Well... nobody shot JJJ...

Honestly, he's a bit disappointed. Apparently, his hero, Marf, has imbued him with TOO much tactical superiority. The problem with being too amazing. It takes the fun out of everything.

But JJJ doesn't have time to sulk! He has notes to study and robots to kill and... Achievements to earn? What? That doesn't feel very historical. Like, looting dead bodies and earning knightly ranks- that's historical. But pop-ups in The Pause Menu? That's... unrealistic.

JJJ will have to complain about the accuracy of this historical recreation later. Probably to his History Teacher. History Teachers have authority over that stuff, right? They're like- the History Police. "I declare this to be HISTORY!" JJJ imagines his History Teacher shouting. "Any deviations from which can be punished with DEATH!"

...I don't think JJJ understands how school works.

[MOV] But startled by the thought, of his Teacher smiting him, JJJ sprints out from behind his cover to P14, where...

[ACTION] JJJ finds the Toast still alive and Armor Classed! "Jerk."

Well, JJJ supposes he still has his magic Sword Flail-chion, running at full shenanigan. Time to...

SWORD BEAM!!!

JJJ slips his blade into its sheathe, taking deep breaths as he focuses on his next strike. He closes his eyes, feeling the Crit-Waves around him. With a primal awareness, he feels them flow against his skin, tingling every hair on his spiky anime scalp. Suddenly, a shock of Critical Energy strikes him, and JJJ releases his attack.

Unsheathing his sword, JJJ slashes Flail-chion against the ground. Bright light extends from the blade as it digs into the beaten earth, spewing dust up into the windless air.

The tip of his blade breaks from the ground, swinging up to the sky in a massive arc. Its beam follows behind it, running a canyon into the dirt as it attempts to break from its earthly confines. Like a Bond Villain's death trap, the laser scrolls down the terrain, drawing near to the mechanical bread that is Toast0.

Then, just as the beam emerges from the dirt, it reaches Toast0, slicing upward in a starry slash, shearing its metal body. The rest of the beam circles into the air, creating a rainbow of light above JJJ's head.

Pointing directly into the sky, the beam stops, receding into Flail-Chion like a Genie into its lamp. JJJ sheathes Flail-chion, and nods to himself. That'll catch SOMEBODY'S attention.

[SHENANI-TWICE] Much closer to the Old Man, JJJ tries to strike up a real conversation. "Hey, mister!" he exclaims with a wave. "I'm Jove Jones Jerry. JJJ for short. What's your name, buddy? You doin' alright?"

JJJ only then seems to notice the Old man is right by Toast0 and a Slingbot. "Oh, hey!" he shouts. "Could you- uh- move back a bit, to like... R12, if that makes any sense. And then shoot a fireball at that Slinger. I'd- uh- have you shoot the Toast there, but we apparently get an achievement for letting it live! So... yeah. Don't- don't kill it."

JJJ hopes the Old Man got the memo there.

[RETREAT] Just to make sure, JJJ skips over to R13. He then crouches down behind the log. Again. Hopefully he can have a better conversation with the Old Man once they're both settled down.

[BATTLE]
With support from the living blizzard he'd just brought forth, JOE could freely advance without worry of injury!... he does not do that. It's not cowardice! Protowell Seeker doesn't work when not on spawn tiles! And without mana divine energy, his ability to do things becomes even lesser! But it's fine, really. Things don't need doing. The toast needs to be left alone until it makes 7 of itself. the achievement of beating 8 elites at once will surely advance his divine legend or something. Anyway that's why he moves to G15 and calls upon the natural world again. Rapidly-melting snow from the aura of the Blizzardling vaporises in an instant and rises into a thick and compact cloud, no less resilient than its 'sibling', calling more water into being around it in a miniature rainstorm.

[Move G15, summon Rainling(?) to G13.]
The Blizzardling turns its gaze in umbrage at the Automaton which dared harm its demidivine form. A bolt of pure cold strikes at the Automaton, freezing the moisture already seeping into the cracks in its construction and causing that water to expand into ice, before retreating to G12(having not moved, it had 1 Retreat). [(11*1.3(Aura-based Weakness))-1(AC)=13.3, rounds up to 14, damage]

JOE then focuses on the life pouring out from the ground, into him, into the surroundings...
[Shenanigan] using that power, weeds sprout from the increasingly well-watered ground beneath Automaton3, binding its lower body(?) in layers of vibrant plant-matter. Although the plants wouldn't be able to restrain this machine being for long, they could certainly keep it from moving for a single round... Just long enough for the ice to destroy it.
(intent: apply Rooted for 1.)
[Aria of Verdancy: any remaining tile placements are basically wherever Except H14.]


[WORLD] at something of a loss for what else he can do besides that- at least, at this distance, with this little power to spare- but unwilling to not do anything, JOE bids the flower to continue growing. Maybe it'll be useful for something later? and if not, well, it's a flower. Nothing wrong with making a flower.

Lun'Kla moves back to H16 and casts Symbiote onto the one named "Hangman". Lun'Kla activates Manasurge to help try and recoup their near-empty manapool for this as a bonus action.

[Shenanigans] Lun'Kla observes JOE as he corrupts the world with plant matter, invading... or reclaiming the campsite with trees and land, and pulls out a notebook, taking notes. (What does this mean? Who knows!)

{No Retreat}

Battle - Caravan Campsite

Hangman inspects the damage done to himself. It's more than half of his max health. Barely. He probably has the AC to thank for that.

"So, the power limitations are that severe here... Very well. I shall work with what I have."

He spins the chainrapier around in his grip, tenses up... then abruptly casts Soaring Rush and Overflowing Edge at the same time, leaping to J8 with a comical springboard sound.

Then, assuming it doesn't succeed at dodging the attack, he promptly cuts Automagi2 clean in half. To be fair, things with a 40% Slashing weakness are very cuttable.

John rushes up to O12 just in time to overhear the conversation between JJJ and the Old Man.

John: Wait. We're leaving the duplicating bots alive?
John: For.. achievements..?
John: ...
John: ...
John: Yeah. Okay. Why not.

[Shenanigans]
John removes a Poe Co Brand Ticking Time Bomb from his belt and lobs it at Toast0. It clatters to the ground in front of the robot, a steady tick...tick...tick coming from the casing. The ticks gradually escalate until it is an unceasing ticktickticktickticking and then the bomb detonates, converting P9 into an Accelerated Time Field and allowing Toast0 to use Toast Pop twice per turn.

John: Well. That should do something.
John: Maybe.
John: Hopefully.
John: Probably.
John: I mean. When has altering the flow of time ever been bad?

[Action]
John once again levels the Standard Issue Poe Co Handgun Model Red, aiming it at Slingbot. He knows JJJ asked the Old Man to handle this particular problem, but John's duty as a fixer requires him to handle problems himself, not let civilians get involved. He fires the gun, launching a fire-imbued bullet at the robot.

[End Of Round]
John ejects the Fire Cartridge from the SIPCHMR, reverting the gun's bullets back to standard piercing damage for now.

Kalis casts Aerobeam diagonally up and left, turning it on H10 to go due left and hit Automagi1. Then they retreat down one square.

As a shenanigan, Kalis pours a flask of oil onto Jelly, turning them into Petroleum Jelly, then crafts them into a Greater Ointment of Chapped Lip Status Removal. This is an attack, probably?

Move: Periala looks around at everyone rushing around, and yells "Wait up! I need to heal you!" before rushing over to I 10, and...

Action: She plays a song on her harp, one that sounds roughly like the sound of a computer whirring as it tries desperately to load a large game file from a poorly optimized game made for a computer that is significantly newer than it. This noise both causes pain to all her nearby enemies, and heals all her allies (If it is unclear, this is melody of restoration). "Odd, that usually sounds better than that."

Shenanigan: In the process of this glitching breaking bits o processing servos and restoring prior saves of people's health, for some reason, the teleportation station from the first area begins to deform. It starts to curl into itself, shifting and shrinking until it forms into a crystal ball with the exact entrances it had before on the outside, but small enough to fit in someone's hand. It then nestles itself neatly in the recesses of some nebulous "group inventory" after doing so, to be seen again at who knows what time.

Retreat: She moves slightly closer to the Hangman man to presumably lessen the chance of being encircled by hopping backwards in an excessively high arc before landing at J9, directly diagonal to where she just was.

<TURN 7>

JJJ strikes up a conversation with the Old Man!

OLD MAN: ...Nice to meet you, JJJ.
OLD MAN: I suppose I'm doing alright, considering the circumstances we find ourselves in.
OLD MAN: I am Garnet. Garnet Clover.
GARNET: ...While I'm not entirely sure what you mean by an "achievement", I suppose I can do what you ask.
GARNET: Just... find a way to move it away from the caravan, please. Before someone gets hurt.

---

Lun'kla observes. Ominous! What does this being of the moon have to write down? Only time will tell. Or maybe it won't? Who knows!

---

CARAVAN CAMPSITE, ROUND 3:

Aaaaand we're back! A new gaggle of foes have appeared out of the woods, including the fearsome JOEbot! WoOoOoOoOoh, very scary. Honestly, you should be fine.

JJJ smiles up at Garnet from behind his log. "Nice meeting, you Garnet!" he shouts. "I'll see what I can do."

[MOV] JJJ dash dances in place, before sliding over to R9.

[ACTION] "Alright," JJJ smiles. "One more go!" His sword in hand, JJJ locks eyes with Btomaton6. There's murder in the child's eyes. He hefts his sword over his shoulder, preparing to str-

"WAIT WAIT WAIT!"

JJJ interrupts his own attack. He opens up the Pause Menu, checking his weapon skills. "Lunge?" he asks. "LUNGE!?" He seems very unimpressed. "This is the Legendary Blade, Flail-Chion! We don't lunge! We- we Raid Chop. Or- yeah, we-"

JJJ uses his weapon skill. He begins prancing across his tile, his feet moving to some mysterious beat in graceful steps. Arriving on S9, he whirls his blade around, artfully slashing at the air as clean arcs launch from the weapon. Swinging high, the blasts burn blue. Low, the gales glow green. And with a vertical chop spanning his full height, a red curve shoots from its tip, finishing the beautiful combo.

"Dancing Blade!" JJJ shouts as the sword beams collide with Btomaton6. Even with those wide arcs, the lasers still somehow pierce into the robot's chassis. Over the lengths of the glowing planes, crit-strength spikes through the robot, tearing at it from the inside. The beams feel like claws, stabbing into its shell. And the song of Crit-Screaming plays in the robot's ears.

[Shenanin-Thrice] JJJ starts loading random dialogue from his- uh... "History Textbook," recounting the tales of his Hero, Marf, and the Legendary King's many battles.

He plays the voice clips really loud. And every time one of them plays, the whole game stops just to listen to what Marf has to say.

"I am Marf, prince of [Somewhere Or Other]." Gotta start somewhere, right?

"What do you hope to gain by fighting in a world not your own?" JJJ has an answer! The other world is in the way of his History Test!!!

"Is that your answer? Then prepare yourself!" Er... kinda the end of the action, here. Can't really get more prepar-

"Then it seems neither of us has a choice. Draw, sir!" You don't wanna see JJJ draw. He's a terrible artist.

"Farewell..." Heh-heh. You mean good riddance, right?

The voice lines keep playing, and the robots around the Caravan start to get really annoyed. Can they- can they just fight already? Like, really?

They figure out that JJJ is the source of the distraction, and- well, some of them might decide to take care of that...

[No Retreat]

[BATTLE]
Seeing the JOEbot, JOE has an odd sense that this being... was made to oppose him, made to be his enemy. To triumph over this ordeal... JOE marshals his powers and Meditates, regenerating his mystical prowess in preparation of what is to come. But in these circumstances, his mana pool is not large enough to hold all the mystical might he will gain... and he is not so foolish as to lose sight of the wider state of the battle.
[Main action: Meditate]

Turning his gaze to the encroachment near the Caravan, he speaks in the language of magic to the lush branches that sprouted from the fallen log, widening the connection between him and it with mana and giving it his command: Grow, that you may know.. Charged with magic and life, the verdant foliage grows larger and rapidly changing shape, evolving into a plant only distantly connected to it in evolutionary terms. After the rush of life force slows to a steady trickle, its final form is revealed: a Venus Eye Trap. Its transformation has multiple purposes. Firstly, if it technically qualifies as an entity(which it's meant to), then it has a Zone of Control and so restricts Toast's movement. And secondly, it's capable of scanning things, because we're kinda behind on that.
[Verdant Verdicture -> Shenanigan: redirect Aria of Verdancy's influence this round to Q10 and transform it into a tile entity which can scan things.]

[Summons]
Sensing JOEs intentions, the elementals in his control act in the same vein, one moving forwards to G11 to analyse the strange challenger [Blizzardling moves to G11, Scans JOEbot.] and the other turning its gaze to the Petroleum Jelly [Rainling doesn't move, Scans Jelly]
on the off chance it doesn't suffer summon sickness, the Venus Eye Trap scans Toast-1.

[WORLD]
more spare divine power slowly trickles in to the rest of the foliage in the teleportation station, gradually making it return to being proper foliage that isn't from a horror movie.

Battle - Caravan Campsite

Hangman takes a good look at the assortment of incoming enemies. One of his eyes briefly manifests a single white pinprick of light, and his expression falters, though he soon regains control.

"There are more of them than anticipated... Oh, Blacklight, if only you were here too. Everything would be going so much easier..."

He flashes a wicked grin.

"Oh well. Present company will do as a fine replacement... for now."

Then he lunges to K8 with his weapon skill, impaling Arcoton2 with the Chainrapier.

(10-10) + 30% (2 Hanged Bodies in LoS) = (13-13)
+50% (Piercing weakness) = (19.5-19.5) rounding up to (20-20)
+2 flat damage from overflowing edge (it should proc on this tbh) = (22-22)

Hangman isn't too worried about the fact that it'll survive that damage.

"The amulet should finish that one off. Unless one of you happens to be a killstealer..."


...Oh yeah shenanigans exist uhhh

Shenanigan

Hangman summons a noose into existence, idly holding it in his offhand. He figures he might as well have it ready for future purposes. Maybe like throwing at a robot to drag them into stabbing range. Or just yanking parts off entirely if it comes down to that. He just needs time to make sure the noose stays manifested.

John plants his feet firmly on the ground, forgoing his movement entirely this round as he lines up his shot at Toast2. The Standard Issue Poe Co Handgun Model Red glows with intense energy, seemingly strengthened by the lack of movement as if this was a game world of some sort and John had a latent, passive ability that made his attacks improve the less he moved.

He presses a hidden switch on the SIMPCHMR and a laser shoots from the barrel, blasting through Toast2 before making a hard angle at L11 and hitting the Arcoton2 on L7.

Shenanigans:
John: Hey! Listen up!
John: If you're gonna attack, then target me, you hear!?
John: Unless you're all too cowardly of 'bots to face the wrath of Poe Co, that is!

Surely John's taunting will draw aggression to him instead of Garnet, thus protecting the old man and his caravan. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully.

Kalis casts Formulaic Spellcasting on Arcanoton1, using Spell Shape to change its type to Piercing damage.

Then they list Toast on auction on Ebay claiming it has the face of Jesus Christ burned into it. The Church of RNGsus buys it and seizes it as a holy relic, not because they have any non-coincidental affiliation with Jesus Christ, but because it's an incredible coincidence and therefore sacred. It's a hoax, Toast doesn't have Jesus's face burned into it, but by the time the fake is discovered, an inordinate amount of Toast's time has been wasted. Hopefully enough to interfere with Toast attacking people.

Then they retreat diagonally down and right 1 square.

Lun'Kla heads to D14, slightly annoyed by the limitations of mana, and hesitantly licks the popsicle to try and get some back.

Bonus action:

Wary of the approaching swarm of robots, the Symbiote Hardens its Carapace upon Hangman to allow its user to sastify his bloodlust without interruption.

No retreat action.

Periala flinches back at the toast's strike for a moment, and then notices... it didn't hurt. "What the? Why didn't I?" And then she sees a barely visible barrier of dark green energy surrounding her. "Oh, right! My Holy Shield. Totally didn't forget about that, heheh." As she questions whether or not she remembers the mana shield ever being a thing for her prior.
Move: Periala sees everyone running around again, and just kind of accepts it at this point, moving over to K10.

Action: Periala once more performs the reload sounding song from her harp, her allies continuing to be healed, and the robots continuing to have parts of their wiring crossed if hit.

Shenanigan: As she does this, a black mass of glitchy energy appears above the Joebot, before suddenly solidifying into a dark grey cube labeled "bomb" in white text, with a black triangle on the corner that somehow reads "This bomb kills a person for every 7 actions that are processed.", upon being observed. It then becomes affected by gravity, falling with approximately 126 P (pascals) of pressure on contact.

<TURN 8>

CARAVAN CAMPSITE, ROUND 4:

Oh jeez. I might have overcorrected a teensy bit; JJJ and John are... VERY close to death. You can now murder Toast without fear of losing the achievement, though! Yeehaw. Keep hammerin' away!

[BATTLE]
(first the Venus Eyetrap scans Toast0)

JOE looks around and sees the shape of victory, clear as day.
"Garnet! We can mop up the rest of these robots now! Take a step directly away from the Eyetrap, and place an Obelisk on the Cover tile that comes into your reach*! Kalis, this'll need your help as well!"

*M9 but I assssume coordinates aren't in-character

Immediately, JOE and the elementals under his command move, Storm swirling ahead to M7(by sprinting) as the Blizzardling lags behind to K9 and JOE leaves spawn to rush to J9. A veritable avalanche of frost pours forth through the obelisk, amplified and building up more force from the moisture swirling through the Storm's aura (11*1.5(weakness)*1.2(Obelisk)-2=18 damage), intensifying further rather than abating as JOE directs renewed divine power into the elemental (11*1.5(weakness)*1.35(Obelisk + Empowered)-2=21 damage) and (assuming Kalis uses Null Somnum) then renewed again to fully destroy Toast-2 beneath sheer weight of Cold.

[Garnet Obelisk M9; Rainling Sprints to M7; Blizzardling K9, attacks Toast-2; JOE Null Somnum Blizzardling, Blizzardling attacks Toast-2; Kalis hopefully null somnum's Blizzardling, third and final attack downs Toast-2.]

[Shenanigans] JOE also takes a moment to steal all the money out of the nearest Toast's pockets before they can get timeclonenado'd, because other shenanigans are unnecessary with the battle about to end.

Periala sees John's plight, and rushes over to be within range of him. "Just a moment, should be able to heal you right up."
Move: She moves specifically to L10, and then
Action: She once more proceeds to healbot using her harp's restoration melody, simultaneously, conveniently enough, hitting most of the Toasts while she's at it.
Shenanigan: As she stands there, glitching sounds of a warped disk being played poorly on a record player resounding through the vicinity, a tract of space glitches warps itself, and the song tries to reach out to JJJ.

Kalis moves to K11 and casts Null Somnum on JOE's Blizzardling when it moves to K9.

Then they tap the Dark Forests to add one green and one black mana to their mana pool in an attempt to recover MP.

Battle - Caravan Campsite

Hangman wipes some nonexistent dust off of his shirt. Then, he stretches.

"About time we close this battle out, hmm?"

And to finish things off, he selects a target... then moves to H11 and casts Static Overcharge on the Petroleum Jelly.

That should be more than enough to kill, given the current damage bonus from hanged bodies and movement takes it all the way to (18-21).