

(Therefore, I am unable to use Discord, both the downloadable and the browser version, which in turn means I cannot access the #planning Discord channel where our tactics are scheduled. Thus, I suggest creating an alternate way for us Thymium Players/Thymeheads to stay in contact.)

QUOTE (Borealnwn @ Dec 4 2018, 11:10 PM)

(Hey guys so I got a new, better PC but I don't have bandwidth internet because it got stolen and I live in Venezuela, which is an economically-collapsed country. I'm now using a WiFi so slow, downloads go at 5kb/sec AT MOST.) (Therefore, I am unable to use Discord, both the downloadable and the browser version, which in turn means I cannot access the #planning Discord channel where our tactics are scheduled. Thus, I suggest creating an alternate way for us Thymium Players/Thymeheads to stay in contact.)

Unless you can use the shoutbox, there won't be much room for direct interaction, but as it stands we can PM you stuff, or just OOC talk in-thread, if necessary. Either way, sucks.

/ooc

QUOTE (The_Nonexistent_Tazz @ Dec 4 2018, 08:55 PM)

QUOTE (Borealnwn @ Dec 4 2018, 11:10 PM) (Hey guys so I got a new, better PC but I don't have bandwidth internet because it got stolen and I live in Venezuela, which is an economically-collapsed country. I'm now using a WiFi so slow, downloads go at 5kb/sec AT MOST.) (Therefore, I am unable to use Discord, both the downloadable and the browser version, which in turn means I cannot access the #planning Discord channel where our tactics are scheduled. Thus, I suggest creating an alternate way for us Thymium Players/Thymeheads to stay in contact.) Unless you can use the shoutbox, there won't be much room for direct interaction, but as it stands we can PM you stuff, or just OOC talk in-thread, if necessary. Either way, sucks. /ooc

(Either shoutbox or PMs, we'll see)

Zed activates his special and moves the SSphere to O13, then Phaseshifts with the Inciter corpse and moves to O20. Frim there he moves Gorged4, Migi2, and Nanite2 to the O column, then Aerobeams through them all, turning east at O13.