Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18067

Dec 10, 2014

iTokomak: 7/8

==Actions==

The Commander deploys more Computercraft turtles to repair the thruster mounts, then travels to Zone 5. She examines the Black Door. Having an idea, she pulls out a Magnetic Wielding Torch Nozzle and fits it to her plasma rifle, allowing it to emit a jet of plasma that can weld (or unweld, in this case) objects. She then begins to unwelds parts of the Black Door that are stuck to the wall. She also reads section 5.2 of the Guide.

Meanwhile, Bender activates the remote module he installed in the Alchemiter to alchemize Carbon Nanogel || Iron Ingot, then dons the Nuclear Troper. He tests out his armor's plasma jets, firing at the ground. Looks like they're still not enough to lift him. Suddenly, he gets an idea. He bangs his metallic body.

"Hydrogen? I'm forty percent hydrogen!"

The robot suddenly feels much lighter. He is now able to use the plasma vents in his armor as thrusters, flying up to the UOSS and fixing its thruster mounts.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18070

Dec 10, 2014

Carbon Ingot: 2/??

iTokomak: 8/8 Complete!

==Actions==

The Commander receives a notification that the iTokomak is finished alchemizing. She contacts the Orbital Nexus.

"Okay, Dis, I need one of our spare drones on the ground to deliver the alchemy to me."
W1ll c0mply.
"Anyway, how is the station holding up?"
Th3 phys1cal an0mal13s hav3 1nt3ns1f13d. W3'v3 m0v3d all p3rs0n3l 1nt0 saf3 r00ms and shut d0wn th3 ma1n r3act0rs, and ar3 n0w runn1ng 0n backup rad101s0t0p1c g3n3rat0rs.
"Pfew. You've mitigated any permanent damage to the station."
Grat1tud3 acc3pt3d.

A spare drone from the Massive Battle of the Armies picks up iTokomak and delivers it to the Commander. She then continues to unweld the Black Door with iTokomak. Finally, she contacts Bender again.

"Okay, I have a request. Is your remote alchemy module working?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, I think I can add one more upgrade to iTokomak before hitting the alchemy level cap. I need you to alchemize an Antimatter Canister."
"Woah, woah, woah! An Antimatter Canister?!"
"Don't worry, the Alchemiter should be perfectly safe, I'm only giving you a tiny sample of antimatter contained within carbon buckyballs. The only way it'll annihilate is if you superheat it."
"...Eh, alright. You have to take some risks, or else you'll just end up becoming a crybaby coward!"

Bender uses his remote alchemy module to initiate the alchemization of Empty Canister && Magstone Wires && Sample of Buckyballs Containing Antimatter = Antimatter Canister.

ANTIMATTER CANISTER: This canister contains a couple of grams of antimatter. While using only antimatter to generate power is too expensive (because generating so much antimatter is too expensive), antimatter can be used as a catalyst for fusion reactions (I'm not making this up). The Magstone Wires exist to contain the antimatter and prevent it from annihilating with the canister walls and blowing up everything within a two-mile radius of the Alchemizer Cave.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18072

Dec 10, 2014

Carbon Ingot: 3/??

Antimatter Cannister: 2/??

==Action==

The Commander fires upon Oblivion. She also attempts to read section 6 of the guide. At the same time, she contacts Bender.

"Okay, I'm sorry for bothering you again, but there's one major weapon we need to alchemize. It's an antimatter missile with incredible destructive power."
"Incredible destructive power? That sounds like something up my alley!"
"Well, thanks to your remote alchemization module, you'll be able to alchemize it while fighting, so it won't interfere with your actions."

Bender uses the remote alchemization module to put a Rocket Engine through the Enlarger on "Shrink" Mode. Bender then continues to repair the UOSS Thruster Mount.

ROCKET ENGINE: This alchemy component consists of a nozzle and combustion chamber. Any fuel is burned in the combustion chamber, and the products are thrown out the nozzle at extremely high speeds in an application of Newton's third law.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18113

Dec 11, 2014

Contained Antimatter Cannister: 2/6

Small Rocket Engine: 2/2 Complete!

==Actions==

The Commander spots Fractal and the entity that is most definitely not Jhon Ebgret from Cool and New Webcomic.

"... the hell is this?"
"Dis, analysis!"
Th3 3nt1t13s 1n fr0nt 0f y0u app3ar t0 b3 a crystall1n3 r3pr3s3ntat10n 0f a fractal and an "1r0n1c" 1ncarnat10n 0f Hom3stuck's J0hn 3gb3rt.
"Hmm, if it's crystalline, I wonder if hitting it on its cleavage lines will be effective..."
"Damn, that sounded dirty."
1t w0uld b3 a g00d 1d3a t0 n0t l3t B3nd3r 0v3rh3ar that.
"Agreed. The guy already does enough womanizing in one month to fill up an entire unaugmented human lifetime."

She puts the iTokomak back in her inventory, then stretches out her arm. Suddenly, above her hand, numerous orange holographic projections appear. Many of the players recognize it as resembling an Omni-Blade from Mass Effect. The projections form four sharp, spinning, holographic objects that resemble shurikens. The Commander then charges at Fractal, slashing its cleavage lines with her Omni-Shuriken, which break upon impact.

Meanwhile, Bender continues to try to repair the Thruster Mounts.

"Hey, wait a sec. If the UOSS has its own AI, then maybe seducing it will make my repairs more effective!"

Bender turns back to the Thruster Mounts.

"Don't worry girl, Bender will patch you up."

He then notices that his battery level has been rapidly diminishing, and drinks five more beers just to be safe.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18116

Dec 11, 2014

Contained Antimatter Canister: 3/6

==Actions==

The Commander retrieves iTokomak from her inventory.

"Now, let's see how a gun with proper HAYO computer integration fares against this creature."

She locks on to Fractal's cleavage lines, then fires upon them with iTokomak.

Meanwhile, Bender continues repairing the Thruster Mounts in a suspiciously romantic manner. Some of the players wonder if he's trying to make out with the UOSS.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18125

Dec 11, 2014

Contained Antimatter Canister: 4/6

+1 to Ninjatwist

==Actions==

The Commander tries to vary her attacks and throws the Isotope Octet at Not-John. She then contacts Bender.

"Okay, I'll need you to alchemize an antimatter missile and launcher using your remote alchemy module. I've sent you the instructions."

Bender finishes repairing the Thruster Mounts, then examines his inventory. He notes that the Commander gave him an Empty Warhead and an Iron Plate, then alchemizes Carbon Ingot || Iron Plate using his remote alchemy module.

Empty Warhead: The empty shell of a warhead used on a large missile such as an ICBM.

Iron Plate: An iron plate used in construction or to build armor.

/null

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18174

Dec 13, 2014

The Commander collapses to the ground. having suffered fatal injuries. Her hidden body and visible armor eventually fade away into nothing. Suddenly, at the end of the turn, the players in the Temple witness a glowing portal open in the ground, similar to that generated by a God Tier's resurrection. The Commander, suit and all, emerges from the portal, which then closes below her. She picks herself up off the ground and looks around.

"It's... it's been such a long time since I came back like that."

The players get the feeling that there's many things the Commander is not telling them. Meanwhile, Bender leaves the area of Zone 4 and treks all the way into the Temple, coming behind the Commander.

"I'm back, baby!"
"Took you long enough. I actually died out here, you know. I would really like for that to not happen again."

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18218

Carbon Plate: 2/3

Contained Antimatter Cannister: 5/6

==Actions==

The Commander feels the server's integrity plummet.

"Oh, [REDACTED]."

She contacts the Orbital Nexus.

"Dis, status report!"
Th1s 1s th3 aut0mat3d r3sp0ns3 pr0gram f0r th3 0rb1tal N3xus. Du3 t0 s3v3r3 phys1cal an0mal13s that ar3 1nt3rf3r1ng w1th t3chn0l0gy, all n0n-cr1t1cal syst3ms, 1nclud1ng th3 Quantum 0pt1cal D1str1but3d 1nt3ll1g3nc3 Syst3m's pr1mary quantum pr0c3ss0rs that 3nabl3 sap13nc3 and s3nt13nc3, hav3 b33n d1sabl3d f0r th3 saf3ty 0f th3 stat10n. All p3rs0n3l hav3 b33n plac3d 1n saf3 r00ms w1th 1nd1v1dual l1f3 supp0rt 3qu1pm3nt, and all p0w3r has b33n d1v3rt3d t0 th3 Scrant0n R3al1ty Anch0r Array. Th3 stat10n w1ll n0t b3 abl3 t0 ass1st 1n th3 war unt1l r3al1ty has b33n stab1l1z3d.
"Well, crap. I knew this would have to happen at some point, but the idea of being without backup worries me."

She turns to Bender.

"Good thing you just got back, the station's down until we stop the Glitch."
"Eh, who cares about those losers, anyway?"
"They were providing valuable support, you know."
"Eh, screw the whole thing. I don't need help from anybody, because I'm the greatest person on this server!"
"Yeah, sure. And I'm the High Queen of Alvaria."

The Commander then locks onto Non-John with iTokomak and fires a round of plasma at him.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18223

Dec 13, 2014

Carbon Plate: 3/3 Complete!

Contained Antimatter Cannister: 6/6 Complete!

==Actions==

Bender receives a notification that the alchemies are complete. He uses the remote alchemy module, which still functions thanks to the Forge's protective aura, to preview Contained Antimatter Canister && Miniature Tokamak and Contained Antimatter Canister && iTokomak and alchemize Nuclear Troper && Carbon Plate and Empty Warhead -O Shrink. He then tries to order the remote drone to deliver the armor alchemy to the Temple, but the drone begins to severely glitch out, rendering it useless.

"Well, looks like we'll have to do this the hard way. The delivery drone is glitching out!"
"Hmm. You could try to assume direct control over it."
'Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

Bender attempts to hijack the drone. He establishes a connection, but when he tries to actually pilot the drone, the drone just jerks around in random directions due to the Glitch's influence.

"Hey, I think I'll need a bit of help here!"
"I... I think there's something I could to to fix it, but I'd rather find another way. It has too much... baggage for me to be comfortable with using it."
"Yeah, well, I'm not going back to the Forge, so if you care about your precious alchemies so much, you'll have to go there yourself!"
"Okay, fine, have it your way!"

The Commander lays a hand on Bender.

"I can't believe I'm doing this... Okay, try controlling the drone now."

Suddenly, Bender is surrounded by a faint green glow. He is now able to control the drone, which delivers the armor alchemy he made. However, the Commander suddenly appears to be exhausted. She falls to the ground, and you hear panting noises coming through the suit's speakers.

"Neat."
"Well, I hope you *huff* appreciate that and all of the *huff* emotional baggage that I had to *huff* ignore in order to do that."
"Eh, you'll be fine."

Bender then takes the Commander's iTokomak and shoots both the Queen (to try to glitch out and hit Not-John) and Not-John.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18237

Dec 14, 2014

Small Empty Warhead: 2/2 Complete!

==Actions==

The Commander picks herself up from the ground, and walks up to Bender.

"I'd like my gun back."
"Eh, fine, I can just use my old Nanomag Plasma Rifle. I'm a robot, I don't need fancy computers in my guns to aim! Actually, screw that, I don't even need a gun to fight, anyway!"

Bender hands iTokomak to the Commander, then tests out his Descendant powers and rips a portal in space and time that leads to the Warp from Warhammer 40K, exposing Not-John to the horrors of Chaos. Unfortunately, Bender suffers some major backlash, causing him to glitch out again.

"Okay, fine, I guess I do need a gun!"

Meanwhile, the Commander continues to fire upon Not-John and the Queen (so that the shots will Glitch out and hit Not-John) with iTokomak.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18266

Dec 15, 2014

==Actions==

The Commander overhears Erelye's statement about sensing a familiar racial signature. She covertly communicates to Bender.

"Bender, we have a problem."
"What?"
"That... mage is trying to use magic to find my identity. I suspected this would happen, to be honest. With all of his scrying spells and items, I'm surprised he didn't do it sooner."
"Yeah, but how does that affect me, or our mission?"
"It doesn't, it's just..."
"Imagine how it's like, to think that you're the last member of your people, only to find out that you aren't alone after all. Not only that, but he claims that you thought you knew about your people was completely, and utterly wrong, and yet he's indulging in the same bullcrap that brought your people down in the first place!"
"Hey, why are you talking to me about this? Do you think I care about your sob story? The only time I easily felt empathy was when the Professor shoved an empathy chip into my body, and that was one of the worst days in my entire life!"
"I guess I just needed someone to rant to."
"I don't know. Even though that mage is exhibiting all of the stupidity of my home, his presence is taking me back to a part of my life that I thought I put behind me. A part that don't want to relive."
"Just take your personal issues away from me and talk to that elf yourself! Do I look like your therapist or something?!"
"Fine. It'll be simple to talk to him anyway, because it looks like he's currently using Pesterchum, and Pesterchum is so primitive that it doesn't even have HTTPS security. Meaning that, with a simple logging device, I can see exactly what data he's sending over the app."

The Commander activates a logger in her suit's computer, which begins tracking Erelye's Pesterchum communications.

"Okay, I've got his chumhandle and active pesterlog. Looks like he's currently talking to what I presume is another elf about me. I think I'm going to pester him later. If my hunch is right, there's a certain service that I can provide for him to get what I desire."
"So you're going to become a working girl? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Goddess damn it, not that kind of service! Get your head out of the gutter! Plus, he's underage, anyway!"
"Since when did age stop me, Bender, from scoring with floozies, huh?"
"That's because you're a robot! You don't 'grow up' like we organics do! Plus, what do you think I am? Some weird slut, or something?"
"Nah, I was just messing with you."
"Okay, looks like this conversation has served it's purpose. Let's get back to defeating the Glitch."

The Commander begins alchemizing Contained Antimatter Cannister && Miniature Tokomak and Contained Antimatter Cannister && iTokomak.

"If my suspicions are correct, the products of these alchemies could be more powerful and destructive than I ever imagined. Heh. This will make all of our alchemy efforts worthwhile."

She then tries to make an antimatter missile by alchemizing Small Empty Warhead && Computer && Contained Antimatter Canister && Filled Fuel Tank && Small Rocket Engine && Magstone Wires && Small Rocket Fins, but encounters an "alchemy input too long error."

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18304

Dec 16, 2014

Mini Antimak: 2/9

iAntimak: 2/10

==Actions==

Bender notices the players sacrifice themselves, then begins laughing at them while they drown.

"Heh heh heh, you idiots got yourselves killed by burning in lava, when you could have put me in there and I would have been just fine! I'm immune to lava, because I'm 40% dolomite!"

The Commander notices some of the players, including Erelye, staring at Bender with disgusted expressions on their faces.

"Well, looks like you've embarrassed us in front of the entire player base and gotten the mage's attention. Now, maybe we should get on with our mission."

The Commander begins to alchemize Carbon Plate & Contained Antimatter Cannister & Small Empty Warhead = Small Carbon Antimatter Warhead, then she and Bender travel into the next room. Upon seeing the Monolith, the Commander promptly contacts her corporate lawyers and files a cease-and-desist at it for for copyright enfringement of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Bender then tells the Monolith to bite his shiny metal ass.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18313

Dec 16, 2014

Mini Antimak: 3/9

iAntimak: 3/10

Small Carbon-Plated Antimatter Warhead: 2/??

==Action==

The Commander decides to change tactics and scan the Infinity Seal with the Plot Detector that Bender alchemized, searching for weaknesses. Meanwhile, Bender decides to take a short nap.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18321

Dec 16, 2014

Mini Antimak: 4/9

iAntimak: 4/10

Small Carbon-Plated Antimatter Warhead: 3/??

==Actions==

The Commander decides to make use of her Descendancy. She opens a portal to a different universe. A familiar piece of music begins to play. The Monolith is surrounded by a green light, and as the music slowly crescendos, the Monolith finds itself filled with stars. At the same time, Bender wakes up from his nap and decides to acquaint the Infinity Seal with his style of dancing, by tap-dancing on it with flaming unobtanium shoes.

"Aww yeah. Do the Bender, do the Bender, do the Bender!"

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18353

Mini Antimak: 6/9

iAntimak: 6/10

Small Carbon Antimatter Warhead: 5/6

==Actions==

The Commander fires iTokomak at the Infinity Seal and reads section 6 of the guide. Meanwhile, Bender uses his suit to fire jets of superheated plasma at the Infinity Seal.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18358

Dec 17, 2014

Mini Antimak:7/9

iAntimak:7/10

Small Carbon Antimatter Warhead: 6/6 Complete!

==Actions==

The Commander uses Bender's connection to the remote drone to deliver the warhead to her location, then examines it.

"Incredible. With the power of the Alchemiter, we can easily mass-produce pure antimatter explosives with a yield of hundreds of kilotons of TNT... Heh. I guess the tides truly are turning. Now, let's see if the machine can get electromagnetically-accelerated chemical rocket engines working, as well."

The Commander then begins to alchemize Small Rocket Engine && Magstone Wire. She is about to continue attacking the Infinity Seal when a thought comes to her head.

"You know what, I can't take this secrecy any longer. I think it's high time to give the mage a proper greeting..."

The Commander then pulls up the data she collected off of Erelye's Pesterchum connection, and uses it to begin pestering the elf behind the avatar.



While the Commander holds her virtual conversation, Bender finds 100 bottles of beer on the temple wall and begins drinking them, one by one. Once he is done, he finishes processing the beer by unleashing the most epic flaming belch ever on the Infinity Seal.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18390

Dec 19, 2014

/nullpost

The Commander receives the message from Amperz4nd, and sends a message back.

"Well, hopefully you'll be able to convince the elf to go along with this project. However, I now realize that we may encounter a major issue with the project. You see, Erelye's elves have a strong connection to magic that extends to their very genetics, and this connection must be accounted for during the cloning process. However, my genetic connection to magic is practically nonexistent, and I doubt that Erelye's genetic material is still useable for this project after encountering the kind of magic that he regularly wields. All in all, this means that I have no idea how magic interacts with genetics or biology, and I will need to find genetic samples of creatures whose biology and genetics has been significantly altered by magic, yet still is easily comparable to a 'baseline.' The good news is that I may have found a perfect example of such a creature, and I plan on initiating an analysis of her genetic material as soon as possible, so that this project can proceed."

The Commander then walks over to Bender.

"Hey, what exactly were you doing over there while I was doing all this work?!"
"I was speaking with some people about some very nerdy subjects. Anyway, there's something that I'm going to need you to have my back with."
"Are you going to extort one of your corporate rivals or something?"
"Not a corporate rival, by any chance. I wouldn't even call it extortion. It's more like espionage."
"Eh, I prefer that word. The 'x' makes it sound cool."
"Let's just get to the point."

The Commander points towards Midna.

"You see that imp over there?"
"Yeah, she's not the most conventional of hookups, but I guess that..."
"I'm not talking about that kind of espionage! Get your head out of the gutter!"
"Anyway, what I was saying was that I will need to acquire some genetic material from her, for science."
"Science? Can't you use it for something cooler? Like extortion?"
"I doubt it, I don't think she has much that I could extort, even if I wanted to. The reason I need her DNA is that I need to understand how magic affects DNA. Midna's species appears to be a mutant form of human, and she also has significant additional magic-induced genetic mutations on top of that."
"You know if you're looking to understand mutants, I could just snipe some of Leela's DNA. Trying to get past her reflexes would be fun on a bun!"
"Okay, first of all, I don't need you getting yourself beaten up. Secondly, I'm not talking about radioactive mutants, I'm talking about magical mutants. The two are quite different and Leela's genetic material would be useless for this purpose."
"Fine, I'll back you up when you go in for the swipe."
"Excellent."

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18410

Dec 19, 2014

Mini Antimak: 8/9

iAntimak: 8/10

Small Magnetic Rocket Engine: 2/5

==Actions==

Bender fires his copy of the Nanomag Plasma Rifle at the Infinity Seal, then both him and the Commander hide behind cover close to Midna, with the Commander being directly behind her while Bender lies in a flanking position that can be used to support the Commander if something goes wrong. The Commander takes a specific piece of equipment out of her inventory. It initially appears to be a rectangular block of metal with a round metal canister attached to the bottom. Then, it unfolds into what appears to be a pneumatic dart gun with a spool of line attached to the side. The Commander peeks her Remote Sampler over her cover, using its built-in camera to aim at Midna. Once the imp is in her sights, the Commander pulls the trigger. With a pneumatic hiss, a small dart connected to the Sampler flies out. It quickly flies across the room and hits Midna in the back, its blunt adhesive tip sticking to her skin. Then, a tiny spike injects itself into her skin, takes a tiny sample of flesh, and retracts. The adhesive tip detaches itself from the dart, which is then pulled back into the Remote Sampler itself.

"Mission accomplished, Bender. When the Orbital Nexus is back online, I'll send it back up to the Orbital Nexus for - OH CRAP"

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18424

Dec 20, 2014

Mini Antimak: 9/9 Complete!

iAntimak: 9/10

Small Magnetic Rocket Engine: 3/5

==Actions==

The Commander finds herself in a chokehold.

"Ahh! Bender! Do something!"

Suddenly, Bender pops out of his cover. Flanking Midna, he charges up to the up and vents superheated plasma at her from his Troper Nuke Armor. While Midna is distracted, the Commander ejects the dart containing Midna's flesh sample from the Remote Sampler and tosses it to Bender, who stuffs it into his inventory.

Original Post: https://www.minecraftforum.net/forums/off-t...r?comment=18426

Dec 20, 2014

iAntimak: 10/10 Complete!

Small Magnetic Rocket Engine: 4/5

==Actions==

The Commander looks at Erelye, then looks at Midna.

"Ugh. Well, now that the... mage has gotten involved, I suppose an explanation is in order."
"That prick was me taking a sample of your genetic code for the purposes of investigating how magic affects genetics. As your species's genetic code has been significantly altered by magic and yet is still easily comparable to a baseline human, you are the perfect source of DNA for the investigation of this relationship. The reason why I needed to undertake this investigation is to proceed with the cloning project that Erelye, Amperz4nd, and I are planning."
"In short, this action was for the purpose of reviving the elven race. I..."
"...I apologize for not asking for your consent before taking a sample of your DNA. I will not transgress in such a way again. You have my word."

She holds her hand up to Midna.

"Do we have a deal?"