Oh that's right! We get two posts!
Well then I've got a few buckets of lacre here. May as well see what happens if I dump one on Sir Bob.

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 01:30:00

What in the world is lacre? google says its wax, but then why are you using that?
/NULL

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 14:14:00

Patch notes: fixed a typo in the rules. The winner of a strife is not the person who dies, that would be a little counterintuitive. Also, I've upped the Simumodder xp reward to match the amount that's given out to players for assisting a boss kill (cumulatively. A boss kill gives 10K to 4 people, Simumodder hits will now grant 40K). Hezetor gets 20K bonus XP so that he's not shortchanged for his earlier Simumodder hit.

QUOTE (ConsumerOfAll @ (time=1483994322))

Alicia steps forth to guard Maria, before an array of potions fall from the sky, all marked with heal. They cascade down, glass shattering yet not harming anyone, before gunpowder triggers fire up, and send a healing gas through the air, swirling up around Maria. She inhales, before blood appears, wounds closing up, and wait this isn't the physical world. The healing gas suddenly turns to 1337 )(4)(ing gas, and the simulation is hacked before the leet haxing gas assaults it, and spams the incrementation command on Maria's HP, before it realises, wait oh no that's inefficient and bad code. Instead, it goes back down, keeps Maria's HP up, before running a getEntity() command, parameters set as "Maria the Mayor", before running a .setHP() command, set to getEntity().getHP + 1, and repeating that, again, and again, and again. Maria's HP goes up quite quickly, and seeing as she's being guarded, you'll have to get through Alicia first, Joejoke. Alicia guards Maria, Maria shoots Bob, or the Fire Demon if Bob's dead. Woah I Need Barriers [6/10] Reloading for N00bs, Reloading for You [4/10] +1 Spoon

You restore 1 health to Maria, and then do a bodyguarding.
As a note, it requires an action to bodyguard. Each time you post only bodyblocks 1 attack.
+5000 XP

QUOTE (Sp33d0n @ (time=1483997042))

SEEKERS OF THE NAME: Auth opens up a gate gate behind him, and many people spill through. This appears to surprise Auth, it appears he was expecting to summon someone else, not... all these... people. Auth looks at them. Many of them have heavily bleeding scars covering their bodies. Some move strangely, like they're use to being in Chains for some reason, like all they know is Chains. Some more, Auth feels, has... more metaphysical marks, and they appear to him as more apathetic, as if their soul has been soiled. Oh lord. It's the Seekers of th- What on Earth are you doing here!? Between noises of ravenous hunger and... well, it's difficult, but voices of sane men and women... well, sane-ish, state that Mr. Eaten sent them. H-how... wait, it was Christmas recently, wasn't it... and Mr Eaten appears as... Mr. Sacks... muhh. Auth just facepalms and sighs. Auth then activates his Combat Operandi. He takes his blade, Inkscalibur, and marks the ground aroud the Terror Pig with a line of ink. Then he surrounds it in a few more, completely surrounding it in ink, by this point. Auth adds some more lines, and then jumps back. Everyone, cover your eyes! If you look, this is going to hurt! The Terror Pig is enveloped in red, and it begins to bleed out from its eyes. Any hair it had begins to burn up. It's mind begins to shatter, before the Correspondence Sigil subsides, giving it salvation from insanity and pain. Auth then slams it with a tsunami's worth of ink. Then the Underknight leaps in, peircing the Terror Pig, right in the Heart. It then kicks the pig away, and slashes him several times before kicking off the pig and launching back. It gets back to Auth, before kneeling. (stats here) ACTION SUMMARY: When I finish it you'll have it. SPECIAL ATTACKS: soon +1 to Hez

Ah, I have a few questions about the Seekers of the Name, I remember you saying you wanted this to be a horde-like entity, but I would like a little bit of stat info. How many you want there to be, and if they have anything else special about them.

Combat Special: Slanderous Ink (Basic)
You ready your personal blade, Inkscalibur, specially built to control the flow of special inks, particularly imbued with the strange and dangerous properties of the impossible colors found in the realm below the sun, the Unterzee. You switch your blade to Violant, the color of bloodshed, perhaps of violence. You dart forward towards your enemy, then curve off, making a circle of the viscous, red liquid around them. You jump back, and carefully cover your eyes. The circle erupts in a flash of light somewhat similar to what one would call "red", blood beginning to leak from places where they do not want blood to leak, hairs on their body slowly curling and burning, and they collapse under the weight of the pain and damage.
Terror Pig killed! Terrifying porkchop killed!

The Terror Pig squeals. It rears up on its hind legs, and lunges forward as if to try and strike you... only to fall over as it begins its charge, skidding off to the side and rolling over a few times and crashing into a wall of the already very damage cathedral, causing the wall in question to drop a few bricks on it.
It turns red, then grey, then black. And the body begins to blow away in the wind in the form of ash. The wall teeters ominously, and you see, where the core of the terror pig would have been, a regular pig, impaled with a massive knife that glows with power. Tricklejest immediately recognize this as the Terror Pig's spoil of war and rush forward, quickly pulling it out of the pig's corpse (which poofs as soon as you do) and scramble out of the way before the wall finishes collapsing inwards.
The Simumodder flashes for a second, the simulation registering the death of the first boss, and the Simumodder's health goes down by 1.

Tricklejest has received the first Spoil of War! The Ham Knife! This item will, on use, summon 7 Terrifying Porkchops, a special variant that takes double damage from allies AND won't heal enemies that kill one. It has a 5 round cooldown.
In addition, the following 4 players, as runners up, get 10K experience each!
Jondanger, Sp33d0n, Battlefury and Redstone.

Additionally! Charging gets an upgrade now that the first boss is down! The charge cap has been raised to 20, and everyone now gets 2 +1s in each post, instead of just one.

+7000 XP

QUOTE (Battlefury @ (time=1483997604))

I install Bob's Brain in Sir Bob's head. He explodes five seconds later. 10/10 cheese 10/10 1+ to Consomme

Sir Bob auto-portals the Bob's Brain over to Sir Bob the Second, blowing him up. Because who needs reincarnation.
+4000 XP

QUOTE (1412 @ (time=1483999873))

I restrain the simumodder by burying him up to his neck in dead rats and tattoo a correspondence sigil to his forehead, particularly this unfortunate fellow's.

The Simumodder foils your attack by becoming one with the pile of dead rats, so when you attempt to brand him with the correspondence sigil all you can find is dead rats. Which suddenly become UNdead rats and swarm you. It's incredibly amusing to watch but probably not to experience.
Welcome to the game though!
+2000 XP

QUOTE (Emerald_Mann @ (time=1484001150))

I activate a thing, which somehow causes the Terrifying Porkchops to spontaneously explode. AI: 9/10 Virus: 8/10

Terrifying porkchop exploded. Pork goes everywhere.
+5000 XP

QUOTE (Jondanger23 @ (time=1484003457))

I do another little jig. This makes a piano fall on the porkchops.

"Who's idea was this?"
Porkchop killed.
+5000 XP

QUOTE (Urus @ (time=1484023022))

Sheriff Clint Cactus grabs a roll of duct tape and repairs the Free Modeled Mecha. GOLDEN LASSO 5/5 CREATED The Golden Lasso allows him to store one friendly entity. While it is stored, it is removed from the battlefield, and cannot deal or take damage; the entity's statuses and abilities do not tick/charge. +1 to Emerald_Mann Ten Gallon Hat 5/10 Artifacts Golden Lasso _(Empty)

Hm, the golden lasso seems a bit powerful for a 5 charge. I guess a 15 might work, given you can only hold one entity at a time.
You restore 2000 health to the Free Modeled Mecha!
+4000 XP

QUOTE (TrickleJest @ (time=1484031396))

Trickle decides to do something semi-important. He takes out a red brush and draws the brimstone sigil on a nearby tree, thus making it demonic. The tree promptly grows a blood apple, followed by Trickle carefully picking it. "Hmmm... how can I use this in such a way that my faction will be trolled, but the opposite will be harmed? Hmmmmmmmmm......" Trickle then grabs a blender and makes a delicious...ly poisonous blood apple smoothie. "Oh, did you think I would throw this at someone? Hahaha!" He pours the strange liquid into a small vat of a much bigger blender. The blender starts to make a rather odd sound. It appears that it is powered by the blood apple smoothie. Trickle then takes the entire blood apple tree, throws it in, closes the lid, and prepares for mayhem. Not only is the world's worst sound produced out of this, but the results are also horrifying. A giant demonic red sludge forms inside the blender. Trickle then uses half of the sludge to power an ultra cannon and the other half is formed into a giant tar-like cannonball. "Hehehe..." "Arividerci, moon!" He shoots the cannonball straight at the moon. The ball blows up and the sludge spreads around the moon, corroding it and making it a strange hue of crimson. The moon, being under horrible demonic pressure, completely falls out of orbit. It not only starts crying red tears, it also keeps calling for its mother. The pain seems to be too horrible, even for an inanimate object. After a day of roaring and shrieking, the moon finally drops down on the Simumodder, damaging him. Bet he didn't expect that! CHARGES ----------- /placeholder - 9/10. Rise of the Charges - 3/10. ----------- +1 to Battlefury. QUE IS CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

The Simumodder quickly whips out his ocarina and turns the clock back to the current time period, and walks over to you, takes you blender, and shoves it over your head. Your head is now stuck in a blender, better try not to turn it... on...
Ouch.
+2000 XP

QUOTE (Cyanogynist @ (time=1484041234))

I use Shipping Grid Basic on the Terror Pig. --Charges-- Eskinobop's Arsenal: 4/10 The DNA Of The Soul: 4/10 +1 to Battlefury.

Combat Special: Shipping Grid (Basic)
You look at your enemy, and study them very closely. Hmm... what would be the best way to ruin brighten up their lives? You snap your fingers with realization. Of course! Shipping! Love and memes are two of the best ways to cheer someone up when they're feeling down, and shipping combines them both, what could go wrong! You pull them over to the side, and sit them down in a classroom setting that you whipped up quite quickly. Before you can do anything with shipping, you must first know the basics of it, so you must teach them. You pull out your specially ordered shipping wall for this purpose, and begin explaining how the different ships work. You continue going until they begin screaming. Something about "make it stop". Well that's just rude. You decide that if they don't want to be cheered up they can just stay in the classroom until they let you help. So you walk out and lock the door. They look around, confused, and heave a sigh of relief. Then they hear a creaking... You, out in the hallway, realize you forgot to bolt down the shipping wall and turn to discover that it collapsed on your hapless student. Oops.
Terrifying porkchop killed!

+5000 XP

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1484047304))

+1 AC 10/10 blackmist +1 simmumodder Activating Stefen 6/10 +4 simmumodder I plan to put my guaranteed critical to good use. by unleashing the ancient glory of Multitasking!!! first, i use the blackmist charge. i think by now most people (read:everyone who read DLE and maybe 0(mostly DLE)) can guess just about what I'm doing. bob gains modifier: blackmist. he now produces 2 blackmist stacks per turn, max is 35 when he has 2+ stacks, he can attack with a sword, not too strong when he has 15+ stacks, he can attack with a variety of weapons, like giant hammers, stronger when he has 23+ stacks, he can unleash barrages of arrows, rocks, and pebbles on his opponent, even stronger when he has 30+ stacks and full health, and has killed at least three entity’s (players count) (dealing enough damage that it wouldn’t have died otherwise, on the turn it died), he can change form, this probably won't happen. he can use a stack to heal himself if he is injured this charge also reduces portal armor charges by one this turn (he loses one portal and now only has 1 stored) balance as appropriate. text to hopefully make Blackmist better Spoiler Alert bob starts shacking, small tremors in the ground from the force of it, as small black particles start to appear around him, spinning and gathering, and the mist covers his skin, seeming to trap him in it, growing and shifting on occasion, before vanishing, showing bob standing there with his whole body darkened, and dark pebbles and fragments spinning around, protecting him and also looking really awesome.  attack/main action Spoiler Alert A dark void dome, demon brick and flesh, around bob, protecting him from maria and various other possible attacks, and i instruct bob to use his portals on the strongest attack directed at him, so for example, if one is charged, that one. then i block battlefury’s first post with dark red burst of fire, which stops his attempt to install a brain or whatever. dark red light  glows on the moon, and its corruption (tricklejest) is converted into power for me, granting me temporary control over it, which i will use to make the meteor storm thing i then calmly walk over to maria, and raise my hands. embers jerk slightly, moving toward it, and begin to heat up, hotter and hotter, flying toward my hands. you Really thought you could stop me. by saying its going to rain. Hah. the embers of fire from before fly forward, a red-hot ball of fire and light, and i nod at bob, who keeps it controlled. a glyph appears at my feet, red and black, the centre image impossible to comprehend. the embers spin, burning, and a cloud of ash forms above me, beginning to spin and form a funnel, and my eyes seem to darken slightly, just a bit. the fire rises above the cloud, burning brightly in the damaged world, a symbol of SaFtEY Corruption, bright, but darkened somehow. scattered dust and assorted fragments rise, flowing into the sky and joining the tornado, and i step forward, my foot tapping the glyph, and its red-black light flows into me, my form shifts [[AS IN I AM NO LONGER LIKE NORMAL HUMAN, implying an inability to suffocate.]], mouth growing and eyes angling in a more sinister shape, unstable in strength, and the rest of the world slows to a halt. i blur forward,leaving a crackling image behind, and slash maria across the chest, leaving another image, and flying into the ball of fire, vanishing inside it. the world shifts. the world Shifts. The World shifts and the fire ball vanishes. there is nothing left but the storm of ash, which grows in strength. and then a single bolt of lightning is finally created by the rubbing. and the flash of light reveals a silhouette. a orange silhouette. lined with black. regardless, the storm grows, and begins to glow lightly, fire and light, more and more, and my form raises its hand, a dark red orb scattering in 6, and spinning around the tornado, flowing into it, and the spinning light fades into it, causing, or perhaps heralding, the tornado bursting into violent flame,  bright red, and my form steps back into the tornado, strengthening it, and pushes it forward, straight into maria, and then the tornado expands, burning away at the rain and vaporising it, which is driven away by a strange force, and a bunch of meteors start falling, all small enough to not hit the ground, but still heating the air. my normal body appears, floating in the air, and more start falling, larger, and faster, starting to pepper the ground. one especially large meteor appears, and lands directly on Maria, crushing her, and i draw an axe, The titanflame axe. i strike the ground, and it erupts into flames, cracks glowing orange, and i slice at her, landing one more hit. [PLEASE NOTE THAT THE MAIN ATTACK WAS THE GROUND] a dark aura appears around me, eyes an angry red, and i turn at bob, more and more fire and light sparks, spinning around him, protecting him from hostile people, as a sigil of hell appears in my hand, black stone and blood carving, surrounding him in black light and the smell of smoke. wisps of smoke spin, and the world darkens, sir bob changing shape into a small black orb, which darts left and right, avoiding anything that may hurt it, and i twitch my hand, a large nevermore appearing, and crouches over bob, a temporary shield so he is not struck while i imbue his protection with more power, light and life flowing from me and into him, a wisp of wind and a transparent rock  flowing forth, and the orb gains a small brown shield and it increases in speed, a flash of fire bursting forward and giving it a aura of fire, decaying nearby matter, and a final wisp, cyan, flys inward and it begins  to fade in and out of sight, unharmable when unseen, and the wisps cease to emerge. he is still inside his dome, which is guarded by a nevermore that will leave at the end of turn battles start. [the tornado occupies the AS side/area mostly, and is much less intense near the simmumodder, terror pig, and unholy robots.]  [this action is both an attack on maria and an attempt to change the weather to be more beneficial to the PS, and then protection for bob.] Bob will attack maria if the weather won't make her be burning or she still has 2 hp left, otherwise he'll attack consumer [end of action, for now] Consumer seems to have edited their post to respond to me.

Blackmist accepted.
You try to do too many things at once with one post (THAT STILL ISN'T FORMATTED AT ALL by the way)
But using the power of CRITS you manage to deal 1 damage to consumer AND blow them out of the way for another shot on Maria, which you almost don't get because battlefury, but you then sneak up behind him (because time shenanigans? I guess?) and prevent him from preventing this attack, dealing 1 damage to Maria anyways.
+7000 XP

QUOTE (Battlefury @ (time=1484069975))

While bob is controlling the fire of the ember's of yore's past, I sneak up behind him. I proceed to do a bunch of fancy tricks with a knife while saying, "I'm gonna cut you like a gealish corn hen.", moments before stabbing Bob. Bob is flung off into the distance due to the pain, and the orb of fire collapses to the ground, and then somehow ends up in water. Whoops. I then throw Anti-Edge: Apply Directly To The Edgelord at the Glyph. The sheer edginess of it all, combined with the Anti-edge, causing the Glyph to fail, automatically. Then, once the tornado arrives, i simply fill it with deadly mercury, hydrogen-cyanide, mustard gas, and chlorine. As soon as JOE attempts to walk into the tornado, he finds himself grasping desperately at his throat. With the gases having filled his lungs and body, he has no choice but to watch as the tornado of deadly gas drifts over to the PG side, and then disperses over it. Or just dissolves on the spot. Joe then tries to attack Maria with a titanflame axe. I reply to it by hitting him with a Mythril Email Trashcan, and turning the meteors into tiny comets, before redirecting them all to slam into him. Seeing how stupidly cold comets are, this promptly not only fails his meteor attack but also extinguishes his axe.  He is then shot. By a temmie. 10/10 THE CHEESE EXPENDED I toss a block of cheese at Bob. He promptly questions it's existence, moments before the block emits tons of Cheesemist, which proceeds to flow into Bob, and slowly convert him to liquid cheese. This, naturally, is an extremely painful and deadly process. RIP bob. 10/10 1+ to Consomme

You attempt to block Joe's attack... and get beaten up by future!him instead.
But then you drop CHEESE. (perfect to go with all the ham currently on the field) You open fire on Bob, who does not have 0 portals because rechargeable item things are not exchangeable currency for charge power. That doesn't change the fact that this attack is over the power capacity for one portal to stop all the way, and even with Joe for some reason attempting to do 5 things at once again below, you still deal a whopping 20000 damage to Sir Bob.
+4000 XP

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1484095950))

+1 AC Stefen 7/10 1/10 of science i sneak up behind battlefury (No, i am not going to use in-game names, its enough with 1 name a person) when he's sneaking up behind bob using the weird logic of post timing, and knock him back when he tries to stab him, pulling out a wooden pole, striking him in his joints and knocking his knife away, raise my hand, and a 3 meter bamboo shaft knocks him into the air, spinning. since he never fell, the stuff in bobs hands is unaffected. a parasol in hand, i block the "anti edge" and vanish, bringing it with me to the distant ranges of Edge transcendences territory so they absorb it, protecting the glyph, and tap it, empowering it further, then teleporting away so i don't interrupt myself. moments latter, when the tornado is fully formed, i raise my hand from the distance, and the deadly poisons from battlefury are kept a meter from me via a strange yellow field of light, protecting myself and using your attempts to my advantage. i draw the frosted daggers, a possible /\/ for titanflame, and block the trash-can, pushing it back with a burst of frosted cyan light, and redirect the comets, which glow dimly, stopping in mid-air and redirecting it into the cheese block, reducing its power by freezing it and restricting it in general, also pummelling it. another blade, an ornate phoenix on it and flames clearly visible around it, is thrust upward, and i float into the air, well above the battle, and swing the blade, a ribbon of fire trailing behind it, almost like a dance, and a cone of spinning fire orbits me, before being reabsorbed and used to create a large rock, ~ the size of 97 cars, and launching it toward maria to replace the rest of the barrage, cracking into several mid-flight for internal consistency. now to reduce the THE CHEESE charges effect. 6 copies of me appear, each different, but still me. the first, decked in chefs gear, slices a chunk off with a red-hot knife the length of my spine, and begins cooking with it, a cheesecake with elaborate strawberry design and many layers, the second layer coated in chocolate, the third covered in bacon, shut up that’s a great idea, and the top one is a banana peel. bob trips on it and the stream of cheesemist misses. the 2nd clone strides forward and slices another part off, moulding it into a wonderful statue, several types used for colour, blue cheese for the hair, eyes, and clothing, yellow for the skin, and orange for what remains. the cheese statue comes to life and lunges for the clone, which jumps back, leaving a shadow of itself, and retaliates, knocking it back masterfully and never slowing below a calm stroll, then firing a banana from the quarterstaff he was using, which lands on its face. this clone then takes a cheesemist hit, protecting bob from that one. the 3ed clone walks forward, and takes out a banana gun, which is both a banana, and shoots bananas. it/he shoots at the cheese, which is probably still providing mist, riddling it with holes and leaving bananas all over, which draw a crowd of monkeys over. my clone shoots a giant banana from the gun on top of the cheese, and all the monkeys tear away at the cheese to climb on and try to get the banana. once one of them does so, they all leave. the last one hugs bob, yanking him out of the way of another cheesemist flow in the process. the 4th clone stands there, then vanishes and appears above the block, landing on it with a large hammer, smashing another chunk off, and starts dicing it, a slash from a scythe cuts the cheese (in half) , and a rapier is embedded in it, cracking that half of the chunk, and it explodes, and 2 gauntlets appear in its hands, and it starts punching the chunk, kinetic blasts and golden fire melting the cheese, and it turns, a cutlass in its hand, and glows, launching forward. as it flys by, a deep score in the cheese is cut, and the air beneath it/him glows, and it back-flips, landing another slice on the cheese, purely vertical, jumping again, using the momentum to repeat the slash upwards, and throwing a rope into bob, which grabs it, and yanks the rope, yanking them towards one another, and dodging the cheese-mist again. the 5th clone glows, black with red outline, before the other 3 living are sucked in, and in turn the 5th is sucked into me, and the sixed just stays where it is, a thin purple outline around it, and i point forward, a dark burst flying forward and shattering the cheese in 5, a small circle beneath each, and the circles turn and shift, lines melting into one another and splitting again, turning closer to pure black, before soon a small dark burst flys up from them, scattering it further, i raise my hand and a bone bow, red cracks all over, and 66 more copies (of the bow) appear in the air above me, each growing obsidian arrows which reflect nothing but blackness,  and i pull back its string of arachnids thread pulling back on all 67 of them, and the arrows are all launched, striking the cheese-shards squarely. i open one of my eyes fully, and a wall of pure black smoke blocks the next mist burst, consuming it and turning it to nothing. the last clone glows, and merges with me, a bright red aura around us, and a we/I move forward too fast for the eye to see, striking the one remaining lump with a fiery burst, melting it to sludge, and i dash forward, slashing it in half with a blade, and 7 shock-waves of purple light fly forward, destroying the cheesemist aimed at bob, and a final orb of light gathers around me, spinning around me, and i raise my hand, light and darkness layering around bob, destroying the remaining mist, and i expel the remaining energy, which equally strikes all AS entities. i have more time and apparently the dop's later, not last night, so i pull out a large cyan orb, then slam into it a metal sword and a broken wine glass, and then add a light bulb to the result, getting a electric shattersword, and run forward over to maria, dodging past consumer, and land a hit, discharging all available electricity into her, and then repeatedly poke her body with a sword, and then pick up a magnifying glass and a piece of hellstone, and shove those into the sword, getting burnt hellfire betty, and start using the ambient light to laser random people, and then expend the swords battery charge on a Corrupted Laser aimed directly at consumer, before i throw in a snowflake symbol, and get Grim Rapier, a bone sword with black gunk and red veins, and a black glow appears beneath me, and 6 versions of me run out, each striking at a different entity repeatedly, and then they all stab into the ground, and corrupt flames rise up, healing the fire demons slightly, and burning everything else, (maybe the status effect, but probably just damage) spinning and rising upwards, forming another layer of protection around bob, and even more rises up, a metal dome begins form around him (bob), rising out of the ground and protecting him, all the cracks being fixed on moments, and a thin layer of darkness forms around it, decaying attacks and such, not being destroyable due to its lack of solidity, and more comes from the ground, tendrils and bones rising up in another messy dome, and the darkness widens. more things come, a layer of fire, a layer of rock, more and more protecting bob, and he continues to become harder to attack, spikes around him and small demons, and so on and so forth. a final barrier of energy,colored like a rainbow of darker colors, rises around him, and the domes stop. there are several meters worth of matter and energy protecting bob, and he is ready to avoid anything, and theres a nevermore protecting him. thats probably enough.

You counter bfury's counter and then reduce the amount of damage he dealt to Sir Bob by a very small amount.
+5000 XP

QUOTE (engie @ (time=1484096848))

Primary weapon: X-Corpse Shooter Secondary weapon: Corpse Piercer Tertiary weapon: NA Armor: NA The Fairview Survivor promptly turns and shakes her head. One might note that her body is still reacting to the heat... Perhaps something's going on that she's not naturally able to reverse. "I don't have to die to become... one of them. The virus just has to overwhelm my immunity." She then frowns a little, taking a second look at her current setup. Something occurs to her. Maybe she could use Corpse Maker again... She'd understand completely if she couldn't get anything new out of it just yet, but it's worth checking just to see what happens, right? Thus, she goes and attempts to use Corpse Maker on... Sir Bob. Cause, you know. Reasons. Aggro Spike: 2/4 Temporary Mutation: 2/5

Combat Special: Corpse Maker (basic)
You already have the Corpse Shooter, but when it comes to borderline body horror weapons, there's so much more you could be using. And with the power of lazy writing Descendancy... you can get ahold of them. After a short story (well, by literary terms, but still too long to put here) you finish a shopping trip, equipped with a brand new sniper rifle. The Corpse Piercer. Supposedly made out of pieces of various snipers who died at the onset of the zombie apocalypse. Given the nature of the gun, it wouldn't surprise you. You carefully take stock, cold, hard resolve settling into your mind as you take careful aim, loading in the bullets with care. No one who passes in front of your sights will make it out alive. And you're going to make certain your sights fall on them. One swift motion. Load, click, boom.
3000 damage to Sir Bob.
+2500 XP

QUOTE (1412 @ (time=1484098253))

Oh that's right! We get two posts! Well then I've got a few buckets of lacre here. May as well see what happens if I dump one on Sir Bob.

Well, what happens is that he inexplicably takes 4000 damage.
+6000 XP

QUOTE (JOEbob @ (time=1484144062))

What in the world is lacre? google says its wax, but then why are you using that? /NULL

Shush, don't question the logic. Sir Bob now has a nice coating of shiny. It won't help him. At all. But he's shiny now.

Hezetor levels up: "Sub-atomic"
Combat Special unlocked: Atom Smasher (Advanced)
Jondanger levels up: "Level Green"
Combat Special unlocked: Sub-Terranean (Advanced)
Speed levels up: "Apply Directly to Legs"
Combat Special unlocked: Slanderous Ink (Advanced)
Battlefury levels up: "Bork Bork"
Combat Special unlocked: WOOF (Advanced)

EoTB:
The Terror Pig is dead. Very dead. So dead it can't even be targeted. Wait.
Anyways, this means the Underknight and the Free Modeled Mecha have to settle for the next best thing, picking off the terrifying porkchops. Both porkchops die immediately, and both entities gain 3000 health. Lonnor wanders over and reminds the mecha that it needs to have more than just meat, and supplements the mecha's diet for him, the healthiness of it all restoring another 5000 hit points.
Maria unleashes her tendrils of darkness on one of the fire demons, with much stabbing and pain, the demon takes 3000 damage.
On the PS side of the field...
Sir Bob hasn't gotten to generate any Black Mist yet and is rendered completely unable to attack by that. The Unholy Robots pick up the slack and together deal... 0 damage to Maria. It seems their combined strength still isn't enough to damage the (I was gonna do a Maria/Mayor pun but it just wouldn't come out right)
The fire demons both take 1000 damage, and then combine their powers, mounting an assault on the free modeled mecha, dealing 5000 damage to it!

The Simumodder tosses Joe his usual +5, and looks around. he realizes that his forces are getting mashed again. More health got regened by the AS forces this round than was dealt by the PSs. That cannot stand. So he slams his sword into the ground, and a summoning circle appears around him...
And from it pops a small man who seems to be wearing... battery packs. It's CHARGE MAN. A man whose gimmick is that he has ENTIRELY TOO MANY CHARGED SPECIALS. You watch as a timer goes off on this peculiar man's pack... and one of the charges goes off! Whoa! Totally unfair! Fortunately, it seems to be one use only, as the battery falls to the ground and makes a puff of smoke.
5 large shields made entirely out of meat materialize around him. Each one will block some of the incoming attacks. If you want a 100% chance to hit him, destroy them all.

Everything ticks up.

Itinerary:
Destroy the Simumodder!
Destroy the meat shields!
Destroy Charge Man!

Entity Advantage: [AS]

Weather: Rain (Removes 1 round of burning from any entity on the field..)
Terrain: Demonic Cathedral/Factory (Spawns two Unholy Robots every round.)

Simumodder [PS]: Hp: 97/100.
Charge Man [PS][Elite]: Hp: 50000/50000. 1/2 2nd Ammendment. 1/3 Prickles. 1/4 Air Support. 1/5 Medivac. 1/6 Time's Up. 1/8 Double Time. 1/15 You Deserve It.
Meat Shield 1 [PS]: Hp: 20000/20000.
Meat Shield 2 [PS]: Hp: 20000/20000.
Meat Shield 3 [PS]: Hp: 20000/20000.
Meat Shield 4 [PS]: Hp: 20000/20000.
Meat Shield 5 [PS]: Hp: 20000/20000.
Fire Demon [PS]: Hp: 19500/25000.
Fire Demon [PS]: Hp: 12500/25000.
Unholy Robots x4 [PS]: Hp: 1000/1000.
Sir Bob [PS - JOEbob]: Hp: 13000/40000. 2/35 Blackmist. Portal Armor [A]: 1/5 charges. Fire Orb [A]: Flare: 2/2
Free Modeled Mecha [AS - Redstone]: Hp: 5500/25000.
Maria the Mayor / umbralAggressor [AS - Consumer] Hp: 2/5. Shroud: 3/3. Thamiel's Retribution: 3/4. Constructed: 3/5. Mary the Mayor: 3/10.
Lonnor, Prince of the Lonnies [AS - TrickleJest]: Hp: 14500/30000.
Underknight [AS - Sp33d0n]: Hp: 12500/25000. Blackened Finale: 3/3. Light of Faith: 3/5.
Consumer [AS - Player] Hp: 7/10. Golden Sun [A]: 1/5 Ammo. And Then The Sphere Cracked: 3/7. Flesh Interfacing: 3/7.
Hezetor [AS - Player] Hp: 10/10. 1 regen



[/spoiler]

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 15:14:00

Our.

+1 to Trickle
1/20
9/10

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 16:09:00

I take a blob of Dog Residue. It's high time I invested some proper effort into this game, you know? Anyway, I duplicate a bunch of dog residue, before scattering it around the PG side of the battlefield. The dog residue erodes away some of the terrain, creating massive sinkholes. This will presumably be relevant later. Regardless, it continues to burrow into the simulation, creating a system of tunnels across the entire simulation quite easily. I then take yet more Dog Residue, and create a series of pipes, centered on the battlefield.

That being said, I pull out a strange technological device. It's quite small, about the size of a phone. I then install a strange game. It is with great flourishes and dramatic button presses that I perform each action. And now, I shall recount the steps I used to install the game. Firstly, I got bored of not having it. Secondly, it existed. Profit. Not in that order, of course. It existed long before I installed it, after all.

And now, I shall, with much effort and drama, reveal the name of this game. It truly is an enigma. Could it be Trump the Trump 2017: More Microtranstumpions? Maybe Candy Crusher 942: Microtranslation Transaction Hell. Or maybe it's Generic Free to Play Game: This Actually Costs About 25$ To Get Anywhere at All. Truly, all best sellers. Quite great games, if I say so myself. Especially with all the required- err, I mean optional microtransactions. Don't forget the classic Chess Except Each Move is a Micro transaction And Your Bankrupt After Even Just One Game.

My tastes are naturally not so refined. Microtransactions, while truly the sign of a good game (not), are-

..Actually I’m lying to you. You see, I installed the Omega Base Building Game Set In Various Period with Absolutely No Differences Whatsoever: Fantasy Edition. Featuring such units as the Glass Cannon Archer, Anime Girl with A Katana, and finally The Guy In A Hot Air Balloon Whose Weapon Is Exploding Bloo- Balloons. With such wonderful and creative resources, such as Precious Metals, Liquid Magic, and Bedeviled Liquid Magic. Naturally, it also has plenty of Microtransactions, as well as special currency in the form of Divinium, the metal of the gods. Unsurprisingly, it makes Precious Metals looks like dung in terms of value. After all, a non-paying customer clearly deserves to be stomped on by someone who wast- wemeaninvestedwithgreatconsiderationfortheirfuture 1000 or so bucks on a highly valuable in-game currency.


Anyone who has invested below that value clearly is incredibly short sighted, and should probably be put in a asylum before they run their life into the grounds with such evils like reasonable spending choices. I have no doubt that one day, someone will gaze upon this in the far future, and agree heartily, and then raise a toast in celebration of a society long free of those things.

Anyway, I start up the game. Some old man drawn in a cutesy artstyle and dressed in a toga panics, calling for some great leader to defeat the encroaching Elephantium, which are really just metal elephants. I, gasp, and panicking, look around the town I have been thrown into...

...

...

...

..Nevermind. As suspected, they built nothing whatsoever except a Generic Townhall Castle Fusion Level 0 and a bunch of square wooden storage units’ mark "PRECIOUS METALS". Gee, it's not like it might be a good idea to, I dunno, either swear fealty to the largest nearby military empire, or maybe, I dunno, make the town a less tempting target? Or not settle right next to the oversized metal elephants?

The old man screams something about the Militia. Ah, good. They were sensible enough to- Wait, what?

What do you mean that we need magic to build and maintain them? That makes no sense. At all. I proceed to deploy them anyway. I then watch on, bored, as the elephantiumians stomp right over them. One or two dies. I sigh, and watch as the Generic Town Destruction Sequence That You Get Praised For Doing Nothing About occurs. The elephantiumians promptly run off with our 250 Gold.

Shortly after the town hall is wrecked, the Old Man In a Toga (now referred to as TOMIAT) congratulates me for my success in making the elephants (not) pay for every unit of Precious Metals taken. "You know, it's not every day somebody actually manages to even dent them with a couple of units of unmaintained Militia." A spark of hope lights up his face. "Somebody of your irk is clearly set to control our entire town, and perhaps lead our revenge against the Elephantium Empire! Perhaps, just maybe, you could even subjuga- err, "unify" the nearby towns under your banner once we are strong enough to send multiple raiding part- err, I mean diplomatic missions to them!"

And that, of course, is the average story of how you end up owning a fancy shack that happens to be fortified and an empty storage of gold. Afterwards, he takes me though the tutorial. "Now, first we are going to need to rebuild. Luckily, they somehow avoiding damaging our buildings, and just ran off with the gold. Even more luckily, I happen to have ten of this on me." He hands me ten divinium. I go through the rest of the tutorial easily, doing the generic constructing of buildings, the buying of a second building slot. Finally, I get 5 Anime Girls With Katana's after rebuilding the town (now with a magic extractor, 2 gold mines, and a magic condensory. Which is just a storage building.). Naturally, I am tasked with looting and pillaging the local Elephantium town.

Naturally it's completely unguarded. I don't even bother with using the elite units. I literally just use 3 Militia And 1 Sharper Pitchfork Militia. As it turns out, Metal Elephants are surprisingly easy to kill, even with a flimsy pitchfork. The moment the tutorial ends, I continue the game at a massive pace, somehow using descendancy powers to breeze though such BS as building times. I easily breeze though the generic campaign, and then proceed to easily build up a max-level massive base. Overnight, the base becomes the most powerful city, ever. This, of course does not leave me as the most powerful empire, and I could probably be beaten down if enough clans /nations untied against me.

Luckily, the region I am in is full of cities that have only existed for 3 days. Before I set out on my campaign of world unifications, I should mention that each city is yet another base. The best empires are usually comprised of multiple uber rich cities, surrounded by less wealthy cities, and generally has a ton of lesser cities stolen from smaller empires. However, unless you use a Uber Omega Super Rare God-King Armed With Null Hale's Own Golden settler, you cannot settle other capitals. It should be noted that doing so will instantly end the game for the settled empire.

That being said, it is possible to simply make them a tributary, usually after wrecking their economy and army in a single massive attack and taking all of their lesser bases.

And so, I easily use my limitless armies to turn the nearby region into my playground, looting and wrecking dozens of almost unguarded bases and forcing dozens of players to be my tributaries. This, of course, is before I settle the rest of the region and use my leet gaming skills to easily create a bunch of highly profitable and highly fortified bases. My army soon grows to even larger sizes, and all the while I cleave though the newbies. They all knell over, and soon enough a massive amount of loot is not only flowing in from attacks, but from tributaries.

Now, it'd be a waste to let them fester in game. So, naturally, all those resources start to fill up the massive system of pipes, mixing together, flowing about, and generally creating locations for storage and duplication of the aforementioned resources. Before long, I am unimaginably rich.

Finally, a full fortnight later the vast majority of the cities have fallen into line. Hundreds of empires shattered and enslaved, their microtransactions meaning nothing against the force of an unlimited army. Each fallen empire contributes yet more men to the army, making it ever more infinite. Finally, yet one clan remains: The special, 1000-person clan of the top 1000 players. Naturally, the top ten are all dev's of the game.

Tired of me stealing their favorite raiding grounds, it is with much fanfare and hope that the DevClan attacks my empire. Unlike all the others, their massive size, skill and devotion to the game, allows them to stand a chance. They amass a grand army. Now, the only thing that could ruin them is, say, the clan tearing it's self apart.

Around this time, I arrange for the second most powerful dev to receive a gift of massive wealth. Though in reality the goods contained within are entirely fabricated by me, they seem to be sent by the third biggest of the empires within the Clan. Meanwhile, the first of the clan has a tragic finger slip, and accidentally sends his best agents to the other dev's court.

The resulting thief of nearly all of those goods and the fact that 1 was clearly caught in it causes for them to get into a rather messy and pointless spat. As it turns out, the 2nd person isn't actually a dev, contradicting everything I said about the clan. It's actually a child of a billionaire who got ahold of his parent's PayPal. He proceeds to throw a huge fit, with a bunch of people backing him up. The massive army fights among it's self, and turns around to destroy their second most powerful member.

While everyone is distracting trying to ensure a unified front against me via murder, my infinite armies launch a massive blitzkrieg against the lead dev's empire. Using the new Uber Mana German Panzers that was just added, I proceed to rolfstomp massive city after massive city. Each one falls in rapid succession, and is brought into the gold. The Great Tower. The Leyline. The Generic Fantasy Town. The Town Except It's Made Entirely Of Walls And Barracks. The Second City Ever Made In The Game. Finally, I proceed to take his capital.

Now, normally, I could just turn him into a tributary at this point, and nothing else. Except, you see, I still have that OP settler.

I promptly settle his capital. He is then promptly given a game over screen, and rages over the fact that he actually built his own game so that someone could actually defeat him. Even though he made sure he was unconquerable. But, that's not very relevant.

With the head cut off the snake, the broken empire shattered. Piece by piece, former territories fell to the forces of UberMineCraftKid (the second in command I previously mentioned), or worse, to the Doggerreich. From the ashes of a broken world rose the Doggerunion, the absolute and final world power, and ultimately, the nation that had destroyed that which had been literally impossible to destroy. Bit by bit, the rest of the world fell under its reign. Even UberMineCraftKid soon found himself besieged and alone, and soon, MINECRAFTISTHEBESTGAME fell. His death signaled the end of all hope. For with his empire, fell the last great cities and armies.

Not long after, the inactivity timer began to trigger. The entirety of the playerbase going idle triggered it, allowing for that which had previously been vassals to be annexed, as the hopelessness of the situation dawned on everyone remaining. Before long, there was but one.

The beginning, and the end. The Supreme Doggerunion, which had forged a unified world, and in doing so, brought an end to a profitable game. Before long, it is entirely forgotten, only remembered as that upstart game ruined by a hacker who managed to destroy and subjugate even the richest of players. Now, few players play. A couple of servers somehow still run. Every now and then, somebody will join, only to be subjugated and made to kneel. Eventually, they, too, leave, fueling the eternal empire further.

Meanwhile, a massive amount of magic, precious metal, accursed dark magic, and divinium have built up underground. With a nearly infinite amount of all those resources, I proceed to somehow convert them into a small orb of energy. Within moments, I have used the near-infinite power of the aforementioned orb to unleash a massive Megablast of dog and energy that scars the simulation, incinerating absolutely everything.
Everything that opposes me is reduced to their rightful state, the ashes. The land is forever marred by the massive amount of destruction unleashed, unable to ever recover from such a powerful blow.

9/20
1/20
2+ to consumer


Originally posted on 2017-01-11 16:19:00

Fannar complements jondanger on his little jig and gives him a plus one.

fancy cape 4/5
cool servant friend 4/5

'Oh my lord, my welcoming party is almost here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Fannar proceeds to jump up from joy, his sheer happiness propels him a little too high however. this results in Fannar losing control mid-air and falling straight onto charge man.

'oh my lord, oh my lord, shoot, fudge, fudge, Fudge, FUDGE! umm i'm sorry mr. charger dude i umm i didnt mean to. let's get you some help, that sounds like a good idea, YES! IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR THIS MAN NEEDS HELP, SOMEONE PLEASE HELP. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE!'




Originally posted on 2017-01-11 16:30:00

A rather familiar face strolls onto the field. Pink hair, mostly clothed in black...

tc: Sup.
tc: Figured I'd try my hand at this... godmodding stuff? How'd I get here even?
tc: Hm.

...It's Marron. The puppeteer. She gestures to all the Anti-Simumodders, and performs a dismissive gesture.

tc: Now, while I cooooooould help you guys clear the simulation...
tc: I think it'd be much more fun to... screw with you all a bit.
[small][small]tc: Besides, unless this becomes canon, I think I'm free to have my fun.[/small][/small]

She walks over to the Simumodder, bows, then extends her hand to him. She has this innocent-yet-wicked smile on her face. Assuming the Simumodder accepts her greeting, she immediately gets to work, flicking her fabricated arm towards the Free-Modelled Mecha. A swarm of sewing needles materialises next to her. They all surge forth, and upon impaling the Free-Modelled Mecha several times over, she flings her arm backward.

Several threads appear, connected to the butts of the needles. The threads all fly back, seemingly anchored to a random point in the air! This results in the mech being thrown high into the air, managing to get the mecha above the point where all the threads are anchored. The threads then pull back again, tossing the mecha straight downward. The force of gravity + speedy falling manages to unimpale the mecha, giving it sweet freedom!

...of course, it's still falling to the ground at high speeds. Gravity happens, and the mech slams into the ground. The needles, now done their purpose, suddenly vanish.

tc: Hm. That was... satisfying.
tc: Sis should be here soon. I'll probably need to "charge" her, though? However I do that.

O---Charges---
Sisterhood: 1 / 20
+2 to JOE

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 17:57:00

Cabal strats 2k17.

Heh.
+1 to fattlebury, and yes, I do mean battlefury.

/plassholtrr

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 18:19:00

(Ah that's right lacre is apparently a real thing... should've mentioned I meant Fallen London lacre, which is more like "snow". It's not close enough to snow, considering snow doesn't do stuff like melt brass. It should probably be safe to touch, though. Probably.)

Walls of meat? I think I have a thing that might help... Lemme see if I can find it...
Order of the silver wossname (+11% damage to meat-based entities) 1/11
in the meantime I do my best widowmaker impression, aiming at Joebob.

And then I fire. And then I miss. And then I fire, and then I fire, and I miss. I miss both times. And then I fire. And I miss. This goes on for several hours. And then I fire. And then I miss. And then I run out of bullets. And then I get sad. I have a popsicle. And then I pass out in the... marble flooring, I guess. Then I wake up, and then I reload. And then I fire. And then I miss. I miss again. I fire. I hit something PS, but it's not what I was going for, so I guess I miss. I pass out again. Have another popsicle. I have a dream that I'm firing at something. I miss.

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 18:32:00

Steffan 9/20 +1 from ire
8/8 Heals+5 simmu +1 from ire
new 2nd charge: 1/10 NULL emissary
+2 chargeman+2 Irecreeper
i replace of science with Heals.
Heals heals bob using the heals, and since the charge used is close to the cheese, a bunch of text should ~equalize it. i hope.
also he uses 1 blackmist to heal himself.
Flavor-text for heals below

please remind me to format it if i don't or do it badly.
Unholy robots attack the Free model mecha if it is alive, Underknight otherwise.
for my turns standard action:

make weather neutral, then apply burning to as many AS as possible with a focus on Underknight, if vulnerable players can't be burned then it deals damage to consumer instead of burn.

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 19:55:00

Alicia prays that Maria lives, before raising the Golden Sun. Before she decides to download code for a Consumer Reboot Concept. That's right, I'm using your game to get people to vote for me, Pobyo! Isn't that wonderfully fair and not possibly cheap at all?

She creates a raw nothingness using that coe, the absence of quality, and rips into it, surrounding herself in it, glitching out, distorting into a form easily described as pure and utter shite, extracted from the Number In Between Michael Bowman's Buttocks A Number That Michael Bowman is Thinking Of and Just so Happens to Be His Credit Score. She waves, before her name distorts, becoming a version of a godmoder without godmode, one of the twins, Alcia.

"joe pls use formatting" she says, before embracing the pure and utter shite, bathing herself in it and shredding all the quality she has, her integrity being ripped away, as a simulation of Plot itself screams in a horrid mess.

"jthis is what happens to the characters and cratiuons f ritars of stories that dont use formatting theyre characters & creations look like this at least in conosomme reboot hell" Alica says, before losing her mind. What was she saying? Something silly? Whatever, the world looks too right, and Alcia must fix that. She takes a step towards Sir Bob, who likely wonders "How can I portal what terrible attack she comes up with away?"

She then turns towards the metaphysical and oh [REDACTED FOR PIONO SENSIBILITIES] you can't kill me and put me in a metaphorical basement in two games-

yes i can and yu can not stop it succman

oh no oh no this post is going to look terrib-

the succman was saying something write oh oh well do i have to make my grammer slghtly less terrible thats annoying bluh bluh black sheep have you any wool bluh bluh bluh bluh three bags full

oh look at this cool and new gun i hold. it is called the golden sun. i should rename it to the golden succ, as it seems to be made in awe and respect of perfect daddy the daddy that all children look up to and in fact ponyboy you will rename it to the golden succ right this instant because perfect daddy is the daddy that all children need of course I am not a child i am a queen so i do not need daddy, only all daddy lovers need daddy.

i take out the golden succ before maria mayoria splashes me with pure edge i am now supercool and new and grimdark and edgy whatevs. i tae out the golden succ and fire it at sir bob who is not a builder and is in fact just bob, before cool and new thamiel shows up as well as terrible and old thamiel

"...What the [REDACTED FOR PIONO SENSIBILITIES] happened here."

"hello me i am the cool and new devil and i cause sufferng people whilst being edgy and setting them on fire like the slightly less and cool and new devil over there who wanted to vaction here"

"Oh my [REDACTED FOR PIONO SENSIBILITIES]. I am the Right Hand of God, and I think I have found a new punishment, something that will break anybody instantly. It broke me. We need to expand hell to this place."

"u r terrible and old git out old man"

the terrible and olddevil runs out screaming whilst thamiel who is cool and new comes in and sets the world on fire as thamiel is the rightr hand of god which is the fun hand if you know what i mean heh heh heh he can use the golden sun and wonders of elessday

as i was saying the world was on fire as suddenly thamiel comes in and takes out his whip whippity whippity snap sir bob gets whipped, and is forced to kneel down, like a very naughty boy, before thamiel whips him again, and again, and again, until he catches on fire, and as he got hit by the golden sun he is forced to be subject to god's glory and as thamiel si the wright hand of god sir bob is subject to god's glory and whipped experience massive pain like alll naught boys are then thamiel gives him to toenail guy

suddenly sir bob looses all of his toenails isnt that such a horrible and cruel violation of his human rights toenail guy you are a meanie give the toenails back to sir bob ah that's better now he has them, and they're all in his eyes and beauatiful art as beautiful as me

now thamiel sets sir bob on ultra fire look at that fire isn't sit so beautiful now sir bob is on fire and he is such a tasty meal now a pig has eaten him and now he is sentenced to three hundred eternities in hell and the only way to get out of it is to shout sonja horah five times now sir bob will you do that. ah? this ruined your life and mind? you want to get out of this? you aren't actually saying this, and you're getting railroaded into this? too bad. your coval vords will do as i say

I finally return, and, uh, Sir Bob has been savaged with a lot of cool and new punishments, and tortures, some brought from the Devil himself. Alicia hasn't reverted to normal, and that's horrible, but let's see what her horrible handiwork has done in a readable way, shall we?

Sir Bob has been shot with The Golden Sun, then whipped, then had his toenails ripped out and shoved into his eyes, and then forced to shout the Mortal Name, a Name of God, which in UNSONG, instantly kills you via divine punishment, five times, which should have had him smited several times over, in such a terrible and horrific fashion that it breaks laws of reality, and thus his portals.

---

Maria uses Shroud.
Woah I Need Barriers [9/10] [+2 from Doggo]
Reloading for N00bs, Reloading for You [5/10]
+2 Spoon
(This attack might have been slightly mean spirited but JOE, a key to using good formatting is to use a spell checker, as well as formatting your grammar in line with the English standard.)

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 20:33:00

8/10 Swordstorm

+1 to Jest

The Free Modeled Mecha uses Anti-Burn spray to heal its wounds.

sparkysfaint builds two swords and modifies them to move around with his arms and rotate with his Ecto-Slime blades, which he got the idea from his very brief (and I mean VERY brief) affiliation with the Homestuck fan group on ROBLOX. He rushes up to Charge Man, who sparkysfaint promptly enlarges and goes into a stabbing frenzy upon.

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 22:36:00

I use the attack I got from leveling up to level 2 on a Meatshield.

2 post charge: 2/2 (+1 from arcaneCynic)

I use this 2 post charge to blow up some Unholy Robots.

+1 to arcaneCynic

Originally posted on 2017-01-11 22:45:00

Requiem.

Before JOE performs his attacks, i cover all the AS with cooling runes, and then splash him with yet more water. I then break his mountain range in half, smash in his face with it, and then forcibly remove all the liquid on his skin, placing it back into the Weather. I then bash his face in with 28572 different styles. Such as the Cheesecake, and the 15 fish. This tragically prevents him from really attacking the Underknight.

I then follow this up by setting him on fire with frostfire. Which somehow acts as a counter to his attack. A anvil then falls on his head. Somehow the minivolcano erupts, but it's ice lava and it lands on JOEbob. Meanwhile, multiple water balloons slam into the majority of the fire based component of his attacks, putting out the fires. I also reach over and poison the bobhealing soup with Anti-heal, which explodes the soup, moments before hiring multiple devils to darken the light of heaven into a cursing light of death.


Oh, and i also throw a infinite portal into Bob's portal armor. This somehow causes a paradox, and something about infinite energy, exploding a portal.
10/20
2/20
2+ to consumer

Originally posted on 2017-01-12 00:00:00

I spent a turn casting a one turn charge to summon a pack of hungry dogs that gnaw on the Meat Shields until destroyed. Default stats, can only attack meat shields.
Virus: 9/10
AI: 9/10

Originally posted on 2017-01-12 00:12:00

consumer deleted a post, so either it was supposed to be null or it seems to be subverting the spirit of the rules, as i understand them
a summon with a 1/1 charge is like an instant summon

/NULL

Originally posted on 2017-01-12 00:49:00

@1412 Welcome to DTG, delicious friend! Pleasure to have a fellow Londoner here!

Auth checks on the... apparently much less than sane Alicia.

Miss Cambridge! Are you quite alright?

Auth can see that she is insane. So he sits her down to try and make sure she remains in such a way that doesn't hurt anyone that we don't want hurt.

Then Marron arrives.

Marron!? From Chaos' Mindscape? Fair lady, I have several questions, though I am somewhat pleased to see someone here that I do in fact recognize.

Auth sighs as she joins the PSes.

Sadly, you have joined an opposing side. That's alright, I'm not going to attack you, or Ette.

Auth returns to the Seekers.

Well, if you're going to be here, you can at least be useful.

Summoned: The Seekers of the Name

Stats: Each Seeker has 1 HP. Good news. There's thirty thousand of them. Each seeker deals 0.1 Damage.

Skills:

State the Name: Indoctrinates some innocent bystanders into their number, increasing their HP and ATK by 5000. Three turn cooldown.

NORTH: Sends some of their number NORTH, for that is where one will find the Name. This causes the remaining Seekers to deal Double Damage for the turn.

Passives:

Horde Mentality: These guys take more damage from attacks that target multiple entities, but they prevent that spread.

Unaccountably Peckish: On the off chance that these guys kill something, they eat it. Just strait up eat it. And they invite others, adding 5000 HP and 500 ATK to their number.

Auth decides to stop watching Alicia for a bit, and tends to Maria.

Now, to deal with you.

Auth focuses ink into his hand, and stitches Maria's wounds back together with the ink. It flows into her bloodstream, and forcibly closes some of the more major wounds. Auth stands by for a second, making sure that his inky healing worked properly, and that Maria herself is OK.

The Underknight, having somehow consumed the Porkchop despite being an Ink Construct, holds its blade ready for Blackened Finale. But nothing is in that range, so it puts the sword back. It casually picks up the other knight, Bob, and throws him aside, before relentlessly beating the stuffing out of him with his bear hands. The Underknight then redraws his sword, and gestures in a duelling motion with him.

The Underknight has challenged Sir Bob to a duel. This can only go so well. Due to its imposing height, armour and sunbursts, it begins tearing Bob at least six new ones, all over, without Bob being able to do jack against it. It easily defeats Bob, and throws the opponent aside, but not without a brutal headbutt. It pierces Bob with its blade, and leaves him there to die, fully expecting that Bob will probably get up and attack him with the blade he left.

Well, you ravenous lunatics? Get to work, would you kindly?

The Seekers aren't listening. They see the Meatshield. They are all hungry. They charge at Meat Shield 1. They begin to tear into the thing, and start feeding themselves with the raw meat that the Shield is comprised of. Strangely they don't get sick. They look almost like zombies when they go at the raw meat. After a bit they run back...

not hungry anymore. Don't worry. They can fix that. They feast on some Rubbery Lumps. They are back to their regular hunger. They eat more. Mr. Hearts became a hell of a lot richer today, huh? Well, it's not like the Seekers needed those Echoes. Or Carnival Tickets. Or anything, really.

ACTION SUMMARY:

Auth heals Maria with an Ink String.

The Underknight batters Bob with its armoured fists, then hits Bob with its sword a whole bunch.

The Seekers of the Name eat Meat Shield 1. They eat it raw. Um, okay then.

SPECIAL ATTACKS:

ARMOUR OF THE ROYALS: 1/20

THE MASTERS OF LONDON: 1/20

+2 to Hez.

Originally posted on 2017-01-12 01:08:00

+2 To Sp33don's masters.

I throw a Pre-Emptive Guinea-Pig at the meat walls

Order of the silver wossname: 2/11

Originally posted on 2017-01-12 02:00:00

o---Charges---
Sisterhood: 4 / 20 (+2, JOE)
Shall We Dance?: 1 / 20
+2 to JOE

Marron notices the Author, prompting her to spew forth a couple of questions.

tc: Hm? You're here?
tc: That's... uh...
tc: ...
tc: Is Toast here?

She pays attention as you say that you won't strike her, or her sister.

tc: Proposing an alliance or something?
tc: Get real, gorillahead! I'm here to "play" with you nerds, and working with you certainly wouldn't be within my interests.
tc: ...Unless she's here. She probably wouldn't like me bashing in your head.
[small][small]tc: I'm gonna abstain from that for now, in case she is.[/small][/small]
tc: Then sure. Maybe we could work something out.

Marron then finds a crossbow somewhere on the ground. It probably didn't belong to anyone in particular. She launches a few bolts at the Pre-Emptive Guinea-Pig from last post, sniping it out of midair. She then picks up the fallen guinea pig, and somehow loads it into her crossbow. One pull of the trigger later, and the guinea pig is sailing towards Lonnor, Prince of the Lonnies.

Originally posted on 2017-01-12 04:58:00

I lead a horde of vegans to Meat Shield 1. They then go ham on it, using their vegan powers to try and eliminate the Meat Shield. Because of the pun, they get angry at me, but I majykkally shape the Meat Shield into the shape of me. They attack it again, then leave.

After that, I ask Marron if she is in a relationship, or at least in love, with Toast or Alt.
<3-<>-Charges->3c-<3<
Eskinobip's Coding Arsenal: 5/20
The DNA Of The Soul: 5/20
+1 to Battlefury, +1 to Consumer.

Originally posted on 2017-01-12 09:18:00